Not a girl, but have girl question. Numb vagina?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by AmbiDexBate, Oct 20, 2007.

  1. AmbiDexBate

    AmbiDexBate New Member

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    Not a female, but I've been wondering this about my girlfriend for a while.

    Basically, her vagina seems like it's a dud.

    No matter what I do, sex, oral, digital, she basically has no sensation. She has never had an orgasam, and says that she doesnt often feel much of anything durign sex. I often feel like this is my fault for not being huge, but I do what I can with what I've got (~6.5).

    Personally, I think she doesn't get comfortable enough to enjoy it. She has only let me give her oral once or twice, early when we were dating, before she told me she thinks it is gross. I've done everything I can think of with my hands, to no avail. I've tried multiple positions, speeds, angles, anything I could think of, that would work. But it always ends with her saying after a few (10 max) minutes her vagina basically goes numb. To remedy this, I try to only do a certain thing for a short period of time, IE have her on top, me on top, me behind, after some foreplay. No luck though.

    In the end, it is incredibly frustrating not being able to pelase her. To me, that is probably 75% of the fun I have with sexual activity, pleasing my partner. With her, I almost feel bad about continuing, so lately I've just been selfish and finishing quickly.

    Are there any women who have a similar problem or men who have been with women like that? Any things I can try to please her? Is there something I am missing?

    EDIT: Also, I am her first and only partner, so she has nothing to compare what I do with to anything else. As said before, she has never orgasamed in any way (and she does not masturbate).
     
  2. byteslip

    byteslip Member

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    Yeah I had a ex girlfriend like that. Eventually I realized while not the most important thing in a relationship, it's kinda up there. My decision (and I'm not saying do this) was to end it, cause I couldn't see myself getting a blase reaction for the rest of my life. But that's something you have to decide for yourself.
     
  3. AmbiDexBate

    AmbiDexBate New Member

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    Yeah, it is one of the few things that just hangs over my head often enough to worry me. I have been with her for almost 3 years, and I just dont know if I could spend the rest of my life never pleasing her sexually. I don't know what to do...
     
  4. scottbud

    scottbud Active Member

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    I think that last comment of yours is here problem she has not develpoed the muscle control it takes to have an orgasm she needs to do alot more keigals and try and please herself b4 you will have any luck getting her there. This isnt your problem its hers and if she wants to have a sex life she will need to start playing.
    and I bet once she has an orgasmn youll never get her hands out of her pants.
     
  5. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    She sounds prudish. Girls like that generally won't like sex until something drastic happens. I wouldn't say it was you doing anything wrong. Moreso her upbringing probably teaching her sex is bad etc.

    As for not being huge: you have fingers. Any girl should feel something off two, three, four (!) fingers. Although from the sound of it you can only get two in this girl.

    Some girls just aren't orgasmic, they say. But I think they just need to find out where their buttons are and have them metaphorically fingered.

    PS it might be wise to move on from this one.
     
  6. Ethyl

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    Is she on The Pill? It can make some women anorgasmic.
     
  7. AmbiDexBate

    AmbiDexBate New Member

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    See that's the thing though, she very rarely turns down sex (done it maybe like 5 times in the past few years). She enjoys it, and she says it feels good, but she never has anyhting that "feels like its getting better". As in, shes never climbing towards the plateau. Also, it's hard to convince someone to do kegals and masturbate who has no desire to do so.

    She is Mennonite, so yeah the upbringing has something to do with it. My dong is still longer and thicker than my three fingers, so that doesnt make too much sense. However, I've searched in all different directions in there with my fingers looking for something "special" but came up with nothing.

    Nope, no pills whatsoever (birth control, depression, allergy, etc)

    Also, I've noticed after one beer, she is all over my dong. But she usually jumps right to sex. I think that's fine, but I think she might benefit from a little foreplay... I'll have to try that...
     
  8. Principessa

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    You've only had sex with your girlfriend only 5 times in 3 years!?!?!
    You should have told us this in your first post. Her being Mennonnite is a VERY, BIG DEAL! She probably feels like each time she has sex she is going to hell.:frown1: I'm not sure how you can help her get over this.

    She becomes sexually aggressive after drinking because it loosens her inhibitions and she can always use the alcohol as an excuse for her wanton behavior.

    FYI: Her pussy isn't numb or broken, she is just having EXTREMELY, guilty feelings everytime she does something which in her mind is so fundamentally wrong. :redface:

    Premarital sex

    In the section of the Confession of Faith in a Mennonite Perspective on “Family, Singleness and Marriage, ” there are two statements representing Mennonite teachings on premarital and extramarital sex:

    “According to Scripture, right sexual union takes place only within the marriage relationship. Scripture places sexual intimacy within God’s good created order. Sexual union is reserved for the marriage bond.”
     
  9. IntoxicatingToxin

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    What? He said that she has only turned him down five times in the last 3 years...
     
  10. joejack

    joejack Active Member

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    What is her gynecologist's opinion?
     
  11. nay-nay

    nay-nay New Member

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    haha. i thought he meant they've only had sex 5 times in the last 3 years as well. :tongue:
     
  12. Principessa

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    Oh good, glad it wasn't just me.:redface:
     
  13. Blocko

    Blocko Member

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    Every woman is different... some women just can't have orgasms easily. It's unfortunate for all involved.
     
