Non-monogamy

D

deleted690810

Guest
A few years ago, I had a conversation with a friend about gay relationships. He was a business executive that traveled a lot and was much more active in our gay community than me. He said he did not know of any gay couples that were completely monogamous in some fashion. I know he can’t speak for ALL gay couples but I found it interesting that he said it. What are your thoughts?
 

Lukesilver

Legendary Member
Joined
Jan 20, 2022
Posts
440
Media
0
Likes
1,210
Points
188
Location
Portugal
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
It is a fact that more and more gay couples are abandoning monogamy, some because they feel they need to, some because they think that's what they should do. Personally, I don't think I would be happy being non-monogamous, at least rn. Call me possessive or toxic or whatever, but if I'm dating someone, I don't want to have the knowledge that they're fucking other ppl, for that I'd rather stay single.
It is true that some non-monogamous relationships work and can make ppl very happy, but I feel like it's too complicated and there are too many chances of fucking things up and destroying a relationship.
 

GayBootyLover69

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 4, 2021
Posts
1,212
Media
0
Likes
9,812
Points
333
Location
United States
Gender
Male
i wonder if part of it is because a lot of us are trying to find each other and stick together as a large part of society gets on our asses for existing, as well as trying to go against arbitrary social norms, not to mention the fact that a lot of gays feel sexually repressed because of how normal homopbobia still is

that being said, if a gay person wants a monogamous relationship then that's valid and everyone should respect that ofc, no one should be ostracized for that
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lance1188

LPSG Simon

Superior Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Joined
Mar 13, 2019
Posts
8,735
Media
0
Likes
8,055
Points
408
A few years ago, I had a conversation with a friend about gay relationships. He was a business executive that traveled a lot and was much more active in our gay community than me. He said he did not know of any gay couples that were completely monogamous in some fashion. I know he can’t speak for ALL gay couples but I found it interesting that he said it. What are your thoughts?
I think there is some truth to this, but some of it is also internalized stereotypes. One plus about being queer is that we get to exercise a degree of outsider privilege: Meaning that if we're already existing outside of the norm, you get to start from scratch and design the framework for your life however you want because there are no expectations being levelled upon you to begin with. I think that this informs a lot of queer people's choice to consider non-monogamy as an equal option to monogamy and hetero-normitive ideals.*

I wish that more of us could see the power in changing society that our freedom to live the way we want to could also bring instead of getting hung up on trying to mimic norms* to gain acceptance and buying into a lot of toxic respectability politics (we've dealt with enough without our bretherin also using terrible ideas against each other), but these things ebb and flow and our 'alternative' visibility does make a difference even without really challenging bigger paradigms, laws, etc..

* Tons and TONS of straight people dont practice monogamy, but it's still an assumed norm that it would be a prevailing default, so it goes unremarked a lot of the time.
 

dana2

Superior Member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Posts
456
Media
0
Likes
3,443
Points
288
Location
London (Ontario, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
A few years ago, I had a conversation with a friend about gay relationships. He was a business executive that traveled a lot and was much more active in our gay community than me. He said he did not know of any gay couples that were completely monogamous in some fashion. I know he can’t speak for ALL gay couples but I found it interesting that he said it. What are your thoughts?
The reality is there is non-monogamy in both straight and gay relationships. But straight people are more in denial about it, make it a bigger deal than it is and make it overly dramatic when it comes to light, while gay couples look it at in a more realistic, nuanced and honest way. My straight married brother had an affair with a neighbor lady. You could write a TV soap opera about the insane high drama the ensued when it was revealed. Speaking personally I think having a period of non-monogamy strengthened my relationship with my partner. Currently we are still technically in an open relationship, but I am find I am really only sexually interested in him-his body, his cock, his ass, so I haven't fooled around with someone else in ages.
 

Drippyveinyuncut4me

Expert Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2023
Posts
113
Media
0
Likes
198
Points
53
Location
Rossendale, England, GB
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
When I was younger I expected monogamy.. And ultimately was let down in every relationship.. My current partner of 21 years and counting wanted the same yet he too is incapable of keeping his dick in his pants. He has a fuck buddy.. And spends time on dating apps and meets other guys.. Do I mind? Generally no.. Do I want to know? Not all/everything.. Do I Enjoy it? Yep.. I really get a buzz out of him getting a sexy guy poking his ass behind my back... Lol

If I had my time again I would only have open relationships with promiscuous slutty tramps... I love guys with sloppy holes... I also love the trip of seeing guys in backrooms or saunas taking every cock offered. I'd also love to pimp out my bf and see him doing it with someone else to please me and to "earn" his slow sensuous raw passionate fuck with me as his reward...

