Not having Sex bums my boyfriend out

[MissKay]

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. Our sex life has had a lot of ups and downs, stemming from problems involving both of us. He wanted to have sex with other women, while still being with me, and I had issues expressing myself sexually. Long story short, we fixed our issues and now I believe we are at a good place.
Recently though, he has been getting really depressed, or unemotional, unfeeling whenever we don't have sex. For example, we had sex last night, this afternoon before he went to work he was really down the whole time, I asked him why and he said "because I'm horny". We have sex just about everyday, sometimes twice a day. We do live together, and have a 5 year old as well. Sometimes we just CAN'T have sex in the middle of the day like he wants to, and it bums him out so much, even though he knows we will have sex that night. I feel so guilty that he's so horny all the time, but we can't have sex all the time like we used to, before we moved in together. I don't know what to do about. I try to give him great sex all the time, but when we don't have sex it complete wrecks his mood.

I guess my question to lpsg is, have any of you ever had this situation? How did you deal with it? Is it normal to be so down from not having sex for a few hours? Please help.

 

[redbear52]

Personally, I think if he is getting laid nearly every day he has nada to complain about.

If going without for a few hours bums him out that much he should jerk off.

 

[dolfette]

maybe he is using sex as a crutch.
like some people comfort eat.

 

[D_Harry_Pitz]

Sorry but I lolled. He has sex nearly everyday and he complains? That's just wrong. A lot of men on this forum would be happy to trade places with him.
Maybe he's a sex addict...

 

[galaxus]

Hi babe. Nice Thread.

 

[fire77]

maybe he is using sex as a crutch.
like some people comfort eat.

This

 

[ericbythebay]

He sounds like a dog that keeps nosing you to get petted. A healthy relationship doesn't include guilting someone into sexual activity.

 

[Daisy]

Definitely using you to fill some kind of void within himself. He doesnt need sex, he needs counseling.

 

[galaxus]

Its not just about having sex frequently. I do want that. But what I want more is your attitude to change about it.

You like it... but not as much as me. It really doesn't matter if we have sex to you..... I feel like I have to request it all the time in different ways..... I feel so pathetic and perverted. I want you so bad all the time.... I just want you to want me so bad all the time..... I know you love me, and I love you.

.... either that or find some way to lessen my sex drive.

I posted this topic a while ago

I have this problem with my partner right now.

I LOVE sex

She likes sex

We both LOVE sex with each other, and when it happens the sex is usually great. I make her squirt, her legs shake, her skin tingle and she makes me cum so hard that my mind shuts down and I get so weak that I can't move. But she just doesn't like sex in general as much as I do and therefore we don't have it as often as I like. I don't understand why this happens.

We have sex just about everynight. But when we have sex, its not the "Hey babe, come fuck the shit out of me" type of sex. 80% of the time, its the, "Ready for bed? OK" *she smiles* *awkward silence* and then one of us asks, "so can we have sex?" type of sex.

This makes me feel like i'm a pervert. Like some type of deviant. It makes me feel like somethings wrong with me because she doesn't share what I share. I don't think I'm dangerously hyper-sexual. I'm just a young guy who likes to have sex with my partner. Sometimes I like it kinky (the weirdest thing I like to do is to lick her ass, but I don't think that too weird) and sometimes I like it really romantic. But I always want to feel like my partners wants to fuck me. And when the relationship first started, she did! We fucked like crazy. But now, it feels like she doesn't feel that way. And that makes me feel unsexy and that I'm mentally ill for wanting sex way more than she does.

Now I do understand that we're busier than we used to be and that's a legitimate reason for why we don't have sex like we used to do. I really do understand that. But I wish she felt that desire, that ambition, and even that frustration that I feel. But she doesn't. She just doesn't mind it. She cares that its affecting me like this..... but she doesn't care enough to do anything about it.

It's not that I ask for everything to be perfect, but its no where near close as I think it should be. I just want to feel sexy to her. Sexy enough to make her want fuck me with no questions asked.... to jones for me like I jones for her.

