OK - Guys like this makes me want to go back to women 100%

Viking_UK

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Slate, I don't think you've got anything to worry about on the build front. Some people just can't help putting others down to make themselves feel better. You're worth more than that, so move on and remember him as a petty, small-minded bitch whose opinion isn't worth listening to.
 

slurper_la

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Sorry guys - but I just needed some thoughts.
Right - I met up with a friend of a friend who had shown some interest.
Had a drink - didn't feel anything besides a physical attraction. But one thing led to another - hotel room blah blah. It seemed nice to me.
I was home and got a msg from him basically referring to my profile on a website. This was it,
---Hey ****,
Thanks for the meet up, I had a nice time.
I think ur really sexy - Just a note though - I think you should specify body-type 'average' - It's better to be on the safe side.
-------------------------
This REALLY threw me.
He's not responsible for my feelings - but I know my body isn't as good as I'd like - but it is better than 'average'. If I know this - why did it make me so angry and insecure?
Granted as someone who was once overweight... it's probably my biggest single sensitivity. I've worked really REALLY hard to get where I am... and I have some fine tuning to go.
Am I overreacting?

An incredibly rude thing to say but it speaks more to his insecurities and cowardice.

This seems to be a way to brush you off of any future meets without admitting to you or himself that he's a shallow, selfish prick.

Brush it off and move on.
 

Corius

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The lesson to be had from this discussion, to my way of thinking, is that no one should ever present himself in any situation as a piece of merchandise to be used as the partner of the moment may desire. Remember, you are not a thing to be used and then cast aside.

What is lacking in the scene is that bond which we call friendship and love which provides the setting in time for sexual expression. In a genuine relationship there is no need for seduction; the sex can happen and does happen because both parties want it.

To the OP I would say: start over and do not go to bed with anyone, man or woman, until you have reached the point when you want sexual communion with the whole person, warts and all. Until then, I would suggest that you concentrate on the pleasure that your hand and a bit of loving fantasy can provide. Casual sex is a doubtful beginning for any kind of relationship. The so-called fuck buddies concentrate on the momentary thrills, the tinsel and firecracker aspects of sex; and, they often boast or complain about what a good or rotten "piece of ass" their partner has been. Don't join that crowd. There is a gold standard in sexual bonding and that is the sex that two persons who are deeply bonded in friendship and love enjoy. That kind of sex confirms the bond between them and just gets better with each confirmation session.

P.S. I've been there and done that and have found that both men and women can be loving, exciting, and faithful partners.
 

BlackCock85

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Well nobody asked this question so I will. What do you have listed as your body type? Because if it's swimmers body or something like that then I think it is better to be changed to average. So sick of guys labeling themselves something when you can see they're not. So what if you're body is average, be happy with it and if you don't like it keep working out until you do get that amazing body you need. It's so easy to blame the other person, but if your body were not average would you be so upset up this? I think not, so work on it and feel good instead of pointing fingers and thinking this person is the worst person ever. Just think, atleast he said something to you unlike people that would smile and go talk behind your back.
 

slate_australis

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A point or two to make.

a) Casual sex is something I do once in a blue-moon. Generally I don't enjoy it. Only 5th time in my life. Generally, I like to actually know someone first.

b) Actually specify NO body type - since I dont think I really fit anywhere. So I write healthy/normal body. A believe you me no one is going to be disappointed by that.

In regards to the previous poster - if I were reading this in your position I would think exactly the same thing. Yes, he hit A nerve, but not the nerve you think. Like I said, as someone who used to be heavy, having worked very hard for a decent body - not claiming swimmers/defined/athletic etc etc (basically anything that would suggest a men's health model on the other side of the door). When you are insecure about your body, and equally aware of the rather extreme views in the gay world especially, it doesnt take very much to shoot you down. I don't think I'll ever not see myself as the little fat kid. So I'm not 100% blaming him, as I said in my 2nd post it was his bad luck he managed to stumble across my real only hyper-sensitivity, it's not a hyper-sensitivity because he's right... it's a hyper-sensitivity because it has deeper routes than basic bad body image.

I do think it was poor form - I don't think he said it to me as some kind of service. He clearly had an idea (there is nothing on that profile which inflates me... infact in some cases, deflates) of what I was. I am getting a little sick of the skewed idea of healthy - slim = anorexic / defined = anorexic+gym / etc etc.

Like I said, if I thought for a second, that I was leading him to anything than who/what I was... then I wouldn't have reacted like that. Apparently to him healthy meant six-pack. God knows. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm going on move on. I go to the gym as often as possible, I eat right and don't smoke/take any drugs or drink very much. Is there stuff I can improve... of course, and I'm trying to. My problem is that I'll always see need for improvement.

Ugh.. a shrink. Wow... if that doesn't make me sound a headcase I don't know what will.
 

mindseye

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Honestly, I wouldn't write back at all. People who say things like that are looking for drama and attention. If you write back with something bitchy, he'll justify things in his mind as "not only was he fat, but he was a real jerk who couldn't handle honesty either."

Saying nothing at all deprives him of the satisfaction of a response.
 

