On A Scale Of "that's Kinda Cute" To Straight Blocking Me On Here, How Cringey Is What I Did Today?

[PlumTip]

I was mtn biking and kinda ripping around a corner and came very close to destroying this poor hiker woman. I made sure she was alright and she was ultra friendly and smiley, so I went on my way. She was "my type" like I had dreamed her up myself. As I ride away, I turn to check out the glutes and get caught so I ride away.

So I'm not gonna interrupt a woman by herself in the woods to try and hit on her because I don't want her to feel unsafe, but at the same time I really want to know her.

So I get back to my car and write this on a piece of paper:
"DREAM GIRL
Blonde hair, white top, black bottoms.
Almost killed you on my bike today.
You single? I'm single! We should be not single together! Call me xxx-xxx-xxxx"

And I put it in a place that you basically have to walk around to get back to the trailhead parking lot.

How bad is that? I feel like such a dork right now but I am curious how bad that was.

Thoughts?

 

[MickeyLee]

For your own safety? Leaving your number for all the passing randos probably wasn't the brightest move. Most women would never leave their contact info out for the viewing public. And that kinda disconnect of awareness of women, and their very reasonable constant cautionary awareness, is one reason the note has a cringe factor.

Dream Girl - ya don't know her name. She might well be a very attractive member of a white supremacist group who hate puppies and old people. Off the bat all her value is based on what she looks like.

The single thing. Before any information about her you have expressed an interest in her sexually. Ya might not have meant it, see above where I mentioned women being very cautious. If the hand being extended in greeting seems aimed at my tits. I am gonna be cranky.

Leaving a note was not Rapey 101. Just poorly executed. Hell, she might give you a call.

Better approach with a note?

Sorry I almost ran you over. Mention being distracted by the scenery. *Self-deprecating goes here *Offer to take her out for coffee/snacks to make up for a near inadvertent squishing.

Email makes a great contact point. She can reach out without giving her number to a possible crazy person.

 

[MickeyLee]

Oh good grief. So basically everything is creepy, but especially so when you try not to be creepy. Also, women always want to be left alone. At the gym? No. At the grocery store? No. While hiking? No. Sharing a common interest like cycling or surfing? NO! While at work? No that's the worst of all. At a stop light? They just want to exist.

Seems like the only time it is appropriate is at a bar while she in inebriated. Huh.
Got it. Guess online is the only way in 2020 since every guy is a creepy, rape villain.

Y'all sound jaded as hell. Lighten up.

Yeah. Jaded bitches. How dare women expect to exist in public spaces without being constantly appraised and reminded that randos might consider us fuckable.

I mean, read a book and enjoy a cup of coffee? The fucking nerve.

Pretending to go to the gym for long term health and enjoyment? Why would women wear tight fitting clothing if they don't want men to approach?

A woman, who made a point to go on a hike by herself? She was clearly advertising her lack of male attention.

Grocery store? Obviously she is out shopping for sandwich fixings for the man she's hoping to meet.

At work? Oh, yeah. Women know he's got a job and benefits. Totally worth risking a career for some rando.

Uughhh

 

[Mittimer]

I'm thinking this thread was started because dude wanted to get flamed.

I'm just providing bruh. You wanted it, ya got it.

Seems a lot of guys who start threads in this section only want validation for their actions and desires. Then get super pissy and petulant when we don't provide that validation. It's an amusing as hell.

 

[MickeyLee]

Right. So there is literally no acceptable time to approach a woman. I never said I thought she was just HOPING a guy would think she was fuckable. I saw a pretty girl who was nice and I wanted to maybe buy her dinner or eventually a house.

So yes, jaded as fuck.

This is you being a rattle chucking pram baby. And a prime example of why women are always on the defense, ya pissy lil fuck.

There are plenty of times approaching a woman is acceptable. Your job is to recognize the open window. AND you being interested in her does not open the damn window.

At work? Never appropriate. Just don't fucking do it.

Woman in a coffee shop reading. Acceptable? Have you read the book? Yes? You are one step closer to an opening. Is she deeply engrossed in her current activity? Like hasn't even touched her drink in the last few minutes? No. She's having a her moment, fuck off.

If you must engage her. It's not hard to not be a douche.

One, apologize for interrupting her but you happen to love the book she's reading. Suggest another book by the author or of a similar nature. If she is receptive she'll communicate it, by body language or actions.*

*Because you now have pee-boy status. If she doesn't open a conversation go on with your day with out calling her jaded.

