Open Relationships Possible In Reality?

[Dicchunter]

If he's really love you, you will become home for him.
If he's really love you, you will more than enough for him.

But if he's still looking something from another man, you're not good enough for him.

Since sex easier to get, love harder to find.

I have a friend who in open relatioship. He always do threesome or whatever.
But also he's the one who always jealous to his man.
I don't understand.

And... I just broke-up from this "open relationship" for no reason while I trully love him.
I'm agree in open relationship, I think give him a freedom, will make he stay.
Better than he's cheating in my back.

But no. I'm still not good enough for him.

He said I kind, can tolerate his busy time, loyal, not a gold digger tho, never ask anything from him.
But he still leave me anyway. And he's start posting thirst trap on Twitter, looking attention from stranger.

So... I think Open Relationship just a bullshit.
They just don't want to be a single. but still wanna fuck every people they've met.

 

[Zulu_Oral_Fixation]

At first I was going to empathize by telling you about my own struggles being a versatile top married for 14 years to a bottom who has little interest in topping BUT the more I read your story the more I think that you are just two very intransigent gay men. Either that or you should talk to a sex therapist or a psychologist because there is a difference between not enjoying oral sex and outright refusing to engage in it.

The bottoming and topping is a little more difficult to deal with but if you love someone enough, it shouldn't get in the way.

Ok. I guess I will have to tell you about my situation eventhough I really hate talking about my intimate stuff here because I am the one here and not my husband....

So he is a bottom. 100%. He doesn't enjoy oral sex too much but he can orgasm from it. If it was up to me, I would blow him at least every other day. Idk why but oral sex to me feels pretty intimate. Sometimes, I get mad at him buy then I think about how much I enjoy sucking his cock and I forget I am mad hahaha I am that much into it.

But he is not and so he just "gives it to me" every now and then. I think in the last two weeks, i probably blew him twice. I think it was the same week too.

When it comes to topping he wont do it. I dong bring it up anymore. I simply just jerk off watching porn. Its what it is. I think one of this days I will convince him but who knows.

We have sex less frequently now that we are both older and have been together for 14 yrs but honestly I am overall happy with the QUALITY of my sex life. When we have sex, its amazing. I love it 100%. He is an amazing man and me being inside of him feels like a privilege. I cant emphasize how amazing and loving I feel when I am there.

So bottom line for you: maybe you both need to rethink your priorities and consider getting help. Opening the relationship is not the answer and deep down I know you agree with me on that.

I think we should see a sex therapist, I agree there. Just a note: I’ve never enjoyed receiving oral. Even from the many times I’ve received oral throughout my life, I never felt any pleasure from it. What makes it worse now is that I don’t enjoy receiving oral from my partner because it’s also a reminder of what he does with other men.

I definitely think we need to seek professional help.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

I think we should see a sex therapist, I agree there. Just a note: I’ve never enjoyed receiving oral. Even from the many times I’ve received oral throughout my life, I never felt any pleasure from it. What makes it worse now is that I don’t enjoy receiving oral from my partner because it’s also a reminder of what he does with other men.

I definitely think we need to seek professional help.

Interesting...

So before then, why didn't you enjoy it? Was it a sensory thing or was it also psychological?

For me at least, after being with the same person for a while, oral sex is a bit less pleasurable from a sensory perspective. IDK if my cock gets used to someone's mouth or if there are other psychological reasons but it is definitely an issue. On top of that, when I receive oral, I find it hard to cum. What usually helps is if I also use my hand. My cock is long enough that I can grab it with one hand and my husband can still go at it... I always think it is a control issue, as I am a top. In any event, the other thing that helps is that I close my eyes and jus think of something hot. Sometimes I even think of my husbands cock LOL Whatever I need o think to get off...

Lately my husband hates it because I take too long....

So my point is that, we all face difficulties of one kind of the other in bed. No one is perfect. I want to tell you "love conquers all" or something like that but it is so cliche and I honestly don't really think it is true. It is more like, if you approach the problem from a loving perspective instead of a selfish perspective, you find a compromise that makes you happy even if its not 100% fulfilling. But I guess that is less catchy....

Good luck! From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best!!!

 

[Zulu_Oral_Fixation]

Interesting...

So before then, why didn't you enjoy it? Was it a sensory thing or was it also psychological?

For me at least, after being with the same person for a while, oral sex is a bit less pleasurable from a sensory perspective. IDK if my cock gets used to someone's mouth or if there are other psychological reasons but it is definitely an issue. On top of that, when I receive oral, I find it hard to cum. What usually helps is if I also use my hand. My cock is long enough that I can grab it with one hand and my husband can still go at it... I always think it is a control issue, as I am a top. In any event, the other thing that helps is that I close my eyes and jus think of something hot. Sometimes I even think of my husbands cock LOL Whatever I need o think to get off...