I think it all comes down to confidence and trust not morality.. The image of heterosexual perfection is the happily married self contained couple with kids where monogamy is protecting the brood... As a gay man I don't need that..

Just like I don't need marriage (other than to get legal financial protection) I am gay not straight and I don't need to conform to that lifestyle?

No shame being a tramp as long as you love yourself after
 

LPSG Simon

Superior Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Joined
Mar 13, 2019
Posts
8,735
Media
0
Likes
8,055
Points
408
When I was younger I expected monogamy.. And ultimately was let down in every relationship.. My current partner of 21 years and counting wanted the same yet he too is incapable of keeping his dick in his pants. He has a fuck buddy.. And spends time on dating apps and meets other guys.. Do I mind? Generally no.. Do I want to know? Not all/everything.. Do I Enjoy it? Yep.. I really get a buzz out of him getting a sexy guy poking his ass behind my back... Lol

If I had my time again I would only have open relationships with promiscuous slutty tramps... I love guys with sloppy holes... I also love the trip of seeing guys in backrooms or saunas taking every cock offered. I'd also love to pimp out my bf and see him doing it with someone else to please me and to "earn" his slow sensuous raw passionate fuck with me as his reward...

I think it all comes down to confidence and trust not morality.. The image of heterosexual perfection is the happily married self contained couple with kids where monogamy is protecting the brood... As a gay man I don't need that..

Just like I don't need marriage (other than to get legal financial protection) I am gay not straight and I don't need to conform to that lifestyle?

No shame being a tramp as long as you love yourself after
I love the way this post progressed.... :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jesse479

LPSG Simon

Superior Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Joined
Mar 13, 2019
Posts
8,735
Media
0
Likes
8,055
Points
408
But straight people are more in denial about it, make it a bigger deal than it is and make it overly dramatic when it comes to light, while gay couples look it at in a more realistic, nuanced and honest way.
I almost think there are some inversions here:

- Heterosexual people who are into non monogamy are pretty unassuming about it, but other heteros who aren't get up in arms or judgmental about the idea.

Whereas...

- Homosexual people who are into non monogamy are more on their sleeve about it, and tend to be a lot more visible, but those who aren't tend to be more matter of fact and pragmatic about it (despite a fringe respectability crowd who tend to fart on the dance floor about it from time to time).
 

Jesse479

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Posts
1,039
Media
5
Likes
2,785
Points
233
Location
Miami, Florida, US
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
It's not toxic at all! It's just the relationship style that you prefer!
Hello as someone who has been with their partner for a year and some change, in your knowledge what are the dos and donts of starting an open relationship? How does someone who’s never been in an open relationship but is curious about beginning one with someone who you love, how would that go? How does someone like me overcome thoughts of my partner doing a sexual act with someone else?
 
D

deleted690810

Guest
When I was younger I expected monogamy.. And ultimately was let down in every relationship.. My current partner of 21 years and counting wanted the same yet he too is incapable of keeping his dick in his pants. He has a fuck buddy.. And spends time on dating apps and meets other guys.. Do I mind? Generally no.. Do I want to know? Not all/everything.. Do I Enjoy it? Yep.. I really get a buzz out of him getting a sexy guy poking his ass behind my back... Lol

If I had my time again I would only have open relationships with promiscuous slutty tramps... I love guys with sloppy holes... I also love the trip of seeing guys in backrooms or saunas taking every cock offered. I'd also love to pimp out my bf and see him doing it with someone else to please me and to "earn" his slow sensuous raw passionate fuck with me as his reward...

I think it all comes down to confidence and trust not morality.. The image of heterosexual perfection is the happily married self contained couple with kids where monogamy is protecting the brood... As a gay man I don't need that..

Just like I don't need marriage (other than to get legal financial protection) I am gay not straight and I don't need to conform to that lifestyle?

No shame being a tramp as long as you love yourself after
I find dating/hookup apps so exhausting. It’s a lot of work to find a connection that really works. From my experience anyway.
 

dana2

Superior Member
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Posts
456
Media
0
Likes
3,443
Points
288
Location
London (Ontario, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
How does someone like me overcome thoughts of my partner doing a sexual act with someone else?

By putting yourself in your partner's shoes. Sex is fun. Wouldn't you like to have sex with someone you find attractive? Does doing so mean you no longer love your partner? Of course not. It's the same deal with your partner. If your relationship is strong enough some open relationship sex will not negatively effect it and can in fact positively effect it.
 

