Offered Sex With Brother's Wife

Lampwick

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I believe in strict Thalmudic Law it is a brother moral obligation to satisfy his brother's wife if the brother is unable to do it.

<snip>
I may be mistaken, but I believe the Talmudic obligation is to not allow your brother's widow to be childless.

In this case, she is not a widow, and it doesn't sound like pregnancy is anyone's goal here.
 

Over-reaching

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... I have to say that every sensible bone in my body is screaming "no!" but something about the idea of having sex with my brothers wife that he knows about keeps turning me on. He wouldn't be involved, or even watching, but he'd know what we were doing and when.

I'm genuinely considering it. Everyone seems to be being very level-headed about it.

But I'm confused. Any advice? Advice from men in my brother's position would be really welcome.

I'm not in your brother's position, but I'd say go with the sensible bones in your body.

The problem is that if it causes problems you can't undo it, and this is your brother — you won't be able happily to "just see him less" or backpeddle on the relationship in the way you'd be able to if it was just a friend or acquaintance.

I'm aware that it's he who has offered this to you, but I'd still say no if I were in your position. That wouldn't mean that you couldn't talk to your brother about it though.
 

hsarge

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I see no reason why not. You are not in a relationship. You and your brother have repect for each other. I would assume their is a mutual affection with your sister in law. I think there is a bond there she could not find anywhere else. It might be quite comforting to her to be with someone who is not just a casual contact. She is free to love you, and you her ,because of the close family connection.
 

HungThickProf

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I would tell you to straight up not to do it, but you're your own man. I'm a very logical person, I believe. Whenever I'm given a situation, I think about how it's fair to you, and everyone involved. How it isn't fair to all parties, and then meet in the middle. I also take a look at potential pro's and potential cons.

So, I would tell you to go ahead and weigh them out. You may think that your brother is all fine and dandy about this, but you may never truly know. You're not doing this for a man to watch you and get off on fucking his wife. You'd be doing this so that you can satisfy his wife in ways that he can't. There has to be a bit of jealousy there. Any time you and his wife are around each after that, he may just wonder if there's something going on. This could potentially turn into a disaster. Then again, it might not. Your call, dude.
 

hsarge

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The brother is probably envious, rather than jealous, of many things his younger sibling and most other men can do. That does not mean he spites or hates him for it. The injured bother seems to have come to terms with his disability, and is concerned for his wife. To the above point. Has you brother had any jealousy problems with the other men who have been his wife's partners. If not, good. If so, you may need to talk about this further.
 

fire77

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If I was the woman in question, I wouldn't want to sleep with my brother in law, as for you OP my first instinct would be NO ..
 

nubian

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I'm almost 30, she's 38. My brother's 42.

I wouldn't let this go ahead without them knowing I fuck men. So if I feel uncomfortable "coming out" then it can't go ahead.

I definitely say no to this. Even with your brother offering, it could cause more family trouble than it's worth.
 

mandoman

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I think he asked out of love. I think he can trust you. I don't see any jealousy getting in the way.
Your brother is thinking about his wife's needs, and thinking that you are the closest thing to himself, that he could give to his wife.

I love this place. A complex problem gets presented, and totally different, surprising viewpoints get discussed in an adult, open, rational manner. LPSG is like no place on Earth. I really do love you people..I mean, as opposed to the people whose opinions I read in print, or the people I get to work with.
In this case, anonymity breeds freedom of expression, deep humanity, and love.
 

MH07

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I'm just afraid this situation will turn out badly for you.

Obviously you love your brother and sister-in-law, and they love you.

This activity, however "benign" or "supportive", is going to change your relationship (all 3 relationships).

Will the change be for the better or for the worse? Who can know till you go there?

I don't know the right answer for you, but I fear this creates a very complex dynamic that previously didn't exist. An anonymous (mostly) CL hookup can be "discarded", no harm, no foul. Family is forever.

My "gut" says to say no---with great grace, respect, and dignity. You are the only one whose "gut" matters.
 

CUBE

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My older brother was injured in a car crash 13 years ago and is confined to a wheelchair. He has some feeling in his legs but can not use them. As for sex, he is able to perform but not well, not consistently/on-demand and apparently has been losing function in this area for some time.

Last night I spoke to him (arrangements for travelling to a wedding) and he dropped bombshells that A) for the past 4/5 years he's been allowing other men to pleasure his wife for him and B) would I be interested?!

Apparently it took him and his wife a whole to get their heads round the situation but now she regularly (like once a month) has sex with other men - mutual friends and internet hook-ups. My brother sometimes watches or joins in as much as he can but not always.

His wife brought up the question of whether I'd be interested in being one of her lovers and so he asked me.

I have to say that every sensible bone in my body is screaming "no!" but something about the idea of having sex with my brothers wife that he knows about keeps turning me on. He wouldn't be involved, or even watching, but he'd know what we were doing and when.

I'm genuinely considering it. Everyone seems to be being very level-headed about it.

But I'm confused. Any advice? Advice from men in my brother's position would be really welcome.

Do NOT fuck your brother's wife. They can look elsewhere.
 

TheRob

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If I was the woman in question, I wouldn't want to sleep with my brother in law, as for you OP my first instinct would be NO ..

I agree with this idea
I can't believe she would bring up family as an option...
not worth the risk honestly
 

Zayne

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I believe in strict Thalmudic Law it is a brother moral obligation to satisfy his brother's wife if the brother is unable to do it.


There was also something about this subject in my old boy scouts' handbook
 

D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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I can sort of understand the temptation but I think it's just not worth it. If something goes wrong - and I don't even have a clue what could possibly go wrong but there's bound to be something - then making amends is going to be quite a job.

If you ask me, say no. As you've put it yourself, you're not desperate.
 

ConstantComment

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I could easily see your SIL making it difficult for you to have other relationships. Since man or woman, they are a candidate for a romantic exclusive relationship for you.
 

Uncutpete

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It just depends on the personalities. If you can be ok with it, they sound like they would love it. I would think positively about it.
I have had sex with my brother's wife. She initiated it. He approved. At first we were alone, but later he has been there. It's been over 15 years. Everything is fine. We still do it but quite rarely. It is almost always great.