Open relationships?

[invisibleman]

Well, I think that if guys are fine with it. And if you've already discussed the finer details. And addressed the jealousy issue. You can have an open relationship. Do your research. And get that book "The Ethical Slut". I read it. I think that you should read and study it big time.

 

[NewAgeDesire]

Well, I think that if guys are fine with it. And if you've already discussed the finer details. And addressed the jealousy issue. You can have an open relationship. Do your research. And get that book "The Ethical Slut". I read it. I think that you should read and study it big time.

Just ordered it... sounds educational.

 

[D_Coyne Toss]

I am too in love and maybe to possessive to manage an open realtionship, and so is my girlfriend.

I do not mean that she is "MINE" and that i am "HERS", but the feelings we have to eachother, the dream of building a future together are not compatible with the presence of others.

 

[dickman45885]

Open relationship here....and for a good number of years. We had been married several years and boredom set in big time for me. She was a virgin when we met, but not when we married. She shocked the shit out of me one day when she came home and suggested we try an open marriage. I did not want to seem too anxious so I hesitated and really did not reply. Secretly the thought of another guy enjoying her hot pussy and her enjoying another cock in her was really hot. A couple of days later she asked what I thought and I said ok. To make a long story short...she was out of town on business and said she had not gotten everything done...I told her to be sure to fuck his balls dry, and not to come home until she had. I had a huge woody and had to jo til I could not cum. The next day she came to my work place with a grin on her face she could not wipe off. We went to my office and she told me she had done it, and she had fucked just before she came in. She made her pussy available for me...and I was in it in a flash. It was so hot to fuck my wife's freshly fucked and cum in pussy, something she did let enjoy on ocassion. I wanted to get into swinging/swapping or watching her fuck, but she did not want to. I really do not know or care how many guys she fucked because it was rec sex for the fun of the fuck. After several years we moved back into a closed relationship, we wanted kids. After kids it was back to the open marriage. I really do not care how many dudes have enjoyed her pussy, or how many cocks she has enjoyed....she keeps coming home to me. I have not just sat on the sidelines. I have enjoyed lots of MFM 3somes and really enjoy letting another dude watch me fuck his wife and then fucking her after me, or the two of us pleasuring her at the same time. Have also really enjoyed lots of double pussy peneterations ad would love to do one with her.

 

[Skull Mason]

monogamy is dead, broheim.

 

[DC_DEEP]

Neither an open relationship nor an exclusive relationship nor a plural relationship should be entered into (or maintained) for the wrong reasons. Agreeing to an open situation when you really prefer exclusive, just because you think that's the way it should be, or because you think that's what your partner wants, is a recipe for disaster. The same applies to agreeing to be exclusive if there is any doubt in your mind.

Regardless of the ground rules, every person involved has to be not just on the same page, but on the same paragraph and sentence. Once you can do that, you can make your relationship work well.

 

[Full_Phil]

Someone once wrote that at least one person in a relationship wishes that they weren't every once in a while.

 

[Fire Stick]

My partner and I have been together for several years, and we play around some as a couple, either with other couples, with singles, or even as part of a group. This way, we both share in the fun, and we don’t have individual dalliances that we both believe would complicate our relationship, which is a happy and successful one. Since my partner and I are the same basic physical type, we find that anyone who is attracted to one of us is usually attracted to the other, and we also have compatible tastes in other men, so it works well from that angle. I think an “all-out” or very open relationship would drive both of us nuts.

A number of years ago, when I was in my early 20s and living in another part of the country, I was in a relationship for a few months with two men, both ten years my senior, who were a couple and had been together since their college days. They had an open relationship when I met them. Although there was affection and sexual attraction between all three of us, I became closer to one of them than the other, and it did cause problems for them. I terminated my sexual involvement with them; they worked it out and are still together.

Relationships and the people in them are unique, complex, evolving, and not predictable with certainty. Introducing other significant variables, such as other people – even if the intention is that they are to be only casual sexual encounters – will change the complexion of the relationship and redirect at least some of both your energies (physical, sexual, mental) elsewhere. This dynamic is not necessarily a death nail to the relationship (assuming you want to preserve it), as long as you can both handle it. Nonetheless, my advice is to at least be mindful that the energy you devote to maintaining your life relationships, particularly a primary relationship, is not inexhaustible. Although the love and concern you feel for one another may not be vulnerable, the practical reality is that if there are to be frequent and separate sexual pursuits, they are likely to distract your time, interests, and priorities away from one another – temporarily, perhaps, but regularly. If so, this will probably make your relationship more fragile. Conceptually, very open relationships can work, and I do know couples who manage very open relationships successfully. However, I have also known many more couples who break up a short time after making their relationships sexually wide open. Whether the break-ups were consequences of the open relationships is hard to say in black and white terms, but from am empirical standpoint, it often turns out to be the beginning of the end. So, be careful. Best wishes.

