Not sure about my friend...

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Joe1,
You have said you are not going to let ths happen and I'll take that at face value. The sitation you describe has a lot of potental for hurting everyone involved. If you are trying to understand your friend's motives, I'll just ask if there is a cultural issue involved. Other cultures have different norms on physical contact between men. For example, many Latin cultures are much more tactile than that of the mainstream U.S., which I love. Another example is in Turkish oil wrestling in which putting one's arm down the opponent's pants and, apparently, grabbing his balls, is a totally legal move. If there is such a cultural issue involved, your friend's actions may signal no more than affection and not sexual intent.
Dave

Yeah but he said the guy acts differently when the wives are around -- it's just a half hug. The dude clearly wants this guy. Full length, long lingering hugs when the wives are gone? Smelling his neck? The guy isn't 100% str8 or at least is curious for a MM encounter.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Like I said, I would never compromise my marriage. I am totally committed to my wife.

Yeah but your first post said >>
I have played around with a couple of guys, unbeknownst to my wife

i do love the guy. Just can't love him THAT way.

Yeah but your first post said >>
He is handsome, and I could easily be attracted to him

So you are either very confused/conflicted over this or you're putting us on. Personally I think it's the first option.

He's handsome, he's into you, and you have already played around with other dudes. I know what I'd do.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

A camping trip just for the guys is what is called for in these situations.

When you guys are alone in the tent lying side by side and you both keep moving towards each other,

or you're pissing in front of each other in the woods and look at each other's dick and start to get hard,

or you're skinnydipping in the lake and engage in horseplay and pretty soon you're wet and naked and holding on to each other even if "wrestling" is the excuse,

....then I predict you two are going to have some mind blowing sex.

After the weekend one of two things will then happen. You'll both have it out of your system and the tension will be gone and you can be just friends again. Or you'll find you're really into each other and you'll have a new major source of pleasure and happiness in your life. If it were me, I would have to know.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

you got that right!

You know a lot about male sexuality for a woman. I had to look at your profile to see if you were a guy pretending to be a woman since you understand how it is. But I do think you're real. Just a lot less in denial about what horndogs guys are than most women.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

Get it out in the open, then fears evaporate. It's cool that he's into you. In relationships based on mutual affection, sexuality will surface. What would be the big deal if you guys had a wank together? Tell your wives, tell everyone.

 

[CUBE]

If you guys really enjoy each other maybe you should spend some public time together and take the mystery out of everything so it just gets normal between you. If you need to talk over some stuff do that but make him understand you really enjoy his company and there is no shame here only flattery. He may never have had a close friend before and has a bit of a bromance going on. But having a good friend that loves you is better than no friend. Work on this and make it work ASAP

 

[Countryguy63]

Yeah but your first post said >>
I have played around with a couple of guys, unbeknownst to my wife

The OP can clarify, but I took this as prior to his wife, and he never disclosed it. (?)

Yeah but your first post said >>
He is handsome, and I could easily be attracted to him

So you are either very confused/conflicted over this or you're putting us on. Personally I think it's the first option.

I think this is where society totally screws up peoples minds. I believe that that all guys should feel confident and comfortable enough to express that they find other guys atractive, fully knowing that they are not going to get sexually involved with them. Please know that I am not critisizing you or your opinion, just society's pressure that if a guy admits that, he's, OMG, GAY, lol.

He's handsome, he's into you, and you have already played around with other dudes. I know what I'd do.

Yes, but not everybody are sluts like we are :biggrin1: :tongue:

 

[Florida Boy]

Sexy situation. Whatever happens, keep us posted.

 

[legna]

I am married. I have played around with a couple of guys, unbeknownst to my wife, but that is it. . .He is handsome, and I could easily be attracted to him, but because it would destoy our marriages and our relationship, I have not moved on it at all. . .I am not sure what his game is. Or even if he has a game. . .I want to be a friend, and secretly, if I knew that no one would ever know, I would probably drop to my knees for him, but I'm never gonna let that happen. What do you guys think?

I think you need to be totally honest with yourself here. He is clearly sending you signals that he's interested in taking your friendship beyond friendship. You know what his game is. The question is what is yours? You could easily put an end to his "touchy feely" behavior if you wanted to but you haven't. You are obviously attracted to him or at least enjoying the special attention he pays you when you two are alone. To be blunt, if you feel inclined to explore these feelings with him, go for it but understand that in doing so you may be heading down a path of marital destruction. If you don't want to risk your marriage, then you'd be wise to tell him to back off. And under this scenario, spending more time with him alone as some have suggested would only invite trouble.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

If you guys really enjoy each other maybe you should spend some public time together and take the mystery out of everything so it just gets normal between you. If you need to talk over some stuff do that but make him understand you really enjoy his company and there is no shame here only flattery. He may never have had a close friend before and has a bit of a bromance going on. But having a good friend that loves you is better than no friend. Work on this and make it work ASAP

Yeah, as opposed to what usually happens. One or both begin to abandon or sabotage the friendship. Friendships are relationships. Otherwise we'd all hang out with people randomly.

