B_FatMushroomHead
Experimental Member
OMG Petite! I totally sensed you were gonna type that!
Sup ladies? What's this thread about? Gimme a hint!
Okay ladies... so when should a guy be "taking a hint"???
- Thread starter B_aaaaaa1
- Start date
OMG Petite! I totally sensed you were gonna type that!
Sup ladies? What's this thread about? Gimme a hint!
HiddenLacey
Cherished Member
I know I know I'm horribly old-fashioned and out-dated I just like the feeling I get knowing he could take care of me instead of the other way around. Don't get me wrong I make plenty of money, I mean I'm not rich but I can pay everything on my own if I needed to. I don't see anything wrong with a guy doing that, I just don't want to be with him.
HiddenLacey
Cherished Member
Here you go I quoted him for you!
"In a way, if I'm talking to a girl I just meant, my biggest fear is her not wanting to talk to me, but talking to me just to not be rude. I don't want to be that guy that doesn't catch a hint, and I'm extremely oblivious, especially when dealing with people I don't know. So I miss obvious hints of flirting, but I also miss obvious hints of "I don't want to talk to you."
this fear is paralyzing sometimes. There are many girls I've passed up simply assuming I wouldn't know if they wanted to talk or not."
Ooh! I like that show, Tim Roth's a pretty cool, knows everything about everyone from an eyebrow and doesn't afraid of anything.
Though I do think it'd be pretty scary to have someone be able to "read" you that easily, it does make life incredibly wonderful when you find someone who can really understand you, especially when you're not quite sure of what you mean yourself.
They're rare but they're out there, do not give up hope young Padawan.
D_Sparroe Spongecaques
Experimental Member
He could take care of us but not to the standard i could and that was more important to me especially with 6 children.I wanted the best for them and me working and him being at home provided that.
Still it's different when you're married and have kids.
Surely you wouldnt dump your hubby for that reason alone? or have a poorer lifestyle due to it?
HiddenLacey
Cherished Member
Lol I've never been married Tasha
I don't think I would dump anyone I was in love with. I meant if I were looking for someone right now that type would not appeal to me, the guys that are always jobless. Not due to lack of skills but lack of trying, or they stay out drinking and partying with their friends all night. Those guys. I guess I was saying another stupid blanket statement like I always say. More along the lines of I would not be interested in someone who wanted to get married and stay at home and take care of our kids when we had them, not that if the better choice was for him to stay at home that it would change how I feel about him. Promise you I'm not a horrible to men:redface: I'm not horrible to anyone at anytime:biggrin1: sometimes I say things in a lazy southern girl way without completely explaining my thoughts and feelings.Actually my one biggest pet peeve is that the "natural" has no charisma and is terrible with people! It makes no sense! If you grew up with a natural talent like that, like my ex-boyfriend, then you would have the best people skills on earth. Everyone would love you because you'd know which buttons to push and how to be their best friend in 5 minutes! And they also make out like she's offended by everyone's deceptiveness all the time. That also makes no sense. If you know everyone deceives, then it is normal to you. Other than the logical inconsistencies in her character, it's a great show!
I'm of the exact opposite opinion! 99.9% of all men cannot read your mind and but many of them could make you very happy, even though they actually require verbal communication to know what's going on inside your head. To reject a wonderful man because of unrealistic expectations, like being able to practically read your mind, will only make you disappointed and an unhappy woman. I think seeking that level of "perfection" is setting yourself up for unhappiness. You're bound to take another man for granted when he may be worthier of more appreciation.
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UC Davis News & Information :: Why College Men May Hear 'Yes' When Women Mean 'No'
Read that. It's all about how men misinterpret the signals women send. Also, those links I gave you before. Read them. They're also about how men misinterpret women's signals. I'd start with them. I think learning which things men tend to misinterpret may get you over the biggest hurdles when it comes to misunderstanding hints or signals from women.
- sbat,
I just had a thought, petite.
