No such thing as love?

[Rugbypup]

I have a question.

If you learn to play an instrument, the more you practice the easier it becomes and the better you get at playing it. Your brain learns, grows and adapts.

Conversely, if you've never played an instrument, you'll probably sound shite on your first couple of goes.

...with this in mind...

Is the same true for emotions?

If you've never felt an emotion, if you don't know what it feels like, then it stands to reason your brain has never 'fired' in that way.

Does this mean it's possible to never feel love?

 

[B_quietguy]

The word "love" means too many things to too many people. Since it can mean anything to anyone in any situation, it ends up meaning nothing at all.

 

[Snozzle]

...If you've never felt an emotion, if you don't know what it feels like, then it stands to reason your brain has never 'fired' in that way.

Does this mean it's possible to never feel love?

Some people never feel love for anyone, but they are probably very damaged indeed, with nobody ever having loved them. I think some orphanage survivors may be in that position. But if your parents and/or siblings loved you, you probably loved them after some fashion, and that is sufficient basis to know how to love someone as a partner. I can tell you first hand that its possible to find love late in life with no practice.

That doesn't mean it's not constant work to maintain the relationship, with constant learning, and constant give-and-take.

Perhaps you could give some more detail about the basis of this question.

 

[Preakness]

I dont know if you can compare the two things.
You dont really get 'taught' or 'learn' emotions. You just learn what they are called and how they are identified. Maybe I'm wrong though.
Also depends on your definition of love, as above.

 

[lopo2000]

You make it sound like love is something 'learned' rather than inborn. Love, as are many other emotions, is already within us when we're born. So, we don't have to train ourselves to love. This is true especially when you see how newborns quickly develop attachment to their mother using smell and sound. Isn't it amazing?

 

[Bbucko]

In October 2005 I met a man who told me (on the night we met) that he'd never been in love; at the time I thought it was a challenge to me. It took six months to learn that it was practically the only honest thing he ever said to me. He was a complete sociopath with no capacity whatsoever to give or receive love.

Rugbypup: I do not believe that you are a sociopath. I believe that you are a very isolated and deeply introspective man who is troubled by who and what he really is. You cannot change who you are any more than you can change your eye color or height, but you can attempt to seek commonality in a larger pool of peers.

In other words, I believe that your isolation is preventing you from meeting any appropriate candidates for your affections. The degree to which this is a self-imposed isolation is largely up to you.

 

[25300]

I dont know if you can compare the two things.
You dont really get 'taught' or 'learn' emotions. You just learn what they are called and how they are identified. Maybe I'm wrong though.
Also depends on your definition of love, as above.

Sums it up perfectly. What you are comparing, pup, are apples and oranges. Once you are with someone for a while you'll understand how love grows, and how similar and also very different it is from loving family. It is naturally installed in you at birth unless you are, as Bbucko says, a sociopath.

Rugbypup: .... but you can attempt to seek commonality in a larger pool of peers.

As long as these 'peers' look but dont touch!

 

[conntom]

Wouldn't that explain why we have a first love.....first time your brain fired off that way....

Then people's brains that are not within the generally accepted norm may have this feeling delayed or never have the feeling - life people with autism.

So...yea.

 

[wallyj84]

I think we first have to define love in a meaningful way. What are the symptons of love?

 

[Lex]

"Love is really nothing, but a dream that keeps waking me. For all of my trying, we still end up dying, how can that be?" - John Mayer

Now, I don't believe this, but if you listen to enough music, you can easily think that love does not exist and/or never works.

Rugby, I actually agree with Bbucko (hey, UB!) in this instance. I think your present state is buffering you from the situations in which you could possibly feel love.

As someone who found his true self a bit later in life, I can say first hand that loving yourself truly and deeply opens up a world of possibilities for happiness. I think once you have your sense of self and place figured out, you will be in a place where love is more likely to happen for you.

Good luck with that!

 

[Guy-jin]

The old "Do colors look the same to everyone?" question.

Of course, we in fact know that some people cannot see certain colors. They can often recognize those colors by their context, but they literally cannot tell them apart from another color or truly understand what seeing that color is like.

Could the same hold true for emotions such as love? It apparently does in sociopaths. They can recognize what love is and even pretend to feel it by emulating what it's like when other people feel it, but they never actually feel it themselves.

