Before I start, I just want to be clear that I’m no Harvey Weinstein. I’m not a serial sexual predator, and the story I’m about to tell is the first and only time anything like this has ever happened to me. But I’ve got to say, it was one of the hottest sexual encounters of my whole life.
I’m an independent filmmaker. Which means that I’m broke and do films with almost no money for the creative satisfaction. But it also means that I can tell stories that I wouldn’t be able to if I was working for a studio or with a major budget. I think that most gay filmmaking is generally terrible. The majority of indie gay movies are poorly made, sappy sentimental or silly, and they certainly don’t reflect the gay world I know. So it’s my goal try to do something on a higher level that’s honest and moving, and elevates the form.
Well, a couple years ago I had written a screenplay about a guy in his late 40s who falls in love with a guy in his 20s. The twist is really that it’s the older guy who has trouble with the age difference, the younger guy is totally fine with it. And even though the older guy has more status and money and everything, it’s the younger guy who is more emotionally confident and mature. The younger guy is really the top in the relationship, both sexually and emotionally. The story was very personal to me, and the screenplay also included quite a bit of nudity and several very sexually explicit scenes that were key to the storytelling, so I knew I had to find a producer who I could trust to not fuck it up.
My best friend for many years is Alan, a very rich older man who made his money in real estate but whose real passion is producing gay films. I had never gone to him for funding, but this film was really important to me and I wanted to make the movie the way I envisioned it. So I visited Alan in his beautiful mid-century home in Laurel Canyon and asked if he might want to produce the film. I made the pitch and left him a copy of the screenplay, assuring him that it wouldn’t change our friendship if he wasn’t interested. And before I left I told him to take his time.
By the time I got back to my apartment in Culver City I had a text from Alan:
“I love it. I’m in. When can we get started?”
This was going to be my greatest opportunity yet to show the world who I was as a filmmaker, so Alan’s support meant so much to me. It also was a very personal story, and I know Alan was aware of the parallels to my life. You see, I had cried on his shoulder many times as I struggled with my last relationship, one with a handsome younger man that I messed up because of my own insecurities. I never felt like I was good looking enough or young enough to deserve such an attractive young man, so I undermined the relationship with suspicion and jealousy. Eventually it drove him to act out, and my prophecies became self-fulfilling. The relationship ended badly and drove me to a deep depression. So I guess I was trying to exorcize the demons of that relationship with this film, to give its protagonist the healing I never got.
With the money secured, we quickly set into production. To save on expenses we decided to use Alan’s house as the primary location for the film. He had another house in Laguna Beach and an apartment in New York, so it was easy for him to just move out of the house while we were shooting there.
And then we began the process of casting. We were thankfully able to secure a very talented actor with some prominent TV and film credits in the role of Colin, the older character. This actor wasn’t yet a household name, but he had enough credits and experience to give us confidence that he could play this challenging role. And it didn’t hurt that he was openly gay and very sexy. Plus he loved the screenplay and wasn’t at all shy about the nudity and sexuality. He had a receding hairline and a charmingly goofy smile, but he was swarthy and had a lean gym body with hairy pecs and a sweet round ass. No question that he’d look great on film.
But we were struggling to find someone to play Aiden, the younger character. The role was very demanding, requiring an actor who is boyishly handsome and extremely charismatic, and who has a great range from cocky confidence to vulnerability. Plus he needed to be comfortable with all the nudity and sexuality the role demanded, and also be skilled enough to carry a role this large. And he needed to believably play a 23 year old.
We went after some “names,” but nobody was brave enough to take on a role like this. So we started seeing a bunch of unknowns. Our casting director did a few sessions that didn’t turn up any viable options. And then we started requesting self-tapes from a lot of actors with shitty credits, but who seemed like good types and who had promising reels.
As we were beginning to get nervous about whether we’d ever find somebody for this role, my casting director emailed me:
“Take a look at this. I think maybe we found him?”
To be continued...
It starts out slow, but trust me, it gets there!
I’m an independent filmmaker. Which means that I’m broke and do films with almost no money for the creative satisfaction. But it also means that I can tell stories that I wouldn’t be able to if I was working for a studio or with a major budget. I think that most gay filmmaking is generally terrible. The majority of indie gay movies are poorly made, sappy sentimental or silly, and they certainly don’t reflect the gay world I know. So it’s my goal try to do something on a higher level that’s honest and moving, and elevates the form.
Well, a couple years ago I had written a screenplay about a guy in his late 40s who falls in love with a guy in his 20s. The twist is really that it’s the older guy who has trouble with the age difference, the younger guy is totally fine with it. And even though the older guy has more status and money and everything, it’s the younger guy who is more emotionally confident and mature. The younger guy is really the top in the relationship, both sexually and emotionally. The story was very personal to me, and the screenplay also included quite a bit of nudity and several very sexually explicit scenes that were key to the storytelling, so I knew I had to find a producer who I could trust to not fuck it up.
My best friend for many years is Alan, a very rich older man who made his money in real estate but whose real passion is producing gay films. I had never gone to him for funding, but this film was really important to me and I wanted to make the movie the way I envisioned it. So I visited Alan in his beautiful mid-century home in Laurel Canyon and asked if he might want to produce the film. I made the pitch and left him a copy of the screenplay, assuring him that it wouldn’t change our friendship if he wasn’t interested. And before I left I told him to take his time.
By the time I got back to my apartment in Culver City I had a text from Alan:
“I love it. I’m in. When can we get started?”
This was going to be my greatest opportunity yet to show the world who I was as a filmmaker, so Alan’s support meant so much to me. It also was a very personal story, and I know Alan was aware of the parallels to my life. You see, I had cried on his shoulder many times as I struggled with my last relationship, one with a handsome younger man that I messed up because of my own insecurities. I never felt like I was good looking enough or young enough to deserve such an attractive young man, so I undermined the relationship with suspicion and jealousy. Eventually it drove him to act out, and my prophecies became self-fulfilling. The relationship ended badly and drove me to a deep depression. So I guess I was trying to exorcize the demons of that relationship with this film, to give its protagonist the healing I never got.
With the money secured, we quickly set into production. To save on expenses we decided to use Alan’s house as the primary location for the film. He had another house in Laguna Beach and an apartment in New York, so it was easy for him to just move out of the house while we were shooting there.
And then we began the process of casting. We were thankfully able to secure a very talented actor with some prominent TV and film credits in the role of Colin, the older character. This actor wasn’t yet a household name, but he had enough credits and experience to give us confidence that he could play this challenging role. And it didn’t hurt that he was openly gay and very sexy. Plus he loved the screenplay and wasn’t at all shy about the nudity and sexuality. He had a receding hairline and a charmingly goofy smile, but he was swarthy and had a lean gym body with hairy pecs and a sweet round ass. No question that he’d look great on film.
But we were struggling to find someone to play Aiden, the younger character. The role was very demanding, requiring an actor who is boyishly handsome and extremely charismatic, and who has a great range from cocky confidence to vulnerability. Plus he needed to be comfortable with all the nudity and sexuality the role demanded, and also be skilled enough to carry a role this large. And he needed to believably play a 23 year old.
We went after some “names,” but nobody was brave enough to take on a role like this. So we started seeing a bunch of unknowns. Our casting director did a few sessions that didn’t turn up any viable options. And then we started requesting self-tapes from a lot of actors with shitty credits, but who seemed like good types and who had promising reels.
As we were beginning to get nervous about whether we’d ever find somebody for this role, my casting director emailed me:
“Take a look at this. I think maybe we found him?”
To be continued...
It starts out slow, but trust me, it gets there!