One year to the day....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Think_Kink, Jun 28, 2007.

  1. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    That I lost my virginity....

    Warning: This story contains documentation of drug use and underage drinking. Please do not read on further if you are bothered by these topics.

    Year Five - Chapter Seventeen​

    This is the story that lead up to the demise of the friendship between my best friend and I. We were inseparable for years, and it slowly faded, after this night the decline was significant the friendship is now beyond repair.​

    A First Time Never Forgotten​

    It has been exactly one year since the weirdest night of my life. Who in the right sanity would have guessed that I would have sex with my supposed gay best friend on grad night. Although it was amazing it still has caused permanent damage, maybe not from the sex itself, but the friendship is no longer existent. This is a partial dairy entry for the night, and the rest has been filled in.

    It started getting good after the dance when the anticipation of illegally carrying alcohol in my vehicle. We were all underage, and we knew there were cops everywhere that night. Kristen, Garrett and I checked into the hotel that we rented a room at and asked the front desk to allow no one to know we were there. Which wasn’t smart because they didn’t even let Sarah and Travis know we were in the room. Brandon was supposed to arrive at 11:30pm so I went down to wait in the lobby for him, hotel key and vehicle keys in hand. I waited intently for him to arrive, nervous at what he would think of me in a dress, makeup, and an updo. When he did arrive I was eager to get back to my house. He looked at me and told me I looked beautiful. Then after I shrugged my shoulders he asked me why I could never take a compliment. I drove to my house and discussed with him the details of the dinner and dance. He told me that he would probably leave halfway through the night, and when I complained he told me "It’s not all about what you want." When I arrived at my home I picked up my duffel bag of water, booze, pop, and changes of clothes. Then the fun started... I grabbed a lighter and a joint. Brandon and I sat on my deck off the side of my house and got high. I had my bath robe covering my grad dress, and was more than eager to get the night going. My mom peered out the deck door with her mouth wide open, not believing what she was watching. My father was asked to join but since he had to drive us to the hotel. When we were done I packed my last few things including the 40oz of Red Sour Puss that was given to me as a gift for graduating. I was upset because my parents had refrigerated it. As we got into the SUV Brandon spilled coffee on himself, we laughed at random things all the way there. When my dad dropped us off at the front doors he said all but one thing to me after congratulating me and telling me to have a good night...
    "behave".

    When we got into the room I poured a drink, my friends were all sitting in bed watching TV. We ordered pizza and Brandon and I chilled in the separate room that had a futon, TV, and a PS2. When the pizza delivery guy knocked at the door I answered in my underwear and black bra. My friends ripped me away from the door, and handed my drink so I would be distracted. Everyone was eating and Brandon had the munchies. So as Brandon talked to Devon on his cell phone I was feeding him pieces of pizza. Brandon was making tons of random comments like "Lyndsay’s looking at me funny", "she’s going to rape me help me Devon!!". Meanwhile I wasn’t even on the top bunk with him. Brandon eventually had to let Devon go, and he was talking about sleeping in his car because he was too messed up to drive. I laughed and said "yeah ok Brandon, or you can just sleep on the bunk?" He thought that was a good idea as well. I invited him down to the bottom so that we could watch some porn that he and I had picked out the day before. He was eager to watch it as well as I wouldn’t let him know what it was like. So I went to grab one more piece of pizza and brush my teeth, when I opened the door everyone else in the other room screamed at me to shut the door... I hadn’t realized that they could see the TV, and Travis is the biggest homophobe I know to date. So I closed it, and my friends were asleep by 12:30am, leaving Brandon and I to our own boredom.

    The alcohol had really mixed with Brandon at first, but he had then calmed down. It started innocently enough, and we spent a few hours watching porn. I switched from playing with his hair, to rubbing his back, until he needed to roll over onto his side, and he proceeded to tell me that I didn't have to. So I sat up behind him half heartedly paying attention to the movie, and then to his body twitching, I was trying to pinpoint the exact sort of scenes that were setting off his twitching. He seemed to roll back and forth all right, but when the content got rough, he moved again. We tried to watch straight porn but it got too weird, he said that it seemed wrong to him because the girls were being used. I didn't personally like the awkwardness the straight stuff brought up, so we put the gay stuff back on, but because the remote wasn’t working we had to watch all the scenes we had watched already, all over again. This only made me realize even more the parts of the movie that triggered his responses. When I asked him about it, he didn’t really have an answer for me, so we continued to watching the movie. He brought up for some strange reason, wishing he had brought the strawberry flavored body oil he had bought the day before. I didn't really think anything about it this till much later, and what he might have been hinting at.

