Open relationships?

jonb

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Originally posted by TexAssgirl@Oct 2 2004, 04:57 PM
I personally don't feel comfy about an open relationship as I think i'd have too much jealousy over my husband screwing another chick.

we have, however, seriously considered a 3some with another girl someday, but have clarified that she'd be exclusively my play toy.

I also don't discriminate against those with open relationships. Hell, that's actually what constitutes most of the active members on JB - quite a few of them being people that I know personally in life.
[post=258211]Quoted post[/post]​
Strange, since I've always heard it was male jealousy which prevented threesomes involving two men. That, and homophobia.
 

madame_zora

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Jonb, I have certainly encountered that in the past- both jealousy and homophobia. I am single now so probably not really qualified to answer here, but from where I stand now, I can't imagine being in anything other than an open relationship. Like so many others have siad though, what matters most is that the people involved are in agreement and communitcate. Monogamy is a great thing if both people want that and actually do it, but so often it's a case of one person being monogamous while the other one isn't- which is cruel.
 

jonb

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Originally posted by madame_zora@Oct 12 2004, 11:16 PM
Jonb, I have certainly encountered that in the past- both jealousy and homophobia. I am single now so probably not really qualified to answer here, but from where I stand now, I can't imagine being in anything other than an open relationship. Like so many others have siad though, what matters most is that the people involved are in agreement and communitcate. Monogamy is a great thing if both people want that and actually do it, but so often it's a case of one person being monogamous while the other one isn't- which is cruel.
[post=259244]Quoted post[/post]​
My own opinion? If only those damn white men had left us alone. Lakota marriages actually followed one of several social scripts.
 

Dr. Bubbles

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[/quote]
My own opinion? If only those damn white men had left us alone. Lakota marriages actually followed one of several social scripts.
[post=259429]Quoted post[/post]​
[/quote]

No comment... well, maybe one... my grandfather use to say in the old days it was their responsibility to make sure the women of the tribe were taken care of. In saying that, one can imagine the number of relatives it seems we all have.
 

Dr. Bubbles

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Now, personally speaking, I could not follow a script of open relationships. I feel that if I am personally not enough woman to have him or handle him, then obviously I do not need to be with him.

Also, I find myself to be truly committed. I have been in a relationship were that was not conceded and the end result was devistation for me.

Yeah... I get jealous. So what? :p
 

jonb

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Well, it wasn't "open" per se. By several scripts, I meant, several women, or maybe several men, or maybe after one partner dies someone else takes his/her place, or even same-sex marriage.

The other thing is, we didn't have a wedding ceremony, which really confuses a lot of people because they assume that if someone doesn't have a ring, it's open season.
 

Dr. Bubbles

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I understood what you meant by saying several individuals, however, I still do not think that would totally flush by any standard today, particularly in some native cultures. Maybe it is the assimilation that has occurred; I do not know...

There are cultures that empower women. If the man does something she does not like, she can "divorce" him (not in the nature we think of today) and remarry. His recourse, none. She gets everything... house, money, everything. That is part of their cultural heritage.

As far as what you said about the wedding ceremonies of today... yeah.. I am totally on tract with you concerning that. My grandparents did not have rings nor does my parents. I recently purchased my mother her first diamond ring (celebrating her 40th anniversary to my dad) in July. Occassionally she wears it. OH well...
 

D_Barbi_Queue

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Originally posted by jonb+Oct 10 2004, 08:07 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jonb &#064; Oct 10 2004, 08:07 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-TexAssgirl@Oct 2 2004, 04:57 PM
I personally don&#39;t feel comfy about an open relationship as I think i&#39;d have too much jealousy over my husband screwing another chick. 

we have, however, seriously considered a 3some with another girl someday, but have clarified that she&#39;d be exclusively my play toy.

I also don&#39;t discriminate against those with open relationships.  Hell, that&#39;s actually what constitutes most of the active members on JB - quite a few of them being people that I know personally in life.
[post=258211]Quoted post[/post]​
Strange, since I&#39;ve always heard it was male jealousy which prevented threesomes involving two men. That, and homophobia.
[post=258888]Quoted post[/post]​
[/b][/quote]

well, that&#39;s one reason why we&#39;ll never do a mmf 3some, plus i can&#39;t see myself with any other guy anyway.
 

jonb

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Originally posted by bblumbee@Oct 14 2004, 01:40 PM
I understood what you meant by saying several individuals, however, I still do not think that would totally flush by any standard today, particularly in some native cultures. Maybe it is the assimilation that has occurred; I do not know...

