Odd Situation @ Work

[hud01]

Nothing he said suggested there was hostility in the environment.

( i mean, other than the guy maybe getting hostile about a guy looking at him )


You want to know what a hostile work environment is? Its when you dare not look at a co-worker for fear it will cost you your job.

The tyranny of the prude, the asexual, or the people who are just looking for a settlement.


People need to re-fucking-lax... If all he is doing is looking, and if you have to TELL someone else about it before they even can pick it up... then it is NOT harassment.

Looking is not hostile. Constantly staring is

 

[K.Dst]

I don't think you should do one thing. I mean this in a kind way. You are not the floor monitor.

+1
I don't know exactly how Hector asked your help, but I don't think he did it in a "can you tell him to stop staring at me?" way.
He's a grown up, he doesn't need somebody to do everything for you. It looks like he's asking your advice just to be sure that he won't do this all wrong.

It's not because Lamonte and you are gay that you should handle every "homo-erotic problem" at your job...

 

[killerb]

I've actually been in Hector's position many times and do you know what I did?

I TOTALLY IGNORED IT

As I grew up I had to realize that when you look a certain way, sometimes people are going to stare...and until they take it to another level by saying or doing something that's disrespectful to me, I just don't care.

 

[houtx48]

Now you can't look at str8 people...............Oh Lord they are the chosen ones.

 

[EdWoody]

It's not just a matter of looking - it's a matter of staring.

Everyone looks at people they find attractive, it's ridiculous to say otherwise. But you know perfectly well there are people who have trouble knowing where the limits are. People whose constant staring becomes oppressive and disconcerting, regardless of the genders and sexual orientations of either of the people involved.

It's nothing to do with gay men looking at straight men - it's to do with one person taking it too far.

 

[Stephenmass]

Now, just for the record, I am wondering if Lamonte were a woman if Hector would mind all that much. Let's say he had no interest in her and was str8 (like he really is). It is no longer a HR issue is it? As long as Lamonte doesn't leer at him in the mens room for Gods sake, what's the harm? He's probably infatuated or something like that. He'll stop doing it naturally after a bit after he is comfortable working more on the floor. Wouldn't this be more or less an equal rights kinda thing? I mean leering as I said in the mens room or something like that is a lot different than just watching him walk by or talk; hell even if he "checks out his ass" while he is bent over is no different than a girl doing the same. If it's sickening more or less I understand, but if it's harmless, just leave it alone. It will pass.

 

[sexplease]

Hector needs to address his issue with Lemonte first. Perhaps letting him how he feels. One cannot argue with another persons feelings. Perhaps he could let Lemonte know he would feel more at ease if he felt he wasn't being watched so often. So often - feels like leering.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Looking is not hostile. Constantly staring is

No, its not. We stare at the things we find beautiful, alluring, or attractive.
We also stare at train-wrecks.

That is not hostile if it does not escalate to the point of imposing your attention or presence on someone else. ( like stalking... like repeatedly getting up to follow someone to the copy machine room... or sit with someone uninvited in the break-room )

Hostile is for eyeball police to be making everyone in an office second guess every direction in which they swivel their eyes.

Its the implied threat to your livelihood of having some narcissistic shit make a federal case out of the fact that they can't bear to be looked at by someone they don't intend to be looking.
The idea that everyone else in the world has to toe the line drawn by the most easily offended twit in their midst.

You don't have a right to live your life unoffended. Not even at work.
And sexual harassment requires some overt act of Harassment.

e.g. Asking a coworker out, with either work related inducement, or threat, is harassment.
And asking a person to stop merely looking at a coworker when they walk by, with the implied threat of job compromising complaint, is JUST as harassing.

This reminds me of those facially tattooed and pierced fucks who act all pissed when they catch you staring at them...

Everyone wants to feel attractive... and some asshole who happens to BE attractive is whining about what?
... that he doesn't want certain kinds of people to find him attractive?
My heart bleeds for this pour soul's suffering.

tell him to do what the rest of us do to stop folks staring... get fat and go bald.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

It's not just a matter of looking - it's a matter of staring.

Everyone looks at people they find attractive, it's ridiculous to say otherwise. But you know perfectly well there are people who have trouble knowing where the limits are. People whose constant staring becomes oppressive and disconcerting, regardless of the genders and sexual orientations of either of the people involved.

It's nothing to do with gay men looking at straight men - it's to do with one person taking it too far.

Bullshit. Its one GAY man staring. If he's that gorgeous, he gets women looking too... but, of course, no complaint there.

