Sorry guys - but I just needed some thoughts.
Right - I met up with a friend of a friend who had shown some interest.
Had a drink - didn't feel anything besides a physical attraction. But one thing led to another - hotel room blah blah. It seemed nice to me.
I was home and got a msg from him basically referring to my profile on a website. This was it,
---Hey ****,
Thanks for the meet up, I had a nice time.
I think ur really sexy - Just a note though - I think you should specify body-type 'average' - It's better to be on the safe side.
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This REALLY threw me.
He's not responsible for my feelings - but I know my body isn't as good as I'd like - but it is better than 'average'. If I know this - why did it make me so angry and insecure?
Granted as someone who was once overweight... it's probably my biggest single sensitivity. I've worked really REALLY hard to get where I am... and I have some fine tuning to go.
Am I overreacting?
He is nothing but a judgmental asshole, don't focus on what he said, fuck him and his perfection.
If you were, "average," then why did he go back with you to the hotel room for a night of whoopee? Hmmmmm?? :33:
Seems to me you're not the one with the insecurity. Some guys have a problem with their self esteem. Any guy they go after is hot before and during, but then they have to convince themselves they're better by putting you down because inside they actually believe that any guy who goes for them couldn't possibly be decent because why would decent guys go after as someone as ugly/miserable/fucked-up as they are? Putting you down makes him feel, in a twisted way, better about himself.
So don't take it personally. The guy's a narcissist and Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the number one personality disorder found in gay men. It's absurdly common. He's got the issues and just happened to press your launch button as a matter of course.
A point or two to make.
a) Casual sex is something I do once in a blue-moon. Generally I don't enjoy it. Only 5th time in my life. Generally, I like to actually know someone first.
b) Actually specify NO body type - since I dont think I really fit anywhere. So I write healthy/normal body. A believe you me no one is going to be disappointed by that.
In regards to the previous poster - if I were reading this in your position I would think exactly the same thing. Yes, he hit A nerve, but not the nerve you think. Like I said, as someone who used to be heavy, having worked very hard for a decent body - not claiming swimmers/defined/athletic etc etc (basically anything that would suggest a men's health model on the other side of the door). When you are insecure about your body, and equally aware of the rather extreme views in the gay world especially, it doesnt take very much to shoot you down. I don't think I'll ever not see myself as the little fat kid. So I'm not 100% blaming him, as I said in my 2nd post it was his bad luck he managed to stumble across my real only hyper-sensitivity, it's not a hyper-sensitivity because he's right... it's a hyper-sensitivity because it has deeper routes than basic bad body image.
I do think it was poor form - I don't think he said it to me as some kind of service. He clearly had an idea (there is nothing on that profile which inflates me... infact in some cases, deflates) of what I was. I am getting a little sick of the skewed idea of healthy - slim = anorexic / defined = anorexic+gym / etc etc.
Like I said, if I thought for a second, that I was leading him to anything than who/what I was... then I wouldn't have reacted like that. Apparently to him healthy meant six-pack. God knows. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm going on move on. I go to the gym as often as possible, I eat right and don't smoke/take any drugs or drink very much. Is there stuff I can improve... of course, and I'm trying to. My problem is that I'll always see need for improvement.
Ugh.. a shrink. Wow... if that doesn't make me sound a headcase I don't know what will.
Sorry guys - but I just needed some thoughts.
Right - I met up with a friend of a friend who had shown some interest.
Had a drink - didn't feel anything besides a physical attraction. But one thing led to another - hotel room blah blah. It seemed nice to me.
I was home and got a msg from him basically referring to my profile on a website. This was it,
---Hey ****,
Thanks for the meet up, I had a nice time.
I think ur really sexy - Just a note though - I think you should specify body-type 'average' - It's better to be on the safe side.
-------------------------
This REALLY threw me.
He's not responsible for my feelings - but I know my body isn't as good as I'd like - but it is better than 'average'. If I know this - why did it make me so angry and insecure?
Granted as someone who was once overweight... it's probably my biggest single sensitivity. I've worked really REALLY hard to get where I am... and I have some fine tuning to go.
Am I overreacting?