'No Wonder he Left her mother, she is a Cripple'!

[luka82]

Ok, so my friend`s dad leaves her mother for an attractive woman. He stops calling, writing to his kids, FULL STOP! I go for a visit to my other friend, have dinner-great food, her family is there, all in all, a pleasant evening. Her mother is a very successful woman, a widow, has a great job and she has been supporting her two daughters on her own for a long time. Then we have started talking about THE OTHER friend, the one dad left, and my friend`s mother says about her - 'No Wonder he Left her mother, she is a Cripple'! OMG! I was so shocked, I just hold my glass trying not to spill the wine! My friend has noticed my discomfort, and I can`t say she has felt comfortable at all, and she says -'MOOOOOM'! Then the woman goes, not realising she should stop- 'What? I know I`m right!!!'
Here is the deal, I have known the woman since I have been 8, and I have never noticed her disability, her light leg is slightly paralised, but the woman walks, depending on days, normally or hard. I have never heard a man call her that. I was taught not to use such words, and having a really sick and disabled cousin, made me hypersensitive to such issues.
My question is, bare in mind that this can be a cultural thing, why do some women tend to be so hard on other women? It`s not like women haven`t gone through enough shit in history, mostly created by men. Every 3rd woman south of Belgrade in Serbia is psysically abused by her husband.
This is not a man bashing thread, keep in mind that most men we know are great guys! Only a few of us are assholes, but unfortunately capable of doing awful things.

 

[B_stanmarsh14]

This sort of thing, makes me feel sick to the very core, and something I do take great offence to.

I am a full-time carer for mom, and have been so for over 18 years, since the age of 18, whom suffers with both mental and physical (FMS etc) disabilities.

There would be no way in hell I could have ever have kept my calm in front of someone, who would talk in such a disrespecting way about another person like that.

It's not as if that person has asked to be disabled in any way

 

[luka82]

Stan, I understand your sentiments completely. But this was quite a shocker for me, it was from a woman I RESPECT and ADMIRE! A beautiful and intelligent woman, who has been fighting with her two bare hands for her kids and their survival. I just thought that she of all people, is capable to sympathise with the other woman`s problems.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Hmm, I've known cruel people both male and female. In High School I was a member of the BETA club so I got time out of class to help with our schools special olympics program. While most of my classmates were making fun of the kids, I got to know most of them.

I think in most situations people are scared when someone is different. They crack jokes or make comments that are inappropriate because they are uncomfortable and they don't know how to act.

People are still people, regardless of their disability or lack of disability.

I also think some people struggle to raise above the norm and lose who they are in the process. It's sad, I don't think it's a woman's struggle though. I think it's a struggle for everyone.

Maybe she doesn't relate to that woman because she feels someone that's disabled is a lower status than a non-disabled person. Who knows why the other woman's husband really left her? Regardless, someone that would leave someone for that reason is a loser. Anyone can suffer a stroke or get in an accident and become disabled.

Sometimes it seems as if there are no selfless people left in the world. Those that try to be are taken advantage of. Sorry small rant:tongue:

Who knows why she said it Luka Some people just don't think before they speak.

 

[helgaleena]

To be successful in business you need to be hard headed, but that is just hard-hearted.

How to deal with somebody who is bigoted about any sort of difference-- I can't recommend more than to let them know you don't enjoy hearing it. Maybe you could say, Were you there? Are you certain this is the reason? How well do you know that man and that woman?

Otherwise you can't 'know' she is 'right'. He could have left because he doesn't want to support his children and is a complete fiend. He could have felt crushing guilt for pushing her downstairs when she was eight months pregnant so she hurt her leg during labor. That is otherwise just gossip and prejudice.

 

[mexdude]

My mom came from extreme poverty, to the point she nearly died as a child from starvation, and i do remember when she was making as much as the principal in the school she worked (pretty much impossible to see that in a public school in mexico) she never ever saw herself as "superior" to other women, or people in general, she would treat the same a principal from another school or a modest family mom, i never ever heard my mother talking like that to another person, that woman became a cold person to be honest

 

[B_subgirrl]

I am a uni note taker for a guy who has a disability (fairly severe cerebral palsy). Most people don't realise I am his note taker and assume I am his friend (although I'm that too). When they talk to me they always seem to feel an urge to mention him (maybe they see it as a polite acknowledgment of his existence? Or maybe they're being nosey, but don't have the balls to talk to HIM?), but they never seem to know what to say about him. They usually come out with things like 'So is he enjoying the course?' (if you wanted to know that, why didn't you ask him?), or 'It must be really hard for him' (no shit!). They irritate me.

And why are women so hard on each other? Who knows? Maybe because they see other women as competition? I've often noticed that women are much more critical of the appearance of other women than men are.

 

[Pitbull]

Thoughtlessness
Lack of empathy
Cruel
Heartless
Unsympathetic

Some people are those things
Some are all of the above
A few are all of the above all of the time

Not a man thing
Not a woman thing
Not a Serbian thing or An American Thing

Fortunately there are many people
Kind
Generous
Caring

I am aware that there is always someone who is better off than I am
and many much less fortunate.

It could be me with the disability or poverty or whatever misfortune.
The Golden Rule
How would I want to be treated?