Oh shit. my best friend is in love with me..

[gman86]

Has anyone ever had this happen to them before?? My mate and I are really close and have been for years, ever since highschool and now we're in out mid 20s. The other night over booze and weed a friend asked me if there was anything in between us, to which I said no, and was told that it was something I needed to tell my mate. When I brought it up with him it came out that he is in love with me and has been for a number of years...

In my own life I'm struggling to come to terms with my own bisexuality so this whole situation has been extra confusing however I do know that the feeling isn't mutual... To me he's my best mate, my brother, the person I can talk to about anything. We had a massive chat about it all night and didn't get any sleep and now I'm taking some time apart but I really have no idea what will happen. Neither of us want it to come in-between our friendship but how can it not? The whole things been thrown out of balance.

 

[andy_life]

mm im thinking

 

[silvian]

Has anyone ever had this happen to them before?? My mate and I are really close and have been for years, ever since highschool and now we're in out mid 20s. The other night over booze and weed a friend asked me if there was anything in between us, to which I said no, and was told that it was something I needed to tell my mate. When I brought it up with him it came out that he is in love with me and has been for a number of years...

In my own life I'm struggling to come to terms with my own bisexuality so this whole situation has been extra confusing however I do know that the feeling isn't mutual... To me he's my best mate, my brother, the person I can talk to about anything. We had a massive chat about it all night and didn't get any sleep and now I'm taking some time apart but I really have no idea what will happen. Neither of us want it to come in-between our friendship but how can it not? The whole things been thrown out of balance.

could you exchange his feeling? If the answer is yes, what are you waiting for? that he leave you for an other dude or for a gal?

 

[eachandeveryandall]

do not do what so many have done and ignore the happiness in front of you for the happiness you think is "out there." There is nothing "out there" better than a partner you could tell everything to...

 

[okiebud]

Just be honest tell him he's in the friend zone. Then the two of you go out find some guy and share him. Kinda kidding about the second half but then who knows.

 

[myChock]

do not do what so many have done and ignore the happiness in front of you for the happiness you think is "out there." There is nothing "out there" better than a partner you could tell everything to...

I agree with this completely! The fact that you have been best friends for so long is what's throwing off the situation. It also didn't help that he confessed his feelings for you while under the influence...they do say that "drunk words are sober thoughts."

You said you're still figuring out your own bisexuality, and that's okay, I've been there too. It took me a long time as well to accept that I'm bi, and I didn't come to that realization until recently. So on top of that, along with his secret is a lot to process all at once. Taking time apart is healthy, but don't let it ruin the friendship that you have.

I think you both should talk again and go into that discussion open to all possibilities. You never know what could happen, and maybe you two were meant to be friends to help each other figure things out. If you guys just remain friends at least you'll have someone else to talk to who understands what you're going through. Good luck!

 

[wonder_cube]

If you can't reciprocate then don't drag this out. This situation is delicate, and it could make an end or "hiatus" of sorts for your friendship. So, the question is, do you "know" for sure you're not in love with him too? If the answer is yes, you just have to be honest with him that a romantic relationship between the two of you is not a possibility.

If you can't answer with yes right away, you need to do some soul searching to figure out a definite answer. It might not be a bad idea to tell him you need to figure your sexuality out, but I don't think including him in that soul searching would be appropriate. He might want to steer you toward him, or you might make spur-of-the-moment judgements both you could regret.

In short, it's not fair to entertain the idea of being "with him" if you can't actually be with him.

 

[Petrolhead]

if the feeling isn't reciprocated then if he can control his feelings and live with it then so what? sounds like he has been in love with you for a long time and you could live with that. the only difference is that now you know.

love is a rare commodity so treat it with respect

 

[gman86]

I agree with this completely! The fact that you have been best friends for so long is what's throwing off the situation. It also didn't help that he confessed his feelings for you while under the influence...they do say that "drunk words are sober thoughts."

You said you're still figuring out your own bisexuality, and that's okay, I've been there too. It took me a long time as well to accept that I'm bi, and I didn't come to that realization until recently. So on top of that, along with his secret is a lot to process all at once. Taking time apart is healthy, but don't let it ruin the friendship that you have.

I think you both should talk again and go into that discussion open to all possibilities. You never know what could happen, and maybe you two were meant to be friends to help each other figure things out. If you guys just remain friends at least you'll have someone else to talk to who understands what you're going through. Good luck!

Yeah he told me he really didn't want it to come out the way it did because of the extra pressure it puts on myself. But tbh, I feel pretty bad that he held onto that for so long, I wish he's said something sooner. I don't think I'd respond any differently but I think it would have been good for his sake.

 

[gman86]

could you exchange his feeling? If the answer is yes, what are you waiting for? that he leave you for an other dude or for a gal?

I don't think I can reciprocate the feeling at all - the more I think about it the more it's made me realise that every fight we've had has pretty much happened when he's got a little too close for my comfort and pushed him away a bit.

 

[gman86]

Just be honest tell him he's in the friend zone. Then the two of you go out find some guy and share him. Kinda kidding about the second half but then who knows.

