Not big enough! Can it work?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by missnatallia, May 2, 2007.

  1. missnatallia

    missnatallia New Member

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    My man is amazing in every way...except his penis is smaller than average in size (under 6")! I love him very much, but I have such a hard time being sexually attracted to him. He is good at oral (which I love) and he always gets me off that way. This is mostly because he can't get me off any other way. I used to be so into sex, it was nearly all I thought about; I loved giving head, making my man cum over and over, and doing the craziest things imaginable. Now I have no sex drive. I am constantly coming up with excuses NOT to have sex! I am almost grossed out when I see him naked. We have been together for a long time, and this is the ONLY thing that is wrong with our realtionship. I dont want to lose my best friend and the best guy I have ever dated, but can this be fixed??? ANY ideas on how to make our sex life hot? Ideas on how I can get turned on without a big cock? Should I start looking at porn first to get turned on? Im afraid to say anything to him, because he can't exactly change his size. This is the first guy I have been with that is not really big; maybe im just not used to it? Help!
     
  2. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Ysscky
     
  3. amiegrrl

    amiegrrl New Member

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    You're too right - he can't change his size, so if nothing else DO NOT tell him!! Imagine how you would feel if he said something about your physical appearance like that... No good.

    I would say, everything else considered, that you just suck it up and MAKE yourself love his penis. I know it feels impossible, but if you love him and he is extraspeciallywonderful in every other way.... and you don't want to lose him (because you will if you tell him) ... then you just have to tell yourself that you love his penis. SMILE when he takes his pants off and TELL him what a gorgeous cock he has and how much you want it. Kiss it, suck it, rub it all over your face, sit on it and GRIP it with your pussy. Get on your knees, bend over and pull your asscheeks apart while he rails you from behind.... feels very nice :) Kegels are your friend.

    I dated a man like this for almost a year and it worked. It's all a state of mind and it's up to you. Now, if he is overweight it can affect his length some - that is something you two can figure out. Pumping is also an option, but one that takes a looooot of time, patience and consistency .. and of course a willing man. Porn might help get you aroused, but in the end you want it to be HIM that is making you horny - not some fake person on a screen. If you just can't make it work in your mind... then unless you don't mind bad sex the rest of your life, it's best to end the relationship now.

    Hope this helps and I didn't come off to harshly ... ~Amie
     
  4. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer Member

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    Hickboy! Bad! :spank:

    ************************************************

    Natallia,

    You've asked for advice, so I'm going to give it, but I'm not going to pull any punches.

    I just got out of a 17-year relationship with a guy I had a hard time being sexually attracted to. He was pretty well endowed, so that wasn't the issue (although I dreamed of bigger)...there were other things I wanted that he couldn't give me, although he was technically a great lover, and technically we had some very good sex.

    However, life is too short. I know you may feel very attached to this man, but if you are sexual as you think you are, then your sexuality is a big thing to try to subjugate for the sake of love. Please, please trust me. You and this guy are better off as very close friends, not as lovers.

    Find sizzling hot sex and love together in the same man, if you at all can. No one is likely to be able to meet every single one of your needs, but from your post, it sounds like being truly sexually satisfied is a need for you, not just a want you can negotiate away.

    I'm sure other people will have opinions contrary to mine, but picture yourself in 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, 15...and ask yourself how much of your life you want to spend separated from your powerful sexuality.

    If you can find a way to really want him and be satisfied by him, then that would be a solution.

    I wasn't able to do that in my situation, despite trying very, very hard, so I may be biased into thinking no one can manufacture chemistry that simply isn't there.

    But everybody's different, and you may be able to accomplish what I could not.

    I wish you the best, regardless. You are in a tough situation.
     
  5. missnatallia

    missnatallia New Member

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    No, no, it's not too harsh. It just really sucks to not be turned on by the guy I love. It's the first time in my life, EVER, that I am making up excuses not to have sex. It is often too, since he is extremely attracted to me and wants me all the time. I guess maybe the best thing is just to try and pretend like I am attracted; who knows, maybe if I think it long enough, I will be? haha
     
  6. missnatallia

    missnatallia New Member

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    Thanks for the honesty HollyBlue. I guess a big part of my question is if it's possible to manufacture chemisty where there is none. I want to think I can, but part of the reality is that I may not be able to do so.
     
  7. va_lk_yr_ie

    va_lk_yr_ie Member

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    Seconding every single word HollyBlue said. I recently ended a 12-year relationship too. We're still best friends, we still like each other, we still meet, we still do things together - as friends - but that chemistry and the necessary prerequisites for being together as a couple and spending a life together just aren't there.

    And those feelings are very, very hard to produce on command. Belive me - I've tried every imaginable way during our years together. My own finding is that it only compromises yourself in the end. Your thoughts, your wishes, your dreams, your sexuality - and they're too precious to be compromised.

    It became very obvious to me when I found myself reacting to other men in ways that I could only dream of reacting to my then current partner. In a way I am glad we lived the lifestyle that we did - with an open relationship and mutual understanding that we could and would meet others while still being a couple. Otherwise I would probably have never discovered just how important having those feelings from the beginning are.
     
  8. silverheart

    silverheart New Member

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    i really think this is a made up story
     
  9. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Really? Sounds completely honest and heartfelt to me.
     
  10. va_lk_yr_ie

    va_lk_yr_ie Member

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    Might be. Still doesn't take away the validity of the comments made. I should however clarify that in my case the lack of sexual attraction was not due to any issue with size.

