no skills and really bad gaydar

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by notsmallmatt, Aug 29, 2006.

  1. notsmallmatt

    notsmallmatt New Member

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    so a new year has started at my school. and theres a fresh crop of potential freshmen. earlier in the summer i realized(fully) i wasnt totally gay and i decided i (really really really) wanted to try having sex with a girl. but after chatting up a whole bunch at a few parties.. im not getting anywhere. i never know how to take it to that next level. i feel like a deaf guy at a disco.. my friend keeps telling me all i gotta do is dance.. but i dont hear any freaking beat!

    and theres this guy whos complicating things by being freaking cute as hell and chatting ME up.. totally unprompted(so far as i can tell.. maybe my eyes betray me).... but.. damnit i have no gaydar. i cant be sure. maybe hes just nice? the easiest thing i can think of to do is to simply ask "hey so are you gay?" but im not that freaking blunt.. and i dunno where to go after that...

    anyone else ever have either of these problems?? how did you get around it? do i just need to grow some larger balls?

    crappy thread.
     
  2. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    the only chatting you should be doing with girls at parties is:
    1 whats your name
    2-5 want some more beer/whatever your drinking
    6 lets go back to my room

    if you cant finish the deal at that point then you can due one other thing



    kill yourself
     
  3. fortiesfun

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    So why do you want to have sex with a girl? It might surprise you to know that most of them are not all that interested in having sex with men just so they can resolve their orientation. It may require that you have a "relationship" first.

    As for your guy, chat him up right back. You'll figure it out soon enough.
     
  4. G.man

    G.man Member

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    Good on you Matt,
    Not everyone is one orientation or the other, and if you think you have feelings for a girl, then you should try it. But be prepared for some akwardness. Not everyones supportive. I lost a lot of friends, both straight and gay, when i was trying to figure out what i wanted. Gay friends didn't like that i liked girls too, and my other friends weren't supportive, so i ditched them. I've started a few relationships, and before we start having sex i've told them that i've been in bed with guys before (obviously not JUST before, that'd be a real mood killer), and most of them have had such a bad reaction to it that the relationship ended (either because they couldn't keep going, or because i realised i didn't want to be with someone who reacted like that). But it's worth it when it works out, some people can really surprise you with how cool they are with it.
    You have to try and experiment to find out what you like. You may always have to judge it on a person by person basis.
    So if you like that guy, go for it. He can only knock you back. If you're still not sure if he's interested, you could ask if h has a girlfriend. But don't worry about trying to get a girl in one night - most decent looking girls don't do that anyway.
    I think i'm in a similar situation with you, i find it easier to flirt with guys ('cause most of the time they want the same thing i do). Asking for a kiss, or a phone number is usually a good starting point. The main pont to remember is that it's better to try and fail, that for it to reach the end of another weekend feeling like you've missed your chance.
    Good Luck
     
  5. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Notsmallmatt, you're really Woody Allen, aren't you.
     
  6. yhtang

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    Pecker, are you sure Notsmallmatt has an adopted daughter of Far Eastern descent? He LOVES her very much, does he?
     
  7. jody

    jody Member

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    welcome to the annoying world of the straight man. talking women into sex will occupy the majority of your time.

    ah, to be gay.
     
  8. davidjh7

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    Only if you are pretty, hung, buff, and rich....THEN you can have it reasonably easy being gay.....but then, I guess the same can be said for being striaght, too. Dare I say, that straight men and gay men have pretty much the SAME PROBLEMS when it comes to finding and maintaining relationships?!?!?! GASP!:eek:
     
  9. jfrsndvs

    jfrsndvs Member

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    you have hit it right on the nail, straight and gay relationships can have the same problems when it comes to maintaining it, but the relationship takes both parties to make that relationship to work.

    these days too many people (straight and gay) do not work too hard to work out the problems they have, all too often, married people think that divorce is the only answer to solving a problem within their marriage, quite sad I think, especially when there are children involved, people have the "Me" attitude, and "Well I deserve" bullshit, nobody wants to work for anything these days.

    I once saw marked on a car of newly weds on the back window along with balloons, "Just Married, Till Divorce Do Us Part". the first thought in my mind is that who ever put that on that car, apparently knew that the marriage is not going to last.

    personally I think that pre-marrital counciling and two years of being engaged before getting married, that way the couple can really get to know one another first before making that giant step. and for those who want to live together (especially gay) I have seen all too many times, where after only six months of dating they move in with one another, only for it to last a short time, what a waste on both parts, and then they bitch and whine about each other, isn't that one of the main reasons for dating before taking a plunge? getting to know each other first to make sure that they are capatible with one another.

    I wish that people would take relationships more seriously, and think of the significant other/spouse before themselves, and take responsiblity for the their own actions.
     
  10. dkmilker

    dkmilker Member

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    Here's a revolutionary idea. Forget about having sex! You're still in highschool. You don't need to nail a chick or guy just to keep up with all of the other bragging LIARS that you know. JUST CHILL, and enjoy getting to know people. You can actually enjoy all of the feelings associated with sexual attraction without necessarily acting them out. Just enjoy the feelings and store it all for later in the J.O. bank.
    As for your male friend, just maintain a lot of eye contact and give him compliments on his appearance and body etc. Don't be afraid to show some interest and see how he reacts. But keep it subtle.
     