    Nearing the end of the last scene Brandon seemed to relax quite a bit, and looked really tired. So because he had decided he was going to wear his jeans, and shirt to bed, I crawled over him, and grabbed an extra pair of pj pants I brought incase I spilled booze on the ones I was wearing. When I undid his belt, he just kinda looked at me but lied there like he was playing innocently, I'll never forget the look on his face, of pure serenity. He didn't really make a sound or movement till I got to his fly, it was then that he grabbed his pants, and warned me that I was going to excite him, I didn't really listen because I didn't see anything sexual to it. I continued to pull his pants off, and he warned me once more before I got them off that I was exciting him, till I took them off, then he said in this adorable voice " I warned you, now I'm excited". I slipped the pj's on him, and took his socks off, folded his jeans and had him take his shirt off, and folded it as well.

    The movie ended soon after I got back into bed beside him. I got up to turn the PS2 off, and turn the TV off as well, I checked what time it was outside my door, and seen 4:30am on the clock, and everyone was more than fast asleep. I was eager to do the same, but when I turned around I found a cozy Brandon in my spot (the exact spot I told him to stay out of, because I have to sleep against a wall, and with my blanket) both of which he had done.... So I moved over to the bed ( it was completely dark). I asked him to move over, and then begged him to move, Then accidentally grabbed his crotch area, and shook him, but he wasn't moving. I then proceeded to sit on top of him, like I had done so many times, so many years ago. But there was something different happening. Brandon's crotch was twitching, and I had asked him if was doing it voluntarily, be he said he wasn't. I asked him if I was hurting him, but before he could answer, I slid off his belly, to his side. I re-sat myself in a position that I was kneeling between his legs. I decided to run my really long finger nails down from his ribs to the base of his cock area... keeping in mind he still had the pants on. I ran my nails down him repeatedly asking him in order, "pain, ticklish, or torture?" He said it hurt sometimes, but when I did it really gently and asked him if it was painful, he shook his head, no. I did it again and asked him ticklish? Again he shook his head, no. So when I did it for the final time, asking if it was torture, he nodded. His reaction had to be simple enough, his back arched badly, and he moaned softly. I sat back to the side, a million things going through my mind... I asked him what I had to do, basically telling him, that this was way too weird, that I was really scared, and clueless, I put my entire body over his, and hugged him, telling him that I didn't want to mess up anything, because he was the single most important person in my life, and I didn't want anything to change. I asked him to put his hand on my chest, and to feel my heart pounding. I asked him once more if this was really what he wanted to do. He replied softly "we'll do only what you are comfortable with, and if you want me to stop, I will." He was gently playing with himself, and then he was masturbating to make himself hard. I asked him repeatedly to stop masturbating, I reminded him of my weakness for boys who masturbated, and he was the one who created that weakness of mine. He stopped but continued to play with the head of his cock I could only assume, but he was trying to make himself totally hard by the looks of it. I told him that I was clueless about sex, and that it had been five years since I had even touched a cock, let alone played with one. ​
     
  2. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Through the dark I could see him kinda look at me funny, and then proceeded to pull his cock out from his underwear, and my pj's. I still kinda sat there wondering what the hell to do, when I decided to get him to try and teach me. I made him sit in my lap as I had done with so many guys before him. He was kinda weirded out by it I think, cause when I told him to take my hand and teach me, he took my hand and put it on his cock, and let me play. After a few minutes he laid back down and just watched me play with his penis. All along his penis kept twitching, but it didn't seem to effect him. After a little while he moved his hand down to free his balls, which all along with his growing excitement grew closer to his tummy. As soon as he had taken them out, I whispered to him that I had always been repulsed by balls, so he then gently put them away. I decided that they couldn't be that bad, and took them back out, I never actually touched them with my hands, but just gently tugged on the skin from under his cock to his balls. That area of skin along with his penis were very soft in texture. I had learned through this experience why he had disliked his balls, as they were really large. He must have been more excited now because the first time I grabbed his cock with a solid grip, and squeezed all the way up, he said ow. But now when I did the same thing, moans would escape from his throat. I am supposing that he wasn’t totally hard the first time I squeezed because he defiantly let me know he was in pain. But when I did it the next few times he really just let the moans escape. I had attempted to ask him if it was his penis flinching or his tummy, but the only half response I got was "my pe-" and a huge moan escaped. It didn’t get much better for him when I asked "Brandon where is your tickle spot?" I can't really recall if he physically showed me, or I wandered around till I found it. BUT when I did, I had a fucking heyday with it. He reacted so intensely to the touch, and he pre-came amazingly well. At one point when I whispered "oh you pre came babe" all he could whisper back was "sorry". His pernellium was the coolest feeling spot ever, it was very squishy that I squished it over, and over till I decided to lick my fingers and squish it some more. I am quite sure that Brandon didn't mind, because the only thing coming from his mouth was the soft moans, and sexy little groans. Since during the whole time I had wanted to put it in my mouth, I had to warn him that it was physically impossible for me to do so. He replied that it was ok, and "we would only do what I was comfortable doing". Even though I probably could have managed I didn't want to.