Lately my husband hates it because I take too long....

So my point is that, we all face difficulties of one kind of the other in bed. No one is perfect. I want to tell you "love conquers all" or something like that but it is so cliche and I honestly don't really think it is true. It is more like, if you approach the problem from a loving perspective instead of a selfish perspective, you find a compromise that makes you happy even if its not 100% fulfilling. But I guess that is less catchy....

Good luck! From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best!!!

It’s a sensory thing for me.

Thank so much, man. I definitely want to find a solution from a loving perspective. I’ll initiate the conversation for us to seek professional help and take it from there. I want us to be happy together.

 

[EquusAZ]

Relationships take communication, which is a combination of talking, and listening. I think you guys need to talk about whats important, what bothers you, and what potential solutions you can come up with. One important phrase my husband has said, which is true, "its selfish to think that you will be able to provide everything your partner needs in life." I.e. "I'm everything you ever want, right?" Its the activity of projecting your own need for self affirmation. Thats not really fair.

Open relelationships take a lot of work, and there are degrees of open. Not everyone can do the 'entirely open' relationship deal. Also, not everyone can handle even a tiny smidge of open. If thats the case, you both need to figure out a way to be happy and to find your own truths together.

 

[Infernal]

It's all about honesty. With each other and with yourself. My husband and I have an open relationship. We each have sex with others though he does far more often than I do. There are many reasons why that aren't really relevant, but in order to make it work, we had to discuss the reasons. There were some painful conversations, misunderstandings, and some arguments until we both got to the point where we were in agreement. We set some basic rules, and anytime one of us feels that the rules aren't being followed we speak up. We are honest with each other in all things. If he's hooking up with someone he either asks if I mind or tells me that he's going out. Only once have I said I would prefer he not because it was a special day for us. He respected that and didn't go. I don't need to know the details. It's not relevant who fucked or sucked who, or what the person's name is. I just need to know that it's happening and when I can expect him home. We don't play unsafe with others because we respect each other's health. I choose not to hook up as often for my own reasons. In the end, we have a great relationship, and regardless of who he's fucking, he spends the night sleeping next to me. It is just sex, and there are no emotional entanglements. We get off together and with others, but I have no doubt who my heart belongs to.

I also have this running joke with him. When he gets on my nerves I can tell him to go get fucked and actually mean for him to do just that. He always comes back with a better attitude.

 

[Davvy]

Me and my bf are dating since last two years and it’s more of a distance relationship. He is still in college . We both are horny human beings and very new to this open relationship thing . It makes us both insecure but at the same time we both want to do it too. He has hooked up once and kept it hidden from me for months which he came clean later but that made me miserable (at verge of breakup) . We both still don’t understand how this would work is it worth ? I feel like what if we would lose each-other in the chase for lust. We definitely enjoy sex with each-other but since we have this distance thing it’s hard to survive. Any possible guidance and suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[deleted645178]

My partner of 11 years and myself, don't sleep together as I'm up every morning very early for work,I do crazy shifts, we only sleep together when we're away on holiday or a weekend away, we have 16 years between us, he's not in the greatest of health, but is a most wonderful man, he really looks after me, but I need some fun, sex, as that's not happened,not even a wank for 3 years, I'm doing it by myself,and I do it well now my mind is starting to wonder, and would an open relationship work.. do I just bite the bullet and have the chat, or do I go out on my own and have some fun times, ?? Any ideas friends

 

[elklindoxxx]

Having an open relationship with your partner has to be discussed very early in the relationship. You have to go right up front and tell them what you like and ask what they like then it has to be mutually agreed upon.

Early in the relationship with me any my partner...I found out that when she was going out with her girlfriends they went to some strip joint and she "popped" a few of the strippers. And coincidentally not shortly after...when I started my new job, I was at the water cooler and out of nowhere a nice young lady approached me and started a conversation. And one thing led to another.

We sat down and I told her that I knew what she was up to and I told her what I did. In that situation it's not going to work out if you are going to go and do whatever it is that you feel like. So I suggested that as a couple lets meet other couples and let's keep everything out in the open. And after some back and fourth we agreed. It's kind of awkward at first watching your partner having sex with someone else but after awhile it's really exciting.

