Open Relationships Possible In Reality?

[Northerner2023]

I've never been in a relationship but I already know i'm going to be the super jealous type (probably something I should work on). When I do get into a relationship, if my boyfriend brought up the idea of an open relationship I feel like I would see this as a reason to break up. Obviously it's easy to say that now when I'm not in a relationship with feelings involved. But, for me, if my boyfriend has been thinking about an open relationship I see it as him essentially thinking about cheating. I would absolutely not be ok with other people fooling around with the person i'm in a relationship with. Also, the reason I see it as grounds for a break up is because if he's been thinking about it; me rejecting the idea isn't going to stop those thoughts. So, I feel like he'd just resort to cheating because i'm not open to the idea.

OP, do you mind me asking what's happened since you posted 2 yrs ago? Or anyone else here, have you been in a relationship where one person wants an open relationship and the other doesn't? Did the person who wanted the open relationship resort to cheating behind their back?

Good for you there a joke in my opinion I have far to much self worth and glad to see you do.

 

[jellyfishh]

Good for you there a joke in my opinion I have far to much self worth and glad to see you do.

I don't have an issue with other people in open relationships and don't judge them for it. But, if my future boyfriend ever brought up the idea I don't even know what i'd do. I just know I wouldn't be able to trust him after rejecting the idea. Also, it'd make me feel like I wasn't good enough in bed lol. I see people on Grindr who are similar to my age in a open 'partnership'. I just don't get how you can be 22, in a relationship but already be unsatisfied with your boyfriend in bed. Idk maybe I just don't understand it enough lol

 

[Evenflow618]

No open relationships are not possible for two people to be fully happy. When a relationship is so good you don’t want to share or explore with another person

 

[Sagittarius84]

No open relationships are not possible for two people to be fully happy. When a relationship is so good you don’t want to share or explore with another person

I'm a full subscriber to monogamy, and I don't even think that is true. I think the vast majority of us aren't in a mindset where we could imagine that being our existence, but I do think even in a monogamous construct we find amicable ways of sharing and exploring with others that, some would say ideally, should be sought out in a partner. Sure we're talking about sex here, but how many degrees of jealous/insecure partners could make pretty valid points about things they wouldn't like their significant others doing with others, including but not limited to sharing humor, platonic affection,coworking, dancing, etc.,?
I also think to suggest the "goodness" of a relationship, or by proxy, the value or worth of a partner is determined by a lack of desire to share or explore sexually with someone else, is well, childish, or at the very least, a sanitized and fairy tale-esque way to look at relationships. Monogamy is cheapened by likening it to a pleasant fog that blinds you to all but your partner. I've always thought the true value of monogamy was a consistent and conscious choice to honor a decision/commitment even if a "better deal" comes along later. If those in open relationships have found a way to compartmentalize their sexual activities away from the other socioeconomic and cultural aspects that define a committed relationship, then more power to them

 

[JJREAGAN]

My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years and for all intents and purposes are pretty damn happy. We enjoy each other’s company, are very affectionate, like the same things, love couch time together and don’t like being apart even for a night. Our sex life, however, is not great. We haven’t fooled around in a couple months and probably same amount of time before that. Since the beginning I’ve been more adventurous and wanted to go further but he’s solely interested in oral and really nothing else which kind of sucks (pun intended) for me. I’m pretty sure we’ll get engaged soon but this is a pretty big sticking point as can be imagined. I think he would be kind of hurt if I hinted at just purely sex with another person every once in a while so never brought up anything like that (though I did bring it up in the very early days and it didn’t go too well).

Open to thoughts on similar situations and how you handled it, possible solutions, etc. I know someone is going to say you have to talk about it and be open but I don’t even know where to start. Feel like I’m inching closer to sneaking around but I’m a guilty person and know it would probably eat away at me and then hurt him. Can elaborate if needed and appreciated in advance.

I don’t think bringing another person into the relationship is going to help things. I think you need to deal with why you aren’t fooling around sexually. You’re in this together, so you need to work it out together. But not by sneaking around, but by talking it out.

 

[sandiasky9]

it has been a long time and there was drinking involved so my memory is hazy but said memory says i had sex with a lady back in the day... so 1

 

[Evenflow618]

I'm a full subscriber to monogamy, and I don't even think that is true. I think the vast majority of us aren't in a mindset where we could imagine that being our existence, but I do think even in a monogamous construct we find amicable ways of sharing and exploring with others that, some would say ideally, should be sought out in a partner. Sure we're talking about sex here, but how many degrees of jealous/insecure partners could make pretty valid points about things they wouldn't like their significant others doing with others, including but not limited to sharing humor, platonic affection,coworking, dancing, etc.,?
I also think to suggest the "goodness" of a relationship, or by proxy, the value or worth of a partner is determined by a lack of desire to share or explore sexually with someone else, is well, childish, or at the very least, a sanitized and fairy tale-esque way to look at relationships. Monogamy is cheapened by likening it to a pleasant fog that blinds you to all but your partner. I've always thought the true value of monogamy was a consistent and conscious choice to honor a decision/commitment even if a "better deal" comes along later. If those in open relationships have found a way to compartmentalize their sexual activities away from the other socioeconomic and cultural aspects that define a committed relationship, then more power to them

Having sex with other people only brings problems. Someone always get jealous or will leave the relationship for someone else. I wish we could see data on the successfulness of open relationships.

 

[elklindoxxx]

My partner and I have been in an open relationship for years and it has worked out for us. I have friends who are in monogamous relationships and they are always complaining about one thing or another about their relationships.

People will always get jealous whether they are in an open or monogamous relationship.

 

[JJREAGAN]

My partner and I have been in an open relationship for years and it has worked out for us. I have friends who are in monogamous relationships and they are always complaining about one thing or another about their relationships.

People will always get jealous whether they are in an open or monogamous relationship.

I guess it depends upon the couple. I have friends that have an open relationship, but they always include the joiners with both of them there, not separately.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I wish we could see data on the successfulness of open relationships.

I think that's an inaccurate metric of measurement because it doesn't take into account the mindset and dedication of those that entered into the open relationship in the 1st place. I liken your attitude to how most car enthusiasts regard rotary motors, except the high rate of failure is not indicative of some fundamental flaw of the wankel design, but usually due to lack of dedication in proper use and maintenance. I fully believe most people that go into open relationships, or open their existing relationships are building fundamentally flawed constructs, which are doomed to fail; that says little to nothing of the success rate of properly constructed openness. The construct of the open relationship has been amicably around human society for millennia, quietly doing just fine, your assessment is more accurately geared to the prospective constructors of open relationships.