I did pretty much tell him he was in the friend zone, I just hope I didn't muddle up the message at all... It's just that I'm just not romantically or sexually attracted to him.

I mean I have had those feelings before for other guys so I know I'm not having them with him.

 

[112586]

I really get where you are coming from with that, I had a best friend that was keen for it, but despite being somewhat bi, I just wasn't attracted to him as he was my best friend. He's actually a very attractive guy, but just couldn't see him that way. Sadly after a chat one night discussing our feelings, he walked away and that was the last we ever saw of each other. I hope you can maintain the friendship, cause 2 years on it still tears me up, but I'm still confident that I made the right decision as it would have only ended in more pain.

 

[ericlane]

Has anyone ever had this happen to them before?? My mate and I are really close and have been for years, ever since highschool and now we're in out mid 20s. The other night over booze and weed a friend asked me if there was anything in between us, to which I said no, and was told that it was something I needed to tell my mate. When I brought it up with him it came out that he is in love with me and has been for a number of years...

In my own life I'm struggling to come to terms with my own bisexuality so this whole situation has been extra confusing however I do know that the feeling isn't mutual... To me he's my best mate, my brother, the person I can talk to about anything. We had a massive chat about it all night and didn't get any sleep and now I'm taking some time apart but I really have no idea what will happen. Neither of us want it to come in-between our friendship but how can it not? The whole things been thrown out of balance.

Well bro you can evaluate the situation,,If your mate is clingy or you are clingy you can both have some emotional drama,,the thing when two MEN get together without wordly Homosexual attachments it can be powerful and magical,,however if its makes you emotionally weak and not strong ..then you should calculate it..Dont miss out on a spiritual growth..

 

[gman86]

thanks for that man, yeah I think I've got to tread lightly for a while because I don't want this to be the end of a great friendship

 

[jjpooks]

remember now, good people are only in the market for a short period of time. can you imagine him going with another guy instead of you? i say dig deep and see how u feel about him. he gave his heart out to you, i think he deserves an answer, yes or no. I prefer yes.

 

[mel2907]

Be very careful. You say you are struggling with your own feelings of bisexuality right now. If in a drunken moment of weakness something happens between you two, it would probably shatter any chance of a future friendship. If this is truly your decision you need to be strong about it. Ride it out. He will find someone.

 

[Bashful_man]

I agree with this completely! The fact that you have been best friends for so long is what's throwing off the situation. It also didn't help that he confessed his feelings for you while under the influence...they do say that "drunk words are sober thoughts."

You said you're still figuring out your own bisexuality, and that's okay, I've been there too. It took me a long time as well to accept that I'm bi, and I didn't come to that realization until recently. So on top of that, along with his secret is a lot to process all at once. Taking time apart is healthy, but don't let it ruin the friendship that you have.

I think you both should talk again and go into that discussion open to all possibilities. You never know what could happen, and maybe you two were meant to be friends to help each other figure things out. If you guys just remain friends at least you'll have someone else to talk to who understands what you're going through. Good luck!

I have to agree totally. Just don't tread upon his heart, he has had a lot of time to think about this, you have just recently received this knowledge of his interest. You yourself are not sure of your position in life, your interest may change with time, you may want to be with him.
Good luck to you both. My heart goes out to you both.

 

[Huaimek186]

I have a saying that more often proves right , " Friends who become lovers often fall apart ".
It is better to maintain the integrity of your friendship , than lose the friendship to physical intimacy .

 

[Notaes]

Has anyone ever had this happen to them before?? My mate and I are really close and have been for years, ever since highschool and now we're in out mid 20s. The other night over booze and weed a friend asked me if there was anything in between us, to which I said no, and was told that it was something I needed to tell my mate. When I brought it up with him it came out that he is in love with me and has been for a number of years...

In my own life I'm struggling to come to terms with my own bisexuality so this whole situation has been extra confusing however I do know that the feeling isn't mutual... To me he's my best mate, my brother, the person I can talk to about anything. We had a massive chat about it all night and didn't get any sleep and now I'm taking some time apart but I really have no idea what will happen. Neither of us want it to come in-between our friendship but how can it not? The whole things been thrown out of balance.

if your friendship is strong enough you can work it out. He will just have to accept you do not feel that way about him. Bottom Line!

 

[hypolimnas]

thanks for that man, yeah I think I've got to tread lightly for a while because I don't want this to be the end of a great friendship

I'd focus on all the good things about the friendship, the fact that he has finally been honest with you could clear the air.

The fact that you were forbidden fruit might have warped his perspective, and made you even more desirable. The honesty in itself might actually improve your friendship if you can convey that his honesty has made your friendship better.

He will have many lovers but not many true friends if any. Remind him that is special in other ways, and will be important to you.

Don't make more of it than it is. Just do what you normally do - and why wouldn't you?

I was surprised by someone who confessed they had sexual feelings for me and had been waiting for ten years to tell me, a married guy whose wife I know well.

We've actually become better friends now, which is good because we have to work on several projects together, and see each other socially . It could have gone badly wrong but it didn't, I don't think anyone else understands why we have have suddenly got on much better. We are totally on the same wave length, and have each others backs politically - no one else will ever know why.