Not sure about my friend...

[scottredleter]

If it's never going to happen, then just don't be around him alone... ever... But hear this, this guy is into you, and you are into him. What a shame that it will 'never' happen.

 

[helgaleena]

Joe1, You need to have a talk first with yourself about what faithful means to you. If your wife were okay with you playing around as long as it's only with guys and not gals, you may be able to live a much happier life! Maybe that would still feel like cheating to you. That is something you must answer for yourself first.

Second, you have made vows with your wife. Talk with her and confess to her what has been going on, even if you don't name names. See what she thinks is allowable-- for her and for you. Who knows, she may be willing to swing a bit without making either one of you unhappy. Then again she may want you all for herself and it is her sacred right if she wishes to exercise it; that's the deal you made. However knowing you are being hit on may be an aphrodisiac to her, incentive to seduce you afresh.

Third, talk with this friend coming on to you. Tell him you don't want to be a cheater, even though he is hot. He may say he only wants to cheat with you, not let his wife know. Who knows? But whatever you find out will be crucial to how your future relations develop.

 

[ewa123]

Yep, he absolutely wants you, no doubt about it to me (from what you've described). I've never met a touchy-feely completely straight man who hugs too long, smells another man's neck....I mean, unless you're a woman, that's just not any straight man I know, or have ever met or heard about.

People have given some good advice, but what do you want to do? You said you "love the guy" you just can't "love him THAT way". Sooo, if you were able to remove your own emotional attachment and lustful feelings from the situation, you should be able to say to him, "I really like you, you're one of my best friends, but I need to say...." and lay it out. You'd do this because, as you say, you're fully committed to your wife.

Are you? Are you 100% sure you are? You said you are, but your conviction, though you've declared it solid, sounds like it might be faltering a bit.

 

[joe1]

So here is a quick update..
We all went to dinner the other night; He and his wife and my wife and I. Had a great time. He acted absolutely normal all through dinner. We did a little window shopping on the street after dinner. Still normal. Then on the way home, we had to make a stop at a store. Both wives go into the store while we wait in the car. He and I are alone, I am in the driver's seat and he's in the passenger's seat beside me. (Girls sat together in the back) We're just making small talk-nothing remotely sexual. Then he says, "I am so glad that we got to get together tonight. It has been too long. We need to do this more often." And kinda double slaps the top of my thigh. But then let's his hand rest there on me and turns to look out his window. I actually had time to look at his hand on my leg, look at him, and think for a few seconds about what to say. Finally, I blurt out, "hey man, I was...." and as I look out his window I see the girls approaching the car. He says, "Oh, there they are" and removes his hand. Afterward, he seems completely normal for the rest of the night. When we left their house, I purposefully positioned myself behind my wife so that when the goodbye hugs began, I had one arm already around my wife. So I only sorta patted his back, said "good to seeya again." and that was it. I almost told my wife about it on the way home but apparently I had left my balls at home earlier that evening. Anyway, I think I'm just gonna seriously limit time with him. Maybe he will get the message. Even tallking to my wife would make things awkward for her at work.

 

[Countryguy63]

I have to say that as much as you may miss him (I think I recall that you said you had a close friendship?), I do believe that your decision is for the best for all involved. Unless it get's out of hand, even telling your wife would be unproductive :frown1:

 

[helgaleena]

No really, I think you should hint at it to your wife! No names named. She will have a reaction, and it will tell you a lot about her own likes, if nothing else.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

I almost told my wife about it on the way home but apparently I had left my balls at home earlier that evening. Anyway, I think I'm just gonna seriously limit time with him. Maybe he will get the message. Even tallking to my wife would make things awkward for her at work.

Yes, you need to grab your balls and talk with your buddy. You are prepared to abandon and sabotage your friendship with no explanation why. This is sad.

 

[madman411]

Finally, I blurt out, "hey man, I was...." and as I look out his window I see the girls approaching the car. He says, "Oh, there they are" and removes his hand.

what were you going to say exactly?

 

[B_dxjnorto]

what were you going to say exactly?

Good call. Maybe I spoke too soon and too harshly.

 

[joe1]

Well, I was going to say something along the lines of..
"I was hoping we could talk about something, now that we are alone. I am getting some signals from you that I'm not sure about-like right now, with your hand on my leg. And other times when we are alone together, I kinda feel like you are wanting to be more than buddies. Blah, blah, blah....." Not sure what else I would say, and was really worried about how things would go and if we had enough time before our wives got back in the car-so yeah, I wussed out.

