Off limits??

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

I just found out my ex is dating a married woman. He writes it off as she is in a bad marriage so it dosent count and also if she doesnt care why should he and that it is he and her starting from scratch 'a clean slate'...the husband dosent factor into the equation

Personally i think any kind of relationship beyond friends with a married person is totally wrong. If they arent happy in the marriage they should leave and not stay there and justify affairs to themselves because they arent happy.

What do you think.. If the married person comitting adultry doesnt care should you? Is it morally wrong to go get involved with a married person?

 

[Mr. Snakey]

I just found out my ex is dating a married woman. He writes it off as she is in a bad marriage so it dosent count and also if she doesnt care why should he and that it is he and her starting from scratch 'a clean slate'...the husband dosent factor into the equation

Personally i think any kind of relationship beyond friends with a married person is totally wrong. If they arent happy in the marriage they should leave and not stay there and justify affairs to themselves because they arent happy.

What do you think.. If the married person comitting adultry doesnt care should you? Is it morally wrong to go get involved with a married person?

You are right Lee. This is warped logic and bad thinking on his part. Adultury is adultury,plain and simple..........

 

[Principessa]

:05: As usual I agree with uncut. He is incredibly wise for one so young. :flirt:

You are right Lee. This is warped logic and bad thinking on his part. Adultury is adultury,plain and simple..........

 

[Lordpendragon]

He is incredibly wise for one so young. :flirt:

I always thought of him as incredibly young for one so wise. :wink:

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

2nd part of the question...

Are there men that like women with emotional baggage?


The ex i mentioned seems to like that this married woman is in a bad marrigae and abused by her husband. Maybe he has the Knight in shinning aromur syndrome and needs to have a damsel in distress to save

 

[monsternmypant]

The ex i mentioned seems to like that this married woman is in a bad marrigae and abused by her husband. Maybe he has the Knight in shinning aromur syndrome and needs to have a damsel in distress to save

And maybe you have the "Buddy who isn't getting enough and has to be so damned nosy and judgmental" syndrome? Playing armchair shrink and moral arbitor for these two people in front of an audience of people who know nothing else about them (LPSG), in my opinion, displays a lot of Puritanical thought and little compassion.

 

[ItsSubjective]

Yes, I suspect being attracted to women with emotional baggage is fairly common for some men. I believe this has been the root of most of my relationship problems. I also think it is a knight in shinning armor issue for me. I've been trying to get over it, because it seems an unhealthy co-dependency.

As for a marriage turning to adultery, I can see where such things happen. Bad relationships can have serious negative impacts on self esteem. Morality gets blurred when one is just trying to survive emotionally. I would hope that something like an affair would wake a person up and they will either break up the marriage or fix it. But this isn't always clear cut, there are certainly emotional dependencies involved in the marriage as well as the relationship being formed by the affair. I suspect all three people involved in this situation are trying to resolve some sort of pain. I wish them the best and hope they don't cause more damage than good in the path they have chosen.

 

[MH07]

If the divorce papers have been filed, why not?

If the other party has no clue about the "affair", then that's a problem.

It's the intent that's the problem. If they just want to have an affair and one of them is married, then that's wrong. If the marraige is in the process of being dissolved legally, and everybody (all parties to the relationship) know the marraige is over, then who cares?

Speaking as the person who was dumped for someone else (and the episode occurred while we were still together), it's not fun when your partner professes "undying love and devotion" while chasing someone else.

 

[Knockernail]

And maybe you have the "Buddy who isn't getting enough and has to be so damned nosy and judgmental" syndrome? Playing armchair shrink and moral arbitor for these two people in front of an audience of people who know nothing else about them (LPSG), in my opinion, displays a lot of Puritanical thought and little compassion.

Precisely because we know nothing else about them. Anyway i would say that you are being so nosey and judgemental as her, according to your opinion; so as myself right now, on the other hand. Unless you know who are them, and you are feeling directly affected by this thread.


I agree, Lee_M, with your first post. However the second post changes the situation, i have never understood why married people goes out of the marriage to find i don´t know what. The most simple thing is not getting married. But when violence, abuse and fear are within a marriage, i think that some attempts to runaway must be encouraged. Some women don´t see the way to left their husbands and re-start alones, and look for the support of another man. And this is probably what they are doing.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

And maybe you have the "Buddy who isn't getting enough and has to be so damned nosy and judgmental" syndrome? Playing armchair shrink and moral arbitor for these two people in front of an audience of people who know nothing else about them (LPSG), in my opinion, displays a lot of Puritanical thought and little compassion.

