Ode to Madame Goose

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by D_Kitten_Kaboodle, Sep 11, 2010.

  1. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    Just passing a rainy day...thought I'd have some fun with Mother Goose. A twist on some favoite children's nursery rhymes. The poetry is primary for sure...but then again, so were the originals. :biggrin1:


    :cool: Little Boy Blue
    Little Boy Blue, let me blow your horn
    While you lie back and watch some porn.
    I’ll make you hard, as hard can be.
    Then I’ll lie back while you come over me. :bj:


    (this one inspired by an LPSG friend of mine)
    :240:Suzy Homewrecker (aka Suzy Homemaker)
    Suzy, Suzy, Miss Homewrecker
    how does your garden grow?
    With well-hung males showing cocks and tails,
    Those Chippendales....all in a row!
    :bukkake::bukkake::bukkake:


    :flirt: There Was a Hot Mama (There Was an Old Lady)
    There was a hot mama who lived in a shoe
    The gentlemen came calling two by two.:flowers1::flowers1:
    They fucked her silly from head to toe
    And as they left, they dropped the dough.

    :bootyshake: She had silky legs and a really fine ass
    A smooth little pussy that felt like glass.
    A threesome was fun, but bukake was best.:bukkake2:
    Throwing their cum over her face and huge chest.


    :069: Cocksucker Cocksucker, My Son John
    (Diddle, Diddle, Dumpling)

    Cocksucker Cocksucker, my son John
    Sucked his friends with his stockings on.

    Fucked their ass and they fucked his.:adam4:
    Together they shot a ton of jizz


    I Saw a Threesome (Rub a Dub Dub):3some:
    I saw a threesome my way come, and who do you think they be?

    A dribbler, a shooter, a big-time squirter, perfectionists all three.
    :wank:The dribbler’s dick was the size of a bat, big and thick and hard.
    :wank:The shooter’s cock mimicked a bull and shot loads across the yard.
    :clit:But the squirter was the best by far, taking both cocks easily.:18:
    As I approached this erotic and sensual site, I saw the girl was ME.:boobies:



    :banana:Jack Felinie (Jack Sprat)
    Jack Felinie had a teenie weenie
    His wife needed a foot-long dong.

    :shocked: He watched her fuck that lucky duck,:borladuck:

    Then realized that was so wrong!:banghead:

    :wave: That's all for now....
     
  2. chicagosam

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    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    To fetch a pail of water,
    Jack fucked Jill on Blueberry Hill.
    She got a thrill as he got her.
     
  3. Oliver_Clothesoff

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    Very clever. I especially like Little Boy Blue
     
  4. willow78

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    Hey everyone! Thanks for all the poetry - fucking hilarious!

    Here are a few I remember from 7th grade:

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Fingering away at her twat.
    She stuck in her finger
    And pulled out a stinker
    And said, "Fuck, it's starting to rot!"

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Her dress was all tattered and torn.
    It wasn't the spider
    Who sat down beside her
    But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

    Mary had a little bike
    It had a little pump
    Every time she hit a bump
    The pump went up her c***
     
  5. pbmonkey

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    HICKERY DICKERY DOC
    THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK
    THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO
    I DUMPED MY GOO
    AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK.


    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
    to fetch her poor dog a bone.
    But when she bent over,
    Rover took over
    And the bitch got a bone of her own!
     
  6. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    We are on a roll.................. love these, how funny! Thanks for the feedback, keep it going!

    :arms::arms::arms:
     
  7. Oliver_Clothesoff

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    When I was a kid we had one that went something like:

    Mary had a little lamb and
    Tied it to the heater.
    Every time it turned around
    It burned it's little
    Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
    Had a wife and couldn't keeper,
    So he put her in a pumpkin shell,
    And blew her all to
    Hello, Operator, connect me number nine,
    And if she doesn't answer,
    Kick her in the
    Behind the refrigerator
    There was a piece of glass
    Where little Sally Sunshine
    Skinned her little
    Ask me no more questions,
    I'll tell you no more lies.
    But if you see a bucket of shit coming,
    Be sure and close your eyes.
     
  8. chicagosam

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  9. pbmonkey

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    Warning, these two rhymes are kind of gross! But I find them funny.

    Old Mag, the Sea hag
    That slithering slimy slut
    Between her thighs
    Green fungus lies
    and worms crawl out her butt
    Before I would climb up her slimy body
    To such her festered tits
    I'd drink a bucket of buzzard puke
    Then die the drizzlin' shits!



    A confused young lady named Alice
    Used a dynamite stick as a phallus
    They found her vagina
    In South Carolina
    And bits of her tits were in Dallas!


     
  10. Pitbull

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    Fancy, yours seem like original works of art.
    Hidden talent.

    The others I either recognize or are admitted something someone heard before.

    Anyone else with some original Mother Goosed?
     
  11. ghb69

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    Mary had a little sheep
    and with her sheep she slept
    but her sheep was a ram
    now Mary has a little lamb


    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    to fetch a pail of water
    Jill forgot to take her pill
    and now they have a daughter.
     
  12. willow78

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    Another one from 7th grade:

    Jack and Jill went to the dairy
    Jack showed Jill his big and hairy
    Jill said, "WOW! What a whopper!
    Let's lay down and do it proper."

    3 months later, all is well
    6 months on, Jill starts to swell
    9 months on, Snap! Crackle! Pop!
    Out comes a kid with a 6 foot cock

    But ladies and gentlemen, that's not all
    The poor little kid only has one ball.
     
  13. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    yes, PitBull, mine are originals...that's what I do on rainy days when there's nothing else to pre-occupy my brain! Sad, I know!
     
  14. Pitbull

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    Original


    Mary Had a Little Lamb


    Mary had a little lamb,
    Its fleece was white as snow
    And everywhere that Mary went,
    The lamb was sure to go

    It followed her to school one day

    Which was against the rules.
    It made the children laugh and play
    To see a lamb at school

    And so the teacher turned it out,

    But still it lingered near
    And waited patiently about
    Till Mary did appear

    "Why does the lamb love Mary so?"

    The eager children cry
    "Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know."
    The teacher did reply






    New One


    Fancy Has Some Lovely Tits



    Fancy has some lovely tits
    They sway so to and fro
    They make my penis stiffen
    My cock I hopes she blow

    I snuck into her bedroom one day
    It was against the rules
    But she laughed and wanted to play
    With my swollen tool

    So I made her scream and shout
    For her orgasm lingered near
    And with her tits bouncing about
    My cum, it did appear

    Why does Fancy love to fuck me so?
    Orgasms bringing tears to her eyes
    Why Fancy loves my cock you know
    “Fuck me again!” I hear her cry
     
    #14 Pitbull, Sep 14, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2010
  15. chicagosam

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    Mary had a little lamb.
    She also had a bear.
    I've often seen her little lamb
    But I've never seen here bare.

    Yup! Elementary school.:biggrin1:
     
  16. pbmonkey

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    Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky
    Silly Jill forgot her pill and now there's little Franky!

     
  17. chicagosam

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    Little Bo Peep
    Has lost her sheep
    And doesn't know where to find them.
    Her little beau Fred
    Prefered sheep to Peep
    And was found slamming his dick deep inside them.
     
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