 

[Bbucko]

I am married. I have played around with a couple of guys, unbeknownst to my wife, but that is it. It involved fondling and oral but never intercourse and no exchange of body fluids. And it was years ago.

Stick with the "bromance", unless the desire is too strong, and then come clean with your feelings to your wife first.

i think you should lay out the truth to your wife and, hopefully, she will understand. Then you should all have a happy foursome.

Get it out in the open...Tell your wives, tell everyone.

I know that I've never been in a situation like yours as a closeted bisexual, but I really don't understand how you can be happily married while keeping such an elementary part of yourself secret from the woman you love. To my eyes, it looks like you're living a lie.

If you ever have any real interest in having any kind of sexualized* activity with another man, you owe it to your wife and your marriage to discuss it before anything actually happens. If you are content to keep any possibility of sexualized activity a complete fantasy, then obviously no disclosure is required.

You owe her the truth about your actions, not your thoughts/fantasies.

*sexualized = kissing, fondling, JO, oral

 

[tinydick4u]

If this guy is str8 and has a sensitive touchy feely side,he may have unknowingly scared his other guy friends off.If he in fact has a bi side,I would treat the situation like a girl that wants more than friendship.Let him down easy, remind him how good of friends you are, and how much you value your friendship.I think a friendship between you two would mean more than a few sneaky sexual encounter.

Then again, I could be wrong.You four could end up in a pile, man on man with gurl on gurl action right beside you.Sorry.I'm just being perverted now.

 

[earllogjam]

Sex has a way of ruining friendships. If you value your friendship with this couple and your relationship with your wife you would keep this a platonic friendship.

The consequences of having a quick fling with this guy seem ugly. I see nothing worthwhile coming from it, especially if you enjoy being married to your wife.

 

[blooeyz]

it's too close to home. get some distance...

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I think you need to have some honest conversations with your wife first about your own urges, and then your friend next. To me this whole thing could hurt all of you. Sorry for being so blunt.

 

[B_Nick4444]

Has even stopped by my office unannounced before-was awkwardly stammering, not really saying anything. It wasn't til after he left that I wondered if he had plans but chickened out before he made his move. It was a little strange, but i do love the guy. Just can't love him THAT way. Thanks again guys!

have actually seen this before, and the intent was non-sexual; but, then too, the guy that did it had a major case of shyness

which raises the question -- how are you acting around him? what signals are you sending?

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Sex has a way of ruining friendships.

Wow. That's sad. I am glad to say that has never been my experience. Maybe I'm just lucky. Or maybe I have good instincts to know who to sleep with or not. I don't know, but I have had sex with a lot of my friends and am still friends with most of them. The ones I'm not friends with has nothing to do with the sex -- one of us moved away, got married, etc.

 

[earllogjam]

Wow. That's sad. I am glad to say that has never been my experience. Maybe I'm just lucky. Or maybe I have good instincts to know who to sleep with or not. I don't know, but I have had sex with a lot of my friends and am still friends with most of them. The ones I'm not friends with has nothing to do with the sex -- one of us moved away, got married, etc.

How do you deal with unwanted emotional attachment of your fuck buddies without it turning into jealousy or stalking?

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

I think you need to have some honest conversations with your wife first about your own urges, and then your friend next. To me this whole thing could hurt all of you. Sorry for being so blunt.

I disagree, I used to think the same way when I was younger, if its in the past let it alone, even in AA they say to "make ammends" with the "intent" UNLESS it would hurt someone. No reason to tell your wife about your past, as far as the friend? Talking to him is needed, even in a joking mannor like "what was up with that"? and take it from there, sounds like you want it to be more, Im just sayin

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

Wow. That's sad. I am glad to say that has never been my experience. Maybe I'm just lucky. Or maybe I have good instincts to know who to sleep with or not. I don't know, but I have had sex with a lot of my friends and am still friends with most of them. The ones I'm not friends with has nothing to do with the sex -- one of us moved away, got married, etc.[/QUO

Depends on the situation, but your probably lucky