Actually my dear i am still good fiends with the both of them and have told them that i think what they are doing is wrong, however i cant claim to be an angel so im not going to go against or judge them. It was purely a simple question which i have not the time or the space to explain the WHOLE story to you...Sorry.

And if you do notice this was never meant to be a name and shame.. only to ask your oppinion. So maybe its time for you to stop being so self righteous

 

[Love-it]

I met my wife while she was hiking in the High Sierra's with her boyfriend. Two years later she was on a hike with a friend in the same area of the Sierra's and she looked me up. We clicked on so many levels, there was no question that we were going to marry and live together even though she had married the boyfriend. I would say that it was somewhat of an issue morally but more because of the legal issues of obtaining a divorce. We married a few days after her divorce was final in 1975.

She had one affair, it nearly tore us apart, but it had to be, and nearly 20 years later we still love each other.

Do I recommend it? No. But...

 

[Mr. Snakey]

:05: As usual I agree with uncut. He is incredibly wise for one so young. :flirt:

My dear you and Lp speak complete Tosh! I am older than movies. I am simply wise by living life in the fast lane for many years. I am the cat who got 10 lives. I even have cat like eyes that are brown with a hint of a purple color to them in the light...

 

[ClaireTalon]

In a perfect world, men and women would be like penguins, mate for life and stay close to the same iceberg that they were born at. But in reality, men and women stray, break each others' hearts and in most cases take the messy exit from a relationship. I'm a burnt child in that regard.

Of course you're right, being anything beyond friends is wrong, and morally not right. But still it's one of those things that never can be avoided: Like I said above, world isn't perfect. If I was in his place, I wouldn't care either, if his affair didn't care. I don't like making the marital problems of others my own, and as long as he doesn't get a sudden rush of bad conscience and gives her a word about me, I wouldn't worry too much about him. I've just been in such a situation, I have been the other woman, and this time it's been the first time that things went bad in the end.

I just found out my ex is dating a married woman. He writes it off as she is in a bad marriage so it dosent count and also if she doesnt care why should he and that it is he and her starting from scratch 'a clean slate'...the husband dosent factor into the equation

Personally i think any kind of relationship beyond friends with a married person is totally wrong. If they arent happy in the marriage they should leave and not stay there and justify affairs to themselves because they arent happy.

What do you think.. If the married person comitting adultry doesnt care should you? Is it morally wrong to go get involved with a married person?

 

[headbang8]

In a perfect world, men and women would be like penguins, mate for life and stay close to the same iceberg that they were born at. But in reality, men and women stray, break each others' hearts and in most cases take the messy exit from a relationship. I'm a burnt child in that regard.

Of course you're right, being anything beyond friends is wrong, and morally not right. But still it's one of those things that never can be avoided: Like I said above, world isn't perfect. If I was in his place, I wouldn't care either, if his affair didn't care. I don't like making the marital problems of others my own, and as long as he doesn't get a sudden rush of bad conscience and gives her a word about me, I wouldn't worry too much about him. I've just been in such a situation, I have been the other woman, and this time it's been the first time that things went bad in the end.

What you said, Claire.

IMHO, Lee, you should probably be more worried about it being messy than it being immoral.

I've been the Other Man--a highlight of my straight masquerade, I must confess. The woman in question (who became my sig other for a very, very long time) needed my emotional support.

It's easy to look on the situation unkindly, from the outside. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I really got off on the idea of cuckolding the poor bastard. Especially since he was a bit of a bastard. (Maybe I'm a bit of a bastard, too.)

We were in bed one Sunday morning, when the bailiff knocked on the door to serve the divorce papers. That put us both in the mood for the hottest sex we'd ever have.

Should my significant other have sorted out her marriage before embarking on a new relationship? Probably. Could I have held nobler sentiments? No doubt about it.

But as Claire points out, life doesn't work like that. After a long time in a loveless marriage, she desperately needed intimacy to give her strength. And after a number of failed relationships with women, so did I.