Since you like leaving notes? Buy her another of whatever she is having. Along with yummy of choice send a lil note that you don't want to disturb her, but ya noticed her... Non physical attribute goes here... and, again, email or other contact info.

At the gym? Is she in the middle of a set? Fuck off. Is she moving to a new piece of equipment? Check her vibe. Ask her for a tip on that particular bit of equipment. Again, if she's not interested she has an out. If she is, conversation has been opened.

Grocery store. Ask about something in a recipe? Where something is in the store.

None of this is hard. How do men fuck it up so completely?

 

[MisterB]

MODERATOR NOTICE​

I've locked this thread.

Looks like some housekeeping is in order; I'm going to do some thread cleanup.

As a result, some posts will most likely disappear.

Once I'm done, we'll see about whether this thread needs to be reopened or if it's run its course.

MisterB
Moderator

 

[deleted924715]

Oh good grief. So basically everything is creepy, but especially so when you try not to be creepy. Also, women always want to be left alone. At the gym? No. At the grocery store? No. While hiking? No. Sharing a common interest like cycling or surfing? NO! While at work? No that's the worst of all. At a stop light? They just want to exist.

Seems like the only time it is appropriate is at a bar while she in inebriated. Huh.
Got it. Guess online is the only way in 2020 since every guy is a creepy, rape villain.

Y'all sound jaded as hell. Lighten up.

You "lighten up"

You asked the women here and got a range of answers dependent on each woman's perspective.

Nobody hunted you down to force their opinion down your throat - you literally solicited the women here for their thoughts.

You got them

 

[MickeyLee]

You were not attacked. You were told that your actions might cause some women discomfort. That you might have indeed done something creepy. You knew before you asked. You wanted reassurance that you did nothing wrong.

And that is kind of the issue. Men don't want to be seen as "that guy" Women have to assess the possibility that every man she meets might be "that guy". Look how you reacted to mild resistance on a forum? Dudes do not do rejection well.

No. Women are not more complicated than men.

Women are raped and murdered more often than men*. And when horrible things happen to women, every action or choice she's made leading up to that meeting and after will be held against her.

*Yes, men are raped and murdered. That is not the conversation being had here, shitlords. Go away.

That's why women are on guard. Our literal lives depend on it.

News flash. A woman in a coffee shop has a certain level of protection. There are witnesses. There are people who would hopefully intervene if things turn ugly. She can turn to someone for help.

A woman on an isolate nature trail has none of those protections. Her only protection is the intentions of who she meets. There is a vulnerability to her situation you just don't get, because you don't live it or don't want to see it.

When you left your note, I can say with 100% certainty for If even only a brief moment the idea that you might be waiting for her in the parking lot flashed through her mind.

I am mostly gay. Like, really, hella, fucking gay. In my time I managed to approach/mingle and talk to heaps of women without making them uncomfortable.

Before ya say "that cuz you are a woman" I call bullshit. I not only had to figure out if a woman was open to my attention, I had to figure out her sexuality to boot. That is like a triple word square level of come-on.

 

[neutrno]

I would smile at the note and dispose of it without touching it. Leave no trace!

The problem with it, though, is that you may have scared her away from a place she liked.

Many men become vengeful when women don't respond to them. How is she supposed to know you aren't one of those? Revenge stuff is so common nowadays.

Therefore, many of us would be afraid of ever seeing you there again and would avoid it.

If you ever see her again, pretend you haven't. Don't scare her away from her hiking spot.

You asked where you can meet and talk to women. Not in a place where a woman would feel particularly vulnerable. When/where we're hiking alone is really a bad time/place.

If it happens in the middle of a city, in a busy place, something with more people around, that's better.

Can't you see this?

Imagine you have a daughter who hikes alone. She comes home and tells you about the guy and the note. Wouldn't you tell her to be careful and not go back there?

That's a way to know if you're being appropriate: imagine you're her father/mother listening to the story and how you'd feel.

 

[Enid]

Personally, like a lot of other women have said, I would find it a little uncomfortable. I've had a note left for me before and it didn't inspire me to call, even though the guy was reasonably attractive. The reason? He said all these physically complimentary things and it turned me off, because all he was waxing rhapsodic about was looks.

There's something else about this that bothers me, and it's that sometimes I just wanna be left alone, and a woman hiking alone sounds a lot like someone who also would like to be left alone. But maybe that's me, I dunno.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with approaching someone in public...friendly chit-chat in the appropriate environment without coming on too strong about looks etc while paying attention to nonverbal cues is totes acceptable, in my book. I just happen to believe that this wasn't the appropriate environment because it is not like you can read the nonverbal communication (also, solitary activity).

