Now This is How to Make Your Point

paigexox

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I agree with what Petite has been saying, but I would like to re-iterate how this video speaks much more about the father and his poor conflict resolution skills.

Rather than going directly to the source and dealing with his own issue in the appropriate manner, he had to go and make a spectacle that will likely only fuel the familial tension.
 

ManlyBanisters

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Massive parenting fail. He's a raised a kid who needs to get that off her chest in secret because she can't talk to her parents. When he said "This one is from your mom" with such anger, it felt like the target of the bullet was actually the girl, not the laptop.

Sounds like the kid has too many daily chores as well. Dishes, kitchen, floors and make the beds every day after school. The beds don't get made until after school?? yuck. WTF is the cleaning lady doing?

No one ever said being parent was going to be easy. The more you talk and more importantly LISTEN, the easier it is for the whole family.

Deplorable. That father shouldn't have displayed that level of violence in response to normal behavior from a teenager. I think that was juvenile and he was being a terrible role model. That is not how an adult handles problems, but he's teaching his kids that it is. He acted like a psycho.

I'm with pet and vince.

She may have been exaggerating (the kid, not pet) but regardless the father's reaction was not normal, not OK, not cool and not funny.
 

aninnymouse

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I'm not in disagreement about the father removing the use of the laptop. My problem is that he showed her that pulling out a gun and shooting it at the laptop was how one would show one's disapproval. That is NOT how a person should make a point.

When she grows up and gets into an argument with her boyfriend and pulls out a gun because she feels disrespected, then will you think daddy did a bad job of teaching her how adults behave? He's not just teaching her about respect, he's also teaching her a lesson about guns and violence and inappropriate responses while a person is angry, and those lessons are the reasons why he's an unfit role model.

He's role modeling how one ends up in jail as an adult.

Not only that, He's teaching her that Tit for Tat is the proper way to handle things.

I mean, seriously, what's she gonna do when she's 25, and has a problem with something, just smash it. Yeah, her boyfriedn/husband did something to piss her off. What's she gonna do, Slash his tires?

Overall, it's bad role modeling, IMO.
 

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Massive parenting fail. He's a raised a kid who needs to get that off her chest in secret because she can't talk to her parents. When he said "This one is from your mom" with such anger, it felt like the target of the bullet was actually the girl, not the laptop.

Sounds like the kid has too many daily chores as well. Dishes, kitchen, floors and make the beds every day after school. The beds don't get made until after school?? yuck. WTF is the cleaning lady doing?

No one ever said being parent was going to be easy. The more you talk and more importantly LISTEN, the easier it is for the whole family.

Deplorable. That father shouldn't have displayed that level of violence in response to normal behavior from a teenager. I think that was juvenile and he was being a terrible role model. That is not how an adult handles problems, but he's teaching his kids that it is. He acted like a psycho.

I think children should be taught how to do everyday housework. It does sound like she has too much to do, though. She shouldn't have to do so much that she doesn't get enough sleep. When I was a kid, there were times when I woke up at 4 am to finish my work because I ran out of time the night before. It was too much pressure. There is a limit and it sounds like he's crossing it to me.

Thirded.

So the lesson for the child is: the way to resolve family problems is to "out" the problem to the entire world, and then commit an outrageous act of violent destruction?

The child indeed has a lot to learn (as do they all). The parent is not teaching the right lessons, however. Far, far from it.

Deplorable failure indeed.

[Edit: I just now noticed all the second page responses.]
 
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OhWiseOne

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I think it's a reach to say that the shooting of the computer is a symbol of what you would do to another person. But I see your point of view.

Silver your comment about outing the families issues to the world is the point the dad I believe was trying to make. She felt she had the right to disrespect her parents on a public site so he was turning the table. Although going to the point of shooting the laptop may have been the wrong approach.
 

