Not As Glorious As The Bachelorette...

rtg

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So as stated in another thread I’d love to be able to date like the bachelorette. Easier said than done.

Here’s episode 1...

I went out last night. It’s probably the first time I’ve been drunk in a couple of years.

I made out with some random guy on the dance floor at a club.

Then i met this other cute guy. He was young...26. I went back to his mates place with him. We all listened to music for awhile it was nice and I thought “I could be mates with these guys”

When it was just me and that guy we had an honest convo. He said he was in a relationship for 4 years and has been single for the last 5 years. And that he didnt want any strings attached. I told him that I was so scared of getting attached if we hooked up.

Anyway I gave in. We hooked up. It was really fun. I forgot that existed. But on the other hand, now I feel like shit and like a piece of worthless trash. I feel like a slut.
 

chachtastic

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So as stated in another thread I’d love to be able to date like the bachelorette. Easier said than done.

Here’s episode 1...

I went out last night. It’s probably the first time I’ve been drunk in a couple of years.

I made out with some random guy on the dance floor at a club.

Then i met this other cute guy. He was young...26. I went back to his mates place with him. We all listened to music for awhile it was nice and I thought “I could be mates with these guys”

When it was just me and that guy we had an honest convo. He said he was in a relationship for 4 years and has been single for the last 5 years. And that he didnt want any strings attached. I told him that I was so scared of getting attached if we hooked up.

Anyway I gave in. We hooked up. It was really fun. I forgot that existed. But on the other hand, now I feel like shit and like a piece of worthless trash. I feel like a slut.

You have no one to impress other than yourself, so that sucks that you feel shitty today. Hopefully you’re able to overcome it soon
 

LaFemme

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Anyway I gave in. We hooked up. It was really fun. I forgot that existed. But on the other hand, now I feel like shit and like a piece of worthless trash. I feel like a slut.

I’m going to say something I don’t usually say to people because I believe people have a right to their feelings - do not feel that way!

You just learned something about yourself that is very important. You’re not cut out for one night stands. Good to know. You need some sort of connection. Next time you will wait for the ‘fantasy suite’ until you’ve narrowed your bachelors down to men who mean something to you, and to whom you mean something.

You are not trash. You are not a slut. You are so very far away from that! You have value to the people that matter. You have value to us. You have value to me. *hugs*
 
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I’m going to say something I don’t usually say to people because I believe people have a right to their feelings - do not feel that way!

You just learned something about yourself that is very important. You’re not cut out for one night stands. Good to know. You need some sort of connection. Next time you will wait for the ‘fantasy suite’ until you’ve narrowed your bachelors down to men who mean something to you, and to whom you mean something.

You are not trash. You are not a slut. You are so very far away from that! You have value to the people that matter. You have value to us. You have value to me. *hugs*

What Ms. Femme said. As a side note, though... There's nothing inherently wrong, bad, or trashy with being a slut/promiscuous.
 
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It was really fun.
What is all the rest of it about then?
You can't claim to have formed an attachment to him or feelings for him because you don't know him. All you do know is that he's fun (so far) - surely that's a good thing? He has only just met you, and does not know you, so you can't take this as some kind of rejection of you as a person.
Who said the casual / possibly seeing other people thing first?
Don't most relationships start as FWB? It would be fucking weird and awful if they started with marriage.
 

marriedasian

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When it was just me and that guy we had an honest convo. He said he was in a relationship for 4 years and has been single for the last 5 years. And that he didnt want any strings attached. I told him that I was so scared of getting attached if we hooked up.

Anyway I gave in. We hooked up. It was really fun. I forgot that existed. But on the other hand, now I feel like shit and like a piece of worthless trash. I feel like a slut.

sounds like you had a great time. i wouldn't fret it. at least he was open about his intentions and you jumped in knowing so all is good. nobody is gonna slut-shame you. i say roll with it and perhaps reflect on it so that you can grow from it. seems to me, no harm, no foul. :)
 
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You simply had a good time and wanted to feel that connection with someone. Echoing the other sentiments here: you have nothing to feel trashy or bad about.
 

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Thanks everyone for your support and kind words :) I know there’s nothing wrong with what I did but I guess I feel ashamed because I know that I was looking to a man to try to validate my self worth. I thought I had grown above that.