There are cultures that empower women. If the man does something she does not like, she can "divorce" him (not in the nature we think of today) and remarry. His recourse, none. She gets everything... house, money, everything. That is part of their cultural heritage.

As far as what you said about the wedding ceremonies of today... yeah.. I am totally on tract with you concerning that. My grandparents did not have rings nor does my parents. I recently purchased my mother her first diamond ring (celebrating her 40th anniversary to my dad) in July. Occassionally she wears it. OH well...
[post=259562]Quoted post[/post]​
Well, I didn&#39;t say in favor of totally abandoning marriage or in favor of "friends with benefits" or any of the other arrangements I didn&#39;t even think were socially possible until I got internet access.

Heh. In Lakota culture, the women are the only ones with any real property. Kinda funny, since the current "Should women drum?" debate. Compared to real social authority, drumming looks like more mental masturbation. LOL
 

Dr. Bubbles

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Originally posted by jonb+Oct 16 2004, 01:11 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jonb &#064; Oct 16 2004, 01:11 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-bblumbee@Oct 14 2004, 01:40 PM
I understood what you meant by saying several individuals, however, I still do not think that would totally flush by any standard today, particularly in some native cultures.  Maybe it is the assimilation that has occurred; I do not know...

There are cultures that empower women.  If the man does something she does not like, she can "divorce" him (not in the nature we think of today) and remarry.  His recourse, none.  She gets everything... house, money, everything.  That is part of their cultural heritage.

As far as what you said about the wedding ceremonies of today... yeah.. I am totally on tract with you concerning that.  My grandparents did not have rings nor does my parents.  I recently purchased my mother her first diamond ring (celebrating her 40th anniversary to my dad) in July.  Occassionally she wears it.  OH well...
[post=259562]Quoted post[/post]​
Well, I didn&#39;t say in favor of totally abandoning marriage or in favor of "friends with benefits" or any of the other arrangements I didn&#39;t even think were socially possible until I got internet access.

Heh. In Lakota culture, the women are the only ones with any real property. Kinda funny, since the current "Should women drum?" debate. Compared to real social authority, drumming looks like more mental masturbation. LOL
[post=259703]Quoted post[/post]​
[/b][/quote]

I cannot believe you said that, but then yes I can. And actually, while I am sitting here thinking about it... yeah, sounds damn right&#33; Careful, giving me thoughts to cause an uproar, especially on the pow wow circuit&#33; lol
 
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Lady Lindsey: After my husband left all of a sudden after our son was born, I have not been wanting anything serious. Instead of focusing on dating and finding "Mr. Right" to marry again someday, I just have fun dating, and well, having sex.
 

NewAgeDesire

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Found this thread in the search and figured I'd give it new life... I'm curious as to how one starts an open relationship. Do you have to be in a committed relationships first? or can you start straight out open? I'm sure both are possible, I'm just looking for some input from those that have been there.

If any of you read my other thread. "I need to regain control of my chaos" You will know where this is coming from. Short story being awesome girl, good friendship, but she's scared of relationships due to a past of jealous partners. I'd like to find a way to bring up the subject that shows I'm interested in a relationship without coming straight out and stating it... To plant the seed and not instantly put her off to the idea due to her past experiences. I don't think she knows that I would be interested in an open relationship... and that I have little time to be jealous when the person I'm with chooses in the end to be with me.

I honestly think that I have a shot, being that when I last talked to her about our friendship she was more interested in it as is. Two people that connect closer by sharing a bed every once and a while. That this way there is no jealousy. Idk... I guess that I'm just looking for a way to show her that a relationship between her and I wouldn't be like the ones of her past.

I realize that there are probably tons of flaws in these ideas. If you could bring them up so that I can better discuss my thinking that would be great.


Steve
 

DC_DEEP

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HungMuscle, you started that thread 2 years ago... how did it turn out?

NewAgeDesire, I don't know much about your situation, so no advice... just an answer to your initial question.

My partner and I started our relationship as an open one. That was about six years ago, and we still have a great sex life with each other, are still together, still in love, and still committed to each other, and we still have a third and/or fourth join us periodically.

If either partner has any jealous tendencies, open relationships just simply will not work.
 

