Not sure why...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by OhCanada, Jul 8, 2004.

  1. OhCanada

    OhCanada New Member

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    Seeing the other posts on race I must confess I am jealous and sometimes angry at black guys. Not that Im racist, in fact my bust bud growing up was black. However in high school we both fell for the same girl, I ended up fucking her, but he kissed her first and we never made up. I know it's stupid but I see black guys fucking white girls on the net and I get jealous. I know I stack up in the department that most people are jealous for black guys about, but I cant help feeling this way. I get very defensive when my gf even mentions being attracted to a black man. I know this is wrong but I just had to get it out there.
     
  2. Imported

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  3. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    At least he was being honest about his feelings. The most painful stuff we have to admit to ourselves and others is painful because, for one reason or another, it's not "acceptable."

    For instance, it has been hard for me to admit this, but I have to the conclusion that I'm very happy to have experienced the whole "gay thing" as a phase and not some indellible mark on my sexuality. It took a long time for me to figure out that, no matter how hard I try to accommodate, there's just too much stuff going down in the "gay community" for me to handle. I accept that I feel less comfortable around my gay male peers, particularly if they're more of the flamboyant, "typical" persuasion. I think I can handle it differently online because I don't have any "direct" contact with those people. I know guys look at my pics on here and some might find them arousing, and some are even brazen enough to contact me directly to say what they think. That's fine. I like positive feedback, and if they're a little too much, I can tune them out. In real life, I know that I would never go out of my way to treat some unjustly just because of who they sleep with. On the other hand, a gay guy isn't the top of the list on figures whom I would want to befriend.

    It's tough to say stuff like that because it's easy to let an opinion get out of context and to be blown out of proportion. I'm not expecting anyone to applaud me because I said what I honestly believed. At the same time, I wouldn't want others to get the wrong idea -- that I'm homophobic, that I'd say things like "fag" to every gay dude crossing my path, or that OhCanada's going to attack some random black guy on the street because of his jealousy.

    And returning to OhCanada, the bit about feeling jealous when his girlfriend says she's attracted to a black guy -- I'm sure you could substitute any race or any guy for that matter, and the feelings might not be any different. It's hard to tell. Is this baggage from that ex-girlfriend of way back when? Is this insecurity motivated, say, if that dark-skinned guy was a bit better built than he or more handsome? Is it a hate crime waiting to happen? Well, we don't know for sure.

    Even now in 2004, I think there's a lingering mystique over interracial relationships, and there are most certainly a lack of positive role models for such couplings. The only successful, well-to-do mixes I see are often parodied, like Mavis's brother in the sitcom "Whoopie" or the big ol' strong Latrell in the recently released "White Chicks."
     
  4. madame_zora

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    Dee, a very sensitive post. I think it's a good thing to bring up your feelings, OhCanada, because that's the only way to work through them. I think a lot of us feel jealous when the issue is something we can't compete with. If a girl you like is flirting with a black guy, you can't make yourself black nomatter what you do so you feel left out. That's perfectly normal. I don't think that makes you a racist, just a fallible human being with human emotions. I would imagine that's similar to what guys feel who are not a large size, or too short/tall in height, etc, etc. I know if a guy is looking at the calandar of the sweedish bikini models, he most likely won't be looking at me in quite the same light! Point being, you admitted your feelings, you seem aware that they are not pc, so do what you can to work through it. Realize that the stereotypes about penis size are not true, and be happy you have what you do- all your gifts, not just your dick!
     
  5. GottaBigOne

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    ohCanada I do not think you're a being racist as well, at least in the derogatory sense its usually used in. Are you being a little racially minded? Sure. Do you have valid reasons? I don't think so. I don't think race is a valid reason for any type of jealous, or angry, or sad, or other sort of feelings. The only instance I can see where race would play a valid role would be a white or light skinned person being jealous of black people because it is much harder for them to get sunburned. This is because the ACTUAL difference between the races exists. You should not be jealous of blacks or any race becasue you feel they are bigger, or better, or more athletic, or less intelligent simply because there are no facts behind those distinctions. It is a fact that black people are less apt to get sunburned. This may be the actual reason why they have dark skin; to better be able to cope with the blistering sun characteristic of equitorial habitats. There may also be some evidence to suggest that american blacks would be more athletic as a result of the race trade.

