Odd Situation @ Work

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Scott2005, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. Scott2005

    Scott2005 Member

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    Hey everyone.
    *
    I'm openly gay at my job and it has never really been a problem. In fact, my job was included on the list of 100 greatest places to work for GLBT people!
    *
    Well, one of my cube mates (we'll call him Hector) has got to be the sexiest guy in the company. He's also incredibly funny and just goofy as hell. A bunch of fun to be around. He's just really relaxed. And of course, he's straight (just my luck).
    *
    Here's the issue: there's a new group of employees on our floor. One guy in particular (we'll call him…Lamonte) is also openly gay. (Damn him! I was the token gay for our floor! lol). Hector told me that every time he looks up, Lamonte's eyes are on him. Every time he walks across the room, he can feel Lamonte's eyes watching him.
    *
    After Hector told me this, I kept an eye out for it. And sure enough, it was true. If he wasn’t talking on the phone or to another co-worker, his eyes were on Hector. Hector went to the bathroom and Lamonte's eyes followed him all the way there.
    *
    So Hector asked me how can he handle the situation. Hector is far from homophobic but it is really..uh.. weird how Lamonte is leer at him. I told him just to ignore it. That’s the only thing I can think of. If he approaches the guy, it turns into a possible HR issue.
    *
    How would you handle the situation?
     
  2. lvsxy808

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    Since you've observed the phenomenon yourself, you're clear to talk about it to Lamonte while completely leaving Hector out of it.

    I would go to Lamonte and say something along the lines of, "Dude, you need to calm down. Yes, Hector is hot, I can't disagree with you there. But you need to have some propriety. If I've noticed you staring at him everywhere he goes, then you can bet other people will have to. If Hector notices, it may turn into a sexual harrassment case. He's gay-friendly sure, but he's still straight, and frankly I wouldn't be surprised if this constant staring is making him uncomfortable. Be attracted to him all you want, but be realistic, and be subtle, for crying out loud. Tripping over your tongue every time he walks past will only piss him off and get you into trouble."

    At that point you've done what you can and it's up to him to choose to follow your advice or not.

    .
     
  3. D_PooNaHoe

    D_PooNaHoe Account Disabled

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    I would tell Lamonte to stop staring. Why does it need to be difficult? I guess I don't understand how it could become an HR issue other than there is a guy making other employees feel weird with his creepy staring.
     
  4. Viper73

    Viper73 Active Member

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    I'm straight and at work in one of our offices I have this exact problem with one of our gay accounting people. He's a nice enough guy but made me really uncomfortable because it felt like he was undressing me with his eyes.

    After a while it finally bugged me enough that I'd had my limit and decided to confront him and set some ground rules.

    I invited him to lunch. He accepted. We started talking and I just came out and said that I noticed he seemed to be paying alot of attention to everything I did and that it kinda made me feel a little uncomfortable and asked him is anything was wrong.

    Turns out, it wasn't me exactly he was paying attention to. Apparently he noticed my watch (a family heirloom) and was trying to figure out what kind it was because he had been looking for something that looked similar. He was afraid to ask me because he thought I'd 'take it the wrong way'.

    We actually ended up as friends.

    Unless you deck the guy I doubt it would become an HR issue. Just be courteous and civil. I've found most folks are reasonable once you actually start a dialogue.
     
  5. shroomhead77

    shroomhead77 Member

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    Have a word with Lamonte and tell him to chill out.

    It's not likely to get to an HR issue...I mean, we had an issue like this as my company and a girl "felt" like a guy was always "staring" at her. Well, anyone can feel/perceive anything they want - and its hard to stop people from looking at each other. Maybe Lamonte will realize (after you mention something) how desperate he looks and he'll stop. :smile:
     
  6. rbkwp

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    as Viper experienced
    I suggest get Hector to handle it himself, by calmly approaching Lamonte ( hope i have the guys names correct) and talking to him, about it all.
    No harm done at all with casual conversation, sounds like you ALL know what the deal is, in this work environment of yours
    Cheers, respectfully,dont think you should be further involved.
    (i.e having the hots fr Hector, shouldent mean you try and handle a pvte affair of his)
     
  7. Sklar

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    Just go up to him and say:

    "Dude, you're staring and people are noticing."

    Sklar
     
  8. nudeyorker

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    ^ This and add... Stop before it becomes an HR issue.
     