D_Pubert Stabbingpain

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If you were, "average," then why did he go back with you to the hotel room for a night of whoopee? Hmmmmm?? :33:

Seems to me you're not the one with the insecurity. Some guys have a problem with their self esteem. Any guy they go after is hot before and during, but then they have to convince themselves they're better by putting you down because inside they actually believe that any guy who goes for them couldn't possibly be decent because why would decent guys go after as someone as ugly/miserable/fucked-up as they are? Putting you down makes him feel, in a twisted way, better about himself.

So don't take it personally. The guy's a narcissist and Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the number one personality disorder found in gay men. It's absurdly common. He's got the issues and just happened to press your launch button as a matter of course.

Jason is right on target!

For a little fun check out "Truth About Profiles" in my Gallery: http://www.lpsg.org/gallery/showphoto.php/photo/148273/cat/500/ppuser/123849
 

BlackCock85

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A point or two to make.

a) Casual sex is something I do once in a blue-moon. Generally I don't enjoy it. Only 5th time in my life. Generally, I like to actually know someone first.

b) Actually specify NO body type - since I dont think I really fit anywhere. So I write healthy/normal body. A believe you me no one is going to be disappointed by that.

In regards to the previous poster - if I were reading this in your position I would think exactly the same thing. Yes, he hit A nerve, but not the nerve you think. Like I said, as someone who used to be heavy, having worked very hard for a decent body - not claiming swimmers/defined/athletic etc etc (basically anything that would suggest a men's health model on the other side of the door). When you are insecure about your body, and equally aware of the rather extreme views in the gay world especially, it doesnt take very much to shoot you down. I don't think I'll ever not see myself as the little fat kid. So I'm not 100% blaming him, as I said in my 2nd post it was his bad luck he managed to stumble across my real only hyper-sensitivity, it's not a hyper-sensitivity because he's right... it's a hyper-sensitivity because it has deeper routes than basic bad body image.

I do think it was poor form - I don't think he said it to me as some kind of service. He clearly had an idea (there is nothing on that profile which inflates me... infact in some cases, deflates) of what I was. I am getting a little sick of the skewed idea of healthy - slim = anorexic / defined = anorexic+gym / etc etc.

Like I said, if I thought for a second, that I was leading him to anything than who/what I was... then I wouldn't have reacted like that. Apparently to him healthy meant six-pack. God knows. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm going on move on. I go to the gym as often as possible, I eat right and don't smoke/take any drugs or drink very much. Is there stuff I can improve... of course, and I'm trying to. My problem is that I'll always see need for improvement.

Ugh.. a shrink. Wow... if that doesn't make me sound a headcase I don't know what will.

Ok thanks for the clarification, I thought you had listed something else, in which case I would understand him...but you listed nothing so he should have kept his mouth shut. And man I understand what you're saying, I've never been hugely fat but I def am not what the boys want...but whatevs to each their own, I'll just curl up with my 200 cats LOL...but no seriously don't fret, there's a better man out there.
 

D_Martin van Burden

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Your friend of a friend made it sound like you had met through an online personals ad. Maybe your friend was interested in getting you two hooked up and thought he would brag on you a bit. Either way, it doesn't excuse the guy's comment -- it was rude -- and it doesn't excuse your sensitivity about your body image -- you're not the only one. Be that as it may, one of the things that helps you realize that you're conquering fears and doubts about your appearance is that, day by day, you're trying to make healthy choices in food, in staying in shape, but also in who you associate with. You can't hasten along in that quest to become the next ripped-up guy, but you can take solace in the fact that you're doing the best you can. That's all life really asks of us, isn't it?

Honestly, this sounded like a one-time encounter. You had your fun and you seem over it. Good for you. If this guy comes around knocking again, and you feel it's a worthwhile vindication, tell him straight-out that it wasn't very nice to call you out on your body type. (Apparently, he liked you enough to get porked, right?) Chances are, you'll find people out there who aren't as superficial and who might be a better romp or relationship fit with you.
 

invisibleman

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Sorry guys - but I just needed some thoughts.


Right - I met up with a friend of a friend who had shown some interest.

Had a drink - didn't feel anything besides a physical attraction. But one thing led to another - hotel room blah blah. It seemed nice to me.

I was home and got a msg from him basically referring to my profile on a website. This was it,

---Hey ****,

Thanks for the meet up, I had a nice time.

I think ur really sexy - Just a note though - I think you should specify body-type 'average' - It's better to be on the safe side.

-------------------------

This REALLY threw me.

He's not responsible for my feelings - but I know my body isn't as good as I'd like - but it is better than 'average'. If I know this - why did it make me so angry and insecure?


Granted as someone who was once overweight... it's probably my biggest single sensitivity. I've worked really REALLY hard to get where I am... and I have some fine tuning to go.


Am I overreacting?

Some men like to offer constructive criticism (but I call them "nitpicking issues") on things that isn't their place. :rolleyes:

I had an argument with a commentor on friggin' YouTube over a guy's video. A guy had commented that he shouldn't have worn eyeglasses in his video because it was unattractive. I responded to the guy's comment that he could wear his eyeglasses if he wanted to. And that his eyeglasses looked sexy.

I think that your "friend of a friend" was out-of-bounds.