Sorry... but when you step out of your door in the morning you take an awful high risk that some of the photons bouncing about just might bounce off you and into someone else's eye.

And they have every right to enjoy that fact..

The OP did not even notice until it was pointed out to him... and even then it took him a while because the guy wasn't going out of his way to stare... he just stared when the opportunity arose.

A hostile workplace is where workers feel threatened or uncomfortable all the time.

So this guy making a stink over another guy looking at him... drawing the attention of co-oworkers and bosses to the fact that the "offender" is gay, writing him up for some offense not listed in the workers manual...
This is going to make everyone relax?

Or will it make everyone on the lookout for unwarranted Gay observation? Will it make mr, pretty's coworkers treat him better? or will they avoid even making eye contact for fear he will take it wrong?

Jeezus... I wish to hell that folks who are this emotionally brittle would just stay the fuck home and leave the world to those of us who can cope with other human beings, and don't feel the need to make everything about ourselves.

 

[Juicee Jubes]

Ive been looked at all my life, its hard to be attractive but you soon get used to it and all us attractive ppl group together like magnets and say, your in or out, can look or cannot.

one trick we use for unwanted attention is simply to rock up to work with attitude it always works. turns off gays and women alike but it works. now for the serious question of how to let down the stalker while maintaining peace.

Get hector to invite him-stalker for a drink, kiss him and send over another gay-you and a girl(any)-to say, we cant leave you alone for a minute, rescue hector and say out loud "homewrecker!" and cause a quick but distressful scene. the trick is make it fast and getaway. Doing it on valentines Day also works a treat!

Cupo
ps in all seriousness Hector will approach the situation if its bad and tell the guy where he got his signtature watch, bracelet, chain or suit, etc etc from....... until then let him fight his own battles.

 

[EdWoody]

Bullshit. Its one GAY man staring. If he's that gorgeous, he gets women looking too... but, of course, no complaint there.

How do you know? How do you know he doesn't like it when women make their interest a bit too obvious as well? We only knows as much as we know because Hector went to Scott for advice about Lamonte because he knows Scott is gay too and therefor might have had some insight into how to handle it. Scott would have had no way of knowing how the guy feels about women staring (not just passively observing but staring ) at him, and therefore you have no way of knowing either. You're jumping to homophobia based on exactly zero evidence.

So this guy making a stink over another guy looking at him...

Going by Scott's account (which I again point out is the only evidence we have here), Hector did not "make a stink." He politely asked Scott what he thought he should do. If a person feels uncomfortable or unsure how to handle a situation, he has every right to his feelings and it doesn't automatically mean he's a gay-hating asshole.

drawing the attention of co-oworkers and bosses to the fact that the "offender" is gay, writing him up for some offense not listed in the workers manual... This is going to make everyone relax?

I think Hector handled this exactly the right way - by asking the advice of someone who might know better what to do. Would you rather Hector had gone right up to Lamonte and punched him in the face? There has been no confrontation or reporting here - there has been the asking of advice. Talking to people and resolving differences rationally is exactly what you do when you're a grown-up.

.

 

[hud01]

No, its not. We stare at the things we find beautiful, alluring, or attractive.
We also stare at train-wrecks.

That is not hostile if it does not escalate to the point of imposing your attention or presence on someone else. ( like stalking... like repeatedly getting up to follow someone to the copy machine room... or sit with someone uninvited in the break-room )

Hostile is for eyeball police to be making everyone in an office second guess every direction in which they swivel their eyes.

Its the implied threat to your livelihood of having some narcissistic shit make a federal case out of the fact that they can't bear to be looked at by someone they don't intend to be looking.
The idea that everyone else in the world has to toe the line drawn by the most easily offended twit in their midst.

You don't have a right to live your life unoffended. Not even at work.
And sexual harassment requires some overt act of Harassment.

e.g. Asking a coworker out, with either work related inducement, or threat, is harassment.
And asking a person to stop merely looking at a coworker when they walk by, with the implied threat of job compromising complaint, is JUST as harassing.

This reminds me of those facially tattooed and pierced fucks who act all pissed when they catch you staring at them...

Everyone wants to feel attractive... and some asshole who happens to BE attractive is whining about what?
... that he doesn't want certain kinds of people to find him attractive?
My heart bleeds for this pour soul's suffering.

tell him to do what the rest of us do to stop folks staring... get fat and go bald.

I am tired of the fact that you do not have a clue and apparently the ability to think logically. Staring is an overt act you fucking moron