Oh what a(n awful) night...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by sdg475, Jul 23, 2007.

  1. sdg475

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    I made a big mistake, and I need some advice. Here’s the story:

    This past weekend two of my friends and I went to the beach for a few days. One of them has family up there, but they were out of town, so that is where we stayed. We were all enjoying ourselves and having a good time. On Saturday night we had a few more people come over and had a little party. It was nothing out of control but a few people were drinking a little bit too heavily. Well, flash forward to everyone being in bed: my friend comes into my room and lies down in the bed and is being very forward. I don’t really recall how it happened but all of a sudden we were making out. I stopped her, and asked “What are we doing? This isn’t right.” She then went on to explain that she’s really liked me for over a year, and that she has no idea how I didn’t pick up on it. She said that everyone else knew about it, but told her not to bother. She also revealed that her thing for me is the reason why nothing happened between me and these two other girls that I had liked at some point through out the past year (they’re all really close friends and I guess could not do that to her). Anyways, she’s telling me all of this stuff, and instead of just being honest and saying I didn’t feel the same way I just kept listening and in a way leading her on. To make matters more complicated our other friend on the trip liked her for the past year, but she never liked him, and he is in the next room. After she told me all of this she started kissing me again, and I didn’t stop her. One thing lead to another, before I knew it we had our clothes off, and all of a sudden we were about to have sex (not important but she was a virgin so that didn’t work out too well). The next morning I woke up at 5:00am saw the blood on the sheets, and had a terrible guilty feeling. I took the sheets of the bed and covered them with other blankets, and then went for a run to help clear my head, tossing the sheets along the way. I got back from my run, showered, ate breakfast, read, and just passed the time until everyone else woke up. Once everyone else was awake the house was very uncomfortable. My friend is expecting an actual relationship, and I have a feeling our other friend knows what happened because he was extremely quiet the next day (being quiet is far different than his typical personality). Nothing has been resolved yet, and things are still very uncomfortable.

    In a sober state of mind nothing would have happened…I need to tell her that I’m not going to be able to make things work, but I know she will think that I was just using her. She’ll be crushed if I say I don’t feel the same way, but I can’t let her continue on thinking otherwise. I know what I have to do, which is apologize and tell her the truth: that it wouldn’t work.

    I guess I am trying to find out if that’s the right thing to do, and I would like to know how you guys would handle this situation.
     
  2. ganja4me

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    What you think is right, IMO is the right thing to do. That is exactly how I would go about this. The longer you wait to tell her the worse it will be on her. And you can't pretend to like someone you don't like. It is a tough thing to do but you need to do what you feel is best.
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

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    Having sex with someone once doesn't constitute a relationship or indicate that you're going to start one, you're both adults and you're just going to have to tell her that as far as you were concerned it was just sex, that you still value her friendship but you're not interested in her sexually. Don't feel you're just using her, why not view it from the other angle and think she was just using you by hitting on you when she knew your judgement might be clouded?
     
  4. Not_Punny

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    But don't forget to mention how flattered you were
     
  5. sdg475

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    Thank you, I will keep this in mind if things get ugly when I tell her. I think she will agree that she really should have confronted me with these things when we were both in our right minds. I just have to accept that things are going to be difficult for a while, and that our friendship is going to take a hit, at least temporarily.
     
  6. benderten2001

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    I pass no judgment here. I really don't.

    Reading this however only reminds me how differently I was brought up.
    And taught to think differently.

    Having sex WAS an important, accountable, and...a VERY significant indication of commitment.

    I'm only saying this for myself and other readers for whom I know I speak.
     
  7. dcho

    dcho New Member

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    i have to agree with benderten
     
  8. ganja4me

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    Keep in mind they had been drinking too though. Alcohol seems to have a way of screwing up your decision making skills. I know that from experience.:redface:
     
  9. dcho

    dcho New Member

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    thats way ganja FTW! ganja lets you analyze the decision, reanalyze it, until you have something funny to say :biggrin1: and then maybe afterwards you execute unless you've already forgotten about it. hahahah
     
  10. sdg475

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    I'm going to confront her about it as soon as I can, preferably in person. The thing is I'm just a little nervous to do it, as I replay the happenings in my head I realize just how obsessive, possesive, and down right scary some of the things she was saying are. She remembers things that I said months and months ago. I'd like to know how you think would be the best way to let her down with out crushing her, if even possible.
     
  11. Dave NoCal

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    You are probably going to need to be very clear... and firm. Hang tough.
     
  12. SpoiledPrincess

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    Sex is very important to me too benderten and in my advice I tried to offer something that would work from the viewpoint of the poster, to those people who feel sex is important and actually means something they probably wouldn't be having a drunken fuck.
     
  13. sdg475

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    If sex meant nothing to me I don't think I would bother worrying about this, let alone posting. Sex is very important to me and should be taken seriously, and in a clear state of mind that much is obvious to me. But the point is that can't be taken back, and now I have to deal with it.
     
  14. SpoiledPrincess

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    I wasn't actually directing that towards you sdg, it was in response to benderten. Sorry if you felt I was saying you're a slapper :)
     
  15. sdg475

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    It's okay, no hard feelings. This whole situation has just been very stressful, and it is testing my moral character. I can only hope that I'm passing...I appreciate everyone's advice greatly.
     
  16. Calcium

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    I read the post and then checked the age. Yep, I was right.

    Edit: Then again, glass houses, etc.
     
  17. sdg475

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    I finally got the chance to talk to her face to face last night. I appologized and tried to be as gentle as possible while still firmly stating that I'm not interested. I gave a few blow softening reasons, but tried to make it clear that regardless of those circumstances I still wouldn't be interested. As I expected she didn't say "sounds good" and bounce back right away. Things are going to be a bit shakey for a while, but I know I brought that upon myself. Thanks to everyone who offered advice, I appreciate it.
     
  18. Matthew

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    Well done, man. I bet your straightforwardness will pay off in the long run.
     
  19. Dave NoCal

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    Good job. It sometimes takes courage to do tehe right thing and this was one of those times.
    Dave
     
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