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erpap

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If you had a suspicion your partner was on a dating site and you’re pretty confident you know the screen name he is using would you contact him and what would you say? Give subtle hints to arouse his suspicion he is caught or something else?
 
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deleted1074483

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If you had a suspicion your partner was on a dating site and you’re pretty confident you know the screen name he is using would you contact him and what would you say? Give subtle hints to arouse his suspicion he is caught or something else?

why not just be upfront, talk with him and behave like a grown up?? not judging mate but if you're in this position and have doubts/thoughts trying to do anything like this is just heaping coals on the fire? it won't help any final discussion go better. The other issue is then how do you know? Have you been looking through his emails, laptop, etc? again this could backfire on you if the only way you found out to accuse him is if you've done some underhand things too?
 

winesthel945

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Do you suspect he's trying to do anything more than chat? If he's only chatting, why are you threatened by that? Are you allowed to do the same? Are there other aspects of his life that you prefer to exert control over? You should probably have a conversation about all of these things with your partner... and probably with a relationship counselor too. You clearly have different ideas and expectations around this issue (and maybe others?) and if you don't get them resolved, you can probably count on them to reassert themselves in your next relationship after they destroy this one.
 

tito21

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why not just be upfront, talk with him and behave like a grown up?? not judging mate but if you're in this position and have doubts/thoughts trying to do anything like this is just heaping coals on the fire? it won't help any final discussion go better. The other issue is then how do you know? Have you been looking through his emails, laptop, etc? again this could backfire on you if the only way you found out to accuse him is if you've done some underhand things too?

Same, I would just ask him out right and tell him that i’m feeling insecure about our relationship and that I can’t shake off the suspicion in the back of my mind that he may be cheating. Wait for his response and decide from there. If he reassure you that he isn’t cheating and yet you still have that nagging suspicion, you might as well break it out and be free from this torment. Clearly, you aren’t feeling happy and relaxed in your relationship. Also, he’s doing something to raise your suspicion. Trust your instinct, usually it’s right!
 

erpap

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We have talked about it! I brought up being open and honest and let the other know what is expected and what is not. It was met with a no and resistance. Don’t tell me know it’s not what you want and then go do it! Give me the same consideration.
 
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We have talked about it! I brought up being open and honest and let the other know what is expected and what is not. It was met with a no and resistance. Don’t tell me know it’s not what you want and then go do it! Give me the same consideration.

ultimately bud you have to decide for yourself what is right and what is acceptable in this relationship for YOU - you've posted many times on a similar line and more expressive ones about not being satisfied in your relationship, so very clearly you are not a happy bunny?

you need to make some tough decisions and maybe put some ultimatums out there to him? but be aware of where all that may lead and so you need to be really clear in your own mind what you ultimately want. Good luck
 
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cnkckfil

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If you had a suspicion your partner was on a dating site and you’re pretty confident you know the screen name he is using would you contact him and what would you say? Give subtle hints to arouse his suspicion he is caught or something else?

I think it depends on how you feel about it. Are you guys open? If not does it bother you that he wants to have sex with other men? At one point I was completely monogamous minded. I just don't see other men as a sexual threat any more and don't feel that sex with other men lessens the love in my relationship. With that in mind I would book a hotel room after arranging a time and day but I would secretly bring in another guy to use for bottom or topping purposes whatever is needed. I would have the bud answer the door while I want in the bathroom and let them get naked and started. Then I would come out naked myself to surprise him and get in on the action so we could fuck the bud together. Letting him know I am cool with it and let's share on occasion. That's what I would do.

Hugs, tugs and rubs.
 

beepbapboop

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We have talked about it! I brought up being open and honest and let the other know what is expected and what is not. It was met with a no and resistance. Don’t tell me know it’s not what you want and then go do it! Give me the same consideration.

Your statement is completely valid. I have gone through something like this myself, except I found out that my partner cheated a few times with these apps behind my back. After lots of learning and communication, he realized his reasoning for his actions was a deep psychological issue and sought help from professionals.

Learning to settle with this type of behavior from your spouse is unacceptable. Relationships are two-way streets which require a lot of open communication to make work over time. If what he is doing causes you anxiety, I ask you to think twice about your place in the relationship and consider what options are best for you. It is so easy for me to type this but if you cannot cope with the situation anymore, you should consider finding a new path for yourself or speaking to him openly without confrontation. If all you receive is resistance, he is either telling the truth or deflecting from the situation. Find proof if you need to make your argument factual, otherwise suspicions will just get the best of you but how he reacts to your proof will tell you a lot of things.