But that aside, everyone who isn't colorblind knows what "blue" and "red" look like. But is your red the same as my red? If I could see it through your eyes for a second, would it look purple to me? Or yellow? It certainly seems that some people have a particular lack of color-coordination (and by the same token, some people have great color-coordination). Then again, maybe that's nor related.

How would you ever know that the colors you see are the same colors everyone else sees? Similarly, how would one know that what he or she feels when he or she feels love is the same as what most other people feel? My opinion is that we probably don't all feel the same thing, just something similar that approximates to the general idea of "love" (or any emotion) across the population.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Just like any other emotion- it is relative. It is relative to what we perceive as love, based on many factors (how our parents loved us, for example, how they showed love towards one another, etc)

Some women enterpret being beaten as being loved. Some guys interpret extreme verbal abuse as love because its a "strong emotion" and "passionate". Some children learn early on that sexual attention feels like love.

Love is a complex interpretation based on our own experience in this world from birth. I see love from my husband as scraping the ice off of my windshield, he sees love from me as making him roast with potatoes. Love is interesting.

 

[25300]

It's nice, but don't go looking around for it or i'll bite! GRR. I get very protective of my puppy.

 

[helgaleena]

I have to agree with lopo on this. We are born with a biological capacity to love and be loved that makes parent-infant bonding possible. From this modest but powerful start we learn or we do not learn to love things as well as other beings. This can be disrupted in many ways that lead to many mental or social disabilities, but it is more kind to say that every person's capacity to love is going to be unique.

We learn to love from family, friends, pets, and things that cause us enjoyment. Some even learn to love all other humans, or their own tribe, or all living things, or the planet... :grouphug:

 

[lopo2000]

I really like your word Helgaleena when you said "every person's capacity to love is going to be unique". It sounds very optimistic and hopeful...

 

[Rugbypup]

Psychopaths and sociopaths have been mentioned here and to be honest, a recent episode of House was in part inspiration for my question.

The complete inability to feel emotions but the astounding perceptional ability to mimic emotion and emotional responses.

I do not believe I am either, lol. I've felt awe, amazement, happiness, sadness, angry, hate, rage, hope, excitement, grief, affection... pretty much the works but not anything I could identify as love.

I'm intrigued and a little worried about this. I just wanted to hear peoples thoughts on whether emotions are instinctual or in essence have to be learned.

 

[deleted136887]

1.Love is when your digestive system turns upside down and pumps shit to your head.
2. Love it the thing that when it happens, you will know.
3. It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
4. [personally] Every man[woman too], have one love. It consumes you. It is unfair to those that were not there. And those that came after. But[for me at least] after 20 yrs of splitting up with my love, I wake up and miss her. And I am living with another one for the last 15 yrs, who I love very much. But not the same. It is unfair, it is wrong, but there is truly nothing that can wipe that out.
So you will KNOW.Annie Lenox said years ago that "Love was a stranger in an ope"n car" You will know.
\ good luck.

 

[deleted3782]

I just wanted to hear peoples thoughts on whether emotions are instinctual or in essence have to be learned.

I think its like fingerprints. Some people might be more prone to fall "in love" than other people. Some people may have a distaste for love. Some folks might actually require it...just like some people require feelings of sadness, anger, or happiness. The term love is a minefield...because people lump it together with other feelings like dependency, codependency, sex, acceptance, the need to nurture, the need to be nurtured, and on and on. I am to the point in my life experience that I think the word "love" means something different to literally every person on the planet (and even then, reality is likely much different than theory). I've had a person declare their love for me one minute, then let a random trick suck their balls the next. Obviously, we had different concepts of love.

So to answer your question, I reckon love is both instinctual and learned, with people having a different blend of each...ladled with a great deal of other stuff...to create unique fingerprints or traits of love for each person.

 

[helgaleena]

Psychopaths and sociopaths have been mentioned here and to be honest, a recent episode of House was in part inspiration for my question.

The complete inability to feel emotions but the astounding perceptional ability to mimic emotion and emotional responses.

I do not believe I am either, lol. I've felt awe, amazement, happiness, sadness, angry, hate, rage, hope, excitement, grief, affection... pretty much the works but not anything I could identify as love.

I'm intrigued and a little worried about this. I just wanted to hear peoples thoughts on whether emotions are instinctual or in essence have to be learned.

What did you feel toward parental figures in your life, and what did they show toward you?

What gives you the most joy to think about experiencing?

These things will help you decide whether you have the capacity to feel love or not. Odds are you can. :tongue:

 

[ZOS23xy]

Do you love yourself?