 

[madman411]

I think you should still anticipate on telling him exactly that. There's nothing wrong with what you were wanting to say. I think you've read all his signals correctly and you're attempting to address it in the correct manner. If you do ask him and he freaks out denying everything, then I think he obviously has some sort of emotional issue. You obviously seem to enjoy the attention he gives you to some extent, so there really is no reason why you can't address the situation to him.

I'm in/have been in a similar situation for a few months now, however neither of us are married. I've yet to tell him how I feel although I feel I've been getting signals from him left, right, and center. College is over for us both next week so I plan on telling him then how I feel and that I like him - at least if he denies anything or gets offended I won't have to sit through class in an awkward state with him. I know how it feels to wuss out at the last minute. It happens to the best of us.

Do keep us updated

 

[motorcityboy]

DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE ! most women WON'T understand .
Women get really protective , we all know how women can be. what ever you do don't tell her , she will tell his wife and it will ruin his life. just keep it between you and him .
if you are feeling uncomfortable , just keep you distance , he will catch on ,most guys do.
If you know ANYTHING about women you know how they can be.
we've all dealt with women enough to know, it's ALWAYS about them , ALWAYS.
I know it sounds sexiest , but we all know it's true. they even get defensive with each other . They are ALWAYS competing with each other, via shoes, purses , hair , body etc.
they have to be the alpha female. LOL
guys will just let it go once we figure it out ,women will NEVER let it go and ALWAYS bring it up .

 

[guynmn]

It would be sad to drop a friend over suspicion. Until you talk to him that is all it is. Granted it seems like signals are there but those signals may not be the intention. I do have straight friends who send "signals". Not uncommon to have a head in my lap, shoulder rubs, or other close contact. It doesn't always mean he wants to do you. Men can have close male friendships where touching and intimacy (not sexual, there is more than one kind of intimacy) is accepted. Until you talk it is just a guess or wishful thinking. Some dudes are just more comfortable with this type of closeness. Not all str8 dudes can't touch another man other than to fake punch him. Now, if he would was sliding his hand up your thigh or grabbing your cock or ass that is different.

 

[B_RedDude]

A straight guy having his head resting in a gay guy's lap (or a straight guy with his head resting in another straight guy's lap)? That's pretty goddamned intimate.

I do have straight friends who send "signals". Not uncommon to have a head in my lap, shoulder rubs, or other close contact. It doesn't always mean he wants to do you. Men can have close male friendships where touching and intimacy (not sexual, there is more than one kind of intimacy) is accepted.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

Ask yourself this: how you would feel if you wife "dropped to her knees" for some guy?

Stole the words out of my outh.

 

[killerb]

Women are very smart and observant...even though very often they choose to ignore the signs, they never truly miss them...

I bet that his wife already suspects something and your wife probably does as well...but most likely they will never let it be known...

If this guy is a real friend, you shouldn't just toss him aside, especially since you have no proof of what you suspect.

 

[gaygent]

From your comment a couple of posts earlier where you had mapped out what you were going to say to your friend when you were alone, you seem to have got avery good strategy. However, firstly you must be sure you don't want to engage in any sexual activity with this guy. If you don't but still want to remain friends then your talk with him should be followed by "Hey man its cool. This will stay just between you and me". To do anything else (like tell your wife -as previously suggested, could destroy the friendships you have with this couple for ever and potentially destroy their marriage". There is a time to be honest and a time to be discrete. To know when to use the time is the key to good and happy relationships.

 

[madman411]

any update on this situation?

 

[joe1]

Well as a matter of fact , yes! I have had little to no contact with him for several weeks. About two weeks ago, he moved out of the house. They have never had a rock solid marriage anyway, but I had no idea he was contemplating a move. His wife is devastated, of course. His reason to her is that he can no longer take the constant demeaning and bitching. (Which my wife and I have both witnessed on occasion) I feel very sad for them both. I did contact him to let him know that I was aware of their "new" situation and that I hope they can work things out. He told me that it's over and he is done. I have still not seen him in person, but I am sure that is inevitable. Not sure what's gonna happen, but I am sure what is NOT gonna happen. I am NOT gonna respond to any advance from him.
Don't want to get tied into what could be an ugly divorce for them. Sad.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

I don't understand why two grown men, albeit married men, can't have a relationship. I'm not condoning and detest married men cruising for sex, going into bath houses or back alleys for a secret fix but rather a "committed" one on one relationship with their best friend AND still be married! Why not?