    I was soon time for me to leave my so called new found safe area, and move onto the next huge, impossible, step: SEX.... aha ok it wasn't all that bad, he was gentle. So I kinda stopped what I was doing to look at him, and looked him in the eyes. I asked him if he really wanted to do this, and if he could handle it. I don't recall him giving a straight answer, but his body language showed reluctance, after whatever reply he had given, I had said "well we can't do it on this bed, it's wayy too loud." So he suggested the floor. I replied somewhat enthusiastically "Alright, lets do this..." trying to sound like I wasn’t scared out of my mind. Brandon didn't move at first. So I said "come on" a second time, and he threw a pillow to the ground, and sat up to move. He was quickly massaging under his head, and then got up only to lay back down on the floor again. I grabbed a blanket and placed it under his body so he wouldn't get rug burn from the horrible carpet in the hotel room, and grabbed my blankey to put under my knees so I didn't get rug burn on my knees. I took off my pants, and sighed to myself, thinking to myself that I was totally crazy. I kneeled overtop of him, so that the tip of his cock was just touching my pussy lips. I said to him.. "I wouldn't guess that you have protection on you?", he laughed and said no, "I wasn't expecting this to happen". I shrugged, and said "well I'm not waiting another 5 years for this", and he said "nah., me either". I leaned forward and asked him yet again if he really wanted to go through with this, and he calmly said again "we'll do only what you are comfortable with doing with me." This set off an evil streak in my mind... as I thought to myself... well now that you are down under me... and I'm on top.. isn't it really what I want, and not you...

    I firmly grabbed his penis, and told him to hold it, and tell me if it hurts. I tried to lower myself down onto him, but my cunt wasn't having it, he whispered "ow", and I asked if it hurt, he replied "a little bit". So I sat farther up, and took his cock out of his hand, and ran his head back between my lips... I was wet as hell, and figured he could use the extra lube. The second attempt was much better, and he sort of slid right in. I had to sit up straight before I started thrusting. It had been that split second pain, and that was it, I got over the feeling of having to pee really quickly. At first it was just me thrusting, and then he joined in. He tried for a much deeper penetration that was kinda painful, but made me feel like I had to pee again. Brandon was able to pull of women on top like he was born to do it. But doggy style was the most amazing. He acted like a porn star, running his cock from my cunt to my asshole, lubing me up all the way back and forth. I froze, thinking he was going to stick it in my ass. I said to him " Brandon don't you dare stick it in there" , he laughed, and replied "don't worry I wont". I attempted to play with his asshole while he was behind me, I reached back, and his balls must have been tight to his body cause I didn’t feel them. Just as I was about to make it to where I wanted to be, he stopped immediately. I didn’t think he was permanently stopping, so I asked him to get on his back again, and he only much agreed. I sat up on him, and tried reverse cowgirl, then turned around and had him put his legs up behind me. I got bored pretty quickly, and he took action.... "Lyndsay, get on your back..." I laughed, and said.. "woah someone is taking control, uh oh". Brandon tried to penetrate me while I was laying on my back, but he wasn't getting anywhere, my body would not let him enter me that way. He grabbed the pillow from under my head, and lifted my back and butt off the floor, and put it under there, he then proceeded to stick his cock back in, and continue. Although I think this is the most plain position, it was the one he finally came in.