I know that is a lil bit of an unrealistic request, but I know that a lil bit more effort from her would go a really long way.

 

[MickeyLee]

*hugs OP* you have my deepest sympathies

 

[DavidXL]

You have a five year old and you have sex every day, sometimes twice? Huge apologies and genuine best wishes if that is true - and I genuinely hope it is. But, I just don't believe it. At all.

 

[D_Johnny Schlepp]

It sounds like "sex" may not be the actual problem. The "problem" may not even be with you. You have to find out what's the real problem. Having a kid and making time for sex is a hard thing to do, and he must not be so selfish. Try and talk to him about how he is really feeling.

 

[MissKay]

I think I do make an effort, @DavidXL I didn't say we have sex twice a day all the time, but we do have sex alot. Almost every night. Yes we have a 5 year old, but she does have a bedtime, and does go to school.

Its not the fact that I don't want to have sex, its just that sometimes its not feasible. I don't see why he gets so down over the fact that we can't have sex at the very moment, when he KNOWS he will get it soon enough.

 

[tater_tot_man]

Your boyfriend is so full of shit. Having sex should bring a couple together, but more importantly help satisfy the relationships physical, emotional, and mental needs. If your boyfriend gets bummed out because he can't fuck you at all hours of the day that's his problem, and he should grow the hell up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around his libido.

You shouldn't allow yourself to be guilt tripped like that either. Never let yourself to be fooled into thinking that it is your responsibility to get his rocks off. Its a way for him to control you and belittle you.

Next time he makes one of these childish demands make it clear he won't be getting into the Holy Gate. After all; it's a privilege, not a right, to fuck you.

 

[MickeyLee]

Mr. Tater... i am liking you. liking you real hard.

this man is brilliant!!
:tongue:

 

[NSX57]

Personally, I think if he is getting laid nearly every day he has nada to complain about.

I completely agree. There is nothing out of the ordinary if it is once a day. Sounds like he might have some issues that stem deeper than just sex.

 

[rbkwp]

oh feel so sorry for you OP
more so than many here

anyway i think you should try not to worry too much, but i realise its your nature to possibly cater for his needs as much as possible
To be honest i think he is being VERY unfair on you with his desires & expectations.
Suggest he will just have to learn to solo enjoy himself (if your Ok with that) he just cant lay all this crap on you constantly
emotional blackmale for sex, worst kind of blackmail huh?
(dont mean that nastily if yr black- i am also)
All the Best hope you work it out satisfactorily
enz

 

[rawbone8]

You have my sympathies too, MissKay. Most couples are doing well if they have sex as often as you guys have.

Coping with domestic life stresses are part of building a mature relationship. Finding Balance.

One partner exhibiting negative traits like being needy and pouting, and being somewhat narcisisstic is probably way more stressful than having a young child to care for. You signed on for one child, not two, huh?

I guess the fear is that this kind of behaviour sends danger signals that he'll wander elsewhere for the easy fix that an affair usually provides. The kind of fawning and flattery that a new lover provides is easy to find for a preening peacock. A great lover and partner with strong character is worth more to me, and harder to find.

Insecurity is just not as sexy as confidence. Ever.

Best advice I offer is agree to arrange a dirty weekend with no child. Book a hotel in your town and have a romantic fuckfest once in a while. Taste of the old days.

 

[yoursgetsmine]

He may have other issues, but thinks sex will solve those problems....at least in the short term, because he can see results, be in control of himself, and achieve instant (but temporary) gratification.

I suggest buying him a blow up doll.........and he can have "her" anytime he needs it....and he's not seeing other women behind your back and "hopefully" won't catch a STD.......good luck!

 

[helgaleena]

His sex drive is unusually high but not unheard of. It's the whiny attitude that is the problem. If it wasn't sex it would be some other thing he absolutely 'must have'. He needs to get therapy for his anxiety.

Tell him you don't need two five-year olds.