Office romance?

[13788]

VladtheImpaler: Lately I've been getting some strong romantic signals from an attractive co-worker. We've known each other for years, and been good friends, soulmates in many ways, but it seems clear she wants our relationship to become sexual. I've been attracted to here for years, almost since we met, and I'm sure it's been mutual, but I never acted on it since she was married until very recently. She divorced last year and has a boyfriend, a man much younger than her, but I think she's growing disenchanted with him since he's domineering and uncommunicative.

It's little things that tip off what's on her mind. She jokes that I probably wear speedos around the house, and once recently when I leaned over to open a filing cabinet, giving her a good view of my package hanging down, she laughed and said "You tease!". She often brushes her hair around while I'm talking to her, a strong sexual signal, I've read. Our hands "accidentally" brush against each other. And yesterday I noted her furtively glancing at my groin whenever I walked towards her desk (I wore tight jeans with her in mind that day, since I knew we'd be around each other a lot) . I acted like I didn't notice, but secretly loved it. And though she's said to others that big penises don't give her any more satisfaction than "normal-sized" ones, I notice she loves to look at pictures of big cocks, even keeping some at her desk.

My only worry is this: I have reservations about getting into a sexual relationship with a co-worker. Are office romances a good idea? What if the romance goes sour, and you are stuck working with a person you can't stand anymore? That can be a really bad situation, I'm told. And though I am deeply atttracted to her, I know that this lady is notoriously fickle, increasing the odds that the relationship won't last. Outside of work this wouldn't be such a problem. Any advice?

 

[BobLeeSwagger]

It sounds like she certainly is interested. There are some pitfalls here. Some couples don't do as well spending all day together at work in addition to free time. If you have a bad break up, then you have an unhappy relationship at work, not just at home. And there are some ways that a relationship could get one or both of you in trouble with the boss. On the other hand, people do it all the time and it can work. I'm told that the best way is to try to keep work and home separated.

My one experience with dating a co-worker didn't go well at all. Immediately after we first slept together she blabbed about it to everyone and it became a major gossip fest by the end of the next workday, which I hated. It was a temp job, so fortunately I left only a couple weeks later.

By the way, is she going to be breaking up with this boyfriend of hers? She should probably do that before getting involved with you.

 

[kurios]

Is it a good idea? NO !

 

[13788]

ruscular: My experience of dating someone at work has been the dark period of my life. The relationship doesn't work and if your hung like me and she blabs then you get slaughter by temptation from the others girls, then you get constantly tested or probe and grab. Then your not being forcefull enought to stop the oncoming onslaught of flirts that is coming your way because your woman blab about how great sex was. While dating I had 2 other woman telling everyone that I was doing them as well. So when the girl your with complains about you the others will be there for a shoulder to cry on or something, But they want sex instead. Then my boss wanted a peice of me after all the brohaha of fending myself off from 3 woman. After getting atub of butter smeared in my face and 2 glass of wine dump on me, I literally just put my foot down and broke it off with my woman and did not want to see anyone. The more they fight over you the more the others are curious of what they were fighing over.

But then again I have heard some great relationship that came from office romance, that resulted in a happy marriage!

My suggestion is dont do the sex until you know for sure that this feels right. Then ask yourself if this doesn't seem to have any chemistry could she go back to way things were?

There has to be a willingness that this may not work in order for this to work. Otherwise life would be full of takes with no giving, and its the gift that counts.

 

[ponybilt]

Run like the wind, Vlad.

Office trystes are nearly always a step in the wrong direction, and can be extremely difficult to readjust course. It can result in harrassment suits if things go bad (and they very, very rarely go well). After you break it off you'll still have to see her, which can lead to uncomfortable working situations for both of you, and ultimately could result in you (or both) getting fired.

Another option would be to tell her you'd like to see her sometime when you're both working at different places of employment. Few relationships and few jobs last forever, but one shouldn't be the demise of another.

 

[13788]

kudo451: On the one hand work is one of the most common ways people meet and pair off. But in the very same office the problems could be huge! Even if it does work you are with her day and night! But that is a risk most guys are willing to take. I have to agree with ruscular only if you know its serious! Work is no place to experiment.
But I think the real red flag here is that she is obviously still on the rebound. She can't even bring closure with one guy before she starts flirting and recruiting the next. This doesn't sound like someone who is ready at all. Seems to me though, this is less about you and more about her readiness to be serious about her relationships. Because you could do everthig right and she will still make you look like the bad guy!

 

[Lex]

My uncle once told me:

"Never shit where you sleep, even a dog won't do that" --in reference to office romances.

Of course, I didn't listen and everything blew up eventually.

I say stay away.

 

[B_Carolina]

I would agree that it's not a good idea. I've had an office romance and it just blows up in the end.

 

[13788]

VladtheImpaler: Thanks, for your advice, everyone. I worked with her again today and asked her discreetly how things were now with her boyfriend. She said that she was still serious about him, even though he could be a jerk at times. So was she just considering her options with me earlier, I wonder? Anyway, anything sexual between us now seems unlikely since she is still with this guy and living at his place (she even met his mom), and I don't want to get into some kind of triangle. But from what you've told me, it's probably just as well that it won't go further between us, at least as long as we're working together. Again, I thank you all for your frank advice. That's what this site is all about, after all !