 

[deleted13497621]

I’ve been in an open relationship for seven years. For us we love each other intrinsically, so what really is the occasional fumble when there is no love attached like with nearly all gay meets. For us it’s really normal and if anything I quite enjoy him playing about haha. I don’t get couples that break up over a drunk one night stand. Seems quite a waste. Love and sex are very different things. A blow job doesn’t mean I love my partner any less. If anything it’s given us a new dimension and one less thing to worry about than being paranoid.

You probably don't understand much. Sex is actually an extension of romantic love, they are not really different from each other. Love is meant to complete someone and sex is used to Express that love with a romantic partner who shares the same. As much as people want to say love and sex are two different things, it's not. In your situation, you're making room inside your love capacity for sex with other people( to keep you satisfied ) but if the love capacity between you were at 100%, i don't think you would want anything from anyone else. Thus I'm not saying you don't love your partner, just not fully. And don't judge monogamous people acting out when their partners cheat because you probably won't like to be judged too.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

We very recently tried reopening our relationship after 8 years of monogamy.

We have sex often. We have great sex. Neither of us was unsatisfied, but after months of comments and hints about him wanting more partners we had several serious discussions about it. We decided to open it up. At first we were very excited.. both of us. Then, reality set in and he realized he wasn't as comfortable with it as he thought. Neither of us had face to face interaction with anyone, but I got pretty close and I ended up hurting the person I love the most in this world.

I almost lost him over it. I'm still terrified that he'll never truly see me the same way again. I thought it would be fine because we've been non-monogamous before. We've been totally open before. But 8 years is significant. Even though we had discussed it thoroughly, and many times it still ended up being a mistake.

So now I'm devastated inside that I hurt the man I love, and I'm embarrassed that I went about it the way I did. So, for me, for us it didn't work out the way I wanted. I just wanted him to be happy, and I hurt both of us in the process. We're still healing. It's been a rollercoaster.

 

[deleted13497621]

I honestly believe monogamy and promiscuity are two extremes with the same root cause - insecurity and fear.

The key is balance. You can be sexually exclusive with a person and still leave the door open for sexual experiences with others, it's about open communication and honestly, also allowance that people have free will and sometimes will give into spontaneous desire and have a zipless fuck. This isn't a reflection on the primary relationship, it's just pure sex without attachment or meaning. At the same time sex with friends is a great way for bonding and mutual pleasure and there are a hell of a lot of couples of all orientations, who have sex with friends and there's no issue.

You should understand most people in monogamous relationships choose love to make them feel complete and sex is something they express with each other and no one else when you're full in love and there will be insecurities because it's a natural thing. If you're directing your relationship from the perspective of sex then the situation will be as exactly as you described. The key is VALUE, if you value sex( an extension of love which keeps one satisfied ) or if you value love( not like you think you're in love but like fully in love ) these two leads you to different roads.
Plus you don't have to have sex with your friends to make your BONDS stronger, there is a type of love you develop with people who you call friends, it's platonic and it's very beautiful, not romantic and not sexual. But if you are having sex with your friends then you are putting yourself somewhere between platonic and romantic, it's fun but no longer beautiful. Don't some of y'all want to have someone to laugh with, enjoy each other's company without having to have sex with each other?

 

[deleted13497621]

My partner and I have been together for 3 years now. I am a top and, when we met, my partner was a bottom.

A year into the relationship, my partner came to terms with the fact that he doesn’t like to bottom. It’s painful for him and was just tolerating his role as a bottom. He has always been a bottom prior to our relationship, only because he thought it was an expectation that he had to bottom because he loves oral (giving) and hated topping. He has always loved oral (giving) and still does. I hate receiving oral. But I love topping. So now, we love what the other doesn’t love. What do you guys think we should do?

We tried opening the relationship when he mentioned that he doesn’t like bottoming (a year into the relationship), as a temporary solution. But whenever he hooked up with someone, he felt guilty every time. I have always assured him that he shouldn’t feel guilty and that I’m ok with this, but secretly I’m not ok with the thought of my partner blowing some other guy. Secretly, I feel inadequate and insecure and jealous (for some reason). To this day, I sometimes don’t let him touch my dick or let him get me hard, because there’s nothing else we can do sexually beyond getting hard.

He doesn’t hook up with other guys a lot though (he only had 4 hookups to date). I on the other hand had 1 hookup to date. I also felt guilty after my hookup and haven’t tried hooking up with someone else since then. To this day, the last time I had sex was almost 2 years ago. We do still jerk off, but separately. I would watch porn to jerk off, and so would he, but not together (we like different kinds of porn too).

This may all sound messy, I don’t know how we can move forward with a great sex life. Everything else is incredible in the relationship. I can’t imagine my life without him.

All suggestions and questions are welcome.

