Non Sexual - How Can I Make Adult Mates?

john smithy

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So I've always been somewhat of a loner and I've always wanted friends, but it just hasn't seemed to happen. Various jobs and made friends there, but lost them when the jobs ended. I just find it really hard to make friends. Being gay, I feel even more worried when speaking to other men I don't know as 1) if they're gay they think I'm coming onto them and 2) if they're straight they think I'm coming onto them. I feel like I'm missing out so much, especially as I'm not close to my father and have no brothers. It's like a whole thing I've been missing out on and continue to miss out on. I'd just love to have 2 or 3 male mates who I can go to the pub with or something. I'm not into sports and have zero hobbies so not sure what I can do... Any advice? Have you made friends whilst above the age of 30?
 
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PSUKingster

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I would start in your community. Talk to your neighbors. Make friends with women - many have male friends/ brothers and know of potential like minded guys who maybe friendly and open minded. Guys often need help connecting with other guys. And even if you hate sports it might be beneficial to go to a sports bar or event and learn a little. Show interest and make friends by exploring. Maybe you'll find out that you like certain aspects of a particular sport. No harm in trying. I wish you the best.
 

ronin001

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Being a loner myself, I may not have the best advice for you. Sadly hobbies and Sports are a good way to meet people. Technically, even hanging out at a bar / pub over time will get you noticed , as people do drink just be social . You could try bicycle riding , riders have a tendency to acknowledge each other. Motorcycle guys love to congregate. HAve you tried to make female friends; or are you only trying for male ?
 

cofrader

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Know yourself, there must be something you like. Perhaps if you’re shy acting clases can help you and know new people.
Woman can be natural friends once they know you are not after them. Many woman’s I know has gay friends. With men make it clear that you have a boyfriend that could lower the tension, also pick them out of your target (whatever you consider ugly) and don’t you ever confuse yourself.
live the life, your funeral it’s a party I guarantee you will miss.
If you want to be closer to your father put some effort on it too.
 

6inchcock

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Relationships in general are really bizarre and unusual when you think about them from afar. We get along perfectly fine with some people that we have only a few things in common with, while we can't stand being in the presence of others who we may have far more in common with. Some people I have that are friends; I find we have very little in common, disagree about nearly everything, and yet we still get along quite well and don't hesitate to call upon each other when we need help from one another.

I think @cofrader hit it when he said "Know yourself".

IMHO knowing yourself has a lot to do with how you come across to other people, which in turn helps your chemistry with making friends.

I make friends (and enemies) fairly easy because I know myself and try to put myself in other peoples shoes when I relate to them.

@PSUKingster and @ronin001 also make very good points about friendship building with or through females.

Some of the awkwardness you feel from being a gay male making friends with other males, are the same awkward ones we experience making friends with females.
 

Matt_x

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Some really good advice here, I honestly have no problem making friends, but that comes from me being social and friendly. Just be yourself and people will gravitate towards you. Also don't lose tabs on the friends you make, just because you no longer work with them, shouldn't mean there is no reason to keep in contact.

If you want to be closer to your father put some effort on it too.

However this post took the win. IMO
 

Buddie

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Makes a lot of sense what you say about befriending women, who will in turn introduce me to their male partners/friends. I need to open up my social circle big time or my funeral will be a baron wasteland when that time comes.


John don’t talk like that
 

Viper73

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I’m the same way... friendships have always eluded me. The handful of close friendships I’ve had have all ended unexpectedly. I agree that it should t be nearly as hard as it is to make friends as an adult
 

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Put yourself in areas where you are likely to find like-minded people, gay or straight. I used to spend a lot of time at work (worked at our world HQ and had worldwide responsibilities) and never took the time to develop friendships outside of my work. But when AIDS forced me out of my career, I realized how vulnerable I was without a network of friends. My late partner had sang with the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus and he developed a lot of acquaintances which developed into friendships, so I joined the NYC Gay Men's Chorus and had the same results. Fast forward, my now-husband and I moved across the US to northern California and, while we left tons of friends back in NYC, we have accumulated a nice number by my volunteer work at a food bank, a community health center and by working out at a local gym. Wear a smile, be approachable, be genuinely interested in others who are there with you, and do your best to remember names. I don't advertise that I am part of a couple, but that has not stopped any gay guys from wanting to develop genuine friendships with them. Good luck, mate!
 
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ohiorod

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I could be wrong, but I sense that you don’t have any passions in your life. Whether it is a hobby, politics, religion, volunteering, sports, a charity or even animals, if you can find what you truly care about or that touches your heart, becoming involved with that passion and similar people can lead to both enjoyable times and and many friends and acquaintances. In addition, you will find it easier to come out of your shell when you are involved in matters to you. It will also make you a more interesting person to be around. Good luck!
 
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larsmi

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It may sound cliche, but volunteer work not only opens up the possibility for making friends, but likely will make you happy just by helping others.

I’ve lived in many different states and various countries and always get involved volunteering as soon as possible. I have great memories of helping answer phones for a food bank telethon at thanksgiving rather than being home alone sad in a new town. It was similar to the concept of parallel play among toddlers in that I wasn’t interacting with the other volunteers, but we had fun just working together in the same room, sharing energy and excitement . It gave us something to bond over later.

I’ve volunteered with owner a dozen organizations and have made friends at each one. Some were just superficial yet pleasant, others, like my wife, lifelong.
 

hairyladwest

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You should check out meetup.com there are lots of activities hobbies on there, and there are social groups based on a common interest that just meet up in the pub for drinks. Great way to meet people especially in cities
 
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