Lukesilver

Legendary Member
Joined
Jan 20, 2022
Posts
440
Media
0
Likes
1,210
Points
188
Location
Portugal
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Hello as someone who has been with their partner for a year and some change, in your knowledge what are the dos and donts of starting an open relationship? How does someone who’s never been in an open relationship but is curious about beginning one with someone who you love, how would that go? How does someone like me overcome thoughts of my partner doing a sexual act with someone else?
Tbh, if after a year of dating my bf came to me and asked for an open relationship, I'd see that as a red flag, personally. I've never been in one but I feel like a good thing is to have very clear boundaries/rules and an open communication.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jesse479

Jesse479

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2017
Posts
1,039
Media
5
Likes
2,785
Points
233
Location
Miami, Florida, US
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I find dating/hookup apps so exhausting. It’s a lot of work to find a connection that really works. From my experience anyway.
Hookup apps can be filled with extremely toxic people and it can get very exhausting. I was so glad to be off of there.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lukesilver

Drippyveinyuncut4me

Expert Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2023
Posts
113
Media
0
Likes
198
Points
53
Location
Rossendale, England, GB
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Personal opinion, I remember and was sexually active pre smartphones and pre Internet.. If you were horny you got off your backside and went to a bar or a cruising place and tried your luck... While we all have preferences most guys would settle for a dick rather than a wasted trip... These days the Internet feeds you with relentless streams of "perfect" looking guys so if you are lacking in any way however incidental most guys have a expectation level that is unrealistic... Especially the further you are from major cities... Many guys sit at home.. Alone.. Masturbating while trading pics hoping for Mr perfect.. And log out the second they shoot while moaning that nobody meets any more

Also the weirder and more challenged guys now have the opportunity to use fakes stolen or photoedited pics and pretend theh are hot so the guy at the other end sends them pics talks dirty etc..

Dating apps are rarely about dating.. Its about filtering out.. U fortunately most if not all users set their parameters far too high

Nobody in the cruising grounds ever asked my age cock size religion ethnicity height weight or eye colour.....

There are guys I have met who think I'm not on any apps because they never see me there... Go figure
 
  • Like
Reactions: dana2

hale989

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 18, 2019
Posts
95
Media
10
Likes
289
Points
163
Location
Illinois, United States of America
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
My husband and I opened things up after nearly 10 years of monogamy. I think it has been a good thing for us. And as gays, we have access to this hook up culture and it’s like having access to an exciting different universe. It’s like an escape. You can’t compare gay to heterosexual couples because heterosexual couples just don’t have the infrastructure in place like we do. Whether it’s the apps, saunas, dark rooms, parks - it just like a thrilling adventure that you can step into and away from the “normal” flow of life. It so crazy to go to a sauna on a Friday or Saturday night and see a room of like 30 dudes all having sex. Where would a straight man go for this? If it existed, there would be a lot more open heterosexual relationships.
 

Drippyveinyuncut4me

Expert Member
Joined
Jul 19, 2023
Posts
113
Media
0
Likes
198
Points
53
Location
Rossendale, England, GB
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
My husband and I opened things up after nearly 10 years of monogamy. I think it has been a good thing for us. And as gays, we have access to this hook up culture and it’s like having access to an exciting different universe. It’s like an escape. You can’t compare gay to heterosexual couples because heterosexual couples just don’t have the infrastructure in place like we do. Whether it’s the apps, saunas, dark rooms, parks - it just like a thrilling adventure that you can step into and away from the “normal” flow of life. It so crazy to go to a sauna on a Friday or Saturday night and see a room of like 30 dudes all having sex. Where would a straight man go for this? If it existed, there would be a lot more open heterosexual relationships.
I used to think straight folks were missing opportunities available to the gay community. But mixed saunas abound.. Straight people go out cruising/dogging far more than gay people and you only have to look at the holiday behaviours of straight people to realise that after a few drinks every hole and every pole is a goal lol
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lukesilver

LPSG Simon

Superior Member
Staff
Moderator
Gold
Joined
Mar 13, 2019
Posts
8,735
Media
0
Likes
8,055
Points
408
in your knowledge what are the dos and donts of starting an open relationship?
It's all up to you and your partner to talk out and know what those are. I think that the only basic do's and don'ts would be the ones you set for yourselves.

How does someone like me overcome thoughts of my partner doing a sexual act with someone else?
Im not sure if this is something that is meant to overcome. Jealousy (if that's what you're talking about) is going to happen, it's about how you handle it and how it's communicated between partners that counts.

It also might not be for you / him at the end of the day, which is something that ought to also be discussed I think. Even if you try it, that the arrangement can be subject to changing back or adjusted after you try.