Eh, stop me if you're heard this one.
Ever since I've been like, In middle school, I've always been sort of self concious about my own "Little Jo." Hell, in highschool I switched my entire underware line from breifs to boxers just so I wouldn't have to face the embarrassment of having chuckles and jokes tossed about at my expence. Undoubtedly, it's practically impossible to negate this. Teasing happens, big whoop, we move on. For the most part I was never really profoundedly affected by it and I pretty much accepted my fate, as unappealing as it was. This, until I started dating a chick.
I must admit, upon retrospect, I wasn't ready. But, Junior year I met this really cool (heh) chick and we hit it off perfectly. We started dating and she was alot more experienced in the area of sex vs myself. I was a virgin at the time so I didn't really know what the hell to do.
Long story short, we broke up 2 months or so later on what I thougt to be rather civil grounds. We both agreed it wasn't working out, cut and dry deal. Well, not even a week goes by and rumors begin to spread like a wildfire about my lack in the bed department and the fact that I had SUCH a small penis that she couldn't deal with it. This battle lasted until graduation, I was teased and taunted just about everyday on things that started to sound so far from the truth it appauled me. I did my best to dispell, nevertheless, a small penis was always funnier. And needless to say, my insecurity grew into an obsession until I entered college and moved away. My insecurity was compensated by indulging in activities of the cheekiest kind. I forgot about it and felt pretty damn good about things as I surrounded myself with positive people and was studying a field that I found interesting.
Flash forward to last summer. I'm a junior in college, and I go back home on one of my regular family visits. I run into an old friend in highschool, me and her catch up and I notice her eyeing me, and speaking in a tone unlike I've ever heard from her. "woah crap, she's hitting on me?", I thought. So, getting a kick out of this as she never looked at me twice in high school outside of being "the nice guy", I flirt back. We exchange numbers and I go home feeling rather victorious. We talk a bit more and I really like where this is going, I tell a cousin of mine about this recent development and she thinks it's cool, however, knowing I was "The Joke" in highschool for my last 2 years, she wanted to see if the chick was genuine. So, a few weeks pass and she calls me talling me that she chilled with this girl for a bit one day and came across the topic of me. SHe asked if she was really interested in me, the girl pauses, and said yeah but there was one problem. The problem was that she was afraid that I had too small of a dick cause of shit she heard back int high school.....over 4 years ago!
Needless to say, I lost all interest and we havent spoken outside of the small chitchat whenever I come to visit. At first, it rolled off my back as I had nothing to prove to this girl and seeing as she's held onto this thing forever even though she's known me since we were 3years old, proved to me that she wasn't worth the panties she walked in.
Then, it all started coming back. One of the few true insecurites that I had, the most damaging, began to cripple me and I reverted back into the size obsessed kid I was at school. Now, it's been months and it's become a larger portion of what I think about during the day. I have a loving boyfriend now, and I still have the positive people I surround myself with, but damnit, it's not rubbing off as it once did and since they're all more well endowed than I am, it doesn't help a bit. I talked about it with my boyfriend and best friend and of course they see no problem with myself or performance, they know that it's just a stupid thing that happened and that I shouldn't worry about it.
Sorry about having such a long drawn outstory, however, this has and is still on my mind and I can't shake it. I'd like to find that happy spot again but there's nothing I convince myself otherwise.
Make it bigger? Lost cause. Unlike breasts that can be magically reduced or expanded upon with the flick of a fairy god-surgeon's scalpel, the penis is one of the only body parts that cannot be improved upon so easily...if at all. Five-hundred-pound-guy doesn't wanna be fat anymore, flick, re-arrange your digestive tract and watch those pounds melt away! Wanna new gender? Hack and slash your way into a new Mr. or Ms. Sam/Samanthina! Hell, let's suck the fat from your butt and round it out a bit while we inject said fat into you're lips! The male penis? Woah, cures for cancer/aids/the cold/herpes/bad drivers/what ailes ya have all been found!
I mask with humor, sorry for ranting I guess. :/
Later on.
