Open letters to the universe.

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Kinda like random thoughts, but perhaps with an informative twist?

Dear coffee shop patrons if the world,

Please don't wait until your barista hands you your *finished* beverage and then blurt out "is it possible to get that iced instead?"

 

[halcyondays]

Dear patrons in line at the pharmacy window,

Please don't ask the pharmacy tech to ring up your cart or basket full of other items at the pharmacy window. The wait is long enough as it is. Take it to the main check out.

 

[EllieP]

Dear homeowner,

The tile in the box will look different on the back splash with grout. Trust me. I'm a professional.

No, I do not use a sledgehammer in your kitchen unless something is glued down or especially stubborn. That's for TV. I will salvage what I can for Habitat for Humanity as indicated in your contract.

I also don't use a sledgehammer on drywall. That's too much work. A simple hole with a hammer will allow me to pull the entire panel off in a couple of pieces.

Don't believe everything you see on HGTV.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Dear drivers of the world,

Your blinker was built into your vehicle for a specific reason. You're not the only driver on the road. It's very helpful and keeps people from having accidents when you USE the damn thing when you're making a turn.

If your blinker doesn't work, they taught you hand signals in drivers ed. Please use them. Other drivers appreciate it.

 

[1101550]

Dear gym members,

PLEASE PUT YOUR FUCKING WEIGHTS AWAY.

If I, and the rest of the powerlifters, can painstakingly put away ours even after a brutal 600lb working deadlift set, you can take 225 off the fucking bar after squatting and put them back where they are supposed to be. Fucking assholes.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Dear cats,

While I really am so grateful for your mad skills hunting all the lil mice and other creatures who try to poop all over my house, I'd really, REALLY appreciate it if you didn't share your leftovers.

Waking up to surprises right next to the bed just puts a morbid start to the day

 

[918177]

Dear GOD,

There are way too many stupid people breeding down here.
We're being over run.
I haven't yet been gifted with nuclear codes so, if you would, please send a nice cleansing pandemic so
we can start again.

Hugs and loves,
Bonfire.

 

[1101550]

Dear India,

Fix your god damn toilet problem. One of the fast growing and developing countries in the world and yet almost half of the population doesn't have access to a toilet. An embarrassment.

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Dear retail shoppers of Home improvement retail;
One-do not act like children when you don't get your fucking way, you are adults presumably.Additionally for parents, please control your children, and don't give them free reign in a working retail warehouse; we have machines driving all around,ALL-THE-TIME. As an addendum, the carts are meant for transporting merchandise, not your ill mannered "darlings" as it is unsafe
Two-there are separate spaces for the aforementioned carts; one is for shopping carts, and the other for utility carts. Putting them in the wrong spaces shows either laziness or you don't know your ass for where they go..

Three-We are NOT your local dump site when you cannot fit all of your merchandise into your vehicles;You have garbage cans at home, kindly use them rather than so nonchalantly passing the buck of disposing your fucked up useless shit to us.There is a law called littering.

Four-boasting your yearly expenses to us with belligerency /profanity when you don't get your way @ the checkout and/or returns neither impresses us or spurs us to action.

 

[sizehungry]

Dear GOD,

There are way too many stupid people breeding down here.
We're being over run.
I haven't yet been gifted with nuclear codes so, if you would, please send a nice cleansing pandemic so
we can start again.

Hugs and loves,
Bonfire.

Way too many here ,as well . All most likely with the middle name "Cretin " , and probably related to each other . Scary . Wish someone would invent the " moron virus " .

 

[sizehungry]

To the mum's letting their foul mannered progeny spit on other patrons in the supermarket . How about you smack the nasty little bastard around the ear , before someone sees red , and does it for you . Not right either , but entirely possible .

 

[185248]

Dear Universe,

Thank you for allowing us to evolve to the stage we have. I know at any moment you could wipe us out. You've supplied us with plenty of examples in the past. I really don't think the Dinosaurs would have amounted to much anyway. Just my opinion.

Anyway, just asking if you can hang off a bit before you send another message our way.

Kind regards,

Vibzzze

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Dear humans,

When in a public space, please take into consideration that we call it PUBLIC space because it's ALL of ours. Don't stop to chat in high traffic walkways/doorways. Don't assume your schedule is the only one that exists.

It's really not that difficult to Not be in everyone's way, or to just consider the other human people who have to exist near you. I swear, sometimes when I'm leaving the grocery store there's like a circle of peeps just chatting it up in the doorway. No one moves for everyone else who just wants to get our shit and get the eff out! They just look at you like you're supposed to teleport your shit from the store to your car.

Consideration is so sexy.

 

[EllieP]

Dear humans,

When in a public space, please take into consideration that we call it PUBLIC space because it's ALL of ours. Don't stop to chat in high traffic walkways/doorways. Don't assume your schedule is the only one that exists.

It's really not that difficult to Not be in everyone's way, or to just consider the other human people who have to exist near you. I swear, sometimes when I'm leaving the grocery store there's like a circle of peeps just chatting it up in the doorway. No one moves for everyone else who just wants to get our shit and get the eff out! They just look at you like you're supposed to teleport your shit from the store to your car.

Consideration is so sexy.

P.S. If, by chance, you happen to be speaking loudly on a cell phone in this PUBLIC space, please be aware that your conversation is also public, and you should have the courtesy to let the public respond.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Dear coffee,

Thank you for helping my brain to function properly when I don't happen to have the chance to have a quick puff on the icky-sticky spanky-danky.

Cheers

*Sips coffee gleefully*

 

[EagleCowboy]

Dear retail shoppers of Home improvement retail;
One-do not act like children when you don't get your fucking way, you are adults presumably.Additionally for parents, please control your children, and don't give them free reign in a working retail warehouse; we have machines driving all around,ALL-THE-TIME. As an addendum, the carts are meant for transporting merchandise, not your ill mannered "darlings" as it is unsafe
Two-there are separate spaces for the aforementioned carts; one is for shopping carts, and the other for utility carts. Putting them in the wrong spaces shows either laziness or you don't know your ass for where they go..

Three-We are NOT your local dump site when you cannot fit all of your merchandise into your vehicles;You have garbage cans at home, kindly use them rather than so nonchalantly passing the buck of disposing your fucked up useless shit to us.There is a law called littering.

Four-boasting your yearly expenses to us with belligerency /profanity when you don't get your way @ the checkout and/or returns neither impresses us or spurs us to action.

Apply that to all retail!!

 

[EagleCowboy]

P.S. If, by chance, you happen to be speaking loudly on a cell phone in this PUBLIC space, please be aware that your conversation is also public, and you should have the courtesy to let the public respond.

P.P.S. And get OFF the damn phone when doing business or asking the employees for help!

 

[MickeyLee]

Dear coffee,

Thank you for helping my brain to function properly when I don't happen to have the chance to have a quick puff on the icky-sticky spanky-danky.

Cheers

*Sips coffee gleefully*

I'm feeling my hot chocolate right now, Ms. TnJ. Tis the dang season.

 

[185248]

Cuppa Tea ?

 

[MickeyLee]

Universe, Bro. Please make the boy understand when I say "help me catch a baby raccoon" that I am not kidding and fully expect him to take the flank.

bebe raccoons are pure smish and teeth. I love them



*would never break a family*