Open Relationship Advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Harry Bacque, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. D_Harry Bacque

    D_Harry Bacque New Member

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    Hi there everyone. I've been dating my current boyfriend since August 09, and before I met him I was never very into anal sex, he considers himself a bottom. We've both made concessions through the relationship, we'll fuck every now and then, but he doesn't pressure me to do it as often as he'd probably like.

    So early in our relationship I mentioned the possibility of involving a third person to take care of his needs that I didn't really want to, and I could kind of tell during the conversation that maybe he wanted to do it, but he didn't want to seem like he did. Anyway, nothing ever materialized with that conversation. About a week or two ago, we were casually discussing our past sexual histories, and the topic came up again, this time he had the courage to admit it was something he'd be interested in.

    This kind of put me in an awkward position for a few reasons. I have never been in an open relationship or even had a threesome, but I do feel I'd be okay with these things. Also, now that he was interested in doing it, I kind of felt like I wasn't, but for selfish and petty reasons. When I met my boyfriend, I was about 220 pounds. I'm 6'2" and it was extremely evened out that I didn't really look like an overweight person. I've put on an awful 40 pounds since last year and am about 260 now. I'm doing weight watchers which is working well, I've lost about 10 pounds in 3 weeks so far.

    Anyway, my weight and self image is kind of making me uncomfortable with the idea of an open relationship, I suppose my confidence is gone. Our sex life is still great and I know my boyfriend really doesn't care about the weight I've put on, but a little part inside of me can't stop thinking of the possibility that my weight and decline is part of the reason he suddenly wants someone else.

    I tend to have had a lot of success with diets in the past, but I had always gained weight back due to not making healthy eating choices after coming off them. I estimate I'd be back to a weight I'm more comfortable with in two months or so. I feel like once I'm back to a weight where I look and feel better, I'd be more comfortable with the idea of an open relationship. Though I feel like that's a stupid to make my boyfriend wait for a green light to meet someone else.

    Anyway, I'm not sure specifically what kind of advice I'm looking for, but this community has always had good and kind words in the past so I thought I'd see what you all have to say.
     
  2. CuriousHung

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    you both have to be comfortable with the idea of the open relationship I think. it takes alot of trust and lack of jealously. not sure I could ever do it myself.
     
  3. D_Harry Bacque

    D_Harry Bacque New Member

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    I know, and the many years I was in better shape I was always completely comfortable with the idea. I feel like I'm being selfish and petty because I want to put this idea on hold simply till I can lose this weight and be in better shape to meet new people. The only reason I'm uncomfortable now is because of my weight. I won't feel like meeting anyone new, and I guess I'll feel like I'm missing out or something like that.
     
  4. jjsjr

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    It would be easier if you have a three-some first.

    I'm in a loosely open relationship, we ask each other's permission for each guy, but that might only work for us!
     
  5. D_Harry Bacque

    D_Harry Bacque New Member

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    That sounds like a smart idea, I'll discuss it with him. Thanks =)
     
  6. ericbythebay

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    We've been in an open relationship for 15 years, communication and honesty is the key. Discuss your reservations with your partner, perhaps a threesome could be part of your goal and motivation for loosing weight.
     
  7. green carnation

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    do it when you are confident the time is right, and set some boundaries. Dont pressure or be pressured and above all communicate with each other- as others have advised.

    If it is just about fucking, would toys fill the gap?
     
  8. D_Harry Bacque

    D_Harry Bacque New Member

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    He's never been a fan of toys sadly =/
     
  9. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    That's not true for every couple. The communications and dynamics about setting up a threesome are very different from opening a relationship for the long term. A threesome can be just a 1-time sex act for fun alone - while people open relationships based more on needs for emotional intimacy and companionship than just wanting certain sex acts.

    Also, a lot of people are not interested in threesomes even if they would allow their partner to have another long term partner.

    Sounds like you have a good practice there of asking each other every time. I think that practice would work for lots of open couples.
     
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