I've always been pretty good with people - was always the type that could easily make friends, was pretty much guaranteed a job if I was given an interview, etc. But there gets a point where reading people easily becomes problematic, and you could potentially become one of two things (sometimes both):
1. Incredibly manipulative, to the point of seeing people as tools rather than as people...anti-social in the psychiatric sense (I have had issues with this one myself)
2. Lacking in personality and co-dependent - cannot survive "alone time" - addicted to human company.
I have described to you guys on this board some of the things I have done to overcome common relationship issues, and while they were great, they have as you said petite, created greater expectation.
My parents raised me to appreciate my alone time, and I treasure it greatly. However, there are many women who are co-dependent, and having a boyfriend who can anticipate their needs or read them is a double-edged sword. They become greedy and tyrannical in their emotional demands, expecting me to "take care of things" for them, taking for granted my awareness of their needs. They become exhausting to be around because when their needs are fulfilled, they increase their desires - there is no moderation. This is also human nature. And there comes a point where I start withdrawing affection when their growing needs begin to intrude on my alone time.
So it might be the case, sometimes, that men can't take women's "hints" not because they can't, but because you're giving us an information overload of things that you want us to read from you, so that either they are overwhelmed, or are being intentionally obstinate.
HiddenLacey
Cherished Member
I know you were speaking to petite in general but I wanted to remark on what you said about "alone time." I find it strange that some people always feel the need to be with someone. It's as if they cannot have moment to themselves. I've found the same issue with guys, they always want to know where I am, what am I doing, who am I talking to (going so far as to take my phone and look at it or join my conversations by taking over my yahoo account).
Sometimes I feel like I can't even brush my teeth in peace. Or the "what are you thinking about" question, where in turn I normally say nothing because I could be having a silly thought about my dog or something random that other people wouldn't understand. Guy's always seem to come back with "well you have to be thinking about something? What's wrong?" Why does something have to be wrong? Is it not possible to be at peace in your own mind without someone analyzing your thought's?
So I don't understand the overload of information you get from females when I'm normally the extact opposite. I am sure there have got to be plenty of people who like their personal time.
- sbat,
I think you and I may be a rare breed that both covet independence and desires the same in our partners. In general, both men and women tend to become codepedent in relationships, with both genders exhibiting the behaviors you mentioned.
On the other hand, men generally communicate only one way - directly and generally verbally. What they say is what they mean, and you can generally take what a man says at face value.
Women tend to communicate both verbally and non-verbally. Dolfette is a good example - I remember her response to petite on that women's only thread about use of force during sex, with the expectation that her man be able to have physical dialogue without verbal discussion. But even beyond that, for a man, a conversation with a lot of smiling and eye contact and even some physical contact is generally an indication of sexual desire (unless with family). For a woman, the same conversation could indicate a number of different things, and you have to read the other non-verbals to determine her intentions:
-dilation of pupils
-flushness of face
-intonation (vs her baseline intonation, which may not be known to the guy)
-touching of her hair
-playing with hands
-smoothing the skirt/pants
-energy of hand motions
-direction of eyes when she breaks eye contact (down vs to the side vs the guy's body)
-sweatiness of her hands
and this is not even a conclusive list
Some girls are easier to read than others [WHEN IT COMES TO SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS]. I knew my girlfriend wanted to fuck me during our first date just from the expression of desire in her eyes. I had an ex-girlfriend, after asking to come up to my bedroom kept her distance and kept the conversation casual and "friend zone." She later asked me why I didn't make a move that night, she had wanted me so badly then. Turns out, her extreme fear of me rejecting her caused her to overplay her casualness to the point that her desire was unreadable.