    Ýes, my then partner was average or a notch above in both length and girth and I do have a preference for size. Technically he was and is an excellent lover that could always make me come one way or another (which is more than can be said for other lovers I've had). There were other factors involved in this lack of sexual attraction - such as difference in personalities, needs and wants.
     
  11. Big Dreamer

    Big Dreamer New Member

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    You mentioned that you're "grossed out when you see him naked", which obviously goes way beyond just having a small penis. Do you find him physically attractive with his clothes on? If so, I'm surprised that he could make the transition from attractive to "gross" just by taking his clothes off. My two cents is that there must be issues beyond just physical appearance causing you to back away from him. You mentioned that you "love him very much", and I guess I can't assimilate how you can love someone at that level and use the word "gross" as a descriptor.

    If he's the perfect guy (other than penis size), there's a store in every town with a plethora of penis extensions, dildos, lotions and potions that can help pick up a sagging sex life.

    If you're truly compatable in every other way, then think this one through really well, as the end result could be the opposite; a new man that rocks your world between the sheets but doesn't offer much else during the other 22 hours of the day.
     
  12. teasedsilly

    teasedsilly Member

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    I think Big Dreamer has a point. It seems like there's got to be more to this than just a size preference. Not achieving an orgasm from penetration and being frustrated by that is one thing, but being actually grossed out by his appearance?
     
  13. dongalong

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    Firstly, you just need to go to the making it bigger section to see that he can change his penis, how you go about suggesting it to him is another matter - I started this thread about this very subject:
    http://www.lpsg.org/women-s-issues/30900-please-make-bigger-my-darling.html

    Secondly, have you seen any science programs explaining pheromones? Suitable, genetically compatible partners have stronger attraction to each other's pheromones. Your lack of sexual interest towards him could be linked to incompatible genes.

    http://www.lpsg.org/women-s-issues/29930-traitor-to-the-size-queens.html
    I mentioned this link in another thread, an average cock needn't hinder great sex!
     
  14. Belly_Dancer

    Belly_Dancer Member

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    After having read some of the others' comments, Natallia, I also find myself wondering if there is more wrong than his cock size.

    Although I love big cocks, I recall one very passionate lover, with whom I had powerful chemistry years ago, despite his smaller-than-average endowment. We were only together for three months, and I admit if we'd stayed together longer, I probably would have become frustrated, but some of the others' comments are also right...for that kind of passion and chemistry, I probably would have been willing to try extensions, etc. (He dumped me, BTW...I was too intense for him LOL. Can you believe that?)

    But the point that memory brings home is that, at least for me, attraction, in general, isn't about cock size. And despite what someone just said about pheromones, I developed a mind-blowingly powerful attraction to my current partner over the internet, and I doubt I could have smelled him from 1300 miles away. So for me, it's really not about chemicals, either.

    I'm sure pheromones do exist (the first time my new lover and I held each other, I swear I hit my maximum heart rate right then and there), but I think the truth comes closer to the words Va_lk_yr_ie used:

    Personalities. Needs. Wants.

    So, Natallia, in your case, I'm wondering if you just think it's about cock size, because it's the most obvious difference between this man and your previous lovers. But are there other things about him that fail to ignite your passion? It seems like there would almost have to be, for you to feel grossed out when you see him nude.

    BTW I'm not judging you for having that feeling. I've had it myself, when looking at a man most of the world judges as extremely attractive. In retrospect, I know my aversion was not to his appearance, but to the prospect of being sexually intimate with someone I really didn't want to be sexually intimate with.
     
  15. missnatallia

    missnatallia New Member

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    Maybe. There could be more to it. More that I have never been willing to accept or recognize. It's just really hard to not feel that chemistry with someone you love. I want to feel it because I honestly don't think that I will ever meet another man I connect with intellectually so well. I also don't think I will ever find someone else who will treat me so well; he is truely amazing in that respect. I guess the more I think about it, the more I realize that there is often something about him that I don't find "manly" (for lack of a better word). I can't really put my finger on it, it is just a feeling I get. Maybe the fact that I feel in charge of the relationship and responsible for both of us often contributes to the lack of desire on my part. I guess simplifying the problem to pure aestetics was the easiest way to figure out why I don't want to be sexual with a man I love.
     
  16. flaming infinity

    flaming infinity New Member

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    Well, it could be mental, but it could also be a physical change. One thing you might want to do if you sex drive went away like that is to get your hormone levels checked, especially testosterone. I know it's thought of as the "male hormone," but it's important for women, too. If your levels of it have dropped, it would likely have a major effect on your sex drive.
     
  17. BobLeeSwagger

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    Unless you haven't been with many men, then him being the first guy under 6" is either very lucky or not realistic.
     
  18. missnatallia

    missnatallia New Member

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    I haven't been. Only a few very long term realtionships.
     
  19. dongalong

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    Could it be that he is "a dreaded nice guy" who offers no challenge?

    How are you supposed to stay interested if he won't show that he's a real man?

    I think that his penis is not the real reason for your doubts!
     
  20. missnatallia

    missnatallia New Member

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    Any suggestions for getting him to be more "challenging", as you put it? He is an extremely nice guy, and always says he doesn't want to play games; he always wants to be straight with me about how much he loves me. Generally, this is not a bad thing, and I'm not one for games either, but I think there might be something to what you said. I just really want to make this work, or at least try everything I can to make it work before giving up on him.
     
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