Online Dating E-Mails: Reading Between the Lines

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Dec 9, 2009.

  1. Principessa

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    I recently joined a popular dating site and received an e-mail which puzzled, me as it appears to be written in some sort of code. :irked:
    "hey lets stick it together and match one?"
    What the hell is that supposed to mean? :confused: Is it a RPG reference? Cause I'm not into video games online or otherwise. Is he saying lets meet and see if we match? Cause if that's the case I can tell already that we don't. What would make a man who has a picture of a guy getting a lapdance on a motorcycle in his gallery think I would be interested in casual sex with him?

    FWIW: There is no reference to sex, casual sex, or LPSG in my profile. I specifically say that I am only interested in long term dating and marriage. Do some guys just message every woman and hope someone responds? :confused:

    Another concern is that some of the clowns I have denied friendship to on MySpace & FaceBook will see me at the mall or Walmart and try to get up in my grill about it. :scared:

    Apparently, as a single 43 year old woman I'm supposed to be desperate and lower my standards, but I'm not. That's kinda how I ended up with that last redneck fool. I called myself being open to the universe. Well let me tell you, the universe has a heck of a sense of humor. :mad:
     
  2. Pitbull

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    It means "Delete this email and move on" :wink:
     
  3. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Girl, as you likely know by now, some men will say anything as a conversation starter. Don't take it too seriously - it sounds to me like he was interested in your photo or profile, but could not think of anything good to say.

    Congrats on the online dating, though! :fingersx:
    What are you looking for in a partner?
     
  4. Principessa

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    Done! :biggrin1: I think I may need to tweak my profile and put up a less attractive profile picture. I'm not sure what's worse the computer generated matches done by the site or the random guys that just e-mail me.

    True, but I would have responded to "Hi, my name is Mike". As it is I've already deleted his e-mail. :rolleyes:


    I've done it before with no success whatsoever. :lmao:


    What are you looking for in a partner?[/QUOTE] To quote Vivian in Pretty Woman, "I want the fairytale!" :cool: I am looking for one of those nice guys I keep hearing is still out there and looking for a nice woman. :smile:

    I want a serious relationship that leads to marriage and children even if that means adoption. I'm 43 and still have MANY good eggs and really nice ovarys according to my reproductive endocrinologist. But lets be serious my clock is ticking.

    He must be intelligent, tall, funny, handsome, kind, patient, hansy in and out of the house. The kind of guy that changes his own oil and has a workbench with lots of power tools he actually knows how to use, must be gainfully & consistently employed, have his own car or truck, have at least 85% of his adult teeth, owning a motorcycle would be a nice perk but isn't mandatory as I plan on getting my own.

    For once, I want to be one mans everything. :cool:
     
  5. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Kids are back on? Then your kidneys must be okay? Wooo hoooo! :dance:

    I think you're not asking too much, NJ, and my fingers are crossed for you. :smile:
     
  6. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    No guy is going to want a women NJ who sounds overly desperate to have babies as her sole purpose for dating. That is guaranteed to scare perhaps even drive the guy to move out of the country far far away from that ad honey.:pat: :34:
    I'm not trying to be harsh NJ but you know my feelings on giving them too much info and most certainly don't put up an unattractive pix unless you want guys who think you are just glad to get laid!
    Good luck NJ!:You_Rock_Emoticon:
    C.B.:saevil:
     
    #6 B_cigarbabe, Dec 10, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2009
  7. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Co-sign with the Babe about your ad & pictures.
    Maybe you should have a few impartial people take a look at your ad and pics, and critique them?
     
  8. Principessa

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    I saw a double board certified doctor in nephrology & internal medicine who did a whole battery of tests and my kidneys are functioning at 100%. :cool: I have kicked the Primary Care Physician who scared the life out of me to the curb and now have a better doctor at Emory University hospital. It'a a long ride to get an antibiotic for an ear infection, but at least I trust the doctors there to know what the hell they are doing. :smile:

    I know that's not too much to ask as I have dated men that fit that criteria in the past. They just had fatal flaws like being a momma's boy, insisting I convert to Catholicism and/or secret/estranged wives. :rolleyes:

    I wish you would stop putting words in my mouth CB. :irked: That's not my sole purpose for dating! Hell I was looking into artificial insemination four years ago. I will probably go that route at this point just cause it's easier. :cool:

    If he is afraid of commitment and monogamy I'll buy him a bus ticket to Calgary,CA. :lmao:


    When it comes to dating profiles I've tried cute, sassy, sexy, honest, vague, and parts of the truth. I'm too old for these bull shit games. I'm posting the truth and nothing else. I know there is a REAL man out there, somewhere who isn't scared of a woman like me. A woman who loves French perfume, designer clothes, gardening w/o gloves and who also knows how to drive a stick shift and operate a log splitter. :cool:

    I'm done compromising myself and my values for some man, it's time they came up to my level and bent to my will. :cool: :mad:
     
  9. Ed69

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    What age range are you looking to date?Cause a man in his 40's has(most) his own tools and knows how to use them,and most of us in this day and age have all our teath still.And if in our 40's we are still riding a motorcycle we are not looking to go back to changing diapers to satisfy your maternal urge!:mad:We want to play and ride the open road!:biggrin1:

    And last a MAN will never bend to anyones will,you might be able to warp a boy,but then what do you have?:confused:
     
  10. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    #10 B_cigarbabe, Dec 10, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2009
  11. Incocknito

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    I'm a Hotmail. I want to stick my Yahoo! your Myspace and cum all over your Facebook!

    Werd
     
  12. Pitbull

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    Biggest mistake you could make.

    Agree.

    Approach a dating site like sales.
    The profile is a sales tool.
    Its sole purpose is to get another member to engage you in a dialog
    initially written which then if your correspondence merits further communication such as swapping phone numbers.
    Then you go to in person meeting and at that point it is like regular old dating just like it is with some guy you met at WalMart (or Nordstroms) and the profile is not an issue. Your other interactions are.
    Without some attractive photos you are at a severe disadvantage.

    And you walk a fine line between enough and too much information.
    I was once told by a HR person regarding writing a resume - "I look at every resume looking for a reason to throw it in the garbage. Don't put such a reason on your resume."
    Your profile is like a resume.
    It is not enough to make it attractive.
    It cannot be unattractive in any way.
     
  13. Principessa

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    Not for nothing CigarBabe but the reason your online friends are dropping like flies is because when you are told things in confidence off site, in PM, in person, or in text you can't keep your massive mouth shut. :irked: This is not the first time you have done this to me, but it damn well better be the last. :angryfire2: And what kind of psycho hoarder keeps a text message from January anyway?! :261: I delete those things within 72 hours and my phone has a memory card which can hold LOTS of data, pics, and music.



    FWIW: Having three marriages under your belt doesn't make you someone from whom I wish to take dating advice. :cool:
     
    #13 Principessa, Dec 11, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2009
  14. Principessa

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    (517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

    :biggrin1: I didn't know that before, but I do now. Thank you www.textsfromlastnight.com :biggrin1:
     
  15. EagleCowboy

    EagleCowboy Well-Known Member

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    Holy Crap NJ!! :eek:

    You've just described me down to a T!! Well............except I'm not tall. Only 5'9. But the rest is entirely me!!
    And wouldn't ya know................
    In January I'll have a shiny new 2010 Honda.:tongue:
     
  16. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    NJ, i know this is a tender spot for you but you keep making these issues public and therefor you are asking for criticism. I think i remember you saying you text like 3,000 messages a month, of course you will delete your text messages. Some people arent major texters.

    Cigar was en pointe with everything she said, you are known for being extremely picky, revealing everything upfront so the guy wont possibly reject you later for something you didnt divulge to him upfront. If its possible to sound desperate and hopelessly descriminatory, you are definitely that type of a person.

    Not many men are jumping at women who are working too hard to give them reasons why they are the ideal woman for them. Most men just want to be appreciated, respected and admired by their woman and not reminded how smart, goodlooking or educated you are. It's just not impressive. Deep down inside of these "Good men" you are after, is a man who wants a seemingly traditional "good woman" as well.

    You might think you are old fashioned because you would like a man to respect your parents, want to have children with you after you get married or provide a living for you....but after those requests you throw in some pretty unattainable things.

    It's not just about being intimidating because you are a strong, smart, black woman, its about looking very high maintenance. These thoughts start bombarding a mans brain into possible arguments you will have in the future, fearing how you will remind him of all of your strengths and his weaknesses. This is what makes a man run before he ever gets in the door.

    I know you don't want to be dishonest and after having horrible outcomes in the dating scene you arent wanting to mislead anyone about who you are, but leave some things to be revealed later and remember that wording your profile like a legal and binding contract is going to be a huge turn off to anyone no matter how good you look or how much you like sex.

    You might not think you are asking for much, but what message are you sending that he will get back for his efforts? Put out there what YOU have to OFFER, not what he will have to put up with. A strong female persona has good and bad qualities, some men need to be mothered and told what to do. You are likely to attract this type if you are in your strong personality when you attract them. If you act desperate and too quiet, you will attract someone who is more aggressive than you are and then it feels like you are having to hide in the shadows of who you are.

    It's a delicate balance between aggressive and permissive. Knowing when and how to do this is what lands you a catch. If you are throwing out the wrong vibe at the wrong time it will constantly be frustrating because its repelling the type of man you want.

    Be the type of woman a man like that would want. If you dont know what they want, do some research to find out what they are looking for and make the changes where you can in order to be the right person for him.

    To make a long story short, whatever you are doing isnt working obviously and its time to go back and recalibrate and fine tune things in order to get back in the game with a fresh mindset and goal in mind.

    Tell the men why they would be lucky to have a woman like you. Not why they shouldnt disrespect you because you've accomplished A,B and C. They don't really care what college degree you have because none of that matters when they are driving home from work. Give him something he can look forward to and be the person you'd want to come home to.

    The biggest mistake we make is trying to tell people who we are and not how we can benefit them. Like in the corporate world- when trying to land a large client you dont want to just tell the other company what you've done, you want to tell them why they should choose your company and what you can do for them.

    Another thing is that a man should not be attracted to his mother, he doesnt want to fuck his mom and doesnt think romantic thoughts about his mom. So dont be his mom, dont pick a man who needs a motherly type to have to get anything done. An independent, respectful man usually likes a woman who can make him feel more manly and stand a little taller. So coming off too strong is going to work against you in getting the type of man you want. But also coming off too weak is going to work against you. You must be a little bit of both and finesse the timing of these.

    Also, CigarBabe might have several divorces under her belt, but she has gotten a husband more than once and seems to be in a functioning and unique relationship with Ed. She's managed to accomplish finding an odd puzzle piece to fit the strange piece she is. This says a lot about her, even if she's had failed relationships behind her. We all have. What matters is what we are living right now and how we got there.

    Last but certainly not least: Most of us are high maintenance, its a female trait, but no man deliberately picks a high maintanence woman to marry. But he will stay married to one if she gives him other reasons to put up with her shit.

    Ive been through some ups and downs but i am proud today that today is my Wedding anniversary of 11 years. So i do know a little something about keeping a good man. And lord knows i am lucky he's stuck with me this long, he can say the same as well.
     
    #16 B_Mademoiselle Rouge, Dec 19, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 19, 2009
  17. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    I suggest you stop lying and trying to bullshit people then NJQT.
    The idea for keeping everything came from you and your "folders" for everything online. Please don't try and put your lack of skills on me if you didn't want it known then you wouldn't have opened your flapping hole.

    Please stop texting me 40 times a day also.
    Please!
    I noticed you like to put your penny's worth of what women/men should or shouldn't do with someone but you can't even catch one who isn't married
    or who matches any of your "alleged standards".
    My friends are just fine as if you would know!
    By the way I'm not begging for a husband/baby either.
    C.B.:saevil:
     
  18. B_Innocentz

    B_Innocentz New Member

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    This.
    I think from a guys point of view it's about the girls plus points being worth the crazy.
    I'm submissive to Lucius's personality and happier for it, I can still be me but he gets to shine and his happiness means I get all kinds of good :)

    My friends all bitch and moan about their men but most of it is incoherent, the truth is we tend to to have an unattainable man in mind, not in the way that he's hard to find, more in the way he actually can't exist because of incompatible traits.

    Last night I went to a really nice cinema to watch 2012, we sat in a nice bar and chatted with some nice strangers beforehand with some champagne and he was the perfect gentlemen and said sweet things and treated me perfectly and had me laughing.

    On the way back their was some statues he liked and he told me to bend over so he could take a pic!
    Did I complain?
    Fuck no, I bent over and gave my ass a wiggle, perhaps not lady like but it's what he wanted :)

    A lot of my friends would have gone off the handle at that or not done it, feeling degraded etc, but that to me isn't being yourself, that's being a boring bitch.

    In short, don't be so judgemental and just have fun, anything else and you're going to have an unhappy ending...like most of my friends.
     
  19. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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  20. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    It means "let's hang out, and smoke a bowl or two" "Stick it" means hang out, "match" means match bowls... he prolly assumed you were down with the lingo. Meaning he stuffs a bowl, you guys smoke, you stuff a bowl, and the two of you smoke.
     
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