Old Boyfriend

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kylef: I've been lurking here quite a while, but I thought I'd make my first post.

My wife and I have been married for a few years, and we're very happy and have a good sex life. Something recently happened to me, though, that I can't get out of my head.

We went to her 10 year college reunion, and we met up with a bunch of her old friends. They were all pretty cool, including this one guy named Jason. Now I knew that my wife had dated Jason in college for a couple years, but she always says that in retrospect he was kind of a dork, she wasn't sure why she dated him.

Truth be told, he might have been a little on the geeky side, but they were all nice people and we went out to a bar after the main reunion activities and hung out for a while. After a while, everyone was getting drunk and a few of Jason's friends starting making not-so-subtle double entendres clearly referring to Jason's being well hung.

Later, we both went to the bathroom at the same time, and I got a glimpse of his penis out of the corner of my eye and it was huge, I'm not sure how big exactly but I would estimate at least 7 or 8 inches soft.

So, of course, I asked my wife about it later and she sort of played it off as a joke and didn't give me any details. Finally, I pressed and she spilled the goods -- apparently Jason had an eleven inch penis, and it was over seven inches around.

For whatever reason, I kept pressing her for information, and I asked her what it was like being with someone so large? She resisted answering at first, but finally she said, "I don't want you to get freaked out, because I love having sex with you and I love they way you go down on me, but I know how guys are about this kind of thing." But she went on to describe how having sex with someone that big is a bit different, the biggest thing being that because of the increased size, everything is more stretched out and tighter, so there's more friction and that can feel really good. She also said that with someone as thick as Jason, his thickness was such that he continuously rubbed her clitoris and she could have vaginal orgasms.

So, I asked for it, but know I wish I didn't know that. All I can think about now is my wife getting if for two years in college from this guy with a huge dick. Now, I know you're going to think this is silly, but it really is bothering me.

(This also explains one thing that I never really understood -- I actually have an above average penis, about 7.25 inches by 6 -- and many girls I've been in the past with have commented on its size, but never my wife. I guess I know why now ...)

 

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roman25: Sounds very similiar to my own personal experience,except I encouraged my girlfriend to have a dick comparison session with an ex-boyfriend who was hung 10 inches and thick as a brick(call me weird).Anyway,I have a 7 incher and seeing it completely dwarfed by her ex- boyfriend was a humbling experience to say the least.My girlfriend and I have great sex but in the back of my mind I feel somewhat awkward knowing that she had previously been ravaged by this huge guy.She tells me the whole size don't matter bullshit.But I know she just says that to spare my feelings.There's no way I can see myself topping that guy.Even if I am a better lover,I could never give her that FULL feeling like he did.

 

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jackinman: Hey kylef, don't let that bother you buddy. She married YOU didn't she.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Moral of this story: If you ask the question, you'd better be prepared to deal with the answer! ;D

 

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roman25: couldn't agree more, doublemw

 

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Jimbo: Kylef:

I think your wife's comment that Jason was kind or a "dork" explains why you got the prize (your wife) and he did not.

In my opinion, men seem to be much more hung up on penis size then women and most women (as well as men) tend to look at the "total package" instead just that one attribute (of course there are size queens, but I feel they are the exception).

The fact that this has made you feel inadequate or insecure is in YOUR mind, not hers. You are putting yourself into a competition that does not really exist in her mind. The "bigger is better" slogan does not apply in most relationships, since there are so many other facets that are part of what makes a man attractive to a woman.

I once dated a women who had a boyfriend who was hung over 13". I found that out only when I asked her if i was the biggest she ever had (I am a little over 10"x7.5" at the thickest point). She left him. He was another "Dork". I took stock in the fact that she NEVER brought it up until I asked her because of the same reason your wife was reluctant to bring it up, for fear of bruising MY male ego. Her boyfriend after the 13" guy only had 6". Then she met ME.

Even at my size I have been with women who have NOT commented on how large i am. Do i trip on that? I guess I could, but what is to be gained? I attribute some of that lack of "reaction" to me being tall (6'7") so maybe those women EXPECT me to be more hung. Whatever. I do my best to learn their bodies, and give 'em the best possible orgasms they have ever had. When i hear the positive exclamations in the heat of passion, those are the comments that mean much more to me.

Flip the script. Have you ever dated someone more physically attractive than your wife? I have the feeling that most men have, but realize that big tits or whatever else might be the initial cause for the attraction, ain't really what it is about in the long run. If that "showcase" woman were to show up at your reunion, your wife MAY assume that because she was more attractive that you must've enjoyed sex with her more. However, I bet in reality it would actually BOOST your wife's ego to show the "centerfold" that she got you in the long run. That is exactly the way you should feel, Kylef, because that is what REALLY happened.

Just one question. Is your wife having vaginal orgasms with you? Do they happen often? You made a comment about Jason but you did not say. If she is, fine. If not, then communicate with her to find the right combination of positions, thrusting depth and/or frequency, etc. to make them happen routinely and INTENSELY. Going back to my ex-girlfriend, she said she actually enjoyed the 6" guy MORE, because he learned how to hit her G-spot continuously and blow her mind even BETTER then the 13" "dork". So SIZE may count but TECHNIQUE is the real long term winner.

Don't ruin a good thing, Kylef. You could worry yourself into having impotency problems due to perfomance anxiety, and all over NOTHING.

 

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AnonyMs: [quote author=Jimbo link=board=relationships;num=1044652622;start=0#5 date=02/08/03 at 13:13:57]Whatever.  I do my best to learn their bodies, and give 'em the best possible orgasms they have ever had. [/quote] YES! That's it - we are all individuals... what you did to drive your last girlfriend mad may leave me cold. It is so intoxicating to be with a man who wants to learn what makes me wild rather than demontrate his bag of sexual tricks. Not that I am not open to new things, but to have a man who is focused on my pleasure rather than demonstrating his prowess is a keeper!