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Right. So there is literally no acceptable time to approach a woman. I never said I thought she was just HOPING a guy would think she was fuckable. I saw a pretty girl who was nice and I wanted to maybe buy her dinner or eventually a house.

So yes, jaded as fuck.

Nobody said there's no appropriate time place or way to approach a woman, for fucks sake some of the women here even said what you did wasn't creepy to them.

Focus on only what you consider to be negative and apply it to the rest of us? Fucking stupid move and not a good way to find a woman in the future. We're not all the same.

I'm not jaded at all. Very fucking happy with an amazing man who never made me feel unsafe.

Be well. I'm done here.

 

[286798]

Ok, so I retract my statement that if I were dream girl and thought you were cute, I'd call. Although I think some women here misread your post and interpreted that you left a note on her car and their responses aren't 100% applicable, I don't like your reaction to the ladies here. Not one bit. They shared how it would make them feel uncomfortable, some JUSTIFIABLY based on full on sexual assault experiences by men in similar situations, and you threw your sucker in the dirt. You essentially said their reactions were wrong... just because it doesn't suit your white knight/gentleman narrative. The reaction you're reading here, but apparently failing to understand, is that women are not here for your viewing pleasure. We're more than just a fuck toy, should you find us fuckable. If you're only focusing on the exterior, you're missing out on the best part of a woman.

 

[LaFemme]

To be honest it could be creepy or kind of cool. You won’t ever know, unless she does call you. Then you’d have a definitive answer that she thought it was cool. If she felt a spark on that near collision, she might actually like it. If she didn’t, well then it was creepy to her. Hard to say because it wasn’t me.

The thing is you’ll never know. You could have done worse though. You could have waited for her in the parking lot! That would have been creepy as hell.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I only quoted the ones that came at me. I liked the comments that didn't immediately call me a creep. Even the ones that said it was but weren't rude as fuck I agreed with. Like you came out hard, I asked you to go easy, you didn't, so I came back at you.

Later.

What the fuck ever dude.

I didn't even start "going hard" on you. I'm just giving you an honest fucking answer, and you can't handle the idea that something you did is creepy as fuck to a woman. Which means it might have been creepy to her.

Even the way you phrased this question, you fucking knew some people might be creeped out by what you did. I don't think you're a creep. I just don't think you should leave notes. You fucking ASKED for my opinion as a woman here. I fucking gave it to you.

You're welcome.

 

[MickeyLee]

Ramble goes here:

Yes. Women are justifiably cautious around strange men.

But also. Sometimes a woman just wants to be left alone. Not cuz some dudes are dangerous assbutts. Just because.

Respect that. Sometimes the most admiring action ya can take is respecting a woman having her moment in life and leaving her to enjoy it.

I genuinely love people watching. Started cuz I am an art nerd. Quick sketches for anatomy and general figure drawing. Character sketches of faces.

Once I grew out of my kid stage where people tolerated me staring I got better at not staring but still observing. I also got comfortable approaching people to ask if they minded being a model for minute. Most folks say yes. Being told no helped me learn to not take rejection personally. That a "no" is more about respecting others boundaries/comfort level and so much less about anything negative to do with me as a person. To this day? Super valuable lesson.

Maybe that's why dudes have an issue with women wanting space. Instead of hearing women say "I need to be in public without being an object or exist as a possible sexual option." Dudes are hearing "I don't want you, specifically you. You suck"?

That is so not the case. When I am in my leave-alone mindset my ideal could hit me up and I would be put out by the intrusion. Like, the love child of Xena and Dean Winchester could be all "wanna do thai food and zombie flix?" I would be all "really, universe? Are you fucking kidding me?"

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Oh good grief. So basically everything is creepy, but especially so when you try not to be creepy. Also, women always want to be left alone. At the gym? No. At the grocery store? No. While hiking? No. Sharing a common interest like cycling or surfing? NO! While at work? No that's the worst of all. At a stop light? They just want to exist.

Seems like the only time it is appropriate is at a bar while she in inebriated. Huh.
Got it. Guess online is the only way in 2020 since every guy is a creepy, rape villain.

Y'all sound jaded as hell. Lighten up.

Wow someone got a nerve hit.
I simply quoted YOUR OWN WORDS to say you did indeed watch, and it sounded like you stopped only because you were caught.
You asked where this series of actions was from “ kinda cute” to “block you on here.” And you asked how cringe inducing it was.
So you knew you weren’t in the clear.
If you are lucky, she’s just telling her friends and laughing at you.
If you aren’t, be prepared to see your note on social media.