  11. notsmallmatt

    notsmallmatt New Member

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    because i find them attractive, i dont need to resolve anything.. and id freaking love a relationship.. but hey.. im a guy and im in college.. i like sex.. i think about sex.. i want sex.. im looking at girls who want the same and who dont have hangups about it.. and i wouldnt have sex with someone i didnt like.. so if a relationship happened... plus plus... life is for learning.

    i dont have any gay friends.. the only friend i have that gives a crap about such things in my life is straight.. he seems a tad annoyed that ive suddenly found an interest in girls.. i have no idea why though. it doesnt really matter... ive never made my sexuality a part of my personality.. at least with my friends.. im always just me regardless of what im horny for.

    in germany durring WWII.. my grandmother and her(my) family were nazis.. lol.. no im definately not woody allen. but i love him.. if only because he brought sigourney weaver to the world.

    but im not straight... or gay... last night i went to a show.. the guys on stage were hot as hell and the hottest was wearing this crazy conan the barbarian loin cloth.. and there were these girls in the audience wearing the shortest shorts pulled up their asses... everyone was dancing around half naked... i couldnt even pay attention to the music... nearly blew a fuse...

    im in college not highschool.. trust me.. no one whos bragging is lying.. they all have girlfriends. ive jerked off so much the bank is running dry. ill try though.
     
  12. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah it is weird noadays....I was just thinking about this topic....I mean I always wonder am I making things up in my head....I think I get hit on by "straight guys" all the time and those are the only ones I hook up with....Most time I don't pursue but sometimes when I don't find a chick I am into I go for it....Sometimes in my mind a blow job is a blow job....It's weird I rarely get hit on by gay guys....
     
  13. jody

    jody Member

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    i'm not looking for a fight but...

    the original question was about a man trying to have sex with a woman. it had nothing to do with relationships.

    i've had a couple gay friends. it's so easy for them to get sex. it's nuts. it's not even fair.

    in general, a straight man has to put in some work to convince a straight woman to have sex with him. a gay guy can, if he wants, simply go to the local gay bar and the next thing he knows he's having sex.
     
  14. Jeffin90620

    Jeffin90620 New Member

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    Most women are unwilling to discuss their own sexual history at any time in a relationship and a great many of them do not want to know yours, so long as it doesn't involve risks to her health.

    If you have been tested and are disease-free, then I would suggest leaving your sexual history out of the conversation.
     
  15. dkmilker

    dkmilker Member

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    Quote >im in college not highschool.. trust me.. no one whos bragging is lying.. they all have girlfriends. ive jerked off so much the bank is running dry. ill try though.<Quote

    Sorry about that. I don't know why I assumed you were in highschool. I guess it's easy to forget that there are plenty of inexperienced people in college.
    It was my impression as well that you were primarily interested in "hooking up" rather than establishing a steady relationship. Frankly, given your anxiety and confidence issues, I think it would be best to look for a steady gf to have your first sexual experience with. I think you would both be more likely to feel at ease with each other and it would be a more intimate, positive experience for you.
    I know this sounds radical but even though you feel like your sexual pressure gauge is going to explode, you should wait until you're in an intimate relationship for at least a couple of months before you go all the way. Until then some heavy petting and maybe mutual masterbation would be more appropriate. I'm suggesting this based on my sense of your state of mind right now and I wouldn't necessarily advise everyone else to do the same thing.
    Holding off with the sex will take some pressure off of you emotionally while you learn the dance of flirting and establishing bonds with people.

    Peace!
     
  16. joyboytoy79

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    Babe, not trying to be crude, but uh... your gaydar is WAY off! The guy that's chatting you up, is probably gay, and you probably are too. I point at the above statement as proof in full that you are indeed, gay. Of course, as with any science there are errors in calculation. I could be wrong, and as such i encourage you to explore fully your sexuality, and resolve it in whatever ways you deem necessary.

    And yeah, college girls aren't always looking for a quick lay. They usually aren't. Unbenknownst to most str8 guys at Uni, the str8 girls are looking for something "meaningful" and think if they sleep with a guy, they'll get something along those lines. It's sad. If you must explore your girl-attracted feelings, please use tact and let the girl know she is more than likely a one-night thing. It's only fair.
     
  17. notsmallmatt

    notsmallmatt New Member

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    ive never fully understood this idea of orientation.. i almost said "choosing an orientation".. cuz thats exactly what its been for me... i like BOTH.. always have.. pretty sure i always will.. its only the pressure of everyone elses one track minds that have, in the past, made me feel a need to pick..
    as for my statement about sigourney weaver... im a cancer(astrology not disease.. lol).. i dunno if that means anything to you. but it sure as fuck does to me.. i think sigourney weaver kicks ass.. i love women who kick ass... im a cancer... 2+3=5.. end of story.

    and i know girls have feelings.. im not a total douche (as i said.. im a cancer).. i have girl friends whove told me all about these guys using them for sex and how much they hate it. dont worry.. i have a little class... despite my raging horniness.
     
  18. joyboytoy79

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    Awww babe, i didn't mean to hurt your feelings or nothing. I was just being silly. It's a bad habit of mine. Seriously, this gay boy believs in the existance of bisexuals. I personally have ZERO sexual attraction to girls, but i'm not naive enough to think that would mean any man who has sexual attraction to other men would have the same lack of attraction to girls. You really just need to do what works best for you. In all honesty, all kidding asside.
     
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