one-night stand vs. committed relationship

[naughty]

this is true but with 1 in 3 marriages failing, those aren't good odds and i'm not takin that chance. few people end up in therapy because their one night stand won't share their feelings, no one ever has to go to court for settlement cases. marriage costs this country millions of dollars a ear and i for one won't pay

That is so sad, but I know a lot of people are afraid of just such happening to them. I do hope at some point you find someone who can help you change your mind.

 

[B_Monster]

true, next question:

how many people actually stay committed nowadays?? does anyone happen 2 know the current statistics for couples that last, i guess, until death?? or atleast a golden anniversary

less diesase's, dont know exact but maybe 60 go and 40 stay

 

[marleyisalegend]

less diesase's, dont know exact but maybe 60 go and 40 stay

smart people make sure they're protected. i'd think more diseases are spread by couples who don't use protection and one or the other is unfaithful. all my friends i know who 'frisk around' use protection

 

[Phil Ayesho]

this is true but with 1 in 3 marriages failing, those aren't good odds and i'm not takin that chance. few people end up in therapy because their one night stand won't share their feelings, no one ever has to go to court for settlement cases. marriage costs this country millions of dollars a ear and i for one won't pay

It is sad, Marley, to live one's entire life in fear of what might happen.

Half of all small businesses fail-

does that mean you should never start your own business?
Or does that mean that if you keep starting them, you are bound to succeed eventually?

Fear is the path to isolation.

Grow a pair and sally forth.
It is a good day to die.


Live life like a warrior... lay everything on the line.... get your heart broken...

its all good.

 

[marleyisalegend]

It is sad, Marley, to live one's entire life in fear of what might happen.

Half of all small businesses fail-

does that mean you should never start your own business?
Or does that mean that if you keep starting them, you are bound to succeed eventually?

Fear is the path to isolation.

Grow a pair and sally forth.
It is a good day to die.


Live life like a warrior... lay everything on the line.... get your heart broken...

its all good.

sweet phil but i'm still not taking you back. you should've been thinking about these things when i caught you with those reverse-transvestite stripper twins. i see your point but, atleast at this point in my life, i'm not ready to take that kind of risk, it sounds involved and i have a whole lotta other things goin on

 

[cm70874]

Wow, I was so waiting for a thread like this? I prefer one-night stands. I was in a relationship that was going well. One druken Halloween night led to me hooking up with some guy in this chicks bathroom. I didn't know his name and I didn't feel bad at all. The fact that we both got what we wanted and didn't have to see each other after that made it so much more enjoyable and in the future sought after. I think with the commitment (sp?) there is so much more underneath. Its no longer sex but you have to worry about their feelings and how their day was and dealing with the daily phone calls and text messages. But with one-night stands, its just....Hey, lock the door on you way out.

 

[Principessa]

this isn't a new topic by any means but i'm bored so what the hell. tell me do you prefer one nights stands or would you rather be in a committed relationship??

me personally i prefer one night stands because they're the truth. you get in, you get what you want, you get out, no harm no foul. no phony promises about commitment that 1 in 3 couples break before their silver anniversary. no need to try to pretend like you're a good person for the inlaws when you know you're really an asshole. to me the lack of emotional attachment in one-night stands lets you focus on what sex is supposed to be, fun. (not to mention a room at the hilton is MUCH cheaper than a wedding lol). i'm not condoning whoring yourself out all over the place now but if you're being safe what's the harm? especially since i hate sleeping next to men, especially ones that fart in bed

Committed relationship! I have done my share of one-night-stands, though I am guessing not nearly as many as you have, and I am so over that.

I'm guessing you are a young (under 30) gay man. Am I right? Cause once you hit 35, which in gay years is about 60 and that pool of available men starts shrinking you will start wanting to settle down before you become that pathetic old gay man cruising rest stops, clubs, and public restrooms.

 

[Love-it]

Commitment:
Me: 33 years.
My folks: 63 years
Younger brother: 35 years
Sister: 32 years
Older brother 5 years after living with the gal for 10 years
Youngest brother: Never married, dating an older woman for the last 10 years

 

[HyperHulk]

I'm guessing you are a young (under 30) gay man. Am I right? Cause once you hit 35, which in gay years is about 60 and that pool of available men starts shrinking you will start wanting to settle down before you become that pathetic old gay man cruising rest stops, clubs, and public restrooms.

That's an interesting observation. I'm not sure where you get your data from though. From the gay men I know and what I've observed, it would seem that the lifestyle could be well suited to having one night stands, if that was one's goal, for a long time past the age of 35, especially with the use of the internet and dating sites. There also seems to be lots of older gay men who are coveted by younger gay men and, if anything, the pool might actually grow. It's generally closeted straight men who are married who cruise rest stops and public restrooms.

I would have imagined that perhaps you might be concerned with your own available pool of men. If you're in your 40s and a single woman, statistically, I would imagine your odds to be much less to get married or establish a committed relationship. Although I could be wrong and 40 year single women could be getting more offers for marriage and commitment than a 40 year old gay man could get offers of one night stands. Something tells me though that the OP shouldn't have any problems maintaining his lifestyle for years to come before he becomes pathetic.

 

[Principessa]

That's an interesting observation. I'm not sure where you get your data from though.

