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*Warning - EXTREMELY LONG POST. Don't have time, scroll by, dont bitch 
I know, I know,, this has been hashed out many times, but too bad, I still am posting it!
Responding to this thread https://www.lpsg.com/threads/how-many-sexual-partners-have-you-had-in-2019.1109251/ got me thinking. Any time Open Relationships are brought up, inevitably those opposed to it will start throwing around insults like "You're partner is not meeting your needs, etc", "Slut (and even the "Wh" word"), "You don't really love each other", and a host of many others. I often wonder why those opposed to it, feel the need to verbally attack it and those that are involved in one.
My partner and I have been together for 10 years, and our relationship and love for each other couldn't be stronger than it is now. It just continues to grow each year. During our 1st 5 years, we were totally monogamous, and it was awesome and amazing. During that time, we developed a love, respect, and trust that I had never experienced before, even in my 12 year marriage prior to that.
I had always been open to an Open Relationship, but it was not something he was interested in, which was fine with me. Believe me when I say, having sex with him and only him for the rest of my life was/is NOT a bad thing at all!!. It was somewhere around 5 years, we were talking one night, and the subject came up (I think it might have even been a thread here). He expressed to me that previously, he had some of the same misconceptions and fears as I expressed above. "being with others because something is lacking in the relationship, might find someone I liked better, etc.". He said, and we both agreed that, that was indeed not the case. In fact I still feel that there is NO ONE out there better, and/or better for me, than him. It's not even possible (and I believe him when he says he feels that way also). We both agreed that we'd open it up, with the understanding that if it became too uncomfortable for one or both, we would go back to being monog.
Most successful Open Relationships, contrary to the myths, are not "free for all"s. Boundaries and guidelines, and lots of communication is definitely advisable. There are things that one or both of us feel are too intimate and are off the table. Everything is mutually agreed on and feelings are clear to avoid as many uncomfortable situations as possible. Those things are different depending on the couple.
As expected, in the beginning, it's new and exciting and probably when the most activity happens. After a while it just becomes "a thing". Sometimes, it's both of us together, but usually because of our different preferences, it's just one of us and the other person. We'll always ask, but most of the time the other will be "Nah, not for me. Go have fun". Sometimes even that will lead to some hot sex when we're back together
It's always discussed beforehand, and if separate, we always text the name, phone number, and address of where we're meeting for safety reasons. (Unfortunately, in today's world, you can never be too safe). Sometimes, we'll discuss how it went, what happened, etc. Sometimes, it's just a quick "How was it? Have fun?, Did they look like their pictures? The majority of times it happens when one of us is away traveling. He has one local guy that he'll get with occasionally, but I really haven't found anyone locally that interests me.
See, it's not about "looking for someone else". It's about being totally happy with each other, but if we happen to see someone and think "They look like they could be fun", and knowing that we can go spend an hour or so with them, and it has NO negative effect or connotations on our relationship, at all. A few of them have actually led to friendships, and we'll all visit when the opportunity presents itself. It's also not about replacing or looking for better. That ain't never gonna happen
I compare it to cars. My partner loves luxury cars, and drives the one of his choice (I have a basic Ford 4WD F250 truck, lol). If he wanted another, we'd buy it instead. We have a close friend that is heir to a well known company that has several luxury and high end sports cars. We do enjoy driving his cars once in a while. It's just a fun and different experience. However, we do not want to sell my partners, or even trade for one of his. If we did, we would.
In the thread mentioned above, I honestly answered "one" (him), and that's by choice and I'm happy with it. In fact, as mentioned, we'd both be fine and happy with that if it were the case from now on. The fact that one or both of us may meet up with someone at some point for an hour of fun, doesn't change that one bit.
So, my question to those that want monogamy, AND feel the need to criticize, insult, and verbally attack those that feel differently, is WHY? I don't feel like you're wrong or need to change just because I prefer to be open. Why do you feel that I, or we are?
I know, I know,, this has been hashed out many times, but too bad, I still am posting it!
Responding to this thread https://www.lpsg.com/threads/how-many-sexual-partners-have-you-had-in-2019.1109251/ got me thinking. Any time Open Relationships are brought up, inevitably those opposed to it will start throwing around insults like "You're partner is not meeting your needs, etc", "Slut (and even the "Wh" word"), "You don't really love each other", and a host of many others. I often wonder why those opposed to it, feel the need to verbally attack it and those that are involved in one.
My partner and I have been together for 10 years, and our relationship and love for each other couldn't be stronger than it is now. It just continues to grow each year. During our 1st 5 years, we were totally monogamous, and it was awesome and amazing. During that time, we developed a love, respect, and trust that I had never experienced before, even in my 12 year marriage prior to that.
I had always been open to an Open Relationship, but it was not something he was interested in, which was fine with me. Believe me when I say, having sex with him and only him for the rest of my life was/is NOT a bad thing at all!!
. It was somewhere around 5 years, we were talking one night, and the subject came up (I think it might have even been a thread here). He expressed to me that previously, he had some of the same misconceptions and fears as I expressed above. "being with others because something is lacking in the relationship, might find someone I liked better, etc.". He said, and we both agreed that, that was indeed not the case. In fact I still feel that there is NO ONE out there better, and/or better for me, than him. It's not even possible (and I believe him when he says he feels that way also). We both agreed that we'd open it up, with the understanding that if it became too uncomfortable for one or both, we would go back to being monog.Most successful Open Relationships, contrary to the myths, are not "free for all"s. Boundaries and guidelines, and lots of communication is definitely advisable. There are things that one or both of us feel are too intimate and are off the table. Everything is mutually agreed on and feelings are clear to avoid as many uncomfortable situations as possible. Those things are different depending on the couple.
As expected, in the beginning, it's new and exciting and probably when the most activity happens. After a while it just becomes "a thing". Sometimes, it's both of us together, but usually because of our different preferences, it's just one of us and the other person. We'll always ask, but most of the time the other will be "Nah, not for me. Go have fun". Sometimes even that will lead to some hot sex when we're back together
It's always discussed beforehand, and if separate, we always text the name, phone number, and address of where we're meeting for safety reasons. (Unfortunately, in today's world, you can never be too safe). Sometimes, we'll discuss how it went, what happened, etc. Sometimes, it's just a quick "How was it? Have fun?, Did they look like their pictures?
The majority of times it happens when one of us is away traveling. He has one local guy that he'll get with occasionally, but I really haven't found anyone locally that interests me.See, it's not about "looking for someone else". It's about being totally happy with each other, but if we happen to see someone and think "They look like they could be fun", and knowing that we can go spend an hour or so with them, and it has NO negative effect or connotations on our relationship, at all. A few of them have actually led to friendships, and we'll all visit when the opportunity presents itself. It's also not about replacing or looking for better. That ain't never gonna happen
I compare it to cars. My partner loves luxury cars, and drives the one of his choice (I have a basic Ford 4WD F250 truck, lol). If he wanted another, we'd buy it instead. We have a close friend that is heir to a well known company that has several luxury and high end sports cars. We do enjoy driving his cars once in a while. It's just a fun and different experience. However, we do not want to sell my partners, or even trade for one of his. If we did, we would.
In the thread mentioned above, I honestly answered "one" (him), and that's by choice and I'm happy with it. In fact, as mentioned, we'd both be fine and happy with that if it were the case from now on. The fact that one or both of us may meet up with someone at some point for an hour of fun, doesn't change that one bit.
So, my question to those that want monogamy, AND feel the need to criticize, insult, and verbally attack those that feel differently, is WHY? I don't feel like you're wrong or need to change just because I prefer to be open. Why do you feel that I, or we are?
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