1. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    OK, I need your guidance please.

    I just got a new job in an office for a dental insurance company and you could say that this is pretty much my first real office job. Yep, I got my own cubicle with my own desk and chair. I've always been a true professional in all my past jobs no matter how meaningless and small they were. So you can imagine how professional i am with this new one. :cool:

    anyways, my supervisor who interviewed me for the position is a Latin guy with caramel skin and with a husky type of built. During the interview, i noticed that he was intrigued by me but I wasn't like 100% sure. So whatever! i didn't fret about that and eventually I got the job.
    During the first couple of weeks, i noticed the little special attention he's been giving me. And this is where i need your advice to let me know whether I'm reading too much into it because this is random office etiquette or are my suspicions simply correct that he may have interest in me.
    He always smiles at me even once he winked at me and it wasn't just a whatever wink. i mean it was one of THOSE winks OK! :wink:
    I have caught him several times staring at me.
    He always needs to have conversations next to my cubicle with his co-workers when there is lots of room elsewhere. Even one of the girls noticed and said to me once "OMG you must be soooo sick of out conversations!" and i said nothing. It seems like he likes to show off because his conversations range from body building to other things that i find too private for a supervisor to speak so openly in front of his employee! He even calls on me in the middle of his conversations with the others for no reason really. Oh and yes he is married and his wife works in the same office. i saw her once and noticed how uncomfortable he felt with her around me for some strange reason. I'm basing that on his body language. he also didn't look happy when i found out in front of him that he even had a wife! Also Everytime he walks by my desk he always needs to grab my shoulder or tap my desk to make sure i guess for me to know that he's there. I always thought perhaps it's like a big brother kind of thing and he's just looking out for me. Well until today....
    Ok but the big one i think is today which is why i'm making this post. today i ask him to help me out on a dental appointment and he stands behind me right. instead of just standing there or putting his hand on my shoulder or on the chair i'm sitting on, he puts his hand on my shoulder slight scratching it continously while he's showing what to do. Please note that he stopping when he could've at any moment. he just kept on doing it.

    So what's ur verdict??

    That I'm a moron as usual?!? :rolleyes:

    I will admit that i'm somewhat intrigued by him. Physically he isn't my type but i like the fact that in his personality he is both sensitive and assertive.
     
  2. CUBE

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    Just keep your nose to the grindstone. He may be curious but it may fade...as the "new guy" honeymoon passes. Others may not agree with me, but I would just let some stuff ride for a spell. You need the job, wife in the area, why let it get out of hand.
     
  3. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    true dat which is why I haven't given him any green lights. But as the weeks progress he's getting more aggressive and i have to admit i like it.
     
  4. Bbucko

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    My lifetime rule is simple: sex and work do not mix.

    Even dogs know not to shit where they eat.
     
  5. Jay1074

    Jay1074 Active Member

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    He's your supervisor, man... I'd keep my distance. It might give him a thrill to have something over one of his subordinates. I minor indiscretion could be something he could use against you in the future. All my past experiences and observations as an office professional is that office romances, even on the sly, never work out; especially when one of the parties is in management. It's universally regarded as a no-no for a reason. I know it's exciting getting attention like this but that excitement can turn to utter horror later on if something were to go wrong. You could be looking for another job sooner than you may want.

    Married just complicates everything... you don't want to be on the gossip end of that marriage break-up, which seems enevitable if he's cruising you up at work. He could be using you as an "out" of the committment. Just think this out carefully before doing something you might later regret.
     
  6. D_Mylor Mentallydaft

    D_Mylor Mentallydaft Account Disabled

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    yeah, right song, wrong pew, some one gets pissed MONTHS later and you're at home waiting for the court reporter.
     
  7. Principessa

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    Listen to Cube and BBucko! This Down Low guy is nothing but trouble. Stay away from him.:cool:
     
  8. Viking_UK

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    Office romances rarely work out, especially if it's with your boss or supervisor. They almost always go sour eventually and that can make life hell. Keep it strictly business and ignore any real or implied advances.
     
