Nooooo!

[Slamdunk_dude]

Hey guys,

You may remember from previous posts that I am a teenage guy dealing with some sexuality issues. I had just reached a point where I had accepted to some extent that I am what I am and I would gradually let other people know about my attraction to both sexes, and then this happened.

My buddy came over the other night and asked to use my PC for internet access, I of course obliged. At one point I noticed that he was very quiet, I walk over and he has somehow found a list of files on my computer, many of which are gay or bi porn!
I just completely panicked and instead of addressing the situation i just closed the window and was like "what were you looking for?" and then helped him to find it.

The thing is I'm not entirely sure how much he saw or how i should address the issue, if at all? Stuff between us was kind of awkward after that but I don't know if that was me as I was preoccupied with the whole thing.

I just really need some advice. I know the whole thing about if he is truly my friend he won't let it be an issue, but how can we hang out and act normal if there is this thing that neither of us want to address? I know it sounds like a minor issue but when it happened I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. I don't want him to think that everything that our friendship is founded on is a lie.

Thanks

Slamdunk_Dude

 

[Lex]

Hmm..tough call. I would say that you need to decide if you want to discuss it or not. If yes, then you choose and time and lay it all out for him--your struggle and your conclusions. If no, then you have to find a way to not let the not-knowing bother you.

Good luck.

 

[nick22ca]

This is why I never let anyone even touch my laptop.

 

[Thedrewbert]

I don't have a computer. I do own a porn access device though. It has a flip up screen, keyboard, high speed internet, a..... wait a mullet!!

 

[inkubus963]

The principal thing, IMHO, is that you do not need to justify what is on your machine, he first needs to justify how he went from browsing the net to looking through your files. I have a long-standing rule around my house, that anyone who snoops outside the public-access parts of my life into my private space deserves whatever shock they encounter...

The main issue here, and one I have encountered myself, and the most painful to face, is that your friendship is endangered, and may end, when he discovers "the real you". Experience has told me that anyone who deserts me because I'm not what they think was never my friend in the first place.

We are ultimately obligated to be true to ourselves, and it seems that you are doing that. Being true to others will quickly follow, and the quality of your relationships will carry them long enough to get through any communications hurdles.

Good luck with however you proceed.

 

[tallguypns]

Ultimately, it's not your problem. He was nosing around and found out something he shouldn't have. If it makes him uncomfortable, it's his problem. Act like it didn't happen unless he makes it an issue. If he doesn't like you anymore because you might like guys, then get him out of your life. A true friend will love you no matter who you are.

 

[chico8]

Ultimately, it's not your problem. He was nosing around and found out something he shouldn't have. If it makes him uncomfortable, it's his problem. Act like it didn't happen unless he makes it an issue. If he doesn't like you anymore because you might like guys, then get him out of your life. A true friend will love you no matter who you are.

Yes and no. It was the friend's fault, but now that it's out in the open, it needs to be dealt with. There's nothing more guaranteed to kill a friendship than things that are shoved into the corner and covered with dust.

If you're really interested in some feedback, maybe this is the time to broach the issue with your friend? I find it always helps to talk, even though the prospect may be scary. If he's not comfortable with it, I'm sure he'll let you know. Give it a shot.

 

[Matthew]

Slamdunk, I think whether or not to broach the subject with him depends on what will make things more comfortable for you. I could see it either being more stressful bringing it up, or not talking about it, depending on your relationship with him.

I know you've been looking to take some steps forward. Maybe this is an opening to do that?

 

[Lex]

Matthew--I agree with what you said (and that was what I was trying to say in my earlier post).

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Well if your comfortable with your friend now is the time to let him know the situation.

Sit him down and tell him honestly straight out that you think you may be bi, if he isnt the most understanding person id stick to bi at first before laying gay on him incase he freaks. But if he did or didnt see the pictures/links use the opitunity to get it out there because im sure you'd like to be able to tell someone about how your feeling

 

[BBB2.5]

Maybe it was no accident that your Buddie found your secret files. Perhaps it was odd way for you to open up this part of your life with him. "fate"...perhaps. Things happen for a reason. Just take a deep breath, sit him down and tell him that you noticed that he was looking at your files. Then ask him if he has any questions he would like to ask. You are good Friends and you want there to be open honesty between the two of you.
Good luck.
:tongue:

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

Unless he's a really good friend, I'd let it go.

 

[Slamdunk_dude]

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the replies, you all make very good points. I think that I am going to leave it a while before bringing it up. I genuinely tried so hard to say something to him but the words just wouldn't come out. I know that eventually it has to be dealt with, I just wish it hadn't happened in this way.

I still don't know how I will proceed but for now I'm not going to be impulsive and say anything. I will see how the relationship between us progresses and when the time is right I will try and say something.

Thanks so much for the replies, they really do mean so much

Slamdunk_Dude

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Personally I'd be inclined to not bring it up unless he does.

He may not have realised, and may have just seen porn files and realised "hay, this is another horny guy who looks at porn!" unless he actually saw the contents, but you said it was a "list of files".

I am a bit worried by that as it sounds like he was snooping around your computer without your concent, which IMHO is wrong - my PC is my diary, my friend, and my lover, and I would be insulted greatly if somebody started poking around in there (though my porn archive is actually in a locked folder which requires password access).

But back to the point, as I said, he may not have realised that you have this sexuality tin-of-worms going on in the back of your head and may just be taken aback to find somebody [else] who looks at porn - so it would be best not to bring it up unless he does, and to not talk specifically about your orientation or sexuality worries unless he specifically brings it up - if you don't want him to know about it [yet] you definatly don't want to tell him something he didn't know by mistake.

By the way, sounds like you are in the same boat as me - if you haven't already found it, theres a thread i started a couple of weeks ago called "Does that mean I'm fated?"