Just a suggestion but you can try putting away the hookup situation because obviously it makes you guys feel bad and learn how to have sex, there are many positions out there that is very satisfying and the bottom and top situation just become verse duh! I know people are entitled to their own choices and freedom but when you love someone you're going to sacrifice that for your partner it's really common sense. You guys can start again and start slow, once you guys enjoy each other, later it'll become a sexual reflex.

 

[deleted13497621]

At first I was going to empathize by telling you about my own struggles being a versatile top married for 14 years to a bottom who has little interest in topping BUT the more I read your story the more I think that you are just two very intransigent gay men. Either that or you should talk to a sex therapist or a psychologist because there is a difference between not enjoying oral sex and outright refusing to engage in it.

The bottoming and topping is a little more difficult to deal with but if you love someone enough, it shouldn't get in the way.

Ok. I guess I will have to tell you about my situation eventhough I really hate talking about my intimate stuff here because I am the one here and not my husband....

So he is a bottom. 100%. He doesn't enjoy oral sex too much but he can orgasm from it. If it was up to me, I would blow him at least every other day. Idk why but oral sex to me feels pretty intimate. Sometimes, I get mad at him buy then I think about how much I enjoy sucking his cock and I forget I am mad hahaha I am that much into it.

But he is not and so he just "gives it to me" every now and then. I think in the last two weeks, i probably blew him twice. I think it was the same week too.

When it comes to topping he wont do it. I dong bring it up anymore. I simply just jerk off watching porn. Its what it is. I think one of this days I will convince him but who knows.

We have sex less frequently now that we are both older and have been together for 14 yrs but honestly I am overall happy with the QUALITY of my sex life. When we have sex, its amazing. I love it 100%. He is an amazing man and me being inside of him feels like a privilege. I cant emphasize how amazing and loving I feel when I am there.

So bottom line for you: maybe you both need to rethink your priorities and consider getting help. Opening the relationship is not the answer and deep down I know you agree with me on that.

Love that for you

 

[deleted13497621]

My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years and for all intents and purposes are pretty damn happy. We enjoy each other’s company, are very affectionate, like the same things, love couch time together and don’t like being apart even for a night. Our sex life, however, is not great. We haven’t fooled around in a couple months and probably same amount of time before that. Since the beginning I’ve been more adventurous and wanted to go further but he’s solely interested in oral and really nothing else which kind of sucks (pun intended) for me. I’m pretty sure we’ll get engaged soon but this is a pretty big sticking point as can be imagined. I think he would be kind of hurt if I hinted at just purely sex with another person every once in a while so never brought up anything like that (though I did bring it up in the very early days and it didn’t go too well).

Open to thoughts on similar situations and how you handled it, possible solutions, etc. I know someone is going to say you have to talk about it and be open but I don’t even know where to start. Feel like I’m inching closer to sneaking around but I’m a guilty person and know it would probably eat away at me and then hurt him. Can elaborate if needed and appreciated in advance.

Being open shouldn't be the first answer, you guys can talk more about how you can have sex with each other, honestly if you guys really loved each other you wouldn't be opposed to the idea of exploring each other's bodies.

 

[deleted13497621]

If he's really love you, you will become home for him.
If he's really love you, you will more than enough for him.

But if he's still looking something from another man, you're not good enough for him.

Since sex easier to get, love harder to find.

I have a friend who in open relatioship. He always do threesome or whatever.
But also he's the one who always jealous to his man.
I don't understand.

And... I just broke-up from this "open relationship" for no reason while I trully love him.
I'm agree in open relationship, I think give him a freedom, will make he stay.
Better than he's cheating in my back.

But no. I'm still not good enough for him.

He said I kind, can tolerate his busy time, loyal, not a gold digger tho, never ask anything from him.
But he still leave me anyway. And he's start posting thirst trap on Twitter, looking attention from stranger.

So... I think Open Relationship just a bullshit.
They just don't want to be a single. but still wanna fuck every people they've met.

I'm really sorry for you. You should know his opinion of you is not your real worth. You should start looking for someone you values love and loyalty more than sex. Maybe difficult and tiring to find the right guy but that doesn't mean you should give. In the meantime occupy yourself with things that make you happy.

If he's really love you, you will become home for him.
If he's really love you, you will more than enough for him.

But if he's still looking something from another man, you're not good enough for him.

Since sex easier to get, love harder to find.

I have a friend who in open relatioship. He always do threesome or whatever.
But also he's the one who always jealous to his man.
I don't understand.

And... I just broke-up from this "open relationship" for no reason while I trully love him.
I'm agree in open relationship, I think give him a freedom, will make he stay.
Better than he's cheating in my back.