  9. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    meh, i guess i'll keep it professional then.
     
  10. D_Dick_Dock_Doe

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    I think that's the right thing to do, marluc. While it seems, according to your story, that the guy MAY have some interest in you, remember that you may be reading into actions that really don't mean anything. There are always two sides to every story...and you don't want to be stuck on the losing end of this one.

    Keep it professional and you're sure to be OK. Good luck! :cool:
     
  11. hung

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    As the new hire you may be the target of something you do not need.

    Keep being professional and enjoy your employment.
     
  12. houtx48

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    don't get your meat and bread at the same store.
     
  13. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    Ditto! Not to mention that he is married and she works there. I foresee you losing this job if you proceed with this guy. :cool:
     
  14. hud01

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    Actually this comes close to constituting harrassment. There should never be a relationship between a superior and a subordinate. Touching another person in the office is close to the line and should only be done when the people are friends. If you did have a relationship then everyone else in the office who finds out will think you are getting preferential treatment, which could lead to lawsuits.

    I believe in office dating, but it can never happen where one person is the boss of another.

    This is outside of the married part, which is just screwed up.
     
  15. hud01

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    Of course you know dogs eat their own shit.
     
  16. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    well i find it sort of interesting that he flirts with this co-wroker girl who is NOT his wife. I mean isn't he worried that something like that can get back to his wife!? Or perhaps they have an agreement? Who knows. Perhaps his flirting with that girl is all harmless.

    I could be reading into all this too much i guess but i don't think I am. It's getting more obvious as the weeks progress and since I am not rejecting him per say, i guess he feels more comfortable each time. I was advised to keep a journal of everything that is happening in case something happens later on and it gets ugly.
     
  17. hairybase

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    I'd keep my distance and would be professional but it doesn't hurt your annual appraisal to have someone on your side. If he steps the line then it's up to you to decide what's right for the moment.
    Yes, he's got a wife but so have many men who have sex with a man, so it's really up to you to decide.
     
  18. sdbg

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    As most of the others have said, keep it professional and you'll be fine. If you don't respond to his flirting, he'll eventually stop. I heard a few cliches that I really like:

    No fishing off the company pier.
    Don't dip you pen in the company inkwell.
     
  19. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    thanks guys! After much consideration today, i decided to keep this all professional.

    Something did happen today but it doesn't matter. I think I need to find a way to let him understand that we could try to be friends but that's it. I need to do that in a nice way. He is my supervisor afterall.
     
  20. RogerPark

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    A wise decision. You don't necessarily have to be friends and hang out after work, but can be friendly within the office. If you feel you must address this with him, tread carefully and prepare what you will say in advance.

    If there are specific things he does, ask to speak to him privately when he has time and address those things. Say only, "You're probably trying to be friendly, but it makes me uncomfortable when you put your arm around my shoulder." Don't elaborate, add anything else or make any accusations like "it feels like you're flirting with me." Simply say you don't mean to offend him but 'X' makes you uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is the magic word in these situations. It doesn't accuse him of anything inappropriate (which he could deny), but is a genuine feeling on your part that he can't deny.

    Having made your decision, be prepared for the possibility that you weren't misreading his actions and that if you reject his advances to keep things on a professional level, he could retaliate. In that case, it would be sexual harassment.

    To protect yourself in that case, make a journal of every incident. Include the date, time and names of everyone present, what each person did and said. Write it objectively and include facts, not personal interpretations. For example, you would say "On September 14 at 2 pm, John entered my cubicle. His gait was uneven, he bumped into the wall and I smelled alcohol on his breath. He stood approximately 6-inches away as he spoke and slurred his words." If you say "John entered my cubicle and was drunk. He stood too close while he talked, and acted like an idiot." You've made interpretations and an arbitrator or judge may not agree with them.

    Hopefully, you'll find it stuffed in a drawer in five years and will just toss it. However if he attempts to take adverse action related to your rejection, it will serve you well in supporting a claim of sexual harassment.

    Oh, and don't make your journal on a company computer where the IT folks and everyone else would have access. :wink:
     
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