    The whole sex act never lasted more than 15 minutes, and I don't hold it against him, because is has been 5 years since he had sex, with the loosest pussy of life. But I'll never forget Brandon's last words.... "Lyndsay I'm going to come, where do you want it? Before I could even answer he said in the sexiest voice.. "I came...." It was an awkward moment as he pulled out, and sat up on his knees beside me on the floor. I grabbed his cock, and ran my hand all the way down it, just to make sure I got all the come out. I then cupped his face, and kissed the side of his lips... it was only ironic because half way through the sex, I made a comment to the extent "haha yeah I'm amazing, I'm having sex with you, and haven’t kissed you once"

    Brandon put the pj pants back on, and was going to climb into bed, and fall asleep... I told him "he wasn't going anywhere just yet, and I wanted to shower... with him".. he was hesitant, but followed me into the bathroom. He asked why he had to shower, and I said, because ''you just had unprotected sex, and I know how wet I get...", after I realized I didn’t want to wreck my up-do, the cold floor, and waking everyone up... I grabbed a cloth, and ran it under warm water, and soaped it up for him, and looked in the mirror to see the most hurtful look on Brandon’s face.. one of such regret, I decided that even more so now I didn’t want to shower with him. Brandon took the cloth from me, and pulled his pants away from his body... rubbed himself down, and then looked at his cock, and looked at me almost puzzled... he showed me the top... and he was still hard. I wonder now how far I could have taken this, should I have showered with him, should I have tried to get him off a second time. Should we of had sex a second time, to let him have a good long round of sex for the first time maybe ever. Either way, I had to go pee, and Brandon went back to bed... I went back after, and was blinded by the light, and walked into the door, waking Sarah...

    I crawled back into bed with Brandon, and put my head on his tummy... we didn't move forever, till he whispered, "Lynds hun, I can't sleep like this", the next thing I remember was waking up in the morning, climbing over him, and grabbing a bottle of water. Brandon got up after me, and grabbed one too... he was walking across the room, and was embarrassingly trying to cover up his morning hard on, he said to me "don’t look at me...", and I was like "oh goodness I’m not Brand". He got back into bed, and looked over at me, he said "my dick hurts really badly", and I responded "god gave you hands, so use them". Brandon slid under the blankets, and said "later I will". Again I question what I was thinking... I might of had the perfect opportunity to have sex with him again, or at the very least play with his cock some more in the daylight, which I was later to find out is one of his quirks with me.​
    Brandon is free today;
    Accepted, beautiful, and gay.
    ~
    Although Brandon and I are no longer friends today is one that marked many memories, I still love my gay best friend no matter what happens.​
     
  3. Kassokilleri2ff

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2007
    Messages:
    880
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Enfield (CT, US)
    Nice story, my eyes are dry now :(
    Why are you two not friends anymore? :(
     
  4. SomeGuyOverThere

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2004
    Messages:
    1,496
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    That's what I'm wondering, what happened that made you no longer friends?
     
  5. snoozan

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2006
    Messages:
    3,568
    Likes Received:
    4
    T_K, this is a very personal, emotional story, and though I read it last night, I have not been able to formulate a proper response to it. You've truly bared your soul to us, and I haven't wanted to just type a terse reply to you.

    I get a sense of great vulnerability from you in general, and especially in this account of losing your virginity. In many ways you remind me of myself when I was your age (which wasn't all that long ago).

    I hope that writing this and posting it has helped you work it out in your head, or just make some sort of linearity with the emotions surrounding that night. Both of those things can really help you reflect and grow from an experience.

    Thank you for sharing.
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    He is addicted to ecstacy and marijuana. I'm sure the only time I cross his mind is when my name comes up on the caller ID, and he doesn't answer the phone. He is no longer the person I knew....
     
  7. Onslow

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    2,496
    Likes Received:
    3
    Don't sell yourself short TK. You may well cross his mind more than you are aware. As one who has abused booze and various medications, I can tell you that when I was absorbed into those elements, I did indeed think of certain people--often fondly and always with remorse for what I had become and how I had hurt them. Not one day passed when I did not think of my children or my sister, but I went years without any contact because anytime I would start to dial the number or pen a letter, my shame and guilt would prevent it from happening. On the positive side my sister Olivia and I did have some good moments while I was initially sobered up and I talked with her twice more after I got cleaned up again last year before her passing. My son Jimmy is closer to me than ever and has been the glue which has held me together--more than a few times.

    What I am saying here is, that he is in a place right now, but hoepfully that place will not be his place forever and one day you may be able to set forth together on the next leg of your companionship. Things change and people change--do not despair.
     
  8. Nomad

    Nomad New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2005
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I'm not surprised. Speaking as a gay man, there is something really sexy about your pictures. I'd do you in a heartbeat, but that's beside the point.

    Thank you for sharing your story.
     
  9. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for the continual support Snooz. I really appreciate it. Writing it down in text makes me able to read it whenever... that was the point. I needed to remember what the friendship was in the first place. It's also written as if it was meant to be read, the reason behind that was years ago we decided we should write a book on our friendship. And even though we still think we should have... the documentation of events has far stopped. But this one was important.

