Older Gay I feel dishonest

Splatter

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I use pornography on a regular basis , my partner have been together 44yrs and we have a fantastic relationship and it is totally monogamous.

I am 65 and he is now 78 and physical contact is infrequent and although I miss this with him and do not want to make him feel bad in anyway....we still have some sex .

My question is should I feel bad that I look at porn, is it a betrayal, I don't want to have sex with other others but I use it as jerk off etc aid and what we did as an active couple.
 

LPSG Simon

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I honestly wouldn't feel bad about it unto itself. Some people think that it's 'mind-cheating'; I say there's no such thing. Everyone is entitled to an inner life that is just for themselves, this includes an inner sex life whose aspects may not include anyone else, and also include masturbation. :)

How does your partner feel about pornography? You mentioned that you are concerned about transparency. Is simply disclosing that you include porn in your self love routines enough to get it off your chest and be unburdened? If he's very anti-porn for say a moral or political reason, this could be difficult, but if not, it might not be a big deal.

If he's curious, you could try watching porn together. It could even open up a whole other chapter in your together-sex life (it's never too late to discover new things!). If it's something that informs a the aforementioned inner life and you want to keep it to yourself, maybe you can do just that. Having a discreet porn habit that does not overstep on your relationship, time, or finances is kind of in the 'white lies' end of moral camps in my opinion. :)
 
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Splatter

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I honestly wouldn't feel bad about it unto itself. Some people think that it's 'mind-cheating'; I say there's no such thing. Everyone is entitled to an inner life that is just for themselves, this includes an inner sex life whose aspects may not include anyone else, and also include masturbation. :)

How does your partner feel about pornography? You mentioned that you are concerned about transparency. Is simply disclosing that you include porn in your self love routines enough to get it off your chest and be unburdened? If he's very anti-porn for say a moral or political reason, this could be difficult, but if not, it might not be a big deal.

If he's curious, you could try watching porn together. It could even open up a whole other chapter in your together-sex life (it's never too late to discover new things!). If it's something that informs a the aforementioned inner life and you want to keep it to yourself, maybe you can do just that. Having a discreet porn habit that does not overstep on your relationship, time, or finances is kind of in the 'white lies' end of moral camps in my opinion. :)
Thank you for your helpful reply neither of us have a problem with watching porn and have used to enhance sex play but I don't want to add to his feelings that he is letting me down which he has stated. I have always enjoyed long sessions and it is something he is longer able to do.
I really appreciate your reply thank you.
 
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LPSG Simon

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Thank you for your helpful reply neither of us have a problem with watching porn and have used to enhance sex play but I don't want to add to his feelings that he is letting me down which he has stated. I have always enjoyed long sessions and it is something he is longer able to do.
I really appreciate your reply thank you.
I'm really touched by the loyalty your posts are conveying in the context of such a long term partnership. :)
 

ILoveGames48

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The person you need to ask is your bf/husband of 44 years.. we can say yeah it’s fine or no it’s wrong but it is him there watching you watch porn..

Is there a certain kind of porn that may peak his interest into sex more ..

And he may be 78 but things can still work down there I know for a fact of that one …
 

Splatter

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The person you need to ask is your bf/husband of 44 years.. we can say yeah it’s fine or no it’s wrong but it is him there watching you watch porn..

Is there a certain kind of porn that may peak his interest into sex more ..

And he may be 78 but things can still work down there I know for a fact of that one …
Thank you for reply but I think Simon got what I asking its deeper than watching porn.
 

Brodie888

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Cheating is doing something your partner wouldn't/hasn't agreed to.

So I wouldn't see it as a betrayal. It would only be a betrayal if you skip sex with him in order to masturbate.

Regardless of age, everyone has needs that need to be met. If you know your partner wouldn't care, it shouldn't bother you either.
 

ILoveGames48

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Well either way it goes hope things sort itself out and get better ..

I’ve gone just about my entire life not worrying about having a boyfriend or girlfriend.. even just dating someone for few months either he wants more to the relationship or I do.. so I see it easier just to have sex buddies and go find someone that’s willing to do more than just basic sex.. or whatever ..


I know it’s kind of hard for a life like mine.. being over active is something I’ve always been so I’d go from one person to another same night or next day


I did try relationships twice and one cheated on me after dating for almost a year and another one basicly said no one was going to know about me and I wasn’t goi g to watch horror movies because he hated them.. wasn’t going to listen to my music because he hated it.. and so on.. so basicly he just wanted to remain in the closet and put me back in the closet and not enjoy what I like.. so I ended it..


Now my life is going good .. proposed to my sweetheart Dec 15th and he said yes .. so we been together for three years on that day..

As for specifics about him.. that’s another topic unless guys have read my posts about proposing to him ..


Never thought I’d fall in love with anyone.. especially someone like “ him”. But he makes me happy so far hope that never changes