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Not Able To Cum/have An Orgasm (mental Health)

Discussion in 'General Sexual Discussion' started by PorknBeans19, Aug 7, 2020.

  1. PorknBeans19

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    Hey!

    So I've suffered with depression for quite awhile now. For the last few months, I've not even been able to get hard without medicinal aid. And even then, I could jerk off for the 3/4 hours and not even climax.

    I'm gay. I've talked to guys online, exchanged pics and watched porn that would normally get me hard. I get changed in a public locker room at the gym which is usually full of good looking guys. I never had the issue about a year ago and prior. Could get hard and cum daily, some times multiple times a day. Didnt even have the issue in college when I suffered from depression then.

    But I've not been able to achieve this for awhile. Not even after taking viagra and I havent been able to cum at all. Not even come close to a pre-cum. To be honest it's highly upsetting. I'm not a camp guy. I'm pretty butch. But lately I just feel emasculated and it's definitely feeding into the depression. I've told my doctor about this and he said to keep trying and eventually it should happen. But I get 4 viagra a month which isn't alot.

    My best friend is straight and the only person in my personal life I've spoken to about this. He is in China teaching, and he has been supportive where he can be. I was in such a bad place one day I nearly asked him for a dick pic to try get myself hard but decided against it as I didnt want to disrespect or insult him. He's like a brother so I'd hate to lose a friend that good.

    Anyone ever been through this and have any advice? I feel like I'm going crazy :oops:
    :skull:
     
  2. Cecil56

    Cecil56 Well-Liked Member

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    See a DR. Don't seek medical advice on an internet forum.
     
  3. PorknBeans19

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    I've already seen my GP. This isnt so much a case of medical advise, more of libido and sexual health.
     
  4. 123def

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    Very sorry to hear this PorknBeans19.

    It’s not happened to me personally, but it did happen to a friend of mine. He’s straight, he said he could nearly always get hard but couldn’t orgasm. At one point he took some anti depressants which made it worse for a little bit, but then he managed to get past the underlying issues and when he did that, he found he started getting hard again much more easily and actually felt like having sex. He found talking about it with me and others did really help, just telling a friend that he was having problems was a big help.

    So I can’t ‘help’ per say, but just wanted to chip in and say that you’re not alone, it’s happened to others in the past and will happen again, but I’m sure it will improve for you.

    All the best!!
     
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  5. 4388301

    4388301 Guest

    I do not have a penis, but I have lived with mental health stuff my entire life. Sometimes it prevents me from being able to orgasm as well. Not advice really, but just general sentiment of "it does tend to get better". I am thankful to mostly have my mental health stuff straightened out. Still have some bad days now n then, like most anyone. Stressing about not being able to orgasm seemed to make it worse for me. Did seem to be very much one of those keep trying until it happens things for me. Hope it gets better for ya soon
     
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  6. DiamondJoe

    DiamondJoe Loved Member

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    Can I ask, OP, are you already prescribed anti-depressants?
     
  7. PorknBeans19

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    Yes, already on anti-depressants, vencarm. xp 37.5mgs each morning. Been on them almost 3 weeks now.
     
  8. DiamondJoe

    DiamondJoe Loved Member

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    Ok, it is possible there is a connection. I'm not familiar with Vencarm but I have shagged a bunch of people and noted that a small minority of men on anti-depressants have difficulty cumming. It also means they last much longer in bed...

    But that might have something to do with it and it's certainly worth discussing with your doctor.

    Would be my guess.
     
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  9. Scarletbegonia

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    Then get a specialist referral, including psych.
     
  10. WAP

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    I'd be willing to bet it's the anti-depressants doing it. I take Prozac (fluoxetine) and I've had problems with not being able to climax since I started taking it. It has gotten better I think, but it's still not as easy as it was before I was on meds (can't get off using just my imagination anymore no matter how hard I try). It may take your body some time to adjust to the medication if you just started taking it or increased the dosage recently so you may just need to wait it out a little more to see if things will level out and go back to normal. I'd ask your doctor about trying a different medication if things don't change eventually, though.

    I asked my doctor about switching meds and he said the Prozac was really the best option for me personally if I could live with it so I haven't changed meds yet. That doesn't mean that a different medication wouldn't work just as well as Vencarm for you, though, and since it's pretty debilitating I'd explore other options. Don't be afraid to get an opinion from another doctor if yours seems obstinate in this regard either.

    P.S. No reason to feel emasculated. Unfortunately it seems to just be the nature of some anti-depressants and I'm sure depression causes it for many people on it's own as well. Just hang in there and explore other options if things don't change.
     
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  11. DiomedesXVI

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    I have severe depression myself and am on medication for it. Just started a new anxiety med earlier this year and now reaching orgasm has become a major chore. My libido hasn’t decreased, but the effort and time needed to get me to climax is insane now.