 

[DC_DEEP]

Good points, FireStick. I think a lot of people are under the impression (whether true or not) that they have only a finite amount of love, and must devote that love to one person only. Yes, there's no getting around that fact that "attention" is by its nature limited by time, but love is not.

Adding sex into any mix tends to confuse most people. If you talk about love, and put it into the context of parents loving their children, it's easier to imagine that having more than one child does not mean you have to divide your love among them - 1 child or 10 children, you can find enough love somewhere inside to give them all 100%; you don't have to give each of your 10 children just 10% of your love.

Likewise with friendship - in order to have more than one friend, you don't have to cut your friendship up into percentages.

And feeling as if you must give 100% of your attention to your partner 100% of the time is a little unrealistic - and unhealthy. But again, it mostly boils down to what you, as a couple, set out as the ground rules and expectations.

 

[fortiesfun]

It is amazing how much difficulty most people have talking about the ground rules for their relationships, and added to the general trouble we have as a society talking about sex, open relationships can be hard to negotiate.

But the conversation is an important and helpful one, regardless of the outcome. You have a much better chance of a long and successful partnership if you both know yourselves well enough to be able to say what you want and feel, and if you understand what your partner wants and feels. It takes a bit of luck for those to be compatible, but not discussing it doesn't make you compatible it just keeps you ignorant. What you don't know CAN hurt you.

 

[DM34]

If I'm going to be sexual with somebody, it means either we're having casual, no-strings attached fun, or we're in a monogamous, committed relationship.

I've tried the open relationship gig.... my ex-wife was the first to suggest it (note the 'ex' prefix).

Yep, had some hot, entertaining fun with other people, but it wrecked the marriage.

Not for me.

 

[B_Hung Muscle]

Thanks for dredging up this ancient thread I started years ago.

My better half and I have played well with others in the interim, and the relationship has only become stronger. I think we only exercise this option together -- and had some great sexual fun with some hot hung Brazilian guys in Rio a few months ago.

I hear you, DM, about monogamy. I'm just not sure that it works for everyone, and I would rather be honest than stifled.

 

[joffreyxxl]

so who invented monogamy? isn't is something which was put upon us by church or society? I mean in a world with so many different people, how can you be sure that there is just one person -and that he/she is the one and only- you dedcate your whole (sex ) live to! Especially with everybody having an opportunity to travel all over the world, and therefore to meet tons of different people......... I think there is nothing wrong with having sex outside your relationship (as long as it is safe!). I guess it is more dangerous if you get emotianally involved with somebody else, even without having had sex, because at that point your relationship really might be at stake! Sex is just sex, so why make all the fuss about it. Enjoy it, play it safe, and love your partner in your relationship!
Joff

 

[LongTimeComing]

Good points, FireStick. I think a lot of people are under the impression (whether true or not) that they have only a finite amount of love, and must devote that love to one person only. Yes, there's no getting around that fact that "attention" is by its nature limited by time, but love is not.

Adding sex into any mix tends to confuse most people. If you talk about love, and put it into the context of parents loving their children, it's easier to imagine that having more than one child does not mean you have to divide your love among them - 1 child or 10 children, you can find enough love somewhere inside to give them all 100%; you don't have to give each of your 10 children just 10% of your love.

Likewise with friendship - in order to have more than one friend, you don't have to cut your friendship up into percentages.

And feeling as if you must give 100% of your attention to your partner 100% of the time is a little unrealistic - and unhealthy. But again, it mostly boils down to what you, as a couple, set out as the ground rules and expectations.

Thank you for articulating those thoughts about love with such clarity. You have expressed the feelings that have been evolving within me for the last few years. I think it is possible to share love and sex (in varying degrees) with multiple partners simultaneously. In fact, I think that our capacity to love grows the more it is excercised. Jealousy comes from insecurity -- from feeling that a partner's love is diminished by loving someone else also, and jealousy is the most poisonous emotion for a relationship.

 

[londonguy]

I find this a really difficult issue...