But no. I'm still not good enough for him.

He said I kind, can tolerate his busy time, loyal, not a gold digger tho, never ask anything from him.
But he still leave me anyway. And he's start posting thirst trap on Twitter, looking attention from stranger.

So... I think Open Relationship just a bullshit.
They just don't want to be a single. but still wanna fuck every people they've met.

I'm really sorry for you, you're really a good guy with great worth. You should find someone who values love and loyalty more than sex, in can be difficult and tiring but that doesn't mean you should give up. In the meantime find and occupy yourself in things that make you happy.

 

[HarveyMilk]

"A man has two reasons for things that he does.
The first one is pride and the second one is love."
The late Grant Hart

 

[deleted13497621]

I

Relationships take communication, which is a combination of talking, and listening. I think you guys need to talk about whats important, what bothers you, and what potential solutions you can come up with. One important phrase my husband has said, which is true, "its selfish to think that you will be able to provide everything your partner needs in life." I.e. "I'm everything you ever want, right?" Its the activity of projecting your own need for self affirmation. Thats not really fair.

Open relelationships take a lot of work, and there are degrees of open. Not everyone can do the 'entirely open' relationship deal. Also, not everyone can handle even a tiny smidge of open. If thats the case, you both need to figure out a way to be happy and to find your own truths together.

If your husband is telling you that you're selfish for wanting to be everything your husband can ever need then fiy you husband is actually the selfish one thats the truth, if you don't want to give everything for someone you love then you don't fully love your partner, you still want keep something for other people, you wanting to be happy with hooking up with other people and not being exclusive is actually a selfish thing. He might love you but he doesn't love enough to be entirely exclusive

Relationships take communication, which is a combination of talking, and listening. I think you guys need to talk about whats important, what bothers you, and what potential solutions you can come up with. One important phrase my husband has said, which is true, "its selfish to think that you will be able to provide everything your partner needs in life." I.e. "I'm everything you ever want, right?" Its the activity of projecting your own need for self affirmation. Thats not really fair.

Open relelationships take a lot of work, and there are degrees of open. Not everyone can do the 'entirely open' relationship deal. Also, not everyone can handle even a tiny smidge of open. If thats the case, you both need to figure out a way to be happy and to find your own truths together.

If your husband is telling you that you're selfish for wanting to provide everything for him then fiy your husband is actually the selfish one. When you fully love someone you wouldn't want anyone else not even a taste, for example when you're about to have a meal of a lifetime..if you choose to have a full course meal and you really want to eat it all, you're going to be full and happy but if you choose to have just a little meal you're not going to be full and when you go somewhere else and someone passes you a pizza you're going to be like " sure why not? ". But if guys value being open to keep you guys happy then it's your life but don't go around kidding other people with baseless recommendations.

 

[ABurnabyDude]

Ethical non monogamist here. Let me state what I know is an unpopular opinion coming from someone in an open relationship:
Open relationships are not for everyone. Specially if you come at it with the intent to fill I some sort of void from something that’s not present in your own primary relationship. Something that has not been discussed openly, and judgement free at plenty between you and your partner, which has been determined to be impractical / irreconcilable to fulfill within that partnership.
Every acquaintance in my life who has entered an open relationship trying to fill a void because there isn’t enough of [insert anything] has had their relationship go sour. I would highly highly advise you first go through couples therapy as early as possible to improve your communication, connection and approach to your main relationship. Learn how to talk to each other, trust each other. Only then, once you are at a strong with a solid relationship foundation, should you explore opening up.

I was in a monogamous, heteronormative relationship for close to 10 years. We had many years of therapy together even when there “wasn’t a problem”. It helped us make up something solid and unbreakable. Over the years we learned to share that our sexuality was really fluid, and we got to explore what that meant in the bedroom between us. And then fantasies about having others involved built up. Lots of serious non fantasy discussions ensued to figure out what it means, and how it changes our perception of the monogamous construct society and ourselves followed. Turns out that over time, we realized that it’s unfair to believe a single partner is to fulfill all your whims and desires as you evolve in life. I was having the best sex of my life as I encountered a guy who shared there were interested in me. I put a pin in it, to validate that this was a step we - my primary relationship and i - felt ready for. I had nothing but support, and found myself growing in ways I couldn’t have expected, while my wife partook in her own ways along with me.

Happy to say that I now write this lazily cuddled up on the couch, having wine with the wife, dog on my lap, as the boyfriend cooks up an awesome dinner for us 3.

 

[ss7979]

Yeah. My subs are all bi and love each other. I also date casually, but the 5 of them are a team working to please daddy. We are all happy.