OK - Guys like this makes me want to go back to women 100%

Sorry guys - but I just needed some thoughts.


Right - I met up with a friend of a friend who had shown some interest.

Had a drink - didn't feel anything besides a physical attraction. But one thing led to another - hotel room blah blah. It seemed nice to me.

I was home and got a msg from him basically referring to my profile on a website. This was it,

---Hey ****,

Thanks for the meet up, I had a nice time.

I think ur really sexy - Just a note though - I think you should specify body-type 'average' - It's better to be on the safe side.

-------------------------

This REALLY threw me.

He's not responsible for my feelings - but I know my body isn't as good as I'd like - but it is better than 'average'. If I know this - why did it make me so angry and insecure?


Granted as someone who was once overweight... it's probably my biggest single sensitivity. I've worked really REALLY hard to get where I am... and I have some fine tuning to go.


Am I overreacting?

 

I can't really see your body in any of your pics, so I can't really say. I mean maybe you body is average?? dunno? I would have to see for myself, but who cares, even if you are "average" whatever that is.. then just love it, and tell him to go fuck himself. You have to look at the positive side of it, maybe he was just trying to keep you from having a bad experience by misrepresentation.

 

The funny thing is - I've NEVER had anyone say anything negative about my body - or say that I misrepresented myself.

It's just his bad luck that he managed to trigger my ONE hyper-sensitivity. lol

 

no dont let one assinine comment convert you back to women (joke joke joke - some of my best friends are women!)

Who knows why people make these comments. I never make negative comments on anybody's appearance as I dont think it any of my business, and I consider other peoples feelings (and bitch about them behind their backs instead!)

No seriously, dont dont dont let it get to you. It is totally irrelevant what they said and whether it is even true or not, the point is that they felt the need to have a go at you about some one thing and they clutched at straws to find something. Why did they feel the need to do this? Well there could be many reasons, none of them good and all of them are very good reasons not to see this person again, even for just a physical bonk.

Somebody once messaged me to tell me to "put a few kgs on" meaning I was puny. I didn't know them from a bar of soap and thought they were so rude and undisciplined to send me this. I mean we might think these things but do we actually message them. Be nice to other people you guys. Maybe we are sensitive but no you are not overreacting, but forget it for now. (And I hear that some women can be equally bitchy)

 

Did u meet through this website? His comment would make more sense if u did. Still rude, but at least relevant if he thought he didnt get what was advertised.

You imply that you met through a friend though. Its possible then that he was trying to be helpful in a tactless, clumsy ass way. Some things look harsher in type. If you do advertise body as average at least youre not gonna get that disappointed look when they show up. Maybe thats what he was trying to spare you? Dunno.

Tell us more about the hotel room blah blah....

 

If you were, "average," then why did he go back with you to the hotel room for a night of whoopee? Hmmmmm?? :33:

Seems to me you're not the one with the insecurity. Some guys have a problem with their self esteem. Any guy they go after is hot before and during, but then they have to convince themselves they're better by putting you down because inside they actually believe that any guy who goes for them couldn't possibly be decent because why would decent guys go after as someone as ugly/miserable/fucked-up as they are? Putting you down makes him feel, in a twisted way, better about himself.

So don't take it personally. The guy's a narcissist and Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the number one personality disorder found in gay men. It's absurdly common. He's got the issues and just happened to press your launch button as a matter of course.

 

im exactly the same, i am hyper sensitive about my body too and i think that your reaction was perfectly normal given your circumstances. granted he didnt know that you were once heavy and thus it being a sensitive issue for you, but he still shouldnt of said anything to you about it so your reaction is justified, IMO.

 

i can't tell from your pics brah, but perhaps you are average? average isn't a bad thing brah. it doesn't mean you're fat, or even a bit chubby.

 

slate_australis, I can't tell by your pics. Your cock is definetely well above average. :flirt: However, 'fat' in the gay world and 'fat' in the straight world are two completely different things. You should know this by now.

 

wait, are you talkin about his cock? because i thought we're on about his body?

 

You are right to be annoyed, the reply of that guy was really stupid. Don't get apset idiots are everywere!

 

It's his loss!!! Move on to better and real people

 

I think women have this experience all the time, and society is down on them for any bodily imperfection. I do think it's important to find people (girls or guys) who are more interested in you as a person if you want to get more intimate. I know this isn't as common as we might like and that physical beauty is overly important to many people.

I also think it's a mistake to try to make yourself into someone you're not. If you like your body and who you are, that's the most important thing.

 

He's a dick and it's not worth worrying about. Define "average". Now, go to your three closest friends and get them to do the same thing. They won't ALL match up. Guys hooking up online misuse words all the time. Jock, hung, masculine, muscular - all these words that are supposedly superior and therefore, theoretically, more attractive are misused all over the place. The point is, you can describe your body in the most exact terms you think possible, and it still won't match up to someone else's idea of what those terms are. If someone else's pleasure is uncertain and yours is definite, pleasure yourself.

 

I have been hit with this in the straight world. I was on a dating site and girl just had headshots and while chatting she told me she had big tits... and her body type was average... turns out she was fat...

Since you met him through a friend it seems like a bit of a dick maneuver, but still he might be saving you from future rejection or disappointment from the other party

Is this site a dating site? What body type do you have yourself listed as? What basis do you rate yourself this level at?

My wife and I have this problem on our dating sites because I am 6'4" 260lbs, I would like to say average, but lets face it I'm not, I am large... be honest about what you got or list yourself as 'prefer not to say'

That being said you could very well be average and he has a skewed opinion :smile:

 

nope...its good to over react..i do it all the time when I'm pissed...then i feel like a complete asshole within 10 minutes...then i eat crow for hours.
if u don't believe me...a number of guys on the site will tell u how fast my temper goes...
so, u over reacted...to whom? him? please...any guy who would send a guy a note like he sent u...doesn't have any conscience to be bothered but what u said...
in the future..use this...ok..the guy sends his comments...remember HE IS CORRECT....GIVEN THE WAY HE PROCESSES...so, what do u do? YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS....REJECT HIS PROCESSING....and move along...OR ACCEPT HIS PROCESSING and work with what is going on...for ur not gonna change him...its not true acceptance...and whatever u decide to do...ITS CORRECT...WHY? GIVEN THE WAY U PROCESS...
adopt this mode of thinking...u will minimize ur anger and not much should bother u...
i have made the decision to move along from the site...the processing i get from the bulk of guys on the site...i can't accept...hateful messages, condescending, the typical whining fag shit...so, knowing i can't change them...i realized..its time to move on...im out of here on the 20th of Nov...

 

Oh, HEEELLLLL NAW!

How dare he think he can offer some "constructive criticism" in such a manner. My favorite part was, "Just a thought-."

Who does that?

I'd have said, "Just a thought-you might want to list yourself as TROLL nextime. So that no one mistakes you for being a descent person."

Bitch.

 

Guys,

I appreciate everything that's been written.

I've been able to reflect on the whole situation - and I think it comes down to skewed opinions. At NJ said the whole "homo-skinny"/"hetero-skinny" is something I'm aware of - but never actually come across in my personal life. I certainly do not misrepresent myself - and trust me if anyone were to err on the side of caution generally in regards to describing myself I would. Yes, I'm still very very self-conscious about my body hence why I don't really include body photos... just in case. But recently I've been feeling very confident about myself... but especially when that particular issue is brought up... I just curl up into a ball and want nothing to do with anyone. I think when those guys who have all said complimentary things... "were they just saying it to be polite?"... Anyway, lol.

I've decided to just try to let it go.

I still think the guy was an arsehole - especially given that he sent me the message within 5 minutes of me leaving. But his problem... not mine.

Thanks again.

 

He is nothing but a judgmental asshole, don't focus on what he said, fuck him and his perfection.

 

Hmm, this is an on going problem with you; and must be addressed. You seem not to read an entire article, link, or post, before going off half cocked in your answer. :irked: This is unacceptable.

Yes, my first sentence complimented his cock. However, the rest of my post addressed his body issues which he mentioned in his OP. Please pay attention and read thoroughly before posting in the future.