  14. AmbiDexBate

    AmbiDexBate New Member

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    Ha, yes, she has turned down sex about 5 times. We've probably had it... hell I have no idea. 150? 200? I never got to counting... she also has initated it probably 25%-30% of the time as well.

    Anyway, while she is Mennonite, she hasnt been to church in about 6 years. I don't really think she believes in God anymore.

    Lastly, she hever talked about this to a gyno.
     
  15. snoozan

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    talking to her gyno isn't a bad idea. though these things seem to mostly be a psychological thing, it very well could be hormonal.

    i do have to say, i think it's very hard to be orgasmic with someone else until you've been able to figure it out by yourself. masturbation really helps.
     
  16. Ed69

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    Unfortunately her childhood training is still there in her subconscious mind.For most people it takes years of therapy to quiet that little voice in the back of your head.I know because the Jehovah's Witnesses trained me the same way.I'm almost 40 and it's only the past few years that I can realy let go and enjoy sex with the woman I married outside of the church rules.
     
  17. Osiris

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    That's deep Ed. I dated a JW and she could not enjoy it. She ended the relationship because "The Elders" disapproved of me not being a witness. Oh well, I found better in the Mormon church. She left that faith and converted because of the "programming" Mormons here in Washington State feel you are suposed to have.
     
  18. Principessa

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    QUOTED FOR EMPHASIS!!
    =njqt466;1068496]
    Premarital sex

    In the section of the Confession of Faith in a Mennonite Perspective on “Family, Singleness and Marriage, ” there are two statements representing Mennonite teachings on premarital and extramarital sex:

    “According to Scripture, right sexual union takes place only within the marriage relationship. Scripture places sexual intimacy within God’s good created order. Sexual union is reserved for the marriage bond.”
    Her being Mennonnite is a VERY, BIG DEAL! She probably feels like each time she has sex she is going to hell.:frown1: I'm not sure how you can help her get over this.

    She becomes sexually aggressive after drinking because it loosens her inhibitions and she can always use the alcohol as an excuse for her wanton behavior.

    FYI: Her pussy isn't numb or broken, she is having EXTREMELY, guilty feelings everytime she does something which in her mind is so fundamentally wrong. :redface:

     
  19. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    I have heard about situations like this before. About 3 years ago a male friend confided in me that he and his wife had been married about 18 years.... had 3 kids and his wife had never had an orgasim in her life. His situation sounded exactly the same. I encouraged him to get his wife to talk to her doctor...... but she wouldn't do that.... She was too proud. Since she didn't know what she was missing..... she decided that there wasn't anything wrong with her. He says she is a great wife.... but that she treats sex like it is something on a checklist...... something to be checked off that she has done every week. He says she will wake him up really early on the weekends and say......if you want me you can have me but you have to be done in the next 5 minutes.

    All I know is that I felt really bad for the guy. And I felt sorry for her too. I can't imagine.

    What I would suggest is for you to go out and purchase a vibrator..... or maybe it is called a massager..... like the one that Samantha purchased on Sex in the City. A really nice looking massager.... but you aren't going to use it on her back. Take the massager and turn it on..... and put it on her pussy. You will have to vary the speeds.... different's clits like different things. If she doesn't have success with the massager you probably need to take her to a dr. She may have something wrong with her clit. I think our clit is supposed to be like the male penis.....it fills up with blood when we get excited. And I am sure orgasims have a lot to do with what is going on in our heads. But this is the fastest way to get me to have an orgasm..... that is why I am suggesting it. You need to get your girlfriend to start exploring her own body..... Maybe give her homework assignments.... She has to spend a certain amount of time watching porn or reading erotica...... and maybe playing with her new vibrator / massager.

    I would hate to see you in the same position as my friend 18 years down the road. He is pretty miserable. Sex is something you are going to be doing for the rest of your life.... I can understand if there is a problem later down the line..... but you are at the begining of your "life together" journey. It is better to find out now rather than later if there is something that can help this girl. There might be some doctors that can help her.

    I was raised in a very strict household myself. And I still remember masterbating when I was very young----when no one was around or looking---- or when I was in my bedroom alone at night. I found it was very pleasurable to touch myself down there. That is why I was thinking it might be a "clit" issue.

    Good luck!
     
  20. |e|

    |e| New Member

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    To echo the thoughts of a lot of the previous posters...
    Orgasms are a very psychological thing for a lot of women. Upbringing (especially religion) can cause her to have feelings of guilt about sex that prevent her from feeling pleasure from sexual contact. Prior sexual abuse, medications, and just mental state in general can also have effects on a woman's ability to have an orgasm.

    If she feels guilty about sex, she probably feels guilty about masturbation, and if she is not comfortable with pleasing herself then she will probably not feel comfortable being pleased by someone else. My sister (referred by her ob/gyn) had to see a therapist to learn how to masturbate... it's not always easy for women. If you can find out the reason behind her guilt or hangup about sex, maybe you can help her. But just keep in mind that it's a lot more than just a physical thing for most women - it's not necessarily anything that you can fix with just your oral/digital/sexual technique. And keep in mind that you could be opening up a big can of worms by exploring the reasons behind her sexual hangups... it may be a long process to resolve these problems, but if you really love her, it will be worth it to your relationship.

    my two cents... ;)
     
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