Not sure about my friend...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by joe1, Jun 4, 2010.

  1. joe1

    joe1 Member

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    I am married. I have played around with a couple of guys, unbeknownst to my wife, but that is it. It involved fondling and oral but never intercourse and no exchange of body fluids. And it was years ago. My sex life is pretty normal, I would say. I have a friend; he is the husband of one of my wife's best friends/coworker. We have gone out on several "double dates" with them, hung out at one another's houses, etc, just normal stuff that friends do. But I have always gotten sorta of a "vibe" from him. He is handsome, and I could easily be attracted to him, but because it would destoy our marriages and our relationship, I have not moved on it at all. He, however, has become very touchy-feely with me, especially when he and I are alone. He always greets me with a hug-which lasts a little too long, and the same when he says goodbye. But I notice that the hugs are just quick "half hugs" when we are with our wives. And then yesterday, he stopped by alone. My wife was at work, we chatted, joked about stupid guy stuff, checked out a home project I have been working on. Then he had to go, so he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him to say goodbye. He hugged me for a longer than necessary moment and even sorta nuzzled his face into my neck and inhaled deeply, like he was "smelling" me or my cologne. I was not uncomfortable, since like I said, he is kinda HOT. But I was glad no one was around to see it. I am not sure what his game is. Or even if he has a game. I know that I am basically his only friend and so I am trying to be a good one to him. But I don't want to screw up anything I have right now. Sometimes I think, he is just lonely and looking for a buddy, and then he busts out and "smells" me or whatever. I want to be a friend, and secretly, if I knew that no one would ever know, I would probably drop to my knees for him, but I'm never gonna let that happen. What do you guys think?
     
  2. D_Suckleberry Hound

    D_Suckleberry Hound New Member

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    Ask yourself this: how you would feel if you wife "dropped to her knees" for some guy?
     
  3. B_R_I_E_F

    B_R_I_E_F Member

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    I would try and just spend more time with him. Work out together, be comfortable around each other in a locker-room and just see how those situations go. Travel together if that wouldn't be too out of the ordinary.

    Go for fishing trips, like in "Broke Back Mountain" - kind of kidding, but not.
     
  4. crescendo69

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    You beat me to the BBM joke.
     
  5. B_AZBiGuy

    B_AZBiGuy New Member

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    You have some real discipline. I would have jumped him right then and there.
     
  6. thadjock

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    ya i'd like to see the numbers on how many married guys have something like that on the side......i bet we'd all be suprised.
     
  7. D_Harry_Krautch

    D_Harry_Krautch New Member

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    He could really just be looking for a male buddy seeing that he has no other friends or maybe he is looking for some fun - who knows.
    I would suggest to not try anything from your end, and leave the ball in his court.
    But keep us posted! :)
     
  8. BigDallasDick8x6

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    Meeeeeeeee tooooooooo.

    Life is short.
     
  9. BigDallasDick8x6

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    I bet I wouldn't! The Bi Married Men's Network of Texas seems to have lots and lots and lots of members.
     
  10. TexasTail4U2Use

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    Next time the two of you are hugging and no one is around, really wrap your arms around him and hug him back and rub your hands up and down his back and then when he starts to pull away, or maybe you will have to, stop when you're face to face, look deep into his eyes and if anything is going on in his mind, it will surface.
     
  11. D_Relentless Original

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    :eek: Nooooooo,keep it platonic, you could have misjudged it all completely, just see how things pan out, if it doesn't then you have lost nothing. Be carefull.
     
  12. Countryguy63

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    C'mon, give the guy a break. He did say "I'm never going to let that happen" :rolleyes: He's asking about our take on his friends overly affectionate gestures.


    Joe, he may very well just be a touchy-feely kind of guy. Some guys, Yes, even straight guys, are just very free with their affections. You do say that he doesn't have many, if any other friends. He may just be very thankful to have you as one.

    However, I get the feeling that your "vibe" may be pretty close to what's happening. In that case, tread very lightly. Like you said, if anything was to ever happen, it could potentially destroy both marriages, and make life miserable for all involved.

    Stick with the "bromance", unless the desire is too strong, and then come clean with your feelings to your wife first.
     
  13. laughatbig

    laughatbig New Member

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    Ok, be very honest with this guy. When you two are alone bring up the question that there is a co-worker who just came out to you and hit on you. That part might be a lie but it will open him up to you stating the following. This guy ask if I wanted a blow job. Then tell him that you have nothing aginst gay or bi men because you've fooled around in college once with a guy. The problem is this guy is not attractive at all. Then say something like " I mean I would consider you attractive, but this guy is no you." Please keep us informed on the outcome.
     
  14. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    you got that right!
     
  15. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    See quote below. Because of this, from an outsider's point of view, it looks like a very dangerous situation. I would keep it friends, even if he eventually comes out and propositions you.

     
  16. joe1

    joe1 Member

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    Like I said, I would never compromise my marriage. I am totally committed to my wife. I was just asking for some outside advice and I appreciate all the input. Unfortunately, I can't give him the "my co-worker came on to me" story. I work alone in an office and he is well aware of it. Has even stopped by my office unannounced before-was awkwardly stammering, not really saying anything. It wasn't til after he left that I wondered if he had plans but chickened out before he made his move. It was a little strange, but i do love the guy. Just can't love him THAT way. Thanks again guys!
     
  17. vlls

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    i think you should lay out the truth to your wife and, hopefully, she will understand. Then you should all have a happy foursome.
     
  18. Dave NoCal

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    Joe1,
    You have said you are not going to let ths happen and I'll take that at face value. The sitation you describe has a lot of potental for hurting everyone involved. If you are trying to understand your friend's motives, I'll just ask if there is a cultural issue involved. Other cultures have different norms on physical contact between men. For example, many Latin cultures are much more tactile than that of the mainstream U.S., which I love. Another example is in Turkish oil wrestling in which putting one's arm down the opponent's pants and, apparently, grabbing his balls, is a totally legal move. If there is such a cultural issue involved, your friend's actions may signal no more than affection and not sexual intent.
    Dave
     
  19. Safelite

    Safelite New Member

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    Frankly, I don't understand why you don't just talk to him man-to-man about these issues. You guys aren't in high school, you're all adults here. If you have any concerns about what's going on talk about them with him. Ask him what's going on? You don't have to go into specifics but ask him how he's doing. Ask him how his day is going? Open the lines of communication and listen to him. It sounds like this dude is lonely and in need of your friendship, which would explain him popping up at your home and job unannounced. If he indeed is attracted to you and wants to explore let it be known that you're flattered but not interested in messing around behind your wife's back. Just remember to be firm, be nice and be understanding to your friend no matter what. Good luck.
     
  20. madman411

    madman411 Member

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    by no means am i advocating cheating on your wife, but i must say, i find the situation you're in relatively hot. the way i see it is that there's a time and place for everything. if you were to pursue this just remember that it's not like you're in love with the guy, and that having a relationship (or an affair) on the side with him is completely out of the question. you still love your wife, but you're having some fun on the side. still though, it's a tough situation - like i said, there's a time and place for everything, so the situation would have to be just right.

    if i read correctly, this man obviously has some sort of feelings towards you. i think next time you should call him out on it and see what he says. if he does decide to open up to you and you find that you were right about the situation, tell him your situation. if you ultimately decide against fooling around with him, at least tell him that you had previously considered it, but you did what you thought was the right thing to do and not cheat on your wife. at least that way you can still have a form of friendship. it seems to me that if you hadn't even considered fooling around with this man then you wouldn't be on here asking for our opinion. i'd say keep your options open, and if something comes to happen, then it comes to happen.
     
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