    A “quick“ wank for me now takes 40 minutes whereas I used to be able to cum in 10-15. And the 40 minutes is IF I’m lucky. Lately it takes over an hour to hit climax and that’s IF I have the stamina to get there. I’ve had a few wanks take me near 2 hours to reach. It’s like I get really close but then lose the edge and have to chase it down again and again.

    In my life I’ve never had to abandon my climax mid-wank before, but since this whole ordeal I’ve done it a number of times now. After 40 minutes of working myself, if I’m not about to tip into orgasm then it’s not worth spending another god knows how many minutes to try and reach it. So all this is to say, I commiserate with you on this issue.
     
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  12. waka101akaw

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    I totally understand losing libido due to mental health. Though I haven't been diagnosed (I can't afford a therapist), I feel like depression, anxiety and general low self-esteem have affected me, especially when it comes to having sex with someone else.

    I've been unable to cum when I've had sex multiple times before, and it's usually because even if the person is already having sex with me, my brain goes wild with negative thoughts about my appearance, my sexual prowess and even just invasive thoughts completely unrelated to sex. It's even worse when I have to admit I can't cum, because I feel incredibly bad about being inadequate.

    Even masturbating, I abandon in the middle of stroking just because of stress and anxiety unrelated to the sex. Even if I'm horny as fuck and really need to rub one out, once I spiral down into thinking about my self-worth or my body image, I just get soft and can't let anything out.

    I feel you, OP. I'm unbelievably horny after being in quarantine for five months, and the biggest worry I have is that when I do have sex in the future, I'll still be unable to perform and be a let down.
     
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  13. PorknBeans19

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    All of this is really helpful. And I dont feel as alone as I used to regarding the subject
    I'm only 3 weeks into the meds now out of 6 weeks. So hopefully they take effect soon and I get some of my libido back.

    I find this too. I took a viagra recently to try and get something done but even after 3 hours with breaks in between, I just gave up on jerking off. It just became demeaning and I felt really bad about it.

    Hopefully it improves. Thanks for the support all!
     
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  14. 286798

    286798 Guest

    Not me, but a few past boyfriends struggled with depression. Some were on meds, 1 was not. All had issues getting there. You're not alone. I hope you find something that works for you.
     
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  15. Abe Froman

    Abe Froman Active Member

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    Had the same thing with meds. At first, a blessing. Stopped taking them, and took about a year to 'recovery and that still resulted in tepid/odd orgasms.

    I "couldn't beat them, so joined them". I still have a ton of meds...as I let the prescription.

    Now, when I am planning on having sex with a bird whom likes/demands rough dominant sex. I take one(1) the day before, and even last minute take one(1). Add 2 blue pills, some cocktails, and a non-lubrictaed wrap and a 6 7/8 girth. Resulting in what I call the "3-Day Plan", whereas she will be sore for a few days, and have the ungentile reminder but loves it.

    Sure, I never orgasm, but having unlimited sex no matter how much we jackhammer the bejezuz out of each other, MORE...way more makes up for it. At least for me. Lemons...meet your lemonade fate.
     
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  16. artboyd

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    Well, I'm not in depressants or similar but I do have a tendency to last too much, over 40 mins when with a partner. It just feels so good that it;s like the penis wants it to last long and I get a hard time with quickies. I would need to disconnect from the world mentally and focus on my dick only - not even on the other person - to cum quick but that is a hard thing to achieve. However, if I'm jerking to porn, 5 mins is enough to bust.

    Maybe try that with a partner but it with the right one. Someone that is patient, that doesn't get tired or is rushing you. I was able to do it once or twice and that was the situation. Disconnect your mind from time and focus on your pleasurable feelings. Again, it's very hard but maybe it works.
     
  17. BIGDP

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    I had the same problem when I was on one particular anti-depressant. I talked with my psychiatrist. We tried some other meds over a period of time until we finally found a combination of two antidepressants that helped the depression and didn’t affect my ability to climax.

    Based on my experience, I would say, “Hang in there, and take the time to find the med that’s right for you.”
     
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  18. Sean oshea

    Sean oshea Active Member

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    I can’t cum from my partner at all! I feel no sensation when getting head or a hand job let alone when I top him. I dunno if it’s mental or because I watch porn when I wank it’s really annoying! I’d have to wank myself off when i want to finish but I want to be able to have someone else make me cum iswell and I don’t know what to do about it any ideas?
     
  19. agfunk

    agfunk Member

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    Ssri's are notorious for sexual side effects. My husband used to take paxil and could never orgasm. He was on them for months and stopped taking them because he couldn't take that side effect. I've heard it's gotten better for some the longer they take them but for others it never changes.
     
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