My gut reaction is very traditional and based around a monogamous ideal. However, because I like girls and guys it would prob' work really well for me to find a 'bi-bride' (hehehe!) with whom we could play together/ or ostensibly together with people of the same/different sex (depending whether my bride was a girl or a guy)

I hate to sound awfully cautious but I might be given to worrying a lot about sexual health issues if in an open relationship. in that respect monogamy is much simpler and although not so transgressive might be an easier lifestyle to lead (which is as important amazing sex)

not totally sure...

 

[dickman45885]

you have a right to worry about health issues. All involved have to be cautious, you, your partner, and your playmates, (yours and your partners). Fucking is fun, but if you are not careful who you are doing it with you might come home with more then you expected. While it takes some of the spontanaity out of the fun, you always need to be sure your playmates are "clean". A simple you disease free might be the question to ask. And if you are not sure...well keep it in the pants and not the pussy, or someplace else.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I think if you love someone enough to want to be in a full time relationship why fuck around? If the sex isn't fulfilling then perhaps you should look at getting out of that relationship.

 

[WildHoney]

spoiledprincess,

I will explain to you somewhat why our marriage is open. I actually think there are too many variations of this lifestyle to call our marriage open, but we do have other people in our bedroom besides ourselves

I do not NEED sex with others, but I sure do LIKE it. ;-) Monogamy is to me too restrictive it is however something I would do for someone I love.

I like sex, a lot of sex, a large variety of sex, I enjoy exhibitionism, I am facinated with people and their sexuality so chatting to swingers is very stimulating to me.

We have always "fooled around" with others, ever since we first got together as a couple. Drunken nights kissing friends, skinny dipping in pools, feeling friends husbands hard on's etc, we have always been together and always seen as fun and well....funny i guess. Neither of us has any jealousy over sex.

My love for my husband is endless, he is the best man I know. I would die for him ( seriously). I show my love and affection for him by having his children, bringing him his favorite coffee to work, stroking his hair while watching the TV show he wants to watch on TV, making tender love to him..........that sort of thing. We have a fun, happy, loving relationship. We do normal everyday family things, but every second or third weekend, we dress up, cut loose and have a great night out.

For me making love and fucking are VERY very different...I like change, I enjoy erotic stimulation, I like the new feeling of kissing another man. I do not want another man to share my real life with, but I enjoy the sexual bliss of two men devouring me.

I do not need any emotional intimacy to have hot sex with a man. I do not feel any jealousy ( actually I really enjoy it) watching my husband give another women oral sex or fuck her....I watch them and think, wow he is loving that, or how hot is that!!

We enjoy the freedom of this relationship, we are brutally honest with each other and have quite a few rules in place for it to work well. These rules are consantly changing and up for review at anytime. This is supposed to be fun and enhacing, we work at keeping it light. The rules different couples have are endless, some just come to the club to watch, some play lightly, some don't kiss, some doen't cum, some only want boys, some only want girls.....whatever works for you as a couple.

Our rules are ,
1.We always play in the same room, both have fun or no one does.
2. If it is a couple we wish to play with, both of us has to be equally attrated to them ( no taking one for the team)
3.We never seek out people when we are alone
4.No dates or meetings unless the other is present.

......we try not to do anything that would jeopardise
our relationship, after all this is supposed to enhance or stimulate US, if feels in any way wrong or destructive, we stop or move on ( we have signals and certain words we use) the night ends immediately if either one of us is uncomfortable.


It has for the most part been a fairly smooth ride. We have been together for nearly 20 years, ( interestingly we are not a rarity in our close friendship circle, many long term marriages )

We stumbled into the "scene" one day when we had to nerve to visit club. We liked it and have made some fantastic friends and really have been blown away with the honesty and respect most couples show each other. Of course there are exceptions to this as with anything but for the most part, it is a fun free place to be.

This lifestyle is not for everyone, but it is not as sleazy and random as most would have you believe either.
I am a swinger, not a prostitute. We both have VERY high standards over who we fuck or fool around with. Being in an open realtionship or a swinger is just a label for saying you are willing to experiment.

xx
Honey

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

WildHoney - I've spoken to you Honey and I know you're not a hooker I found you a very nice very sensible lady. My feelings on open marriage are based entirely on my own instincts on this, I feel that until someone embarks on an open marriage/relationship no matter at what length they've talked about it they don't actually know how they will react. Basically when you start off you can never be sure it won't be the beginning of the end of your relationship.