 

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mortis: ouch...i know the feeling...but still, be realistic - who did she marry? i probably shouldn't say any more, i'm in a semi-similar position as you...
come to think of it, maybe this hurt and insecurity could be turned into controlled rage and you could use it as motivation to perform better and more intense...lol just a thought...

 

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thingsteal: I bet ol' Jason can't eat pussy like you!!!!!

 

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aquaman875: kylef - I'm guessing you've dated people with bigger breasts than your wife? Better looking? Smarter? Better cook? But when you add up the entire package, your wife is heads and shoulders above anyone you've ever dated.

Sex is only one aspect of the relationship and dick size is only one aspect of sex. While masturbating, I sometimes fantasize about the only person I've ever been with who could deepthroat me. She was awesome and gave oral sex frequently. However, we didn't have intercourse as much as I'd like and she'd always make a big deal out of having to shower first, which took any spontanaety out of it. Ultimately, we broke up because we didn't have enough in common.

What if you went to the bar w/the same group and you learned that Jason won a Nobel prize? Or was a multi-millionaire? Same thing. You just need to put it in perspective and be happy that you ultimately won the prize.

 

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Icarus213: This kind of post is a good reality check for all of us. You can only get so serious about the value you put on size, and at some point you have to admit that, however strong the sexual side of people is, it really isn't the most important part of us. At the end of the day, the things we care about and make life decisions on (like whom we marry and whom we love to be around) are still the truly important things. Good word, hey?

 

[benderten2001]

[quote author=Icarus213 link=board=relationships;num=1044652622;start=0#10 date=02/10/03 at 05:18:47]

"This kind of post is a good reality check for all of us.  You can only get so serious about the value you put on size, and at some point you have to admit that, however strong the sexual side of people is, it really isn't the most important part of us.  At the end of the day, the things we care about and make life decisions on (like whom we marry and whom we love to be around) are still the truly important things..."  [/quote]


Icarus213:

An excellent summation of what's been said thusfar!
I especially applaud your first line about the reality check. So true!

 

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Me_Likey: It seems to me that most married guys would love it (or at least would not complain) if his wife had bigger tits that the ones she has now. In fact, you could replace the word bigger with any adjective (ie. firmer, softer, rounder, perkier etc. etc.). Yet, men stay married to the same women 'till they die. My advise is don't worry about it, you love the person not their appendages.

 

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fanjo: I disagree, Me Likey. Personaly I prefer average or smaller sized breasts and, when you look at someone you already know, the size they are is what seems to suit them best. I couldn't imagine by current girl suddenly turning into a double D. I'd rather live on Mars or something.

 

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H8Monga: [quote author=roman25 link=board=relationships;num=1044652622;start=0#1 date=02/07/03 at 14:39:55]Sounds very similiar to my own personal experience,except I encouraged my girlfriend to have a dick comparison session with an ex-boyfriend who was hung 10 inches and thick as a brick(call me weird).Anyway,I have a 7 incher and seeing it completely dwarfed by her ex- boyfriend was a humbling experience to say the least.My girlfriend and I have great sex but in the back of my mind I feel somewhat awkward knowing that she had previously been ravaged by this huge guy.She tells me the whole size don't matter bullshit.But I know she just says that to spare my feelings.There's no way I can see myself topping that guy.Even if I am a better lover,I could never give her that FULL feeling like he did.[/quote]

I've never had sex but I worry that when I do, I'll have that feeling. I have always said when people told me if you two are in love, size won't matter, but it will always be in the back of my head that this girl if she's not a virgin will most definitely have had sex with a guy bigger, perhaps way bigger than I am. The last 5 sentences I've said over and over and worry about over and over. It seems to me, every girl has had sex around the block has encounted someone bigger than I am especially if she's black. Why would she even want to have what I have when someone else was better in size?

 

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tott666: [quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=relationships;num=1044652622;start=0#14 date=04/07/03 at 13:52:42]
Why would she even want to have what I have when someone else was better in size?
[/quote]

Yes... Why?!?

Because size is not the ultimate reason and answer. That's why.

I like big dicks but I'd rather be with someone who appreciates me and himself because of other things that matter.

 

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Icarus213: To be honest, that might happen to a relationship that isn't destined to go anywhere. But think...if your size is what seperates you from your girl (whether it be too much or not enough), the ties that bound you together in the first place probably weren't the quality you would want for the long-term. But if you are into shallow relationships that rise and fall on a magnitude of inches, that's probably what you are in for anyway. :-/

 

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H8Monga: I definitely don't want a shallow relationship based on inches, but gievn how today's relationships are, it's a possibility. It won't be me having the problem, but I'd be the one left dealing with it. I also wonder if there would be any façadism or settling because the pluses ountnumber the minus in her opinion.

 

[Max]

Hapi,

You need somehow to put this anxiety right out of your mind. I think Tott and Icarus are 100% right.

If you are at all choosy about the girl you want a relationship with, she will not be the sort to tot up a mental list of plusses and minuses about you and 'settle' for you, despite the supposed lack of penis inches being one of her negatives. No woman who did that would be one you'd want to spend a long time with.

Whatever your size, to a woman in a deep relationship the special thing about your dick is the same; what makes him special to her is that he's attached to you.

 

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H8Monga: Max thanks.

I'm trying. I guess I shouldn't have a problem especially since I have high standards and probably would find a sincere girl worth every bit or my wait, time, everything. I just can't help to worry how I compare to any exes if she has any... trick is not letting it consume me.