Old flame...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by John.Heath, Nov 24, 2009.

  1. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

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    So a couple of months ago I got a friend request on Facebook from an old girlfriend from high school. This was a girl that I had dated pretty seriously when we were 16-17 years old and then also later when we were freshmen in college. We ended up going our separate ways, mainly because I was an immature jerk then and both ended up getting married very young, before we were out of school.

    Long story short, we talked for about two months on Facebook, just catching up, talking about our lives, marriages, kids, etc. Then out of the blue one day she asks me to meet her for lunch... we end up meeting and talking at this restaurant for like 3 solid hours. Turns out that she and I have led very similar lives, both have bad marriages, but also each have fairly young kids. Also turns out that the spark we used to have is still very alive and well and we're very attracted to each other.

    So we go from talking on facebook, to having lunch, to having lunch again, to her coming to my office a couple of times, to us then meeting on a Saturday morning at my office when no one else is around... I think you see where this is going. Basically we ended up screwing each others brains out for the better part of 3 hours, was the best sex I've ever had. She came multiple times... which is something I've never experienced since my wife is essentially asexual and doesn't care about it at all, never has. We screwed on my desk, in my chair on the floor, you name it.

    Now to top it all off, I've realized that I'm in love with this woman and that she is with me too, but because of our situations, we can't be together... she doesn't think that her husband would be amicable in a divorce and won't risk losing her kids, can't blame her for that, as I feel the same...

    So, why post this? Well, I'm not looking for approval nor do I want people telling me what a jerk I am because I cheated... just wanted to share, see if anyone had any experience or insight in this situation. At this point, we've talked and basically broken it off... it really sucks because I literally think about her all the time and I think she feels the same about me, but we can't do anything about it.

    Life is what it is and you have to make the best of it I guess... but sometimes that really sucks ass.
     
  2. madfronter

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    It sounds like you are not in a relationship you are completely happy with and same with her. If you were willing to take the risk of meeting her then meeting her again then having sex with her, I'd have to say you need to reflect on things and figure out whats best for you. I understand kids are involved and what not, but dealing with it now instead of prolonging the inevitable is best. I can't tell you what to do, but I'm sure you think about this everyday since you started talking to her again. These are the things that make life interesting.
     
  3. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

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    Yeah, I'm certainly not happy in my marriage... if I was, I wouldn't have cheated... not that that's an excuse, but simply the truth. This woman is pretty special, and now that I've had time to think about it, I think I've always had feelings for her, but never been able to realize them.

    To say I think about it everyday is an understatement... more like every 5 minutes... seems like everything I see, every song I hear, pretty much anything reminds me of her. I feel like a damn 15 year old with a crush...

    We've discussed what you mention too... we did take a pretty big risk meeting and going to my office... afterwards I think that hit her and really sunk in to her that if we'd been caught, it would have been very bad and she could lose her kids (and me too)... she backed off pretty quickly after that realization.

    I can go on with my current life and marriage as is... hell, I've been doing it for years now anyway... it's just that now I know there's something else out there... and it sucks that I can't have it.
     
  4. Cougar

    Cougar New Member

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    Many people have lead "double live" to find happiness and their spouse never finds out till they die. Problem is, they eventually find out and the pain is unbearable to them........almost as unbearable as your current marriage.
     
  5. madfronter

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    Well to say you can go on with your life and marriage as is is respectable, but doesn't seem right to me. It seems like your wife isn't enough for you sexually. And if you are thinking about this old flame constantly almost like an obsession, how do you plan on going about things? Have you seen her since you fucked at your office? Why does she feel like she will lose her kids. Women are almost always the ones who get the majority of custody of their kids no matter what their position is. Unless shes completely fucked up she will not lose her kids. You know what I mean?
     
  6. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

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    Well, as I said in that last post... things have not been right in my marriage for years, and basically I've just dealt with it best I can. Certainly if not for the kids, I wouldn't be married anyway, I would've left her a long time ago regardless of this other woman or not. I decided that I could deal with it to make sure my kids grew up in a normal family with their mom and dad. We don't fight in our marriage (much) and we are pretty amenable most of the time... so it's not like the kids are seeing a bad marriage outright... if that was the case, I would leave.

    As far as she goes, I think she feels that her husband would be vindictive and make her life hell and take it out on her kids. Surely she would get custody, except in the case of adultery, where she would probably get at least partial custody, but I think even that would destroy her. Her kids are her life... esp. since her marriage sucks, so that would do no one any good.

    Trust me, I would love to just leave my wife and hope that everything could turn out OK, and hopefully she could do the same, but this is the real world and I'm enough of an adult now to know that that's prolly not how it would end up.
     
  7. madfronter

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    Imagine telling your wife and kids you are gay? And staying with them for 5 years until your wife said she is ready for you to leave. Divorce might not be the best thing in life but things can work out in the long run if you try hard enough. People can be pretty shitty to each other but getting the kids involved it the wrong thing to do, but thats what people do. SO I understand more than you think since I came from a divorced family and what I said in the beginning of this post. These are the things that make us stronger. Being honest with yourself and your loved ones is what is most important.
     
  8. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

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    Well, you make some good points... and truthfully, I haven't completely decided what I'm going to do. My main thing at this point is I've truly thought about leaving and what that would mean... I don't know that I can take being away from my kids... not being there when they wake up in the morning, that kind of thing. It's tough to think about.
     
  9. madfronter

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    I totally understand where you are coming from. As I said I am not trying to convince you to do anything other than think about all the possibilities and outcomes. Just be honest with yourself and think about what you are going through. Its hard but so is life and the more you think about the long term and not just the present the better off you will be.
     
  10. D_Clifftonne Copperclappers

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    Something similar happened to me a few years ago on 'Friends Reunited' which apparently has a reputation, deserved or not, for breaking up marriages. An ex girlfriend of many years ago emailed me out of the blue, we chatted, we met for coffee, then we agreed to meet in my hotel for lunch on a business trip, and the next thing I knew we were having an amazing fuck just as we used to do before both of us were married.

    After a few such meetings having increasingly more intense, passionate sex, we realised pretty well that we were besotted and either we had to make major changes in our lives or part. Very reluctantly after making love for the last time we parted, as the consequences of carrying on were too difficult.

    Fortunately I am not by any means monogamous so having sex with someone else simply to satisfy my sex drive was not an issue. But I wish I could have had a less intense relationship with my ex girlfriend - it would have been great just to agree to have an affair for sex, but that's not always possible.
     
  11. helgaleena

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    You both will do what you have to do for the sake of you respective families. What does your current wife think about your sleeping with others? What would she do regarding the access to your children together? You must have managed to have sex more than once somehow... Can she do something to fix the 'asexual' and would she be willing? If not, does she want you to cheat up front or does she want to grant you legal freedom?

    These things need to be made clear between you and your current wife before anything else, I believe.
     
  12. John.Heath

    John.Heath New Member

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    Lots of questions... all good ones... let's see...

    She would definitely leave me if she knew I had an affair. I think that if we did separate, that she would be amicable about the kids, but who knows...
    Yes, we do have occasional sex, always at my initiation... pretty boring actually. We've tried counseling, she's spoken to her doctor, tried hormone therapy, it's just not happening.

    We had a brief discussion over thanksgiving where she asked me if I thought I could ever be happy with her and that I needed to let her know (based on a previous discussion we had about 5 months ago)... I honestly think that the answer to that is no, I don't think I'll ever be happy with her... but how the hell do I tell her that???
     
  13. latinluva

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    I had the same situation, but I killed the whole "old flame" reunite with her when I told her how much I love cock too. She totally flipped out and couldn't believe it, we still talk.
     
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