Ever since I've been like, In middle school, I've always been sort of self concious about my own "Little Jo." Hell, in highschool I switched my entire underware line from breifs to boxers just so I wouldn't have to face the embarrassment of having chuckles and jokes tossed about at my expence. Undoubtedly, it's practically impossible to negate this. Teasing happens, big whoop, we move on. For the most part I was never really profoundedly affected by it and I pretty much accepted my fate, as unappealing as it was. This, until I started dating a chick.
I must admit, upon retrospect, I wasn't ready. But, Junior year I met this really cool (heh) chick and we hit it off perfectly. We started dating and she was alot more experienced in the area of sex vs myself. I was a virgin at the time so I didn't really know what the hell to do.
Long story short, we broke up 2 months or so later on what I thougt to be rather civil grounds. We both agreed it wasn't working out, cut and dry deal. Well, not even a week goes by and rumors begin to spread like a wildfire about my lack in the bed department and the fact that I had SUCH a small penis that she couldn't deal with it. This battle lasted until graduation, I was teased and taunted just about everyday on things that started to sound so far from the truth it appauled me. I did my best to dispell, nevertheless, a small penis was always funnier. And needless to say, my insecurity grew into an obsession until I entered college and moved away. My insecurity was compensated by indulging in activities of the cheekiest kind. I forgot about it and felt pretty damn good about things as I surrounded myself with positive people and was studying a field that I found interesting.
Flash forward to last summer. I'm a junior in college, and I go back home on one of my regular family visits. I run into an old friend in highschool, me and her catch up and I notice her eyeing me, and speaking in a tone unlike I've ever heard from her. "woah crap, she's hitting on me?", I thought. So, getting a kick out of this as she never looked at me twice in high school outside of being "the nice guy", I flirt back. We exchange numbers and I go home feeling rather victorious. We talk a bit more and I really like where this is going, I tell a cousin of mine about this recent development and she thinks it's cool, however, knowing I was "The Joke" in highschool for my last 2 years, she wanted to see if the chick was genuine. So, a few weeks pass and she calls me talling me that she chilled with this girl for a bit one day and came across the topic of me. SHe asked if she was really interested in me, the girl pauses, and said yeah but there was one problem. The problem was that she was afraid that I had too small of a dick cause of shit she heard back int high school.....over 4 years ago!
Needless to say, I lost all interest and we havent spoken outside of the small chitchat whenever I come to visit. At first, it rolled off my back as I had nothing to prove to this girl and seeing as she's held onto this thing forever even though she's known me since we were 3years old, proved to me that she wasn't worth the panties she walked in.
Then, it all started coming back. One of the few true insecurites that I had, the most damaging, began to cripple me and I reverted back into the size obsessed kid I was at school. Now, it's been months and it's become a larger portion of what I think about during the day. I have a loving boyfriend now, and I still have the positive people I surround myself with, but damnit, it's not rubbing off as it once did and since they're all more well endowed than I am, it doesn't help a bit. I talked about it with my boyfriend and best friend and of course they see no problem with myself or performance, they know that it's just a stupid thing that happened and that I shouldn't worry about it.
Sorry about having such a long drawn outstory, however, this has and is still on my mind and I can't shake it. I'd like to find that happy spot again but there's nothing I convince myself otherwise.
Make it bigger? Lost cause. Unlike breasts that can be magically reduced or expanded upon with the flick of a fairy god-surgeon's scalpel, the penis is one of the only body parts that cannot be improved upon so easily...if at all. Five-hundred-pound-guy doesn't wanna be fat anymore, flick, re-arrange your digestive tract and watch those pounds melt away! Wanna new gender? Hack and slash your way into a new Mr. or Ms. Sam/Samanthina! Hell, let's suck the fat from your butt and round it out a bit while we inject said fat into you're lips! The male penis? Woah, cures for cancer/aids/the cold/herpes/bad drivers/what ailes ya have all been found!
I mask with humor, sorry for ranting I guess. :/
Later on.