The thing is, a girl can be fickle about her desire for a guy who is on the borderline of her standards. She can have a conversation with him thinking "if he says or does this, I'll fuck him" ... so things are dependent on him reading what those right things are and doing them to elicit a more overt sexual response from her. The problem is, most men (in western industrialized societies) spend the majority of their time with other men, and so don't have to learn those things to attain the level of financial success they need to be at their comfort zone. So talking to a woman (especially a "woman's woman") is often like talking to a speaker of a foreign language.
barbsdaughter
1st Like
What she said.....but I'll add, if I've been with a guy for a while he usually can read my mood and can take a hint, whatever the hint is. If it's in the company of someone new, I have no problem spelling it out because it needs to be clear, whatever the hint would have been.
HiddenLacey
Cherished Member
I agree with this 100%. I have that issue with the male sex. Most of the time they speak in Greek. Their body language is different and hard for me to understand. And just as you say a "womans' woman"... they are always a "man's man." When you have alienated yourself from the opposite sex for whatever reason and you get thrown in with them it's a whole new ballgame. I actually find myself quite uncomfortable around men that I don't know. It's very weird. Everything that you said above in your "sign's" list could be interpreted as arousal but they could also be a sign of nervousness or even fear. I'm starting to think that just getting to the point is the best way to handle a situation where you do not know the other person's intentions.
helgaleena
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That's right, whatever happened to speaking out plainly? I for one find it very attractive to have someone honest with me.
- sbat,
This is especially true in a large polyglot country like the UK or the US, where you have a mix of people from a wide range of cultures and male/female interaction behaviors. "Taking a hint" is only going to get more difficult from here on out, and expecting men to keep up instead of just womaning it up and stating what you want directly will give unnecessary conflict.
I don't have experience with the things you've brought up about yourself. I didn't experience these things with my first love. He was a little bit different from you.
I didn't mention before that he was also bisexual and he had the most feminine personality of any man I've ever dated. Even though he was a quarterback when he played high school football, he had the courage to be the first one to come out at our high school, but he had the advantage of being a big enough guy that no one ever messed with him, and his social skills made almost everyone accept him and love him.
He was so talented at reading people and so charismatic that the running joke among our friends was that he'd either grow up to be president or a cult leader. While he definitely manipulated people almost as an unconscious reflex, I never thought he ever saw other people as tools. He was very manipulative, but he was also extremely empathetic, which I think is one of the reasons why he was so talented at reading people. He didn't just read them, he felt what they felt and he had compassion and a huge heart. He was also very sensitive to the judgement of others, which is one of the reasons why he used his talents to make everyone like him. I think anyone who goes through adolescence with a talent like that would use it to become popular, which he did.
He actually spent a lot of time alone, by choice. He would often spend days alone just painting or writing. I was never under the impression that he craved human company. I think sometimes being around other people could be exhausting to him.
I don't know if he felt towards me the way you describe feeling towards your girlfriends. We dated for five years and kept seeing one another for another 2-3 years after that and we never stopped being best friends the entire time regardless of whom we were dating. I never once felt like he purposefully stopped taking any hints out of obstinacy. I never felt like he didn't take a hint. If he had issues, he was like a woman and he brought them up and we discussed them.
He wanted me back. The final issue that kept us from getting back together for the years was that I refused to take him back unless he stopped doing drugs. I was afraid that he was going to die and I needed to use the only leverage that I had, me. It didn't work. It was not happily ever after for us. He didn't stop doing drugs and there was over a decade where we didn't see or speak to one another.
He's doing wonderful now, of course, that talent of his, it can pull him out of any hole he dug for himself, and I'm proud of him. We're still friends.
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- sbat,
You're probably right, everyone is different. My personality is responsibility seeking, so I tend to find myself in the "strong one" role in a relationship, generally lending support if I don't have a good reason to say "no."
However, he might be able to relate at the very least to that second issue of the two I mentioned - having that "alone instict" but losing it during high school (being caught in my extroversion) lead me to a drug habit that lasted through the end of high school and all of college.
Drug use is often fueled by a desire to escape or a desire to find oneself, and extreme extroverts tend to have that self-definition crisis at some point in life.
There's such thing as a direct hint. It's a contradiction in terms. Either you hint, or you're direct.