Data? I don't recall citing statistics? I am speaking from my experiences with the gay men I know.

[FONT=Arial Narrow][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][B]From the gay men I know and what I've observed, it would seem that the lifestyle could be well suited to having one night stands, if that was one's goal, for a long time past the age of 35, especially with the use of the internet and dating sites. [/B][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Clearly, we know different types of gay men.

There also seems to be lots of older gay men who are coveted by younger gay men and, if anything, the pool might actually grow.

Some men have difficulty with the transition from "twink" to "daddy" others make the segue flawlessly.

It's generally closeted straight men who are married who cruise rest stops and public restrooms.

Generally? Maybe, but not always.

I would have imagined that perhaps you might be concerned with your own available pool of men. If you're in your 40s and a single woman, statistically, I would imagine your odds to be much less to get married or establish a committed relationship. Although I could be wrong and 40 year single women could be getting more offers for marriage and commitment than a 40 year old gay man could get offers of one night stands. Something tells me though that the OP shouldn't have any problems maintaining his lifestyle for years to come before he becomes pathetic

Disagreeing with my opinion is fine making a personal attack is not. Back Off! :angryfire2:

 

[dickon]

I don't think they are comparable...one night stands and committed relationships. They are such very different things. Most people if they are honest and have a sex drive.... would like a bit of both.

 

[HyperHulk]

Disagreeing with my opinion is fine making a personal attack is not. Back Off! :angryfire2:

Wait, when you discuss how gay men over 35 have a reduced pool of partners to the extent that they are doomed to become pathetic old men who are confined to cruising rest stops, clubs and public restrooms, you are merely expressing your opinion; but when I question the pool of partners for single women over 35, it's a personal attack that offends your sensibilities? I believe the statistics on single women getting married over the age of 40 are quite low and that's a fact--that's just a reality. Gay men devolving into pathetic men is definitely more than an opinion, it's a gross misrepresentation of facts.

I'll gladly back off, but seriously, if you can dish it, you should at least be able to take it. What you wrote about gay men over 35 is remarkably insulting. All the more so when there are younger gay and questioning men on this site who are exploring their sexuality. You've just trotted out a gross stereotype that could easily affect others and make them feel that as the get older, past 30--their life will go downhill. That's bleak and untrue. But that stereotype and the perpetuation of that mindset can impact the self-esteem of gay men. However, the stuff I wrote about women over 40 is reported in the magazines, on tv and throughout popular culture. If that hurt your feelings to read what I wrote, I apologize. I hope though, if anything, maybe it might have illuminated how hurtful your words could have been to others.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Im old fashioned in the sense that i need some form of commitment before i feel comfortable enough to have sex with someone so a one night stand isnt even an option for me, it holds no appeal what so ever

 

[Hellboy0]

How about a committed one night stand,lol, seriously who doesnt want someone that they can be in a room alone together and not feel like they have to say a word or someome to tell your troubles too. someome to cuddle and kiss and hug and all that mushy stuff. Ill take the committed anyday, thanks

Good answer, Monster. The relationship you're talking about comes from time and trust.

But please, folks, don't get too black and white about your definitions of what makes up a relationship, or make judgements about the lengths we all go to to keep, change, end or just exist in long-term relationships.

My point is that I've had some great one-nighters that couldn't sustain the passion in the long-term relationship. So I guess I don't prefer one over the other.

 

[marleyisalegend]

Good answer, Monster. The relationship you're talking about comes from time and trust.

But please, folks, don't get too black and white about your definitions of what makes up a relationship, or make judgements about the lengths we all go to to keep, change, end or just exist in long-term relationships.

My point is that I've had some great one-nighters that couldn't sustain the passion in the long-term relationship. So I guess I don't prefer one over the other.

thanks for the honesty

 

[Anthony008]

I've had my fair share of one night stands over the years, but now i prefer commitment! Having had about 4 years of one night stands I have had my fair share, but there comes a time when you want something more stable, well thats how I felt at least.

 

[ZOS23xy]

And a long time run on one night stands also promotes an inability to commit one's self to another. A few one night stands as I did were fine, some of them done with people who became friends, and others lost...but I found the men who counted the notches were ever more failing in trying to commit. Looseness can be learned. It also has to be unlearned.

 

[marleyisalegend]

And a long time run on one night stands also promotes an inability to commit one's self to another. A few one night stands as I did were fine, some of them done with people who became friends, and others lost...but I found the men who counted the notches were ever more failing in trying to commit. Looseness can be learned. It also has to be unlearned.

this is a terrible misjudgments. because i prefer one night stands doesn't mean i don't know how to commit to someone else, where's the logic in that?? i've been in long-term relationships and remained faithful

 

[chavous]

I Have Been In The Same Relationship For 24 Years. We Are Gay Guys And For Us The Relationship Has Changed Over The Years. It Is Not Always Fun Or Perfect But At The End Of The Day I Know He Has My Back! He Loves Me Best Of All!

 

[ZOS23xy]

this is a terrible misjudgments. because i prefer one night stands doesn't mean i don't know how to commit to someone else, where's the logic in that?? i've been in long-term relationships and remained faithful

I didn't specify you. I meant from what I have seen and felt. Don't be so quick to jump on topics. Not everything is about you.