% of lesbians who marry men & live str8 li(v)es

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by thadjock, Jan 11, 2009.

  1. thadjock

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    i have about 6 long time close male friends & some of us have hung out since hs and are pretty open about anything, they've known about my switch-hitting since middle school. in college one of them started dating this chick, and eventually got married and had 2 kids with her.

    but from day one the rest of us instantly saw alot markers that would identify her as a lesbian, maybe we were gender profiling but:

    she was a phys ed teacher and girls volley ball coach

    had a typical softball player build (not at all hot but it's not cool to point that out to ur bud, or say "dude she's a lesbian!") we all would shake our heads and say "he's a good lookin guy , he could do soooooo much better" or "what's he doin with her?"

    she's very independent, she ran his life for him from the day they met, she had the better job and career.

    has a very masculine appearance and looked so much like a male movie star that we referred to her by that name behind his back.

    but apparently love is blind, & he wasn't the most experienced with women ( I would find out just how inexperienced he really was) and always wanted the whole married life dream and even though we were all in our early 20s he was in a hurry to make it happen. they got married and had 2 kids.

    none of us ever said anything to him about any of this because nobody wanted to be an ass. she never warmed up (was hostile actually) to the rest of us, so we went to/were in the wedding but rarely hung out with him after they got married.

    just b4 xmas he called me up and said he needed to talk to me, and when i asked "what about?" over the phone he wouldn't tell me, just that he needed to talk so i said "cool", and told him when i'd be home. he comes over to my place and after sayin "hi how u doin?" etc, he says he just might as well tell me.... " ____ came out to me 2 wks ago, she's gay! and we're getting a divorce". he asked me if i had heard about it already ( i hadn't) but apparently my lack of surprise made him think i had.

    it was all i could do not to scream "dude u really had no clue?????? EVER???? she's the fukin poster child for the "bull dyke lesbian" campaign!!! anyway he's a wreck now and also revealed to me that she was his first and only( i didnt' ask about any sex details, it wouldn't have been easy to hide my revulsion).....i tried to be a rock for him, and i think he told me first cuz he knows i'm bi.....maybe he thought i would be able to make it all make sense for him but i felt pretty helpless becuz i couldn't, and maybe a little guilty for not speaking up a long time ago and saving him from this drama.

    so my question is: does this happen alot? i know alot of gay dudes in the past got married & had kids becuz society was hostile towards gays, but i guess i never thought that was still happening and that lesbians would marry a str8 guy in the same way. any insight ladies? or dudes who married lesbians without knowing it.
     
  2. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    You're a horrible friend. If you were my friend and admitted that you didn't clue me in on this before I got married to her I might have just punch you in the face- and I'm not the violent type. Especially not with "friends". You'd never see me again and I'd certainly never be your friend again.

    I suggest you own up to it and stop being such a horrible person to all the people in your life because I know for a fact you're not just this horrible to your "friends".
     
  3. naughty

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    Hey,

    I dont know about your friends but most people in love really DONT want you to tell them anything negative about their loved ones. It is a slippery slope. Usually what you see with no hormones added they arent seeing through the haze and may not be experiencing it from that person. He said she was a take charge kind of woman. There are many men I have seen who married because they couldnt figure it all out and they were impressed that SHE had and then didnt have to think or worry about things. He may have felt he found a prize. Think about it if she was a masculine as he says she may have been rather low maintenance with no need of an instruction manual. She may have already been genuinely into the things he was into and they fit well. That is until they didnt... so cut the OP some slack...
     
  4. thadjock

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    thank you.
     
  5. thadjock

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    the last thing you do to a friend is say something to ruin their happiness, he was genuinely in love with her, he was engaged to her, you don't say negative things about a friend's fiancee, you stand up with him at his wedding and hope only the best for him. the rest of us never had any evidence or even any heresay or rumors that she was a lesbian, we're not morons and we knew we were being childish and maybe even bigoted to think that just because she was a gym teacher that she was gay. and anyway they had 2 kids so after that we just figured maybe she was a masculine hetero chick and we were wrong.

    had i known of any hard evidence that she was gay, or if we knew that she was deceiving him (as she clearly did; when she finally broke the news to him she admitted she knew she was attracted to girls as early as 10 yo) i would have driven him to the airport and put him on a plane instead of taking him to the church to get married that day.

    so don't tell me i'm a terrible friend. Shes the one that has taken almost a decade of my friends life and destroyed him. AND she decided to make kids part of that disaster. I don't care that she's a lesbian, it's the selfish way she used my friend and involved their own kids in her psycho-drama journey to "find herself" that i hate her for.
     
  6. flibbertigibbet

    flibbertigibbet New Member

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    So it's selfish to convince yourself that this guy who loves you so much is "the one" and spend a decade trying to make it work, and ignoring feelings that you wish you didn't have because they come with so much baggage and problems? It's HARD for a lot of people to accept that they're gay. Having relationships that feel *almost* right, doing what's expected of you ie marriage & kids, trying to keep your life on track of what is acceptable within your social sphere isn't a game people play for the fun of it.

    And in answer to your question: yes "gay" is both for women and men. Most of your shock seems to be that it was a gay woman in the situation instead of a gay man. Thinking that all the problems gay individuals face are gone today and just ghosts of the past is wishful thinking. Try googling gay hate crime lesbian to find out just how beloved lesbians are outside of porn.
     
  7. Principessa

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    I'm with Naughty on this one.
    A while ago a good friend showed me a pic of the guy she had been in love/lust with off and on for 30 years. I was shocked but just said he's nice looking. To me his pic screamed gay/bi. He was a 50 something year old man, short spikey grey hair with plenty of product, nipple piercings, and a black mesh muscle tee. Each thing separately wouldn't have set off any alarms but together they spelled NOT 100% straight.

    He died suddenly of a heart attack about a year later, and a few months after that his brother came to visit her. He told her that his brother had been into some things he thought she should know about. Turns out he was a cross dressing bisexual, who also did X, and was into swinging and BDSM, did I mention he was a nurse? :tongue: She was so shocked and horrified by this news she had to run to the bathroom to throw up. She was angry and hurt that this man whom she loved with all her heart and soul had lied to her. Plus put her at risk for a myriad of diseases.

    It is a slippery slope. Usually what you see with no hormones added they arent seeing through the haze and may not be experiencing it from that person. He said she was a take charge kind of woman. There are many men I have seen who married because they couldnt figure it all out and they were impressed that SHE had and then didnt have to think or worry about things. He may have felt he found a prize. Think about it if she was a masculine as he says she may have been rather low maintenance with no need of an instruction manual. She may have already been genuinely into the things he was into and they fit well. That is until they didnt... so cut the OP some slack...[/quote]
     
  8. Jovial

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    This is why I'm in favor of teaching children about gays and lesbians and having support groups for teenagers that think they are gay/lesbian. In this case, not only did the lesbian waste her husbands time, but she wasted her own life. This may have all been avoided if she didn't have the pressure to conform and be in a straight relationship.
     
  9. EL_Duderino

    EL_Duderino New Member

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    I would have said something at the start of the relationship. way before he fell in love with this girl. but i agree it's hard to say something once he is already really into this woman.
     
  10. thadjock

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    all of us did make the usual kind of vocal evaluations guys make about other dudes dates in the beginning when they first met and our friend would get so pissed off and be hurt by that , so we stopped saying anything negative about her very early on out of respect for his feelings.

    i guess if i had it to do over, i would have found a diplomatic way of really making sure he was thinking clearly before he got too far in.
     
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