  9. Scott2005

    Scott2005 Member

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    I thought about going up to Lamonte. But I don't know him at all. As I said, he's a new hits. I have no idea how he'll react. I'd imagine he'd be pretty embarrassed. People don't react well to being embarrassed.

    I've talked about it today with Hector and the same thing is still going on. I agree with the majority of you. Hector should approach him about it.

    But it is a very delicate situation.
     
  10. shroomhead77

    shroomhead77 Member

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    So I assume Hector doesn't know him either right? It would be FAR less embarrassing for you to approach Lamonte vs Hector doing it! Atleast you and L. are both gay so you can sorta word it like you're doing him a favor. I think sending Hector over is more risky...:confused:
     
  11. mattsrod7

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    I'd say he was quick on his feet, haha

     
  12. hud01

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    I would ask Hector if he can handle it or if he wants your help. Then if you are asked, then go up to Lamonte, keep it casual, and ask him if he realizes what he is doing. If he does know, then tell him it is not cool and that it would be a good idea for him to dial it down.
     
  13. CUBE

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    I don't think you should do one thing. I mean this in a kind way. You are not the floor monitor. If your buddy has a problem with the guy, he should approach him on the level of Viper's answer. If the guy is new...maybe the charm will run out soon too.
     
  14. horneyoldguy

    horneyoldguy New Member

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    There ae two ways this can be handled - Say nothing or suggest to Hector to speak to this coworker in private and explalin that he is straight.
     
    #14 horneyoldguy, Feb 11, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2012
  15. erratic

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    I can't agree more. If Hector doesn't want any help with the situation, back your ass out of it. He's a big boy; he can handle himself.

    If Hector asks you to say something, I'd say something to Lamonte like what lvsxy808 wrote. Speak to him, just the two of you, and keep it light. Not accusatory or shaming, just friendly.

    I hear you that you don't want to embarrass Lamonte, but right now he's embarrassing himself without knowing it. It's like having a booger hanging out of your nose. No one wants to hear that they have one, but it's better to hear about it sooner than later.

    Good luck.
     
  16. Phil Ayesho

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    I guess I am the only one who thinks you should both mind your own business.

    If he doesn't like being stared at, tell him to stop reflecting light.

    I mean, seriously... boo fucking hoo... he's an attractive man who I am sure does not mind women staring at him at all...
    So a guy likes to look, too... so what?

    Its a free world and you can LOOK at any damn thing that is there to be seen, and unless he starts flirting, making passes, or otherwise pressing this attraction on this guy, the guy should just get over the fact that other people are free to enjoy looking at him.

    I once had a woman tell me she did not like the way guys stared... I told her, listen, if you were walking down the street carrying a beautiful painting, you would not think twice about people staring. So you're beautiful... and it gives people pleasure just to gaze at you... poor baby. How you suffer so.


    Sorry... looking is free... tell mr hotness to grow the fuck up and make it an issue when he finally stops looking at the things in which he delights.
     
  17. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    ^ This ... verbatim... the harassment issue can be reversed and Hector can file a claim against Lamonte. Lamonte needs to know that others are aware of his leering... even though he isn't "saying" anything... his actions are speaking volumes.
     
  18. hud01

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    Umm so wrong on so many levels. This is work, not a bar. There are rules against creating a hostile environment, which this behavior clearly is. We are suggesting actions which won't cause this new guy to lose his job, because he could be brought to HR charged with harassment and since he probably still on probation, immediately terminated. I am guessing by your response you have limited corporate experience.
     
  19. rbkwp

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    even though he isn't "saying" anything... his actions are speaking volumes.

    TRUE..
    i was once pulled up by the boss, as i SAID sommitt, innocently ( i thought )
    like nice calves....... to a male, and i think
    Thats where the problem lay, if i had said it to a female, aaahh compliment..
    of course if i said it to a gay male, wow ALL on ha
     
  20. Phil Ayesho

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    Nothing he said suggested there was hostility in the environment.

    ( i mean, other than the guy maybe getting hostile about a guy looking at him )


    You want to know what a hostile work environment is? Its when you dare not look at a co-worker for fear it will cost you your job.

    The tyranny of the prude, the asexual, or the people who are just looking for a settlement.


    People need to re-fucking-lax... If all he is doing is looking, and if you have to TELL someone else about it before they even can pick it up... then it is NOT harassment.
     
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