Non-monogamous long term partner

Otis Deepdene

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Nov 4, 2016
Posts
16
Media
0
Likes
72
Points
148
Location
London (Greater London, England)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I’ve been in a long term relationship for 8.5 years now (MM). My partner about 2 years ago expressed the need/desire to be non-monogamous. I agreed and we set ground rules but never wanted to partake myself. Our own sex life has been poor throughout but we’re great life partners so have made it work.

My issue now is my partner keeps overpassing the ground rules we’ve set and recently I’ve found video evidence on his iCloud. This gives me a visceral emotional reaction but then logic dictates that I allowed this and we never really set rules on videos or anything so I feel I can’t grumble.

So current situation is a poor sex life for me with a partner who fulfils his needs elsewhere with my assent. I’m not against him being non-monogamous but I feel I get the raw end of the deal here with occasional sex and lots of wanking alone.

If you were in my shoes what would you do?

Despite us coming close last year we decided we don’t want to break up, indeed our relationship apart from sex is very strong.
 
  • Like
Reactions: thebussyinvader

Raybo Revoy

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 6, 2022
Posts
1,210
Media
64
Likes
3,374
Points
408
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I was in a similar relationship many years ago. It started with threesomes, 4-ways, etc. and then some one on one. I was jealous at first but it was the same with us in that we didn't want to be with anybody else and I knew we were fine. It worked well. We didn't bring anybody home unless it was a sharing situation. We had a number of mutual "friends with benefits" as well. Unfortunately, my partner was diagnosed with AIDS, there was no effective treatment then, and I lost him after a devastatingly horrible year. I was negative. Don't know why. I learned to move on but I never found anyone I wanted to live with again. Safe never seems as fun but take care. All kinds of issues out there.
 

Anyjoe

Cherished Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2005
Posts
344
Media
5
Likes
371
Points
293
Location
Palm Springs, CA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I’ve been in a long term relationship for 8.5 years now (MM). My partner about 2 years ago expressed the need/desire to be non-monogamous. I agreed and we set ground rules but never wanted to partake myself. Our own sex life has been poor throughout but we’re great life partners so have made it work.

My issue now is my partner keeps overpassing the ground rules we’ve set and recently I’ve found video evidence on his iCloud. This gives me a visceral emotional reaction but then logic dictates that I allowed this and we never really set rules on videos or anything so I feel I can’t grumble.

So current situation is a poor sex life for me with a partner who fulfils his needs elsewhere with my assent. I’m not against him being non-monogamous but I feel I get the raw end of the deal here with occasional sex and lots of wanking alone.

If you were in my shoes what would you do?

Despite us coming close last year we decided we don’t want to break up, indeed our relationship apart from sex is very strong.
Otis, I could have written almost exactly! Only difference we have 32 years together/married. My partner WAY overstepped the "rules" for years. I found out, was mad and hurt. Strongly suggested he put an end to it which he did. Then a couple more years of "innocent fuck and go's" with my knowledge and then when life was going well he said after we had sex, "I don't want to have sex anymore!" I was floored as I had mentioned that NO SEX = Good Bye. That was six years ago and I continue to make dinner on a regular basis. Go figure.

s
 

theplayerking

Legendary Member
Joined
Jan 27, 2013
Posts
735
Media
0
Likes
1,169
Points
188
Location
New York City
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I’ve been in a long term relationship for 8.5 years now (MM). My partner about 2 years ago expressed the need/desire to be non-monogamous. I agreed and we set ground rules but never wanted to partake myself. Our own sex life has been poor throughout but we’re great life partners so have made it work.

My issue now is my partner keeps overpassing the ground rules we’ve set and recently I’ve found video evidence on his iCloud. This gives me a visceral emotional reaction but then logic dictates that I allowed this and we never really set rules on videos or anything so I feel I can’t grumble.

So current situation is a poor sex life for me with a partner who fulfils his needs elsewhere with my assent. I’m not against him being non-monogamous but I feel I get the raw end of the deal here with occasional sex and lots of wanking alone.

If you were in my shoes what would you do?

Despite us coming close last year we decided we don’t want to break up, indeed our relationship apart from sex is very strong.
I would make a detailed list of what your preferred sex life would be including individual acts, frequency, times of day, etc. As you have been very accommodating to your partner’s needs and desires, it’s only fair that he should understand and try and accommodate yours. Creating a list helps you know what to ask for.
 

elklindoxxx

Superior Member
Cammer
Joined
Jul 1, 2013
Posts
958
Media
9
Likes
3,266
Points
263
Location
NYC
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
I’ve been in a long term relationship for 8.5 years now (MM). My partner about 2 years ago expressed the need/desire to be non-monogamous. I agreed and we set ground rules but never wanted to partake myself. Our own sex life has been poor throughout but we’re great life partners so have made it work.

My issue now is my partner keeps overpassing the ground rules we’ve set and recently I’ve found video evidence on his iCloud. This gives me a visceral emotional reaction but then logic dictates that I allowed this and we never really set rules on videos or anything so I feel I can’t grumble.

So current situation is a poor sex life for me with a partner who fulfils his needs elsewhere with my assent. I’m not against him being non-monogamous but I feel I get the raw end of the deal here with occasional sex and lots of wanking alone.

If you were in my shoes what would you do?

Despite us coming close last year we decided we don’t want to break up, indeed our relationship apart from sex is very strong.
My partner and I don't have a monogamous relationship, which we agreed to. And we have ground rules which were also agreed to. And the rules are really an honor system that can't be enforced. So you have to trust each other.

Now that being said, even if you are not in a monogamous relationship, you still have to satisfy the needs of your partner. If your partner is getting his needs satisfied elsewhere it's not right for him to ignore you. List out your grievances with your partner, he may not know that he was breaking the rules.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Otis Deepdene