Not having Sex bums my boyfriend out

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MissKay, Aug 2, 2011.

  1. MissKay

    MissKay New Member

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    Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. Our sex life has had a lot of ups and downs, stemming from problems involving both of us. He wanted to have sex with other women, while still being with me, and I had issues expressing myself sexually. Long story short, we fixed our issues and now I believe we are at a good place.
    Recently though, he has been getting really depressed, or unemotional, unfeeling whenever we don't have sex. For example, we had sex last night, this afternoon before he went to work he was really down the whole time, I asked him why and he said "because I'm horny". We have sex just about everyday, sometimes twice a day. We do live together, and have a 5 year old as well. Sometimes we just CAN'T have sex in the middle of the day like he wants to, and it bums him out so much, even though he knows we will have sex that night. I feel so guilty that he's so horny all the time, but we can't have sex all the time like we used to, before we moved in together. I don't know what to do about. I try to give him great sex all the time, but when we don't have sex it complete wrecks his mood.

    I guess my question to lpsg is, have any of you ever had this situation? How did you deal with it? Is it normal to be so down from not having sex for a few hours? Please help.
     
  2. redbear52

    redbear52 New Member

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    Personally, I think if he is getting laid nearly every day he has nada to complain about.

    If going without for a few hours bums him out that much he should jerk off.
     
  3. dolfette

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    maybe he is using sex as a crutch.
    like some people comfort eat.
     
  4. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    Sorry but I lolled. He has sex nearly everyday and he complains? That's just wrong. A lot of men on this forum would be happy to trade places with him.
    Maybe he's a sex addict...
     
  5. galaxus

    galaxus Member

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    Hi babe. Nice Thread.
     
  6. fire77

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    This
     
  7. ericbythebay

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    He sounds like a dog that keeps nosing you to get petted. A healthy relationship doesn't include guilting someone into sexual activity.
     
  8. Daisy

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    Definitely using you to fill some kind of void within himself. He doesnt need sex, he needs counseling.
     
  9. galaxus

    galaxus Member

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    Its not just about having sex frequently. I do want that. But what I want more is your attitude to change about it.

    You like it... but not as much as me. It really doesn't matter if we have sex to you..... I feel like I have to request it all the time in different ways..... I feel so pathetic and perverted. I want you so bad all the time.... I just want you to want me so bad all the time..... I know you love me, and I love you.

    .... either that or find some way to lessen my sex drive.

    I posted this topic a while ago

     
  10. MickeyLee

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    *hugs OP* you have my deepest sympathies
     
  11. DavidXL

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    You have a five year old and you have sex every day, sometimes twice? Huge apologies and genuine best wishes if that is true - and I genuinely hope it is. But, I just don't believe it. At all.
     
  12. D_Johnny Schlepp

    D_Johnny Schlepp New Member

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    It sounds like "sex" may not be the actual problem. The "problem" may not even be with you. You have to find out what's the real problem. Having a kid and making time for sex is a hard thing to do, and he must not be so selfish. Try and talk to him about how he is really feeling.
     
  13. MissKay

    MissKay New Member

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    I think I do make an effort, @DavidXL I didn't say we have sex twice a day all the time, but we do have sex alot. Almost every night. Yes we have a 5 year old, but she does have a bedtime, and does go to school.

    Its not the fact that I don't want to have sex, its just that sometimes its not feasible. I don't see why he gets so down over the fact that we can't have sex at the very moment, when he KNOWS he will get it soon enough.
     
  14. tater_tot_man

    tater_tot_man New Member

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    Your boyfriend is so full of shit. Having sex should bring a couple together, but more importantly help satisfy the relationships physical, emotional, and mental needs. If your boyfriend gets bummed out because he can't fuck you at all hours of the day that's his problem, and he should grow the hell up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around his libido.

    You shouldn't allow yourself to be guilt tripped like that either. Never let yourself to be fooled into thinking that it is your responsibility to get his rocks off. Its a way for him to control you and belittle you.

    Next time he makes one of these childish demands make it clear he won't be getting into the Holy Gate. After all; it's a privilege, not a right, to fuck you.
     
  15. MickeyLee

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    Mr. Tater... i am liking you. liking you real hard.

    this man is brilliant!!
    :tongue:
     
  16. NSX57

    NSX57 Member

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    I completely agree. There is nothing out of the ordinary if it is once a day. Sounds like he might have some issues that stem deeper than just sex.
     
  17. rbkwp

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    oh feel so sorry for you OP
    more so than many here

    anyway i think you should try not to worry too much, but i realise its your nature to possibly cater for his needs as much as possible
    To be honest i think he is being VERY unfair on you with his desires & expectations.
    Suggest he will just have to learn to solo enjoy himself (if your Ok with that) he just cant lay all this crap on you constantly
    emotional blackmale for sex, worst kind of blackmail huh?
    (dont mean that nastily if yr black- i am also)
    All the Best hope you work it out satisfactorily
    enz
     
  18. rawbone8

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    You have my sympathies too, MissKay. Most couples are doing well if they have sex as often as you guys have.

    Coping with domestic life stresses are part of building a mature relationship. Finding Balance.

    One partner exhibiting negative traits like being needy and pouting, and being somewhat narcisisstic is probably way more stressful than having a young child to care for. You signed on for one child, not two, huh?

    I guess the fear is that this kind of behaviour sends danger signals that he'll wander elsewhere for the easy fix that an affair usually provides. The kind of fawning and flattery that a new lover provides is easy to find for a preening peacock. A great lover and partner with strong character is worth more to me, and harder to find.

    Insecurity is just not as sexy as confidence. Ever.

    Best advice I offer is agree to arrange a dirty weekend with no child. Book a hotel in your town and have a romantic fuckfest once in a while. Taste of the old days.
     
    #18 rawbone8, Aug 12, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2011
  19. yoursgetsmine

    yoursgetsmine Member

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    He may have other issues, but thinks sex will solve those problems....at least in the short term, because he can see results, be in control of himself, and achieve instant (but temporary) gratification.

    I suggest buying him a blow up doll.........and he can have "her" anytime he needs it....and he's not seeing other women behind your back and "hopefully" won't catch a STD.......good luck!
     
  20. helgaleena

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    His sex drive is unusually high but not unheard of. It's the whiny attitude that is the problem. If it wasn't sex it would be some other thing he absolutely 'must have'. He needs to get therapy for his anxiety.

    Tell him you don't need two five-year olds.
     
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