I’m just so terrified of being hurt again. I’m placing too much pressure on everything because of it. I guess when the guy told me that he wants no strings attached that my mind started flooding with all of my insecurities about not being worth anything more than sex to a man.
 

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I’m just so terrified of being hurt again. I’m placing too much pressure on everything because of it. I guess when the guy told me that he wants no strings attached that my mind started flooding with all of my insecurities about not being worth anything more than sex to a man.

don't ever let a man define your worth. you are your own worth. it will take time to overcome any bad experiences in the past and as long as you learn from them, then it won't be any type of loss at all.
 

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Thanks everyone for your support and kind words :) I know there’s nothing wrong with what I did but I guess I feel ashamed because I know that I was looking to a man to try to validate my self worth. I thought I had grown above that.

I’m just so terrified of being hurt again. I’m placing too much pressure on everything because of it. I guess when the guy told me that he wants no strings attached that my mind started flooding with all of my insecurities about not being worth anything more than sex to a man.

You’ll be alright. Besides, you used him too. He’s in the same spot and you got yours!!! :)
 
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rtg

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This line is all that matters.

The guys are there for our pleasure. Use them and enjoy yourself.
I know you’re right and I wish I could just focus on that. I wish I could turn my anxiety and emotions off even just for one night so I could just appreciate it for what it is.... fun.
 

Scarletbegonia

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I know you’re right and I wish I could just focus on that. I wish I could turn my anxiety and emotions off even just for one night so I could just appreciate it for what it is.... fun.

I learned from having sex with a coworker and good friend that I still needed more, when the post orgasm bliss cleared. We aren’t sex partners but we are friends. I’m in a more connected relationship now.

It's perfectly fine to use this as a filter of Stuff That Isn't What Is Wanted.
Learn and go forward.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I know you’re right and I wish I could just focus on that. I wish I could turn my anxiety and emotions off even just for one night so I could just appreciate it for what it is.... fun.

You can. You just haven't figured out quite how to yet. ;)
 

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I know you’re right and I wish I could just focus on that. I wish I could turn my anxiety and emotions off even just for one night so I could just appreciate it for what it is.... fun.
You can, and you will. It might take you a while, but you'll get there. Just as @Tight_N_Juicy mentioned.

Until then, you will just have to test-drive a bunch of guys. Hopefully feeling less slutty and more liberated for each guy.

Believe me, it's definitely worthwhile coming out on the other side. Feeling confident and proud about yourself - and treating the guys as the toys of pleasure they're meant to be.
 

palakaorion

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To misuse a Thomas Edison quote, you just discovered one way how not to make a light bulb.

If you're certain you don't like the dark, keep trying until you find the way to make a light bulb that works for you.

(makes a mental note to take his own advice)
 

rtg

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To misuse a Thomas Edison quote, you just discovered one way how not to make a light bulb.

If you're certain you don't like the dark, keep trying until you find the way to make a light bulb that works for you.

(makes a mental note to take his own advice)
I love this! Thank you :)
 
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Matt_x

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Thanks everyone for your support and kind words :) I know there’s nothing wrong with what I did but I guess I feel ashamed because I know that I was looking to a man to try to validate my self worth. I thought I had grown above that.

I’m just so terrified of being hurt again. I’m placing too much pressure on everything because of it. I guess when the guy told me that he wants no strings attached that my mind started flooding with all of my insecurities about not being worth anything more than sex to a man.

Please believe when I tell you this, I don't know you personally, but how I perceive you, and how your text transcends from the boards. I see nothing but a beautiful soul. So don't doubt your self worth because it radiates from your pores. Live with no regrets, and learn from any mistakes.

You can, and you will. It might take you a while, but you'll get there. Just as @Tight_N_Juicy mentioned.

Until then, you will just have to test-drive a bunch of guys. Hopefully feeling less slutty and more liberated for each guy.

Believe me, it's definitely worthwhile coming out on the other side. Feeling confident and proud about yourself - and treating the guys as the toys of pleasure they're meant to be.

Don't mean to derail, and frankly have no offense to your comment, but there is a double standard here. It's only when the degradation kicks in that makes it wrong.