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I think it's an internet stunt - someone hoping to get a million views and lots of YouTube money/publicity. Assuming it's only half-staged and there is a child involved, I agree that he went too far. Destroying my laptop (and whatever school work I had on there) wouldn't make me be a 'good boy'; it will make me rebel even more. If his daughter is smart, she'll already know he's not a role model. However, the relationship will only get worse with that sort of behaviour. In fact, whether it's completely fake or not - it's sending the wrong message to parents/children.
 

vince

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As a parent I don't see it as a failure. He had warned her of this behavior previously and she chose to do it again. "In secret" she posted it on facebook, far from secret. Again, as a parent the shot for mom was not meant as mom wants to shoot her. If you listen to what she wrote it was complete disrespect for her parents. Sorry to say many kids have this mindset of you owe me and if I don't get it I can do whatever I want. Kids need to understand that what we as parents give them are just that gifts not right to ownership.

To many chores, you have got to be kidding. A child that only is responsible for going to school and she can't help her parents out that work everyday to give her a place to live, food to eat, clothes on her back and all the electronic gadgets.

Parenting is not easy. There is no book for it because every child is different. I do agree talk, listen, understand the other side. But at the end of the day the parent has the ultimate say and the child needs to understand that.

The saying "As long as you live under my roof you follow my rules". As I have said "when you are on your own, have your own place you can do whatever you choose to do."

Wow where did that come from.
I'm a parent too and got through it without getting violent. Not once. And the kid grew up fine and is in graduate school. We had our moments... but it's up to the adults to keep things on an even keel.

If the girl is back-talking, swearing at her parents, and disrespecting them to that degree, then the parenting failure occurred a long time ago. By the time she is sixteen years old, the time to learn "No means no", is about fifteen years in the past. You're not going to teach anyone respect when they are sixteen. All you can do by then is punish them and they way he is teaching that, is way over the top.

I had chores and my kid had chores, but they weren't at this kid's level where all she seems to have time to do is sleep, go to school, do homework and scrub floors kitchen daily.

On top of that, kids are entitled to some privacy and respect regardless of who is buying the computer software or putting a roof over their head. Hacking her private Facebook page is as bad as reading her diary IMO.
 
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petite

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I'm not saying that she's going to shoot someone, but any emulation of the behavior displayed by him would be considered crazy if it was a different relationship between them. If it was his wife's computer, would it be acceptable? No. She might even report it to the police.

You cannot expect kids to only learn the words you want them to hear. They learn from the parents actions. Kids learn how to argue by watching their parents argue with one another and with them. It's also how they learn how to solve problems. That parent just normalized psychotic behavior and overreacting when he gets angry. If she grows up to be someone who treats others in an overly dramatic fashion, destroying property when she gets mad, making public spectacles, then it will be daddy's fault for leading the way. The reason why his response to anything she does has to be mature is because then he will be teaching her how to respond maturely even when angry, no matter what the other person does. He would be teaching her that there isn't an acceptable level of anger that makes it okay to begin destroying property in a vindictive manner. He would be teaching her how to resolve conflicts in a way that won't cause her to end up in court or in jail. That was my point.

I don't know that perfect parenting can prevent any problems when a child becomes a teenager. In certain ways, I was the perfect child, but I still became a handful at 15! :wink:
 

aninnymouse

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Here's the thing about her workload.

All we have to go on is that video. We don't know what the whole story is. She's stating that she has to get up at 5am, and goes to bed at 10 because she's so exhausted, and that they make her do EVERYTHING. But, you know what, sometimes children and teenagers exaggerate. That sounds like what she's doing here.

Also, she said that she has to lock her door on the weekends to sleep in, because otherwise her little brother comes in and bothers her. The dad admits that's true, however, he never chastized her for doing so. If he were really so horrible and abusive, then you'd think that up at 5 is up at 5, no matter what day of the week it is.

So, I don't know what the entire deal is. Probably somewhere more 50/50.

And, yeah, epic fail all around. Girl sounds rather entitled. That's for sure.
 

OhWiseOne

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I'm a parent too and got through it without getting violent. Not once. And the kid grew up fine and is in graduate school. We had our moments... but it's up to the adults to keep things on an even keel.

If the girl is back-talking, swearing at her parents, and disrespecting them to that degree, then the parenting failure occurred a long time ago. By the time she is sixteen years old, the time to learn "No means no", is about fifteen years in the past. You're not going to teach anyone respect when they are sixteen. All you can do by then is punish them and they way he is teaching that, is way over the top.

I had chores and my kid had chores, but they weren't at this kid's level where all she seems to have time to do is sleep, go to school, do homework and scrub floors kitchen daily.