    But getting back to your feeling about black men; i think you need to look back at what experiences you might have had regarding blacks to find out where your attitudes have originated. Only then can you start to deal with what you're feeling.
    By the way, i applaud your honesty. As Dee said, its hard to admit to ourselves especially to others what is socially deemed as unacceptable.
     
  6. Imported

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    HornyVeteranSJ: Why be jealous? Given this country's past and present social injustices against blacks, would you want to trade places with that guy? Be happy who you are...it's plenty of other females out there.
     
  7. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Oh Canada!

    You are being a normal flawed human being. This type of thing has fueled much of what we all go through everyday.Our world events a fueled by basic envy and jealousy. But to the subject at hand, you are not alone. Unfortunately, the mythology of the ever ready black buck and the insatiable black female have helped to fuel and continue to fuel many fires of curiosity and controversy . It got many black men lynched unjustly throughout the 20th century . It desexualized enslaved black women who were forced to wear head scarves because it was believed that their hair would be too much of a temptation while at the same times they had very little say so over what happened to their own bodies You are no different than dark haired women who want to be blond because they feel that blonds truly do have more fun, or black women who get angry and jealous of the white women who they feel are stealing the cream of black manhood ( no pun intended!) or the black man who gets angry when he sees an attractive black woman with a white man. The list of variations goes on and on. But needless to say it all stems from the myth of the greener grass. IT is often easier not to look at the things that caused a relationship to crumble than to assign the fault to some one of another color, ethnicity, gender.etc. But I see progress here on this board we discuss things .We may come to verbal blows but we are learning to get along. That is as good as it gets.

    Naughty
     
  8. jonb

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    Well, you shouldn't have said "Not that Im racist,". Those four words, in any mutant spelling and grammar, raise red flags. But I'm pissed at how everyone thinks "dark skin = rape", which is part of the Mandingo fetish. Meanwhile, here in the States, the only women more likely to be victims of sexual assault by members of another race are Indian women, the perpetrators are white 4 out of 5 times, you can't get a conviction even if they taped it, and Indian women are also the most likely to be victims of sexual assault.

    For reference, black men are actually unlikely to marry white women. It's not as popular as people think.

    @Dee:
    I don't think most homosexuals are as flamboyant as the ones you see on TV. I guess you could say you had a homoverload?

    @GottaBigOne:
    First it was Indians. (That was at the turn of the century.) Then blacks. Now the best player in the NBA's Chinese. I seriously doubt race has much to do with sports; the Mayans may be among the shortest of Indians, but they invented basketball: The balls weighed eight pounds, the hoop was 20 feet high, and the losers were sacrificed.
     
  9. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I think if you lived here in Lexington and got a taste of the experiences I've had, you might think differently. Of course, I don't think gay men here are a reflection of gay men everywhere, but... it's as if I had enough negative contact to make me all that more sensitive to that crowd. And like I said, it's perfectly okay. My eyes don't burn with red anytime I see or witness anything remotely "gay," whatever that means, and I most certainly don't plan on going the ultra-conservative/Christian/Republican route anytime soon. I'm not joining the Westboro Church, un uh.
     
  10. madame_zora

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    Dee, Lexington Kentucky? We're practically neighbors.

    Jonb, the Mayans, in addition to being the shortest, are some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. I had an opportunity to see them living as they choose to in very simplistic huts with no electricity or modern conveniences. Wish I knew more about their culture, but the language was so completely unlike any I've ever heard spoken. It contained a lot of clicks, buzzes, whirring noises, I could find very little one would call "in common" with the romance languages. I was incredibly impressed when our multi-lingual tour guide who spoke 11 languages was able to speak to the Mayans in their native tongue. I thought that sacrifices were more the Aztec way than Mayan.....
     
  11. Imported

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  12. Imported

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    BRMSTN69: Just wondering, am I the only person here thats ashamed of being from German decent(given our history)?For the record I'm 90% German and 10% Blackfoot
     
  13. KinkGuy

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    Absolutely the ONLY way you should be ashamed is if you were there and participated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just how fucking old are you anyway! btw, German cocks are huge....I've been there and done some research. :rolleyes: :p
     
  14. jonb

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    Dee lives in the UK.

    I said among the shortest. Actually, they're only a little shorter than whites, when their fields aren't being bombed by U.S.-friendly dictatorships. Not nearly as tall as most Indians in North America, and we have the same nutrition problems that Mayans in Guatemala have. The game itself's pretty interesting, and just like today, book was a way to make or lose a fortune.
     
  15. jonb

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    Why, when it was an AUSTRIAN behind the whole thing? And trust me, he learned everything he knew from the U.S. Of course, no one ever says "Ulysses S. Grant would agree." while every damn thread on usenet ends with Nazis.

    Blackfoot, eh? Do you mean as in Blood or Piegan? Or do you mean Sihasapa Lakota? Sorry if this is confusing.
     
  16. jonb

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    So, these are the type who get hate mail from drag queens telling them to tone it down? Seriously, there are people who act like the stereotypes because the stereotypes are so powerful. I mean, this board had CatDog.

    As for actual homophobia, most homophobes are actually afraid they might be gay; you've actually had sex with other men and admit you liked it, so you can't be homophobic. LOL
     
  17. alex

    alex New Member

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    Dee- Trust me, your experience was not unique. Many, many gay guys (not saying you are one) have gone through exactly the same thing. I had a similar reaction to gay culture when I first experienced it. I mean, for the most part we’re all raised straight, and it’s downright bizarre coming from that perspective. It took me years before I was comfortable going into a gay bar (actually even today I spend more time in straight bars when I go out). And I agree that (at least initially) the typical limp-wristed, lispy, gay guy is uncomfortable to be around. But you know what? Over the years, I’ve met some really effeminate guys who were actually genuine, decent, cool persons on the inside. Same goes for some very masculine “butch” women.

    OhCanada – Sorry dude, but if you treat your g/f’s attraction to a black guy differently than her attraction to a white guy, that’s prejudice pure and simple. At least you’re man enough to admit it. Like HornyVetSJ said, if you look at the way our white ancestors treated African Americans over the years, isn’t it enough already? I’m sure not perfect myself; prejudice is sadly an inherent human quality. I can’t say that I don’t treat encountering a black dude walking down an empty alley in a bad part of town differently than I treat a white guy in the same situation. But I know it’s wrong and I fight that type of prejudice whenever I feel it.

    The bottom line is this: some people are really cool and some are assholes. Their race, sexual orientation, religion, or even whether they’re the president of the United States doesn’t factor into the equation.
     
  18. Imported

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    BRMSTN69: oh... it's in the blood(and I have the cheek bones that any drag queen would kill for to prove it)but yes my great-great grandmother was full blooded blackfoot, however she died long before I was born and I've never had the oppertunity to explore that side of my family history
     
  19. jonb

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    Um, Blood's one of the clans in the Blackfoot Confederacy. It gets confusing because there are two or three different grousp called Blackfoot: One's the Blackfoot Confederacy, and one's a band of the Lakota. I'm sure there's another one, but I can't remember their name. LOL
     
  20. jonb

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    I agree. But it is a bit of a turnoff the first time you see a that kind of effeminacy. I'm sure we all remember the South Park ep where Mr. Garrison introduced Mr. Slave to the class with the hope of getting fired and thus having a civil rights case. (They even had an experiment to see how long the gerbil could survive in Mr. Slave's rectum, and these PC parents kept saying the kids were homophobic.)

    I guess we can all agree that it's important that your partner -- male, female, or other -- loves you, not the stereotype you pretend to be.
     
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