Mattness

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I have nothing to add to your inquiry about open relationships other than this humorous story.

My old Chiropractor Scott, after a few months of weekly visits became my friend. I got to know him and his boyfriend pretty well and enjoyed spending time with them.

When Scott and I would have our sessions, we'd talk about a variety of things - anything really - and he once went on and on about how people with "open" relationships made him sick and there was NO way anyone could have one and have a healthy relationship, etc. He was very uptight and judgemental about certain things, especially that.

Well, one night when I was horny, I wanted a blowjob badly, so I stopped at "the bad place" which was one of the Adult Bookstores in town that had gloryholes.

This guy came into the booth next to me and motioned for me to put my cock thru but wouldn't sit down so I could see his face (one of the things I usually did - if he was gross, I didn't want him blowing me). Of course I put it thru and after a few minutes of joy and a great blowjob, I came. As I was recovering, I noticed a small peephole in the wall that looked into this guy's booth.

When he stood up after cleaning himself up, I saw his face...it was Scott's boyfriend!!!!!

So, the moral of the story is that it's probably a good idea to make sure that your partner agrees with your attitudes about monogomy and open relationships! :biggrin1:
 

SilverSoldier

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I have a partner who is gone for a couple of months at a time. We have not ever held each other to a completely monogamous relationship, because we both get lonely. However, there is no replacement for each other in our lives. Since then, I have met another guy, who is wonderful. We are now also in a relationship, with everyone aware of what's going on. The reassurance is that I care very much for both, but my partner will always be my mate. So far, it seems to be working, but there are a few questions and concerns. The rule between us all is that we are completely honest, and not threatened by the other persons. None of us have any other interests in pursuing any other relationships for the time being.

My partner and the other guy do know each other, and are friendly, but haven't had the opportunity to be intimate at any level. I'm hoping that will happen.

I think it's risky in some ways. We have rules about safe sex, making sure no one brings home a bug, etc. But I have to say that this relationship with these two people has brought a lot of satisfaction and happiness to me, and so far, satisfying to all parties. However, things have a tendency to change, and as long as we are honest, and can work through our feelings in a mature way, I think we can continue. We just take things a day at a time.

Incidentally, I never dreamed I would be in such a relationship. At times it does feel a little unnerving, but mostly it provides a sense of completeness.

I'm not sure I recommend it either. I can see that such a relationship is filled with complications, but so far, it seems to be working. It's definitely not for everyone, if you intend to act responsibly about feelings, etc.
 

DC_DEEP

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Good post, SilverSoldier. Just keep in mind that it will only get as complicated as you want it to. The honesty is key.
 
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SilverSoldier's post reminds me of my own situation a few years ago. I was with a guy, and long story short, he found himself boinking a Hawaiian guy while I was in London for a two week trip. When I came back, my boyf announced to me he wanted to break up (I didnt know why). The day after the break up was his birthday and he planned a big party. Both his newfound boink and I attended. After a few hours, the newfound boink decided he liked me a whole lot more than my ex, and actually crawled into my bed that night and sucked me off. My ex found out, and didn&#8217;t quite know what to do with it. He had been bored with our relationship, and this was the spice he needed. So we started a three-way relationship.

Off the top of my head, I can't recall a time that all three of us were in bed at the same time. One time I walked in on them fucking, and that was just weird and I left. Most of the time sex seemed to happen at the spur of the moment with whoever I was with at the time. All in all, it was convenient, it was different, and it was certainly unconventional. We three were quite open about it with everyone.

In the end, the new guy felt like a third wheel, and left for greener pastures. That left my ex and I with the same problems we had before, and eventually that relationship (what was left of it by then) ended pretty badly.

Three-way relationships can be fun, especially for a guy in silver's position making a connection to two guys. The danger is in someone feeling left out, whether that is in terms of physical participation, or left out through being lied to. Lots of societies have experimented with this in the past. Middle Eastern and Chinese cultures have embraced the concept of men having harems, so it is a somewhat proven MO. I think a lot of those cultures abandoned the practice due to the imbalance of power that it exhibits.
 

NewAgeDesire

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I'm glad to see that there are people having at least some success. I'm still trying to figure out a way to bring the topic up with her. She is clearly happy with how her life is going at the moment so I'm not sure how she would respond if asked. I can't think of any negative effects that this would have on her life. Idk... I'm hoping to be able to ease into the topic this week... I guess I'll find out then.