On top of that, kids are entitled to some privacy and respect regardless of who is buying the computer software or putting a roof over their head. Hacking her private Facebook page is as bad as reading her diary IMO.
Glad to hear that your child is doing great.:smile:

The issue of it being to late for the daughter I hope not.

Chores are a family function and choice and I don't feel anyone has a right to judge a parent on that issue. If it is abuse yes but beyond that no.

I agree with privacy until you cross the line of disrespect or illegal activities. Deal is off at that point.

I'm not saying that she's going to shoot someone, but any emulation of the behavior displayed by him would be considered crazy if it was a different relationship between them. If it was his wife's computer, would it be acceptable? No. She might even report it to the police.

You cannot expect kids to only learn the words you want them to hear. They learn from the parents actions. Kids learn how to argue by watching their parents argue with one another and with them. It's also how they learn how to solve problems. That parent just normalized psychotic behavior and overreacting when he gets angry. If she grows up to be someone who treats others in an overly dramatic fashion, destroying property when she gets mad, making public spectacles, then it will be daddy's fault for leading the way. The reason why his response to anything she does has to be mature is because then he will be teaching her how to respond maturely even when angry, no matter what the other person does. He would be teaching her that there isn't an acceptable level of anger that makes it okay to begin destroying property in a vindictive manner. He would be teaching her how to resolve conflicts in a way that won't cause her to end up in court or in jail. That was my point.

I don't know that perfect parenting can prevent any problems when a child becomes a teenager. In certain ways, I was the perfect child, but I still became a handful at 15! :wink:
With regards to destroying the computer or whatever action was taken the daughter is not on the same level as the wife. Would you agree? You cant take the wifes computer away.

I understand your point about displaying positive responses to conflicts.
 

OhWiseOne

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Here's the thing about her workload.

All we have to go on is that video. We don't know what the whole story is. She's stating that she has to get up at 5am, and goes to bed at 10 because she's so exhausted, and that they make her do EVERYTHING. But, you know what, sometimes children and teenagers exaggerate. That sounds like what she's doing here.

Also, she said that she has to lock her door on the weekends to sleep in, because otherwise her little brother comes in and bothers her. The dad admits that's true, however, he never chastized her for doing so. If he were really so horrible and abusive, then you'd think that up at 5 is up at 5, no matter what day of the week it is.

So, I don't know what the entire deal is. Probably somewhere more 50/50.

And, yeah, epic fail all around. Girl sounds rather entitled. That's for sure.
I agree...wait teenagers axaggerate? :eek:
 

petite

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She might have been exaggerating. She might not. There are some tough parents. We don't know. I was always in the toughest classes in school and had an overwhelming number of hours of assignments each night (off-topic, but I honestly feel that kids were given too much work!) and combined with my extra-curricular activities, I literally had no free time and often only slept 5-6 hours every night. She might just be a brat, but there's a possibility that she has genuine reasons to complain. It's a shame that with the best and brightest, we make their lives a living hell when it doesn't have to be like that. It's my philosophy that we're supposed to be teaching them how to live and filling every minute of every day with chores and assignments and obligations isn't the way to teach them balance. But I digress. Whether she has a legitimate complaint or not isn't the real issue because the dad acted so psycho that the issue is about how he acted!

He should have done something like sit down and talk with her about her feelings about everything, then talked to her about how he felt about taking her feelings of frustration to Facebook instead of to him. He should take responsibility for being inaccessible so that she felt like she had to vent on FB instead of coming to him. Then I would have talked about writing about what they talked about, about venting and how it hurt her dad's feelings and how that wasn't the best way to handle it so that she could post that up next in Facebook. That would have been a better way of making her realize that her actions hurt and embarrassed someone else and that she owes him an apology, and then they could discuss those feelings of anger and frustration over her workload and chores, because it's evidently something that she needs to talk about. Then he would be teaching her lessons about emotional literacy, conflict resolution, and repairing a relationship after something hurtful has happened.

Here's a comment on that story that I thought was insightful.

" It's funny because after he read her letter (with all of the disrespectful swear words) and then he talked and talked, you can tell that she talks just like he does, with the same sentence cadence and the same cussing patterns and the same anger and spite. And her bitching over which chores to do sounds exactly like him bitching over exactly how much money each thing he's given her costs.