And yeah, I have a right to fucking exist without dudes hitting on me.

 

[MickeyLee]

Just putting this out there to my RLG & SBA crew....

I am always down for thai food and zombie flix.

*leaves phone facing up with Door Dash and Netflix apps clearly visible*

 

[286798]

Yeah...and the fact that she was super sweet and friendly only led me to want to get to know her more. Which everyone here is mistaking for "being fuckable". It is like nobody thinks that initial attraction is a necessary part of the entire courting ritual.

Also, my reaction is based on me asking if what I did was cringe worthy, but then they're just jumping in and going "yes, you're creepy as fuck". I know for a fact I am not "creepy" but some of the ladies in here act like it is their job to berate every man on here that doesn't kiss ass. I won't do that. But I will defend myself against chicks that cant read and attack my character.

Suggest you read my initial reaction and then your responses to the women between to see why my tone changed. I don't have any issue with your note, but I don't like how you dismissed the honest opinions of the women here THAT YOU ASKED FOR. No one berated you until that happened. They may have not gone along with what you wanted to hear, but they talked about how they didn't like WHAT YOU DID, not how they don't like WHO YOU ARE. Big difference. That's not "attacking your character". And it's certainly not berating you because you don't kiss ass.

Here's the thing, pal... _I_ am super sweet and friendly (and not hard on the eyes) and have found myself in situations where men misinterpreted my friendly nature as romantic interest more often than I like to admit. The reaction to being told "no thanks" has been everything from a genuine "I'm sorry, I just hoped to get to know you" to physical threats and insults. This is the reality of what it's like to be a woman and reject a man's advances. I'd bet that every woman who's responded here has experienced the same thing. It SUCKS. That's why I said I'd be glad to have the option to reach out if I were interested rather than asking face to face where I have to worry about the strong possibility that my "no thanks" might be met with "Stuck up bitch, am I not good enough for you?" or "whatever- you're ugly anyway" or "yeah, your ass is too big for me anyway" or "Enjoy your hike, your tires will be slashed when you get back". But ya know... we women folk need to lighten the hell up and not be jaded. Alright then.

Before you dismiss my experiences and opinions... not saying YOU would be a douche if she rejected you. Not saying ALL men do. But given how defensive you became over our not telling you it's gonna turn out like a Penthouse Forum letter, I'm not entirely sure how it'd go.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Oh, we are chicks now?
View media item 2992661
Let me throw the rest on here... fat, ugly, sluts, skanks, bitter, old, lonely, dried up, angry, feminist, lesbian, no one wants to fuck us.... Oh, and “if we hate men why are we on this big dick site not worshipping peen?“
Did I miss any?

Damn, son.
Don’t ask what you don’t want answers for.
And listen to the women who gave you great advice on how to do similar better next time.

Personally, aside from a great distaste of having random men act like the trail is a meat market, and they do here, it’s one reason I go midweek and early, and a general dislike of the lack of cyclist trail manners, the note was fine. One can block their number, and block another’s if need be. And sadly, we do think this way.

It was funny. But, was posting it on a trailhead sign cool? Not really. Leave No Trace applies in city parks as much as the Grand Canyon.

And Dream Girl is dancing a thin line between cute, lame and stalkerish.
We never know someone’s past. She could have a restraining order on someone right now. Hell, she could be the one served.

Here are some names that keep hikers who happen to be women on their toes
Michele Vanek, missing since 2005
Amy Ahonen, last seen alive July 8, 2011. Remains found in multiple places, miles from where her car was found at the trail head between 2013 and 2014. She disappeared not long after someone replied to a roommate ad and tried to kiss her.
Suzanne Morphew, missing since May 10, [2020]. She was riding near a cross point with the CT and Monarch trails. Her husband is a person of interest.
All of these women have vanished within 75 miles of where I live. I hike these areas. With bear spray.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

@PlumTip you said in the title of this damn thread: to STRAIGHT BLOCKING ME.

You know goddamn well that you did something that may have creeped that woman out. It may not have. Reading it creeped me out. I'm not her. So I answered on my behalf. How is this so fucking hard to understand?

I'm not blocking you over it, I'm not accusing you of criminal activity. I'm just answering your fucking question honestly and bluntly the way I always do. If you can't accept that and appreciate my honest advice without freaking the fuck out like an entitled jerk you don't deserve to get replies at all. Go ahead. Creep women out unintentionally and be that guy. Excellent way to keep your dick dry.