    I can never be sure if I grew from it in a positive way though, I have a superficial view of gay guys now... I think that they can be persuaded into straight sex. (Now I don't want a flood of PM's/posts saying that you wouldn't fuck me, it's not totally what I mean.) It's just that the gay males that have surrounded me have either slept with me, or expressed wanting to have a threesome/sex with me. So, it gets really confusing for me.
    Onslow you have restored my hope that it might happen one day. I really still love him, gayness aside he was the cure to a lot of pain I was experiencing before I met him. I had to stop worrying about everything to do with him in order to let go. There was nothing I could do about the drugs, the alcohol, the failing grades. I was just one person, who cared. He didn't want that, so I let go. I seen him at his grad convocation, and I didn't even recognize him. It was the first time since March that I had seen him face to face.
    Thanks.
     
  10. Yorkie

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2006
    Messages:
    3,024
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    102
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Yorkshire, UK
    The drugs are a phase that most dabblers grow out of when they realize just how much money they're throwing away.Or they get tired of avoiding police attention.
    If he's seriously addicted then he'll value his drugs more than he values your friendship (as you've indicated) and you shouldn't have any regrets about such a friendship ending.He doesen't answer his phone when you call so you've done what you can.His loss.
     
  11. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Love is funny that way. I understand the pain, the abuse, and neglect... but I still love him to pieces.
     
  12. SomeGuyOverThere

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2004
    Messages:
    1,496
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    I just realised that my response seemed a bit un-attached. I want to add that your story was touching and very emotional, though it was a sad one I also sense it marked a moving forward in your life which you are better for.

    Now that's sounding like a Tarrot reading, I can do one of those for you too if you like. :p

    As Yorkie pointed out, I think at the moment you are better off for not being his friend, and I know what that can feel like. I recently had to basically ditch one of my friends after years of a strained relationship. We were really close in school, almost sexually so, but a lot of things happened and now I think there is a rift between us. It's like we came to a cross-roads, and he took one path, I took the other, and our paths are no longer parrallel.

    In the end, sometimes you have to let people go. it's a terrible thing but it can come to the point where keeping them is even more terrible. That's not much comfort, and I'm really sorry, it's just my observation...
     
  13. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Moving forward indeed.
     
  14. Rendell

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2006
    Messages:
    135
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    159
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Hannibal (MO, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    ya know ... just because you move on to a different part in your life doesnt mean that you have to leave your friends behind. I always tell people that YOU have to do what is best for YOU! Just because I am at a different stage inmy life doesnt mean i dont love my friends the same. If you hang on to what you know to be best for you then everything else will work itself out. Trust me when I say What goes Around Comes Around. In more ways than one. People I had met 10-15 years ago have come back in my life and it always works out. ALWAYS! Give it time and it all be ok. Just know and be secure in who you are and love yourself ... then you can love others :)
     
  15. moderateman8,5"

    moderateman8,5" New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Really tragic story.. I can't fully relate but I'd like to think that I understand what it's like to loose a really good friend. I've lost two in six months.
     
  16. moderateman8,5"

    moderateman8,5" New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    The statement about straight porn kind of bothered me though. I've seen some really gentle and almost lovemaking-esque straight porn aswell as hardcore.. I think it is because people don't want to see gentle fuss when they jerk off..

    Anyway I myself can be very gentle and on the other hand quite wild too. Women seem to enjoy be rougher, wild sex more.. Atleast if they'd have to choose which one to go with through the whole session. I enjoy both.
     
  17. DGirl

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,811
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Somewhere on EARTH.
    TK, I did NOT read the whole story..." Ok, I read a few lines.." But, I hope you will NEVER stop being his friend.." Even though he changed, as I skimmed though others POST.." He will come back to you as a FRIEND when he stops the DARN drugs.." It may not help you. But, I hope you know what I wrote is true, to the best of my knowledge..." That is how it usually works out.."
     
  18. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    I just think that girls screaming is fake. He's never really enjoyed straight porn.. so it was easier and logical to get gay porn.. he is gay. And I'd much rather watch boys fuck than girls. You're not grasping this idea very well.
    If he doesn't die first yes he will come back to me...
     
  19. moderateman8,5"

    moderateman8,5" New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I don't think it is an issue of grasping an idea. I just stated my opinion and I still wonder why do you enjoy watching gay porn so much :D Does lesbian porn do anything for you or group stuff?

    I hope you don't mind the dumb ass questions of mine.. just dont have the energy to read through posts too much now :D
     
  20. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    Some les stuff does. But I like Gothic and the stereotypical blond stuff. I like freakish types of girls... group stuff leaves too much for my mind to pay attention to.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted