Not for nothing CigarBabe but the reason your online friends are dropping like flies is because when you are told things in confidence off site, in PM, in person, or in text you can't keep your massive mouth shut. :irked: This is not the first time you have done this to me, but it damn well better be the last. :angryfire2: And what kind of psycho hoarder keeps a text message from January anyway?! :261: I delete those things within 72 hours and my phone has a memory card which can hold LOTS of data, pics, and music.
FWIW: Having three marriages under your belt doesn't make you someone from whom I wish to take dating advice. 
NJ, i know this is a tender spot for you but you keep making these issues public and therefor you are asking for criticism. I think i remember you saying you text like 3,000 messages a month, of course you will delete your text messages. Some people arent major texters.
Cigar was en pointe with everything she said, you are known for being extremely picky, revealing everything upfront so the guy wont possibly reject you later for something you didnt divulge to him upfront. If its possible to sound desperate and hopelessly descriminatory, you are definitely that type of a person.
Not many men are jumping at women who are working too hard to give them reasons why they are the ideal woman for them.
Most men just want to be appreciated, respected and admired by their woman and not reminded how smart, goodlooking or educated you are. It's just not impressive. Deep down inside of these "Good men" you are after, is a man who wants a seemingly traditional "good woman" as well.
You might think you are old fashioned because you would like a man to respect your parents, want to have children with you after you get married or provide a living for you....but after those requests you throw in some pretty unattainable things.
It's not just about being intimidating because you are a strong, smart, black woman, its about looking very high maintenance. These thoughts start bombarding a mans brain into
possible arguments you will have in the future, fearing how you will remind him of all of your strengths and his weaknesses. This is what makes a man run before he ever gets in the door.
I know you don't want to be dishonest and after having horrible outcomes in the dating scene you arent wanting to mislead anyone about who you are, but leave some things to be revealed later and remember that
wording your profile like a legal and binding contract is going to be a huge turn off to anyone no matter how good you look or how much you like sex.
You might not think you are asking for much, but what message are you sending that he will get back for his efforts?
Put out there what YOU have to OFFER, not what he will have to put up with. A strong female persona has good and bad qualities, some men need to be mothered and told what to do.
You are likely to attract this type if you are in your strong personality when you attract them. If you act desperate and too quiet, you will attract someone who is more aggressive than you are and then it feels like you are having to hide in the shadows of who you are.
It's a delicate balance between aggressive and permissive.
Knowing when and how to do this is what lands you a catch. If you are throwing out the wrong vibe at the wrong time it will constantly be frustrating because its repelling the type of man you want.
Be the type of woman a man like that would want. If you dont know what they want, do some
research to find out what they are looking for and make the changes where you can in order to be the right person for him.
To make a long story short, whatever you are doing isnt working obviously and its time to
go back and recalibrate and fine tune things in order to get back in the game with a fresh mindset and goal in mind.
Tell the men why they would be lucky to have a woman like you. Not why they shouldnt disrespect you because you've accomplished A,B and C. They don't really care what college degree you have because none of that matters when they are driving home from work.
Give him something he can look forward to and be the person you'd want to come home to.
The biggest mistake we make is trying to tell people who we are and not
how we can benefit them. Like in the corporate world- when trying to land a large client you dont want to just tell the other company what you've done, you want to tell them why they should choose your company and what you can do for them.
Another thing is that a man should not be attracted to his mother,
he doesnt want to fuck his mom and doesnt think romantic thoughts about his mom. So dont be his mom, dont pick a man who needs a motherly type to have to get anything done. An independent, respectful man usually likes a woman who can make him feel more manly and stand a little taller. So coming off too strong is going to work against you in getting the type of man you want. But also coming off too weak is going to work against you.
You must be a little bit of both and finesse the timing of these.
Also, CigarBabe might have several divorces under her belt, but she has gotten a husband more than once and seems to be in a functioning and unique relationship with Ed. She's managed to accomplish finding an odd puzzle piece to fit the strange piece she is. This says a lot about her, even if she's had failed relationships behind her. We all have. What matters is what we are living right now and how we got there.
Last but certainly not least: Most of us are high maintenance, its a female trait, but no man deliberately picks a high maintanence woman to marry. But he will stay married to one if she gives him other reasons to put up with her shit.
Ive been through some ups and downs but i am proud today that today is my Wedding anniversary of 11 years. So i do know a little something about keeping a good man. And lord knows i am lucky he's stuck with me this long, he can say the same as well.
