Now this explains the whole war

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by jonb, Aug 9, 2004.

  1. jonb

    Gold Member

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    Forwarded-by: Adam Shand
    Forwarded-by: Herr Nagengast

    IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED :
    HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

    FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH
    202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
    FAX: 202.456.2461

    DEAR SIR / MADAM,

    I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER
    PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
    GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY
    SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
    OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU
    BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON
    NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF
    YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE
    PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS
    TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A
    HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING
    MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

    I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE
    PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN
    ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY
    TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS
    AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A
    TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN
    ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN
    THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS
    COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES
    CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

    IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES,
    MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE
    UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK
    WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE
    REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE
    SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC
    OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON
    FOLLOWED BY A FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI
    PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL
    REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE
    OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH
    SUBSIDIARY.

    MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF
    KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S.
    DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST, THIRTY-SIX
    BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY
    HIS PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA
    AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND
    SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY
    GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER
    IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF
    THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.

    MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE
    IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF
    THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE
    PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION
    FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER.
    UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT
    WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS
    NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE
    MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION
    DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000),
    BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN
    LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT.

    WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991
    PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO
    ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ.
    THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES
    ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE.
    OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS
    BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING
    VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
    OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS
    AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE
    AND FORMER HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL
    COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE
    PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE
    VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING
    OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER.

    I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM
    EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT
    (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR
    ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE.
    THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE
    UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL FUNCTION
    AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE
    THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE
    THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF
    APRIL.

    I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE
    WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND
    WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL
    WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD
    STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED,
    I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT
    THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL.
    IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE
    IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR
    INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER
    DISCUSS THE MATTER.

    I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT.
    MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE
    FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY
    IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO
    THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW.

    SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,

    GEORGE WALKER BUSH

    Switchboard: 202.456.1414
    Comments: 202.456.1111
    Fax: 202.456.2461
    Email: president@whitehouse.gov
     
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