What's the difference, really?
And therein lies the root of all confusion regarding Open Relationships...
I'll lay it out there: I have never, I repeat
NEVER taken the time to post responses on messageboards or forums of any flavor...wait for it...BUT, with this big idea of "open relationships" now having become a trendy, household term for every horny lil bugger out there, I'd like to respond to this in a straight up, no bullshit fashion:
I am one of the overwhelmingly few
MEN on this planet who is fortunate to enjoy what can truly be described as an "OR". That's right,
OVERWHELMINGLY FEW!!! The
idea that this is something current and trendy to "try" is analogous to cultivating a precision targeting of the existing relationship's
END.
This is not child's play; this is serious shit...that is, if you want the current relationship to have
any chance of survival.
Asking for an OR after 8 months is a reflection of how little value is held in the current relationship; it's simply a rediculous line of thought that after less than one year you honestly think you can approach your SO (who has already stated thier happiness with things as they are) with the idea of you getting laid by someone else and expect that person to welcome your soiled ass back home with open arms and make you breakfast? Seriously??? You need to come clean in the mirror, my friend: you're just horny! I've got the
drop on this sitch: you have a case of the stickies for someone and you want to play it, but you don't want to risk getting caught and suffer the consequences.
Face reality: you aren't fooling anyone...your SO, friends...everyone you know will tell you the same thing.
I've been very happily married for
22 years;
15 years before it was ever even considered and that's only after almost
three years of discussing feelings, fears and possibilities. (Yes, she enjoys herself with other men just as I enjoy other ladies; you should expect nothing less than full on reciprocation)
Regardless of the bullshit you've glossed over in magazines or advice columns, an OR is an
EXCEPTIONALLY RARE situation where
BOTH parties in the core relationship have laid bare (no pun) thier wants, needs, desires, freaks, fetishes and fears with complete honesty and humility and
with no exceptions or alterior motivation. I have
personal experience with the dangers and they are constant, I might add...there's never a time when it gets "safe" for the core relationship; you can
NEVER become complacent or ignorant. Situational awareness is of the utmost importance in any OR; you
must posess the psychological skillset to detect and determine the health of the core relationship
AT ALL TIMES and you
MUST be willing to
END the external relationship at any time
UNCONDITIONALLY, no quesions asked.
Period.
I have born personal witess to the bitter and heartbreaking end of happy homes, families and marriages as well as domestic partnerships over this very subject. FAR too many approached "trying" an OR only to be overcome with the miriad of associated complications suh as resentments, jealousies & fears.
Trust me on this: you cannot "unring the bell" and no one, I repeat NO ONE is immune. I've heard all the
"but we're more mature than to let that come between us" lines of
bullshit a million times...
and it ALWAYS came from those relationships that ENDED in bitter and heartbreaking anguish.
IF you give one iota about your existing relationship, you'll step back from this
NOW. You've made it clear on
TWO CRUCIAL items that this is the prescribed
END of your existing relationship:
1. Your SO states he's NOT INTERESTED. The read here is:
NOT!
2. You've placed on exhibit your
inability to distinguish an OR with cheating. Nothing more to be said here; it speaks for itself.
An open relationship consitutes TWO willing partners whom have committed themselves to the core relationship but who occasionally enjoy sex with others.
JUST sex;
not going on exclusive dates with the other man/woman or attending social outings/functions
as a couple with the other party. BOTH committed partners MUST agree on foundation of non-negotiable rules, the very least of which is that the core relationship COMES FIRST in ALL cases; no questions asked.
I could write all day long on this, therefore I'll take this opportunity to refer anyone who's still reading to
the VERY BEST analytical writings and clear cut, straight up
factual advice regarding an OR that I've ever found:
Index for VarietalSex Site
Take it from someone who's actually IN a successfull OR: this is your one-stop-shop for a no bullshit, "lay it all out there" information source on the subject.
Just one piece of advice that is of crucial importance: as you read
EVERYTHING at least twice, don't
ever get caught thinking to yourself "but I'm (fill in your lame, bullshit excuse here)"...
you aren't special & you aren't immune...you're just horny!
PIECE