She is her father's daughter. "
 

OhWiseOne

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She might have been exaggerating. She might not. There are some tough parents. We don't know. I was always in the toughest classes in school and had an overwhelming number of hours of assignments each night (off-topic, but I honestly feel that kids were given too much work!) and combined with my extra-curricular activities, I literally had no free time and often only slept 5-6 hours every night. She might just be a brat, but there's a possibility that she has genuine reasons to complain. It's a shame that with the best and brightest, we make their lives a living hell when it doesn't have to be like that. It's my philosophy that we're supposed to be teaching them how to live and filling every minute of every day with chores and assignments and obligations isn't the way to teach them balance. But I digress. Whether she has a legitimate complaint or not isn't the real issue because the dad acted so psycho that the issue is about how he acted!

He should have done something like sit down and talk with her about her feelings about everything, then talked to her about how he felt about taking her feelings of frustration to Facebook instead of to him. He should take responsibility for being inaccessible so that she felt like she had to vent on FB instead of coming to him. Then I would have talked about writing about what they talked about, about venting and how it hurt her dad's feelings and how that wasn't the best way to handle it so that she could post that up next in Facebook. That would have been a better way of making her realize that her actions hurt and embarrassed someone else and that she owes him an apology, and then they could discuss those feelings of anger and frustration over her workload and chores, because it's evidently something that she needs to talk about. Then he would be teaching her lessons about emotional literacy, conflict resolution, and repairing a relationship after something hurtful has happened.

Here's a comment on that story that I thought was insightful.

" It's funny because after he read her letter (with all of the disrespectful swear words) and then he talked and talked, you can tell that she talks just like he does, with the same sentence cadence and the same cussing patterns and the same anger and spite. And her bitching over which chores to do sounds exactly like him bitching over exactly how much money each thing he's given her costs.


She is her father's daughter. "
Good insight Petite.

Ugh you would have to say that. :rolleyes:
 

avg1000

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So .. I don't think any one should be allowed to post thier opinion unless of course they have at the very least a 16 yr child or older .. Its kind of like a Priest telling you how to have sex , well kind of like some Priest telling you how to have sex , You know like the Priest that has never had sex .. Don't judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes ....
 

petite

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With regards to destroying the computer or whatever action was taken the daughter is not on the same level as the wife. Would you agree? You cant take the wifes computer away.

I understand your point about displaying positive responses to conflicts.

Nope, but calmly taking away his daughter's computer after talking to her about what she posted, not just his displeasure, but everything she wrote about until those things are resolved, then telling her that she is restricted from using the computer until she is no longer grounded would teach a lot of lessons that she could use some day with other people, including a mate some day. You wouldn't end that discussion by telling a mate that you are taking it away, but the skills for how to negotiate usage of the computer are being learned there. That's teaching her a useful skill about conflict resolution, instead of a negative lesson regarding when it's acceptable to begin destroying property and make a humiliating public spectacle.

After all, by responding to a public humiliation with one of his own, didn't he actually teach her that humiliating public spectacles are how one deals with one's conflicts?
 
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D_Dick_S_Lapp

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Seriously who hasn't talked crap about their parents while they were young. Difference is this was on facebook. Also why destroy the damn thing lol. That seems like a waste of money. Could have given it to someone that actually needed it.
 

Serial Kisser

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Seriously who hasn't talked crap about their parents while they were young. Difference is this was on facebook. Also why destroy the damn thing lol. That seems like a waste of money. Could have given it to someone that actually needed it.

Agreed.
I have three journals full of parental shit talking.
 

B_Hickboy

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Deplorable. That father shouldn't have displayed that level of violence in response to normal behavior from a teenager. I think that was juvenile and he was being a terrible role model. That is not how an adult handles problems, but he's teaching his kids that it is. He acted like a psycho.

I think children should be taught how to do everyday housework. It does sound like she has too much to do, though. She shouldn't have to do so much that she doesn't get enough sleep. When I was a kid, there were times when I woke up at 4 am to finish my work because I ran out of time the night before. It was too much pressure. There is a limit and it sounds like he's crossing it to me.
Would it have been any different if he'd taken a hatchet to the laptop instead of a 1911?