It felt like the right thing to do, for both of us. And with the persepctive of time, I still believe it. Indeed, we BOTH still believe it.

 

[lightninggirl]

i've been both cheated on and the cheater, and (unwittingly) the other woman.

if someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat ... it has NOTHING to do with you. if you don't cheat with them, they're going to find someone with less morals than you to do it with.

The Husband had four online "girlfriends" for almost a year when our baby was not quite two years old. they were all in other states, so there were no face-to-face meetings. i found out about it by discovering cybersex chat transcripts. shattered my world, and i sent the women emails about ruining my life and did they care that he was married or had children? of course, they never responded, but i had to get over the fact that it really had nothing to do with them personally. if they'd said, "i can't cyber with you because you're with someone," he'd have found someone else. three years later he found a willing real-life woman to cheat with.

as for the guys, when i cheated my lovers said, "look, if you don't have a problem with it, then i don't." one said, "just do what you have to do to make sure i don't get an angry husband showing up on my doorstep." it's much easier with boys.

luckily, i don't have to go through any of that anymore!

 

[ONB]

Lee... i understand your concern (since its an ex that you are still 'close' with)... and the general question from a moral standpoint. my answer is... i don't think its illogical from his point of view. i've been in his situation twice... dated/hooked up with married women twice... however, i would never cheat on my significant other. i think it is immoral to cheat (or at least very underhanded and mean)... but if i'm a guy that is not looking for a serious relationship... just a 'fuck buddy'... i don't see it as immoral to have sex with someone that is doing something immoral in my eyes.

heres an analogy that i've used several times in my life. i have several guy friends that i know are or have cheated on their wives/girlfriends. i've had people ask me how can i keep them as friends... and its simple. they are good friends to me. sure it makes me question their integrity... but my only concern is how are they to me as a friend. it may sound selfish.... but trust me... if you spend your life judging everyone by your standards you're wasting your time and going to end up very lonely.

your ex is not cheating on anyone... the wife is. shes being immoral... but i think its a stretch to say he is. now if the husband is a friend of his... thats a totally different story.

 

[Mr. Snakey]

Shit tends to attract flies.....................

 

[Knockernail]

Everything depends on the morals you have got. If getting in the middle of another marriage is not bad for you, go ahead. It is not a crime. But then you shall must be opened to welcome the possible new partners of your significant.

But i think that the most of us are nurtured considering this as something wrong. None (almost none, i guess) wants to be cheated on, so why do it?. There is something called double moral: i don´t want it to me, but i do to the rest.

I´m 35yo. I like to be honest, first with myself. If i find something as wrong, i don´t go doing it. Maybe it sounds simple or childish, but it is the way i think i have to walk through the life. Excuses like it is the way life works, be aware to yourself or if i don´t, someone will do, simply shows a lack of respect for the rest of people.

And it is true that the biggest guilty is always the one married. It is supposed that marriage is, beyond legal circumstances, the public confirmation of an engagement. If you are not sure you will respect that engagement, easy, don´t get married.

 

[B_hungnate]

I had a real similar situation where I hooked up with a woman who then told me she was married. I posted about it on this site and got some good advice. I really don't think I would cheat but in my case she was the one who was cheating on her husband. I don't know where I stand on the moral issue but I can see how getting involved with cheating is something you just shouldn't do even if you're not the one whose cheating. In my case I'm weak though, I had a fling with her and then have broken if off more than once but then I've gone back and had sex with her several times since then. She's rediculously hot and the sex is the best so sometimes it's hard to say no. I think part of me thinks it doesn't matter if the marriage is bad it's still cheating but I shouldn't talk because I don't always stick to that. You can rationalize it too and say if she wasn't doing it with me she'd do it with someone else. Sometimes it's easy to just be done with it but sometimes you get where you're horny and she's offering and it's too good to pass up. That probably doesn't answer any of your questions though.

I just found out my ex is dating a married woman. He writes it off as she is in a bad marriage so it dosent count and also if she doesnt care why should he and that it is he and her starting from scratch 'a clean slate'...the husband dosent factor into the equation

Personally i think any kind of relationship beyond friends with a married person is totally wrong. If they arent happy in the marriage they should leave and not stay there and justify affairs to themselves because they arent happy.

What do you think.. If the married person comitting adultry doesnt care should you? Is it morally wrong to go get involved with a married person?