Clearly, the only option is to instruct the bastard to fuck off. Fuck right off. Do not pass go, do not collect $200- just fuck right off. And die. That's right, fuck off and die, you slimy bastard. Or, if so inclined, run outside and play the ever popular Hide and Go Fuck Yourself. Fuck yourself on a train, on a plane, in a box, with a fox... No matter what the method, the important thing is that you don't forget to fuck yourself. Fuck yourself and eat beans, for all I care. Fuck yourself at your grandfather's house. Be sure not to fuck your grandfather... This is a common mistake. It is imperitive that you fuck yourself. Fuck yourself and send us the pictures, so that we can verify that you have, indeed, completed your mission. WE WILL BE KEEPING TABS ON YOUR "FUCKED YOURSELF" STATUS. In that vein, allow me to mention the importance of the ensuing paperwork. You can write this off on your taxes if need be. Certain restrictions apply, but not the kinds of restrictions that get you out of fucking yourself. This is a tradition that is becoming something of a lost art, you see. We need as many young, fresh souls to speak the dead language (if you will,) of fucking yourself as humanly possible. So, if you don't fuck yourself, you will be just like the generations past that have made fucking yourself an endangered species. Just like the pandas¹. You heartless, pandacidal bastard. Do not confuse this order with Canada's declared Masturbation Month². This is something special, just for you. It is YOU that must fuck yourself, you Capitalistic fucktard. How dare you come onto OUR site and try to make money?Stop sucking off soldiers in Guantanamo bay, and GO FUCK YOURSELF.